Party visits King Asshole, Prince of Dick Mountain in his court

My That Guy stormed out too

>the That Guy of this story: pasty ginger fuck with a long, skinny torso and stringy noodle limbs
>entry-level metalhead and brony
>Plays self-inserts constantly
>This time it's a Centaur cleric of Nephys
>Thinks that being a centaur is free reign to rape horses.
>Considers it his signature weapon.
>No, I do not know what that means.
>second session in campaign
>Old man in tavern tells me clear out a goblin den
>go to the lair of some goblins that have been attacking merchants
>party is hiding real well
>Sneak up on a group of goblins
>One of them is raping a peasant woman, the rest are drinking, fucking about.
>Fighter pulls out his bow, and starts shooting at them
>Rest of the party moves in to fight
>I move in as well, and knock out one of the goblins
>untie the grateful peasant
>The Monk wants the Centaur to mount her
>That Guy: "Dibs!"
>He bashes woman's shull tith
>Brutally murder the ragged woman
>I never wanted to murder someone
>Me: "Why did you kill a helpless prisoner?!"
>That Guy: "Uh, I don't know?"
>a goblin army was raised against them
>Goblins pour out of the bottom of the cliff, with the Goblin Chief
>That Guy: "KILL HIM BEFORE HE TURNS MY ANUS INTO A SAUSAGE PLATTER"
>The other party members are slaughtering the waves of reinforcements that are pouring through the hallway.
>That Guy pouts
>instead of spending a turn moving to cover he charges the enemy
>Monk makes up excuse to leave
>DM is getting way, way, way spacier
>Centaur starts 'posing dramatically'.
>DM forces him to roll balance
>That Guy bungles the roll and falls on his ass, actually hitting a mercenary kettle
>severed his esophagus, both of them
>That Guy huffs
>That Guy:"It is gay to not play the game as it is"
>the butthurt was palpable
>He smashes the dice everywhere
>Rampages out of the room
>mfw

>Fails a roll to stand
Maybe just ask That Guy to go?
Don't be passive agressive.

>Talks to the king's spymaster
>The spymaster has uncovered a plot to kill him
>The plotter nearly had him killed to hise his complicity
>Ths plotter is no one other than the spymaster himself

I wasn't the DM, wasn't my call.

Sounds to me that the group all had beef with him, but were powerless to act?
Huh.

...

. . . .
>Sneak up on a group of goblins
>One of them is raping a peasant woman

>The Monk wants the Centaur to mount her

I mean, don't act like the rest of your party wasn't shit as well.

It's an Eastern European setting. The nobles are dicks, but they're better than the alternative.

By encouraging his bad behaviour, they get to boot him. See

It sounds like nobody would care if the players just cut his head straight off.

Unless king asshole got his throne from being some epic level adventurer (which is not impossible) I do not think he is long for this world.

I was running Curse of Strahd for my party, highlight was Dan the Elf Man stealing a signet ring from the Durst Family, then doing a measly 1 damage punch with said ring on and destroying an animated broom that was blinding the other 2 party members

Holy fuck, how is this king still alive if his own spymaster doesn't like him? Does he have some sort of super-asshole powers?

Yeah, when your SPYMASTER is against you... it's fucking over.

maybe he has a spymastermaster

You guys are fucking kidding right?

The best way to be a spy master is first of all not to be known as the spymaster, but the second best way is to pretend to hate the king so everyone who wants him dead might bring you into the conspiracy and thus you can catch it without even trying.

>t. Roger a Muerbe

Party would probably just kill him outright or assassinate him. The fact that people openly admit he is an asshole shows that he is not feared, just a massive dick.
Sounds really like the guards would wait to see if the party has a chance before attacking them, because fuck the king. As an example see Roman asshole emperors and their guards

The mutant player ate her assistant whole for being a traitor. That was definitely the stand out point. Other than that, just general post apocalypse stuff.

He's a level 16 NE Rogue (Assassin). The players are around level 9, and there are six of them.

They might kill him, depending on whether he chooses to stand and fight fair. He'd definitely take out at least one or two of them. The real danger is his hordes of mercenary followers, and regardless of what happened he'd certainly make sure the prisoner was executed, since the prisoner is more valuable to the players than to him.

The spymaster is apolitical, since he works for the orc warchief and doesn't give a damn about what humans do so long as the grain, gold and conscripts keep moving towards the army.

They haven't been.

He's beginning to get angry.

People like you ruin stories.

>party's travelling along the road
>barbarian hears someone calling out his voice
>no one hears it
>happens for the next couple of days
>party makes camp
>rogue hears voice call out his name
>tells him to venture deeper
>rogue tells his prostitute wife this hoping they'd get to do butt stuff
>barbarian had set up a bear trap he noticed some tracks near the camp
>the next morning barbarian finds a skeleton in his bear trap
>party's partially responsible for this man becoming a skeleton
>he just wants to leave but they want to hold him hostage
>says that he can hear BBEG's voice in his head sometimes
>party thinks that they have BBEG's voice in their heads
>follow the tracks into an old evlen crypt
>there's writing on the outside in elven
>no elves in the party
>go into crypt see that there's goblins chilling there
>the big beefy dragonborn with a robot arm scares them shitless
>rogue decides to kill one of them
>barbarian manages to convince everyone to knock their shit out
>fighter and barbarian ask what the hell goblins are doing here
>they just want to avoid death. Orcs and elves are killing eachother plus there's undead shit
>they venture further and find a room of statues of elf knights
>rogue finds a secret door and tries messing with it
>fighter sees that his bag is glowing
>he found an orb that's a glorified flashlight in BBEG's lair
>usually glows blue but right now its green
>everyone hears this cheery voice that says he's one of dead knights trapped in this ball
>helps rogue open door and shows the party to this pool that can make one weapon or armor of their choice into a +1 magic item
>party thinks glowing orb voice is a bro ask him why he couldn't talk more earlier
>the magic is stronger in the forests so it's easier for him to speak
>party wants him to be able to talk more since it's a crypt they present three gems as offering
>party comes back to goblin room
>they see glowing green orb and GTFO

And that was pretty much that session.

End your career in traditional gaming ASAP.

Is it the Loc Nar from Heavy Metal?

What if he and the kings are secretly ONE AND THE SAME PERSON

>RogeraMuerbe.jpg

>King Asshole, Prince of Dick Mountain found Veeky Forums

>One of them is raping a peasant woman

What? Why?

Probably because goblins are assholes
Its also a good way to get PCs to act if they see something evil
The way my DM always gets me is "the _____ drops his weapon and raises his fist against you/ _______ challenges you to honorable combat" also saw a gnoll eat a fetus out of a woman so my Character has a seething hatred of gnolls to the point of suicidal bloodlust.

What would you even call such a man formally? Your Dickness?

>Probably because goblins are assholes

But why would they even consider that as an option?

Do goblins even have penises?

>Its also a good way to get PCs to act if they see something evil

You have a problem with this? In my experience people playing "good guys" are pretty quick to go and stop evil shit without having to throw in "lol rape"

Is his royal "we" Our Assholes?

Im pretty certain living things especially pests like goblins dont just spawn out of thin air,furthermore CE things do shit like that its just a matter of taste.
also
Generally its good to have a reason to do something and not just "you see a 14 AC 13 health statblock in front of you roll to hit and collect loot!" its not a problem its theme and mood,do most people good or evil like rape? no. therefore having it happens PROVOKES a reaction.
Like this reply might not get you to reply but if i called you a retarded fucking dipshit who has no idea what mood or roleplay is you will definitely reply,but do I NEED to? no

I don't know why you're so perplexed by this, is it really so inconceivable that a goblin might want to fuck a human woman? I suppose standards of attraction might be different, but still, it doesn't seem out of the question.
And I think it'd seem more unusual for a humanoid-ish creature like a goblin to lack a penis than to have one.

>Im pretty certain living things especially pests like goblins dont just spawn out of thin air,

Why not?

> CE things do shit like that its just a matter of taste

Why would they do it out of taste if it makes no sense for their character?

That's like having a red dragon seeking a lordship to siphon a town's resources with taxes instead of just flying in and stealing all the shit.

>do most people good or evil like rape? no. therefore having it happens PROVOKES a reaction

Oh, so your party is so jaded to the idea of killing for money as a bad thing that you have to use rape as a cheap way for them to feel?

> i called you a retarded fucking dipshit who has no idea what mood or roleplay is you will definitely reply

Depends on the person. If someone is in no mood to deal with other people's bullshit then they won't respond. I see this a lot. I'm kind of surprised you don't.

> I suppose standards of attraction might be different

You think they are the same? Why?

> I think it'd seem more unusual for a humanoid-ish creature like a goblin to lack a penis than to have one

Why? Have you seen a goblin penis outside of porn?

>crudedrawingofafishnearacurvedmetalhook.jpeg

The problem isn't with the logic, it's that the DM is some kind of nutcase who feels the need to involve that kind of sexual violence in his games.

>he doesn't like my magical realm
>better call him a troll

Apparently the players are so jaded to violence that the only way to get them off - I mean - spring into action to stop the evil is by having rape

The afformentioned PCs who wanted to ALSO rape the peasant where retarded but bad things doing bad things happens and when they do it in front of a good person they try and stop it is this hard to conceive,every post you have made has been "but why tho" or "i know you are but what am i!!!!!"

Let's be real here, imagine you're in a group of human mercenaries or bandits. The work is shitty, the conditions are miserable, and you probably haven't seen a woman in months, let alone get any action.

Now imagine your team of guys captures something like an orc woman or an ogre woman. During the down time while you all putz around for a few days and wait for your next orders to come down the pipe, is it really so strange if one of the guys wants to try fucking the prisoner, if nothing else out of curiosity, rather than going off behind a tree again to jerk it?

Bunch of guys with time to waste and bored, they got dicks, and the prisoner even though not the same race, is female and not such a huge size/physiology difference as say a dragon, and has lady parts. Realistically, at some point she's getting raped. Doesn't even have to be out of attraction, one guy could have just lost a bet at cards and has to do it on a dare. There's really no limits to what a bunch of bored dudes can get up to.

>did you mean he rolled for initiative? because that's when I'd roll for initiative
After that would you complain that the throneroom guards were too high-level?

>and you probably haven't seen a woman in months

What? We have a bunch of women in the group.

We also have a couple of towns that look favorably on us so we go there every so often to get our fuck on with our spoils.

>Bunch of guys with time to waste and bored, they got dicks

Homie, it takes a lot more than that for someone to rape. Have you even looked into why humans do the horrible things that they do? Or are you basing this all off of /h/?

>What? We have a bunch of women in the group.

This is you as in, imagining you as one of a bunch of guys in a group of bandits or mercenaries. The guy described a group of goblins and never mentioned females, so the situation translates to a group of human guys.

Similarly, neither does the you in this situation have the adoration of a couple of towns.

>Homie, it takes a lot more than that for someone to rape

I think you're just uneducated about even real life history, let alone fantasy world realism.

Considering you didn't understand the analogy in the first place, it makes sense that you'd be ignorant.

> Get job to hunt down a rogue force user
> Job pays a shit tonne of cash
> Track this fucker to Toydaria
> Threaten Toydarian to get information
> Murder ensues
> Flee from gangsters who want them dead now
> Circus is in town, big parade makes it hard for them to run through crowds
> See force user in crowd
> PC Sniper gets on roof, takes shot
> Force user reflects the shot back at him, killing him instantly
> Party decides to call it a day
> mfw

>The guy described a group of goblins and never mentioned females, so the situation translates to a group of human guys.
>Never mentioned any genders in the goblins therefore the goblins are only one gender

Do you see the problem with your logic here?

>I think you're just uneducated about even real life history

Uhhh no. I'm going to assume you are talking about war since that seems to be the most visible "lots of people are getting raped" scenarios. Soldiers don't rape because they are bored and have dicks. They rape because they have been trained to see their opponents as inferior creatures in some way, shape, or form and/or are in an extremely stressful situation that inhibits their ability to tell right from wrong.

This is the greatest evil party I have ever seen.

Just the ultimate, selfish shitheads.

>Party gets cursed
>Tell them they hear voices whenever they close their eyes.
>player asks what the voices sound like.
>Tell him its an overwhelming chattering, like a crowd of white people talking about hummus.
>Suddenly another player perks up "dude, I fucking love hummus"
>The first player agrees with him but the third says he hates the flavoured kind and the remaining player keeps asking what the fuck hummus is.
The hummus discussion went on for 20 minutes and got pretty heated.

First they like it and they joke about it.

But then all they can think about it hummus...that's when the madness sets in...

>They rape because they have been trained to see their opponents as inferior creatures in some way, shape, or form and/or are in an extremely stressful situation that inhibits their ability to tell right from wrong.
Let me guess, rape is about power and not sex right?
Because it's completely impossible that otherwise ordinary men will rape out of sheer stress and sexual frustration.

How the fuck do you even reconcile this view with date rape? They drug women not because they wanted to get their dick wet at any cost, but because they want to feel powerful?

>DM is some kind of nutcase who feels the need to involve that kind of sexual violence

You realize not everyone plays some sort of candy ass version of rpgs. Sometimes dark and evil shit happens. Assuming you're not playing with children then that shouldn't be a problem.

>Assuming you're not playing with children then that shouldn't be a problem.
Why does children being involved make a difference?

Because maybe you shouldn't run that sort of game for children.

But if everyone is an adult, nothing should be off the table.

>Because it's completely impossible that otherwise ordinary men will rape out of sheer stress and sexual frustration.

I've been very stressed and sexually frustrated before, and I've never been tempted to rape anyone.

In fact, the thought has never gone through my head that I might rape someone instead of jerking off and playing video games.

>I've been very stressed and sexually frustrated before, and I've never been tempted to rape anyone.
You haven't had the opportunity to rape without the risk of consequence with an opportunity right in front of you either.
>instead of jerking off and playing video games.
We're obviously not talking about your shitty first world standards of "stress" you fucking retard.
You're obviously a cunt so I don't care anymore. Go ask some old Russian soldiers why they rape instead.

Spoiler alert: you're not all people

As a general rule, soldiers rape because their commanders were shitty enough to not allow prostitutes to follow their armies, which is what the norm was for thousands of years.

Someone sounds like they know how to be a spymaster.

>We're obviously not talking about your shitty first world standards of "stress" you fucking retard
You say that like you have any better view points

>How did your last session go, Veeky Forums?
I got murdered by hellhounds and died on the floor while the party scrambled to cover me, thinking I'd stabilized. I was burned in a pyre with my belongings.

I'm going to ruin your view of the world user, but some people do entertain thoughts of rape.
I have proof, I'm a person.

why would the spymaster have to pretend to hate the king when he can just have another spy do the pretending and "conspiracy infiltrating" for him? you would think the spymaster would have enough paperwork on his desk to deal with, what with being the guy that's in charge of collecting and making sense of all the information.

The spymaster doesn't do conspiracy infiltrating. He let's people come to him, if he's well known for hating the king, and would be a capable conspirator, obviously knowing the ins and outs of the palace, having access to the king, etc.

A random spy is just a dude out there who happens to have a side job collecting information and passing it on. They're typically not invited to conspiracies except as part of their official job because nobody is supposed to know they're a spy.

>>DM is getting way, way, way spacier
>>Centaur starts 'posing dramatically'.
>>DM forces him to roll balance
>>That Guy bungles the roll and falls on his ass, actually hitting a mercenary kettle
>>severed his esophagus, both of them
>>That Guy huffs
>>That Guy:"It is gay to not play the game as it is"

What? How?

Everyone in the party is That Guy.

What does that even mean.
I'm not arguing viewpoints. I'm stating a fact that soldiers rape.

Then you have #triggered user over acting as if no soldier ever raped just to get their rocks off.

"Viewpoint" doesn't even come into it when you're describing reality you stupid sjw.

>but because they want to feel powerful

Yes. If they wanted to get their dick wet at any cost they would just pay a hooker.

Even when I'm not stressed or sexually frustrated I entertain thoughts of raping someone. You're not everyone. I'm not everyone either, but there are people in this world who would do bad things if given the chance.

>just to get their rocks off
>after killing other human beings and having their friends die
>after beginning to hate the people who look just the like people they've been killing all day, that have been killing their friends all day, that may have been helping the enemy

It's about power.

A sudden PC-led coup sounds way more interesting than generic evil manipulator king making the PCs dance #7229.

No, user. You are the fag.

>not baneposting

Missed opportunity user

Or fucking everyone is human and so naturally fucking curious.

It's not about being given the chance, it's about being in a situation that leaves you so fucked in the head that the thing you were always "huh" about is now sounding like the only logical option cuz everything else is fucked

Yeah okay. Do you have a gender studies class to get to?

Deal with it dude. When people feel powerless they want to dominate something.

USSR and China both did this in the 1930s and 1960s respectively.

>Rape is about power not sex
This meme

Then date rape is about ???

Power.

They want someone to feel helpless while they are in control.

It's all the same thing.

Power. Of course it's about power. Girls don't want anything to do with them, so they want to feel power over them.

This seriously isn't hard, you fucking retard.

So you're saying every time a guy gets a girl tipsy or in a different mental state to make getting it in easier it's about power, and not sex?

You have a very broad definition of dominance and power dynamics.

As a rapist, I rape because I want to get off and I don't care if the target wants it.
I think a rapists opinions on motives for rape carries more weight than yours.

No. Almost all rape is about sex. A majority has a racist bent but the act is still about sex. For example, the excess unmarried men from polygamous religions (say men are allowed 4 wives, that leaves 3 out of every 4 men forced into sexless lives) are encouraged to go out and rape women from outside that religion. And don't say "they can just fuck a hooker". The promise of sex in the afterlife is used to motivate men into suicide bombings. Saying that a need for sex doesn't factor into rape is at best uninformed and at worst a malicious thing to say.

Of the small portion of rape that is not about sex, for 85%of it the motive is revenge. Specifically revenge for sexual abuse suffered during childhood that was committed by a mother, babysitter or teacher.

There is no big rape conspiracy and the simplistic black and white worldview they teach you in womens' studies does not reflect the real world at all.

Not really. If you weaken somebody so they are more susceptible to you then you are seeking power over them.

>Implying men never do this to other men
>Implying women never do this to men
>Implying women never do this to women

But user, you just admitted it was about power

Rape is a legal term that has a very specific definition. In most places it is impossible for women to rape because they can't penetrate.

> are encouraged to go out and rape women from outside that religion

For the same reason people put their weird fetishes in roleplaying games.

>. The promise of sex in the afterlife is used to motivate men into suicide bombings

Um, are you saying sex is the same as rape?

> a need for sex

There is literally no such thing.

> 85%of it the motive is revenge. Specifically revenge for sexual abuse suffered during childhood that was committed by a mother, babysitter or teacher.

Oh, revenge? You mean the power fantasy of "getting back" at a person that left you powerless before?

>If you weaken somebody so they are more susceptible to you then you are seeking power over them
What the legitimate fuck.
What kind of mental gymnastics is this?
NO YOU FUCKING RETARD.
YOU WEAKEN THEM TO REDUCE RESISTANCE TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.
YOU USE A GUN TO THREATEN SOMEONE WHEN YOU ROB THEM. THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU ROB THEM BECAUSE YOU WANT POWER OVER THEM, THE GUN IS A TOOL TO MAKE THE ACTION OF MUGGING THEM EASIER.
LIKEWISE, DRUGS IS A TOOL USED TO MAKE THE ACTION OF SEXING SOMEONE EASIER. NOT. FUCKING. POWER. TO SEX THEM.
NO SHITHEAD SEE ABOVE.

I'm so fucking tired of this shit. This is some fucking Orwellian shit.

>Rape is a legal term that has a very specific definition

Maybe to you it is, but nah, it's a literal word that has a meaning outside of some kind of bullshit strict legal definition.

>WGRPG
>Party tasked with clearing out a goblin camp
>approach the camp all sneeky beeky
>see two goblins (kinda) mounting guard near a tree in a clearing.
>"do we charge them?"
>"there might be more just out of sight"
>"then what do we do?"
>"I say we charge. We can ways retreat if things go bad"
>"ok"
>we realised too late that the goblins where in the center of the goblin camp
>have to fight about a dozen goblins
>suffer terrible injuries, but slaughter them all
>"that went well"

My group is chill

>bullshit strict legal definition.
Oh yeah. We're definitely dealing with a womens studies major here.

Tell me, what is "bullshit" and "strict" about the legal definition of rape?

Hm, that's nice and all but I think I'm still inclined to take the word of the psychologists who study the psychological dynamics of rape and rapists over someone who tries to affect yelling by typing in allcaps on Veeky Forums

>burned on a pyre with your belongings
Your group is so fucking rad.
My first long campaign, my character committed suicide in penance to his gods and the player of the party's only Lawful aligned character stormed out of the session, because the DM wouldn't let him roll my body. He later accused me of doing it on purpose to keep him from having my magical items that I never got a chance to use and made sure that my second character never got more than a couple of gold when he would leave the group behind to steal all the treasure for himself.