Kars, the Perfect lifeform, gets dropped onto some random Imperial world

Kars, the Perfect lifeform, gets dropped onto some random Imperial world.

What happens?

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A combination of more dumb jojo spam with another shitty 40k crossover thread.

All you need is to throw in some elf slave what do and this would be the worst thread ever made.

calm down son.

Eventually an a deathwatch kill-team is assembled to deal with the xenos creature. Heavy losses are sustained, but through guile, bravery and sacrifice the xenos is lead to a mechanicum manufactorum and testing chamber for a melta cannon is use to incinerate the creature.

Could be a feasible way to kill him.
He isn't invincible after all.

The problem is though, that as he can pretty much shapeshift, he could blend into the human masses and go about his business virtually undetected.

What would Kars even do once in his perfect form?

Whatever he wants.
Becoming the ultimate being was what he had sought to achieve for thousands of years, because he wanted to be able to walk in the sun.
Maybe all he ever wanted was to sunbathe all day, every day.

>what would a perfect being do?
nothing

I don't know, I thought getting the perfect form was his ultimate goal.

With his lifelong goal achieved, becoming the ultimate being, he is free to choose another goal which to pursue.
youtube.com/watch?v=htDB8SuLrng

I suppose a squad of space marines with plasma guns and grenade could do it too.

His rate of regeneration is so insane that I doubt that regular plasma guns would be enough to kill him. The wounds would just seal back, he'd grow some sort of hard shell to resist the plasma fire better, and then proceed to fuck up the marines.

You'd need something that annihilates his whole body, instantly, giving no time for him to heal or morph into a form more resistant to that type of damage.

At which point they exterminatus the planet and go about their day.

> virtually undetected
Someone never read JoJo's
That's not something Kars-Sama would do. He doesn't hide. He also is quick to underestimate threats presented to him. His hubris is his downfall.

>Exterminating a whole planet because a fabulous looking dude is there.

Kars is actually the original Tyranid.

Think about it. He could manipulate (his own) bio-matter in any way he wanted. He split off his hand as a squirrel.

He just gorged himself and started splitting off parts and created the whole race.

And he continues to eat to find his way back to Terra to destroy humanity.

>He doesn't hide.
Except he did in Switzerland.
He concealed his nature as a pillarman while he was out in the public there.

Kars may be prideful, but he is also very practical.
Though, his transformation into the ultimate being may have changed his approach.

Nids aren't fabulous and homoerotic enough to be progeny of Kars.

Wouldn't Kars fall to Slaanehs pretty quickly?
I mean, look at him.

Neither was the squirrel.

I think you mean that Slaanesh would fall prey to Kars, as the reflection of humanity's desires in the warp could not help but him/herself desire the ultimate expression of humanity's potential. Because what do humans desire most, but the fulfillment of their true potential?

A Destroyer plasma cannon or volcano cannon or above could probably take him out in one shot.

>Implying Kars isn't already canon
>Implying that the God Emperor and Kars is not one and the same.

Probsbly not, seeing as Kars already considers himself perfect. Slaanesh can not improve on what is perfction.

Rather Slaanesh would fall in love with Kars

t. Deluded Sigvald

In any case, Kars apparently still needs to eat humans that have been turned to vampires, so killing everything around him is a good way to force him into hibernation. Or you freeze him with a Helfrost Cannon, or some Psyker realizes he can steal his kinetic energy or whatever, or some mechanicum puts him in a stasis field.

If the Necrons or Elder find him first, though, he can look forward to
-Having his mind destried
-Being subjects to millennia of rapid aging from a times arrow
-Having his very molecules disassociated
-Being fleshed with monofilament
-Being shunted into a miniature black hole and spaghetti field
-Having his brain be rewritten by nanomachine scarab
-Losing his soul to the night bringer
-Being injected with innards liquefy in ribbon and poison by a gay clown

You meatbags have a problem with an organic lifeform?

Emps gets off his golden john and gets moving, because Kars is definitely a lost primarch.

Point taken.

Is hamon psychic or something else entirely?

t. needed help from C'Tan against Old Ones

>implying that the Emperor is a filthy non human being.

Heresy.

>Naming him God-Emperor

>Slaanesh cannot improve perfection
>Slaanesh cannot make perfect into Super Perfect
Cell confirmed superior to Slaanesh

-Being subjects to millennia of rapid aging from a times arrow

Would not work on Kars, because he does not age.

youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM

To be honest, nothing. He'll just become - I assume - another serial killer in the Underhive. No-one would miss his victims, unless he started roaming around slaughtering people.

But okay, let's make this interesting. Let's say Dan Abnett's writing this, and holy shit, there's an unstoppable killer loose in the Underhive. The Inquisition tries to capture or kill him, because reasons, and so does the Mechanicus because they want his supple, glistening genes.

He ends up killing a lot of them, plays cat-and-mouse, but the Inquisition's dealt with this shit before. Cherubael has destroyed titans and crushed tanks, and Eisenhorn took him down.

Kars end up killing nearly all of the Inquisitor's warband, but then the Inquisitor enacts a ritual that sucks his soul screaming into the Warp and Kars either dies or is tortured forever.

Alternatively, a Deathwatch Kill-Team is somehow brought into the picture. Kars kills a lot of them, but Space Marines ain't nothing to fuck with. He likely takes out an even dozen, but they eventually find something - most probably some kind of psyker wargear - that works, and his soul is blasted into a million fragments.

>Let's say Dan Abnett's writing this
WAS THIS PART OF YOUR PLAN, JOJO?!

Actually, thinking about it, there is one thing Slaanesh could tempt Kars with. Kars' power is based on all living things he's accumulated knowledge of. Slaanesh might be able to tempt him with the knowledge of all life everywhere in the universe.

Think of it more as latent psychics, as it leads to stands.

Space marines are relatively tough, even for jojo standards, so i imagine that they would prove a competent foe.
>Suddenly, Kars is surrounded by humanoid figures, all clad in dark armor.
>and instant later, Kars realizes that they are around his size.
>He is then punched into a pulp by three blood angels weilding dual powerfists.

I guess he'll have to settle for the gay clown as blasting then

So he starves.

Come to think of it, why does time fuckery cause people to die of old age ?

Shouldn't they starve to death first ?

>In any case, Kars apparently still needs to eat humans that have been turned to vampires
Can he eat anything other than vampires ?
Can he create vampires ?

If no to both, then he's screwed unless he's lucky enough to end up on a planet with a vampire population that stays hidden from the Inquisition.

> His last thoughts are "I have died at the hands of worthy foes, the only men more fabulous than I could ever be."

>>He is then punched into a pulp by three blood angels weilding dual powerfists.
His vampire eating habbits make it more likely that he gets into a fight with members of the Blood Drinkers after he tries to eat a few of them.

The pillarmen, including cars, can eat anything that is alive, because they eat by absorbing shit directly into their bodies.
They just prefer vampires, because vampires in turn, have absorbed tons of life energy of humans.

Vampires are like super snacks for them.
Also, yes, they can create them. It was Kars who is entirely responsible for Vampires being a thing in Jojo. He created the stone masks, which in turn, make humans who don them into vampires.

True, the Angles and their sucessors have always been amazing specimens
Eh, I went with the deathwatch idea, and that were would just happen to be three blood angels.

Kars can create vampires, and that user is wrong. Kars can eat just about anything. Prior to Kars inventing vampires, his race mostly subsisted on human sacrifices. Vampires just happen to be the most nutritious thing on earth for Pillarmen.

Remember that Kars was only a perfect life form relative to life on Earth.

Kars was never human, though, the Pillar Men are a separate species.

then he'll absorb and adapt to everything in the galaxy.
Also
>perfect lifeform that isn't The Emperor
HERESY

You are sorely underestimating the zeal of the Inquisition.

Vampire Orks?

Yeah, once he went ultimate being he stopped trying to be subtle and started making his hand into a murderous dubstep squirrel.

Ciaphas Cain sends him flying into space with a melta bomb and a titan reactor.

>Can he eat anything other than vampires ?
>Can he create vampires ?
Yes and yes, Kars invented the stone masks, and he can eat any other living thing by absorbing it directly into his cells (though he prefers vampires)

>Orks making jojo poses

>WAS THIS PART OF YOUR PLAN, CIACAI

>Orks learn about space ripper stingy eyes

Only after he gets a good sniff of Jurgen and finds that all his powers have stopped working.

Tzeentch called, dunno what he wanted, he started telling me angry things about you and then the John Cena prank thingie started

Depends on the world and its creatures.

Y'all forgetting the fact that Ultimate Kars can use Hamon, and his hamon strikes are hotter than the surface of the fucking sun. He can melt people by fucking punching them if he wants to.

Like sculpture.

AWAKEN AWAKEN AWAKEN AWAKEN TAKE THE LAND THAT MUST BE TAKEN AWAKEN AWAKEN AWAKEN AWAKEN DEVOUR WORLDS SMITE FORSAKEN
RISE UP FROM YOUR THOUSANDTH YEAR OF SLEEP BREAK FORTH FROM YOUR GRAVE ETERANLLY

I NEED MINIS LIKE THAT

WEAK WILL DIE AND LAND WILL ALL BE BURNED

MUSTAKRAKISH KING AND DEATH TO WORLDS

I want Eldar minis like that.

>Awaken, my avatar!

I have a better idea.

What happens when potent individuals in the 40k universe start developing Stands (i.e. chapter masters, warbosses, farseers, archons, hive tyrants... everyone except necrons basically.

Unfortunately all of Kars' powers are biological. Nothing to do with psychic powers or magic.

>All you need is to throw in some elf slave what do and this would be the worst thread ever made.

No! We need to go deeper!

Kira lands on a Imperial world, with a active( thought probaly heretical) elf slave trade as well as an ongoing civil war between factions that prefer realistic or "fantasy" armor in a game using a hybrid of Dungeon World and 4E D&D.... and all the races (aside from the elf slaves of course) have been replaced by various types of furries.

What happens?


did I miss any of Veeky Forums triggers?

>Tyranids
You need a soul to have a stand, it's a reflection of your soul and fighting spirit.

>The Emperor's corpse can grant stands
>The body is stolen by Tzeench, and Ciaphas Cain needs to enter a race around the universe to reobtain the corpse

You missed the SJWs.

Rats and Orangutans can have stands.

>the pulp then stands back up and continues it's buisness

I'd watch it.

They have souls, 'Nids don't.

What would be Eldrad's stand?

>THE WAAAAGH!
>Your Dakka's stopped.
>MUCkIN' MUCKIN' MUCKIN'!

>KILLA KAN DA!

All playable races are now Chakat variant. Don't look it up.

This is fucking beautiful

Probably something that lets him fuck with fate.

Dark Eldar just want a Quiet Life.

Isn't the hivemind kinda like a collective, massive soul of the whole tyranid race?

Isn't that like, every third Stand?
Stands have fucking BS powers.

Nah. You need to make this a general for that to happen.

Generals are worse than these threads and waaaaaaay worse than quests.

Dark Eldar stands would probably be utterly horrifying.

Oh look, it's an ETBA!

I think they'd have something like Ratt.

That stand was fucked up.

There is nothing good to be found in the 1000+ threads of Jumpchain.

> he'd grow some sort of hard shell to resist the plasma fire better, and then proceed to fuck up the marines.

That's not how cells work user. Is he gonna be ripping chunks of Ceramite off the Space Marines armour to get the basic building blocks for achieving the kind of hardness you would need to deflect plasma? And still handwaving shit, because SM armour sure as duck doesn't do that.

Kars made a shell capable of resisting fucking magma for 2 minutes at least.

Ultimate Kars is described as self-sufficient, so starving him doesn't work.

>Can he eat anything other than vampires ?
Unclear.

>Can he create vampires ?
Yes. He invented the stone masks that transform humans into vampires.

So given humans and stone, he has food.

AWAKEN, MY MASTERS!

>Unclear.

How?
The pillar men are stated to be able to consume both plants and animals.

Good descriptor. Low-grade biomancy.

It's cool. Jurgen carries a melt gun