That Guy Thread for Sept 2K16

give us the scoop, you tease
my only guess is that you were in user's party

*shrug* Are you offering a deal for both? I'm offering a pretty good deal for you just for an IRC server name.

But what if I'm interested

Well, where do you think we are?

It's quite possible Veeky Forums and Tumblr are trapped in an ideological debate about the noses we never see; one side imagines them one way, while another imagines them a different way. We are but two players in Plato's cave, neither of us having seen the sun outside and the true enlightened forms of things.

Dear That Guy,

I do not give a shit about your backstory because it won't come into play. You know why? Because your character is going to die. This is what you agreed to. You heard me say that this game is hard and your first few characters will almost certainly die. And then you agreed to this and swore up and down that wouldn't complain.

So please stop whining about that one time a guard oneshotted you with a lucky hit, it's been almost a month now and your character is fine. Do you think all this bitching is going to suddenly make me start running some horseshit like FATE or Exalted instead? Where we have to sign a fucking consent form before something bad can happen to your character? Is that the kind of casual power-wank you really want? Do you think that I spent all week prepping this game and drove down here to suck your fucking dick for five hours while you swagger and make anime references? No. I didn't.

You know why your character doesn't get the treatment you want from NPCs? Because he has no charisma, the skills you picked are not relevant to most social situations, and your shit-talking does not endear me or my NPCs to him. I even roll for your social skills, fair and square. You seem to imagine your character having several points more charisma than he does, and it baffles me to no end.

You know why your character is poor? You picked an equipment-heavy character-type, spent almost all your starting cash on said equipment, and haven't done anything to get paid for yet. Of course he's poor at chargen in this level of play, the hell do you expect? To start the game with a penthouse suite and a quarter million nuyen safe-deposited in his fucking bank account? Do you think I'm going to load your character's shitty motel room with gold bullion and supermodels? Fuck you.

For God's sake, That Guy, get your shit together. Over and out.

pared down for use in other threads

/m/ has a great version of Plato's Cave.

it's been my experience that you can fight fire with fire when encountering That Guys of that player-type.

just confront their character with an NPC who behaves exactly like them, but is much stronger and more successful

If he keeps bitching I'm seriously considering giving them a Gary Oak-tier rival party.

don't just make it happen, have that rival party be disappointed in how little challenge the PCs were

it'll really BURN THEM UP because THEY were SUPPOSED TO BE THE STRONGEST

What if Gary is just overcompensating for his dead parents and the Professor doesn't rein him in because he's afraid of losing the only family he has left?

Dear That Guy,

Keep the party together. Trying to kill the other PCs doesn't count as keeping the party together. When the game falls apart because you can't stop derailing it, don't ask me to DM a new campaign with 1 day's notice.

I almost worried I was gonna be that guy last session I was in.
>Orc warchief is being challenged by my disguised construct party member for control of the tribe
>Goes south quickly
>Should have been an easy win for the construct, as it was a drinking contest first
>Drink turns out to be rust lord spittle or something like that
>Construct starts melting from the inside, and we only have so many heals we can use without blowing cover
>Need an immediate distraction
>My cohort rogue Wriggles, who can do no wrong, has the warchiefs secret daughter
>Party member: "Alright man, all you need to do is make the baby cry and it should be a big enough distraction."
"Okay. I slap the baby."
>GM gives me a 'are you fucking serious' look and grins
>"Roll to hit."
>Fuck
>Baby is knocked unconscious
>Construct:"If you guys don't interrupt this now I'm going loud, I cant drink another."
"It's okay I still got this. Wriggles! Throw the baby!" / "Yes sir!"
>DM "Oh god. Well they are X far away and..."
"Wriggles has throw anything and long distance thrower."
>DM "Welp, guess you can roll it with no modifiers then."
>So that was the session I backhanded a baby girl unconscious and then threw it over a crowd of orcs and onto a table in front of the father

Then later on in the session THAT GUY blew up the town we just successfully took over, killed 2K of our nations elite troops, some named NPCs and ex followers, and almost caused a near TPK. The wizard Wriggles and I only got out because of quick thinking and the ability to fly. The only reason the Druid survived is because their player wasn't there so the DM fluffed it because you don't kill a character while the players not there.
That guy's character died though so that was good.

But I like Robotech!

So do the prisoners.

sounds like a that guy DM. slapping a baby to make it cry isn't something that would require a roll and wouldn't risk knocking the baby out.

There's a guy in my campaign at the moment who is a half-elf monk. As if that weren't bad enough, he's a kleptomaniac for some reason, was exiled from his temple because he stole things, and is literally deathly afraid of anything and everything apparently. Every time we enter a crowded place or an inn, he gets a room and bars the door, and won't let any of us in or come out until we leave.
Although for some reason, whenever we're in combat, he miraculously turns into a killing machine who doesn't afraid of anything. And every time he needs to barter for something or talk to someone, he exhibits no signs of being afraid of anything.

Then after every.single.fight, he demands that he picks up all of the enemies' weapons (even rusty daggers), and sharpens them all down, advancing time by several hours.

Oh, and he "doesn't know what any races other than elves are", and he's fucking giddy about that. He's so annoying.

Not to mention Rust Lord spit as beverage.

Dear A-

No one liked your characters.

They were either bitchy, boring, or lulzrandum. Any time you had a halfway decent idea for a character, you'd find it too much work to play them and either never play them or revert to your usual bitchy, boring, or lulzrandum.

The only reason anyone ever cared was because your characters typically had cool designs and you were a great artist. So they figured if they kept playing with your characters, you'd draw their characters. Which you would eventually, because all someone had to do was mope a little and you'd cave to whatever they wanted, even if you'd bitch behind their back about it.

Fuck you for taking petty revenge on them for it and pinning it on me because I was the other GM.

Guy at my FLGS is a racist Trump supporter but he's absolutely unfunny and retarded about it.

Like, I don't mind some off-color humor so long as it's creative (like so: youtube.com/watch?v=IcBCy5SYEps ) but this fuckin' guy man...

He's like those comedians from the 90's who thought just saying 'fag' or 'spic' made them funny. And he never. Fucking. Shuts. Up. About his God-King, Trump. I almost hope Shillary wins just so he'll an hero.

There is nothing wrong with cleptomania(your team can always say that there is no time to sharpen weapon), but being afraid where it doesn't matter and being reckless whe it does is clearly a fucking that guy

That first guy has legit acne on his nose, which really can make it turn red. I had an issue with that in middle school.

I know you browse Veeky Forums.
Eat with your mouth closed. I have to ask you every week and you get angry at ME for requesting you stop the extremely loud, wet, masticating noises. Cut it out or I swear you'll be getting brain surgery with one of my bigger and less played rulebooks.

You're lucky you play in meatspace. Then you can actually bean the asshole who does this. I typically game online, and get the people who don't mute their mic while they eat broadcast it intimately into my ear as they stare dead-eyed into the camera.

>roll to hit a defenseless baby
>you accidentally knock it unconscious

Sounds like that gm to me.
Any person is able to adjust a slap so it is incapable of seriously hurting anything. Acting like you can only ever attack full force is stupid.

For example i had to have a discussion with my gm for my lvl 15 brawler, that dealt enough damage with a single blow to instantly kill commoners with nonleathal dmg. I had to convince him that actually a brawler this capable in fact knows how to not kill people with a punch. And any person ever and even animals know how to attack without seriously hurting the opposition. It's like if the doctor that helped to deliver the birth then slapped the butt of the baby to make it scream to start breathing and accidentally breaks the spine of the child.

Dear That Guy,

You aren't a bad that guy.
You shower.
You stopped coming to sessions high.
You don't scream or rant or throw tantrums.
You don't make randumb characters or sidetrack missions for your own antics
You even ran an awesome one shot

But you do underestimate how many people want to bring IRL morality to the table.
You do completely nod off during combat phases.
You do lose interest in our campaigns after 2 sessions and signal it by poking around statbooks mid-game
You do make the same character for every campaign and give them a huge moral/motivational hangup that brings party progress to a screeching halt.

Honestly, you should have just GM a bunch of one shots instead of trying to mix with this group of doorkickers.

>play /k/ommando character
>starts out pretty fun
>then get into stealth combat
>reveal assortment of garrotes and strangling devices
>during RP later somebody asks why exactly all the strangling stuff
>let slip that character wasn't entirely forward about his profession
>fled other kingdom after 4 year killing spree
>'who did you kill?'
>"Wenches, mostly."
>after this, having no need to hide character flaw, I suggest strangulation as an alternative to every plan
>was humorous for awhile, then campaign petered out
Only now do I realize what 'too far' means

Hold up. Did you play Jack the Ripper?

He couldn't have, Jack the Ripper cut up women, not strangled them to death.

>is a racist Trump supporter
>Don't mind the humor but he's just so racist
I get the edgelord component. And yeah, he's that guy.

>but accusing somebody of 'that guy' status for out of game behavior
aren't you a little that guy as well?

Isn't everyone a little 'that guy'?

holy kek

He got the name from tearing out their uteri. I'm pretty sure he actually choked the whores to death though.

Dear s

My setting is one where racism and xenophobia run rampant, and in which the gods have been silent for hundreds of years. I told these things to your face as we were creating characters. I was a pussy and I let you get away with making this abomination: A young, pretty, mary-sue of a female tiefling sorceress who traveled as a nomad in her clan of gypsy-likes and who AWWW ONLY WANTS TO HELP PEOPLE AWWW. Oh and you say the source for your characters sorcerous powers are that you were being a OH SO NAUGHTY DRAGON and BAHAMUT HIMSELF REINCARNATED YOU INTO THIS FORM SO YOU COULD LEARN HUMILTY. You got annoyed with ME when people responded to you by screaming, running away, or banning you from the premises. In my setting filled with racism and xenophobia. And when the other characters are talking to people, you decide your character is more interested in drinking wine and reading books than getting engaged. And when you try to talk in character its painful for everyone. And the one interesting thing you did, which was chuck a fireball at a bunch of thugs that were IN THE RIGHT as they were asking you for their property back, you get upset at all of us because we're telling you NO that does NOT fit your retarded goody-two-shoes persona. Its okay not to rigidly adhere to a character's, I dunno, "type", but don't act like you WERE adhering to it when you WEREN'T.

Well, this is mostly my fault for letting you get away with such a retarded character, but you said you'd played D&D for years and I guess I just put too much trust in people. I might be an ass but I'm going to relish telling you what your precious little character's origin REALLY is. And if you don't like it, its my game and you can leave.

God, I hope no one reads through that rambling mess, but I needed to get that all out of my system.

Nope.

The character sheet didn't even have a name. Just "Ralph" or some shit in quotes and a media hook name in huge capital letters.

Something like "THE WENCH STRANGLER".

I wouldn't post actual names or anything as I know most of my group browses Veeky Forums and some would not care for this thread in particular

Less Jack the Ripper and more meme Kaz with garrotes

>Wants to have social skills in game and be charismatic
>can't make it work in Shadowrun
Is he literally retarded? I don't know about 5e, but previous editions made concepts pretty easy to make

My whole group is minor that guys

>That guy who plays a less than sub-optimal character and rages whenever he's useless
>That guy who slows the party down for rests as often as possible
>That guy who plays a cleric with high Con but is deathly afraid of taking damage
>That guy who plays as the charisma class but never talks, and never casts their spells
>That GM who only awards XP for combat even if he doesn't throw in muhc combat, so we get 540 XP a session at mid level

I'm sure I'm no better

some are Bigger guys than others

What's her real origin? Don't leave me haning

>That guy who plays a cleric with high Con but is deathly afraid of taking damage

To be fair, that's not somehow mutually exclusive. A lot of players specialize/go heavy on areas they *don't* want to experience in-play. I've known some players to have their character do their best to learn every language - not because they want to have the ability to communicate with other characters (their characters are usually sullenly quiet), but because they are deathly afraid of being out of the loop.

Dear P

You keep making characters that are untrustworthy fucks who backstab party members as soon as you get bored, and then try to justify it by saying it's what your character would do. Guess what, everyone else could make untrustworthy backstabbing fucksticks of characters too, but they don't! And you know the other guy that did? You see how he didn't once turn on the player characters. He didn't intentionally sabotage the group actions because it's what his character would do. He got to do his sneaky murder shit in a way that was constructive and useful. Stop saying that the very first thing that pops into your head when you're frustrated about not being the centre of attention is "what your character would do".

Also, stop telling everyone how to GM. For a guy who has never run a game before in his life, who refuses to step up and run one and, when pressed on it, admits that they'd be shit at running a game, you've got a whole load of opinions on how to do it. You killed more or less every game we've been in by triggering GM burnout, and I laugh a little when I hear people griping about how much of a That Guy you're being from your other groups when we're at the FLGS.

I need to hear this.

Dear motherfucker

No you cannot have another character. If you make something with Leadership or Sidekick or whatever character option the game throws you, I will take full control of it because that's part of it. Because that is not "get another character".

On top of that, please stop getting the "inspiration" you do for your character concepts. When I find out later on that your character is basically a personified youtube poop or other such nonsense, I get the urge to just dump them off a train and make you roll a new one.

Speaking of, nobody would be able to fucking tell they were missing, because your characters always have some convenient excuse to fuck off and not participate in anything, at all. If they want to stick their nose in a book, in their car, or straight up a horse's ass more than actually do something productive, they aren't player character material. That's why I keep denying characters who have "fluff skills".

Also, stop bringing characters you made for other games. I can tell when you've done that because you aren't asking questions aside from "Can I play an X?", and because you will always tell me when it's too late for you to come up with one yourself before session 1.

Last note on the characters, can you also PLEASE stop trying to intentionally gimp yourself. You can't just play a socially ostracized race, they have to be below average all around, committed to doing shit at the level everyone else defaults at. Please, watching you powergame would be refreshing for once!

Please pay fucking attention. I know it's "good enough" to just do the same fucking thing over and over again in combat, but you actually have fun when you actually look and see whats going on, be it in a fight or otherwise.

I see some goddamn potential but you need to actually apply yourself.

Oh I'm sorry to disappoint but I don't have anything set in stone. I've got a couple ideas of something suitably soul-crushing though. Like maybe she's actually the daughter of a whore that was raped by an incubus, and her schizophrenia and ptsd from an abusive childhood explains her false memories. Man i felt evil typing that out, I'm not a vindictive person usually but this would be a great story moment, in an ultra meta way. I am running a dark campaign afer all. A good player would get that bombshell dropped on them and pull a "person is not defined by the circumstances of their upbringing" heroic turn, but this guy would just be pissed I shat on his tailor-made waifu.

That's it, I've gotta do it now.

>your character is basically a personified youtube poop
What?

Yes. I get it. You want to do good at everything.

Fighter Mage thief cleric. I can do everything and I don't need a team.

but its not that, its that you purposefully try to be BETTER than other characters that annoys me... and others.

Just fucking stick to a concept man.

To be fair, it's just that sort of game. There's auto confirming criticals and critfails too, which when I first saw it in the homerules I cringed but it's been FUN so far.
>Wizard summons tentacles to grab me
>Nat 1
>They grab the bone giant I was attacking instead
>Laugh heartily
>Second roll to grab my minion next to me
>Nat 20
>The tentacles grab both the minion and me
>Swear profusely
He doesn't go into "you lop your own head off" or "you hide so well you forget your own life" territory. But when the Wizard tries some bullshit to draw power from a magical calamity and rolls a 20, he lets something awesome happen.

>accuses a player of being that guy
>changes a pc's backstory without concent

Sometimes when surrounded by That Guy's inanities, there is js the urge to go full That Guy back.

It never ends well but it's so very tempting.

>Have the main NPCs give the rival party grander quests, too
>"Oh no, we wouldn't trust *you* with the destiny of our kingdom against the greatest evil to have ever surfaced"
>"But you can clean up some goblins if you want your share of heroism"
>"Don't give up your dreams, adventurers!"

Sauce on these images?

You were not that guy; you as a player did nothing bad. Maybe some of your choices weren't the wisest and your rolls not the best, but you didn't actively try to disrupt or ruin the game to feed your ego or for giggles.

They're clearly playing shadowrun.

OP, first encounter with the rival party is going to end in a shootout. You know that, right?

Make sure they never meet face to face, but only over the matrix or some shit.

I was mostly worried about my sense of humour. "I hit the baby." Is a phrase that could not go well in certain groups.

that fuckwit used to larp and play pathfinder in hampton roads
he moved away, hopefully forever.

>never listened to NPCs, always tried to kill them immediately
>tried to kill every PC
>talked over players OOC while they were talking IC
>fucking hygeine non-existent
>always played a fighter, had no grasp of tactics or strategy
>thought it was "freakin' awesome" anytime even a little blood was shed in the most of benign ways (think "the party receives numerous scrapes and cuts from walking through the briars")

Dear That Guy

Look, you knuckleheaded fucknugget. I sat down with you multiple times to talk about your character. Eventually, we finally had it down to something that fitted in with the rest of the group and the type of campaign YOU said you wanted to play. I spent literal hours on this with you. So why is it that your only contribution to the group is going "Huh, what?" when it's your turn to combat, then take ages to do you turn and eventually decide to burn all your non-cantrips on the first encounter in a dungeon?

If you're not interested in playing, why did you insist that we should do DnD? Why are you always the last to respond, by literal days difference, to a mail sent around asking about the next date? Why haven't I heard a single thing out of your goddamn mouth apart from when we're in combat? You're a fucking bard, for god's sake.

While I'm at it:

Dear near-that Guy,

I love you man. You've been my best friend since I was three years old. I've seen your acting and your writing before, and it was always pretty damn good.

So why is it that your character is a walking horrible meme? I allowed you to play a crazy guy because I think you would be able to pull it off, but you're trying your goddamn hardest to make me regret my decision. Sure, the first time you do something cooky, it's kind of funny. However, the rest of the time, it's getting on my goddamn tits. I shouldn't cringe at your reaction to the question: "So, it's now morning, what do you guys want to do?".

You're entering fucking closely to becoming the worst player I've Dmed for. And I'm including the guy that was completely disinterested in the game, playing tower defense games at the table on his phone and kept rationalising every bullshit thing he did with "that's what my character would do".

u=4 over x

Is that picture Hipster-Varg?

I laughed way harder at that image than would be expected from even philosophy dorks.

>u = 4/x
>multiply both sides by X
>xu = 4
>divide both sides by U
>x=4/u

I think you got it the fraction wrong. You'd want:
>u=x/4
>multiply both sides by 4
>4u=x

>not go well in certain groups.
user, there may be some confusion in these threads, but the usual definition for that guy is "Person that makes the game less fun for the rest of the group":
that can be someone playing a Kender in a normal D&D campaign, it can be a normal person in an ERP, it can also be a normal person in a FATAL game.
That Guy doesn't explicitly say anything about how good/bad a person is, just that they don't fit in. Of course a That Guy IS a bad person if they don't change groups and instead continue to stop the others from having fun.
In a group full goody two-shoes your comment might make you a that guy, but not in a group that likes dark humor

Dear That Guy

No, you still can't play a sociopath. I will not budge on this, just wanted to remind you of that, if you ever get that need to bring your power fantasy to the table out of your system THEN there will be a seat for you, until then, happy trails.

see Veeky Forums my That Guy stories never go past character creation, because I pay attention to that shit

Don't write games for your other group at the table. It's extremely rude- your inability to think about anyone but yourself is half the reason I left. I'd have tried to work through the move but between that and Mr Ego over there it wasn't worth it. I formed a new group in my new area instead (it's their first game but they're alright people).

>character is shit at start
>instead of throwing him a bone you say "should have made a better character scrub, git gud xd."
A that gm for a that guy, how fitting.

remember that saying, "when surrounded by assholes maybe you're the asshole."

For you.

This is me. I'm usually a pretty reasonable and well-adjusted person, I just have a very particular way of dealing with problems.

>while our party is sneaking into a fortress a child sees us
>the party members are having a debate about whether we should tie him up, let him go, or intimidate him
>my suggestion is to follow the little shit back to his house, brutally murder his family, and leave him alive, but incapacitated so that by the time he snitches, we would be long gone

>party captures two spies for the BBEG and needs to interrogate them to find the location of the macguffin
>the party is debating the merits in torture versus diplomacy
>my suggestion is to ask once nicely, immediately murder one of them if we don't get the answer we want, and stick the other in a dark box too short to stand up, but too small to lay down, then ask again in a week

>party finds an injured traveler who was recently attacked by bandits
>though he might survive, there is a good chance he will die before aide arrives
>my suggestion is to tie him to a tree, and use him to lure more bandits

>A group of forest dwellers are practicing cannibalism as patronage to their forest god
>our party's paladin finds this absolutely unacceptable and immediately rushes to destroy the heretics
>after capturing some of the cannibals, our party is debating what to do with the shrine to the forest god and his decidedly humiliated followers
>my suggestion is to take the supplies, lash the survivors to the dead, lock them in the ceremonial altar, and force them to eat each other in order to survive.

Dear retarded person.

Please remember this is no fucking videogame. Stop going mental about exploring everything everytime in hope to find moar loot when DM states we found everything there was.
Please focus on what happens in the game, I'm fuckin tired of you coming back on your combat turn, asking what happened, then going through your character sheet to try and find something you could do before doing the EXACT FUXKING SAME TURN as in every combat ever, by the proc of OP sneaky rogue instadeath bullshit.
Please learn your friggin character sheet. And how the math for rolls work. 20+ sessions in and you still can't remember how your OTP skill works and how it is rolled. It pisses everyone off.
Please stop going grumpy mode everytime you wanna do some OP bullshit and it doesn't exist. NO, you can't go in sneaky mode right after attacking, because that's fucking HOW IT WORKS. Stop bitching.
Oh, by the way, calling every other character an exploit, or a dumb mary sue, or a self insert while your own char is... Yourself as a sneaky oneshot-you-from-stealth grimderp assassin, which has "i hate errything" as it's sole backstory... Tires me.
Please. Grow the fuck up. Please. If you're reading this, I hope it is before next week's game.

Yours sincerely,

The oneshoot-you-from-below with 'splosives dwarf engineer who's sick of your fucking shit.

I admitted up there that I'm being an asshole

Wow, you should be proud of your shit.

Your suggestions are all senseless, disruptive, counterproductive and, well, insane. I'm shocked your paladin hasn't smitten your ass yet.

>Make everyone want to kill you and make fantasy batman that wants to kill you

>Decent but a waste of time, just throw some spells at him

>Because bandits will see a guy bleeding out tied to a tree and think "GOLLY GEE THAT LOOKS LIKE AN EASY MARK, NOTHING WEIRD GOING ON THAT WILL GET ME KILLED TODAY"

>Lets desecrate a cannibal altar by forcing cannibalism! At least their god probably won't be too pissed.

This is incredibly annoying.

>The oneshoot-you-from-below with 'splosives dwarf engineer who's sick of your fucking shit.
Please, user, come back next week and tell us the tale of how you blew the fucker up to smitereens. I'm really looking forward for this.

>Critical failures do something stupid
Did DnD players see how cool glitches were in shadowrun and thought they could implement it?

Dorkly, it's the watermark

>I'm shocked your paladin hasn't smitten your ass yet.
Lawful neutral baby. While some of my shit is pretty outlandish, I'm generally a constructive, well prepared player, which is why I get away with it. Violence isn't the only answer, but when it's the right one, oh man is it the right one. My group has coined the term "pulling an user" in reference to a character who seems reasonable, logical, and generally likeable, but is undeniably fucked up when push comes to shove.

Say what you will about the nature of my suggestions, but in general they would make a pretty interesting story. Who doesn't want to fight then team up with a super-cannibal rage deity who secretly likes your party for its meta-veneration of its altar, or fight against BBEG impoverished batman edition?

>Lawful neutral
All of your suggestions were clearly evil. Really, really evil.

>Lawful neutral baby.
based on the ideas you come up with, I'm surprised your GM hasn't corrected that.

>Play game where it's super easy to get pretty much whatever skills you want
>Don't get skills you want
Yeah I mean I guess anytime a player fucks up the GM needs to bend over backwards to accommodate them

>okay user, what are you playing as?
>proceeds to reference no less than 5 video game or film characters

Actually my dwarf is deeply religious. In a "I god I marrysued to his mother" deep.

It's the god of technology for dwarves. And 100% reflects my ideal (OOC) views.

>You might not kill people without a fucking good motive.
>You may not waste stuff that can be useful.
>Hardwork pays off and is the prime thing that should be rewarded.
>Whilst working is healthy, ONLY working is unhealthy. You might not overlook doing what you love, it's even better if what you love is your work. You need to socialize, sharing with your friends is the basis of society, and how best things are done.
>Old ways are cool, improving them os better.

Which means it will be real hard to kill this retarded gal. Especially since she's DMGF. PK is very badly seen by his god-father...

Wanna hear about the One-shot-you-from-below "itriedtomakeanicemarysue" Dwarf or should I stop it here ?

lel xd lern 2 play shitter

>DMGF
That was your first red flag!

>People who are neutral with respect to good and evil have compunctions against killing the innocent but lack the commitment to make sacrifices to protect or help others. Neutral people are committed to others by personal relationships.

But guys, isn't someone who does really really good things and really really evil things neutral by definition? I'm not murderhoboing around, and I usually have a pretty good reason to do what I have to do. In general I support the party, my various allegiances, and make sure whatever needs to get done actually gets done.

Well, I guess that kind of is lawful evil, but then my woefully under-equipped Bard would have to fight min/max'd Shiny Bright McPowergamer and that would end with my Bard coming back as Litch Plato, the undead lord Authoritarian hell.

If only.
Well, I'm not sure whether or not people wanna hear about marysues, they seem to hate them as much as I did, before I decided to try making one that people would actually like. I'll see if some want to hear it and maybe go storytime on it

No, a player at a certain point has to take some semblance of responsibility. It's not the GM's job to make it so every time you make a mistake you get a free pass.
This guy clearly didn't invest in Charisma or social skills, which means he probably put a lot of points into a bunch of other shit.
If he wanted to play a social character Shadowrun makes it very easy to do so without gimping yourself. And the player clearly goes out of his way to antagonize NPCs, making social encounters much harder.

I don't even get it and I still laughed my ass off

I was talking about the equipment, but it seems I misread "is poor" as "does poorly", so I guess I fucked up.

>But guys, isn't someone who does really really good things and really really evil things neutral by definition?

No, and that's how stupid people play neutral.

Storytime is always welcome.