A gelatinous cube has blocked your path and the only item you have to fight it is the item directly to your right (if a...

A gelatinous cube has blocked your path and the only item you have to fight it is the item directly to your right (if a wal or open spacel consider yourself unarmed). Roll 1d6 and apply the damage as appropriate.

Do you defeat it?

I have about 5 grams of salt in a shaker. Ate a while ago.

Rolled 4 (1d6)

Hah! Got you this time, writhing mass of gelatin!

Rolled 2 (1d6)

There's got to be enough heavy metals in this thing to kill it.

>a handgun

For once this isn't the answer to a fight

Rolled 2 (1d6)

I attack it with a bucket full of gummy bears. Ironic, I know

A 25 kilo sack of concrete.
Do I win this fight

Who's got the flint and steel???

You mean cement? Concrete is a mixture of cement, sand, water, and lime. And where did you get those? Here it comes only in 50kg bags. It felt terrible hauling them as a 13-year old

I don't even need to roll, I got the Longman's dictionary of contemporary English for advanced learners.

>a phone or a bottlecap.
I'm fucked.
To defend yourself while posting on the internet?

Ever haul a bag of lime, then it starts leaking, then you say nothing because its expensive and you don't want to get in trouble for carrying it wrong, then it burns your arm, then you ignore it till it gets infected and your mom thinks its meningitis so she takes your straight to be hospital and you sit there waiting for 4 hours knowing full well there is nothing wrong with you but your still too embarrassed to say you spilled lime on yourself because your a dumb ass

Being 13 is a stressfull time.

>Lenovo ThinkPad T430 with extended battery
I'm good, those things are fucking robust, you can beat hobo to death with one and it will still boot up afterwards. I mean... so I've heard.

>Textbook on Italian Futurism
>giant binder filled to capacity with uncommon magic cards
That poor cube doesn't stand a chance.

Pokémon cards..
So am I suppose to defeat it in a game of Pokémon?

Three dogs, a blanket, bunch of pipe tobacco and some pipes, and crippling depression (it is all around me)

I just walk forward.

A spoon.

Lets do this.
>its actually lime flavour

A tube of Hot & Spicy Pringles. I guess I come with sides.

Rolled 6 (1d6)

Guess I'm gonna stick my teeth in it then.

>bottle of medicated body powder

Useful for the horrific acid burns I'm going to receive, at least.

>hand sanitizer

Will alcohol rub melt it?

Rolled 3 (1d6)

A wicker laundry basket lid, about a foot and half across.
I guess it's an improvised shield? With holes in it, not exactly much good against anything other than maybe a rat, and definitely not against a slime.

A plastic blueberry carton, now empty.

Bring it.

A backpack full of mini's and pencils...

Pec fly machine. Give me several weeks to get swole first.

Rolled 6 (1d6)

A broom

Mundane cleaning tool vs Magical dungeon cleaning cube

I got this

Well, that's one way to strip minis.

I have a rolled up newspaper. I beat it into submission.

Toilet paper

A cell phone.

I call an exterminator

Now you shall be calm and more aware! Anti-depressants AWAY~

the "If You Have Ghosts" EP

Does the cube like mildly obscure songs done as metal covers?

user, how old are you

Rolled 6 (1d6)

My character sheets.

Rolled 2 (1d6)

TASTE THE PAIN!

You pull out a scoop of cube. Doesn't accomplish much
You threw your computer into the cube, if it had a mouth, it would thank you for feeding it.
It absorbs the gummy bears and becomes even stronger
You eat the cube, you beatiful bastard.

>a miscellaneous pile consisting of a teddy bear, a balloon, fresh clothes including a significant number of socks, belt, and a pencil
Guess I'm going in wielding the belt like a whip.

Well... I've got a pizza, but not just ANY pizza, its a BARBECUE pizza.

Any chance mildly spicy barbecue sauce kills it?

Rolled 1 (1d6)

So... I throw my plastic hamper full of dirty laundry at it?

Rolled 6 (1d6)

... It's my DSM-5. I'm not optimistic.

>my already-proven-to-be-indestructible roommate

I guess that settles it then.

I got a TV

Fuck this shit I'm leaving.

Dat roll tho

> a bag of salted pretzels

This won't end well.

uh, actual roll

Rolled 2 (1d6)

A wooden chair? Bring it on!

Roll+1d6

A pair of headphones

Help

i have this thing

Rolled 6 (1d6)

oh shit i forgot to roll

Bardic Magic Go!

Rolled 6 (1d6)

A six-foot flame-bladed sword that I have on display

> A print-out packet on Cubism

Uh

a printer

rolled a 4

I think it is still alive....

Why do I have to fight it?

Pleb not having his own flint or a better torch head.

I offer it FRIENDSHIP.

Don't worry. I've befriended a cube before!

Rolled 5 (1d6)

I have a bag of groceries that happens to contain cheetos and mountain dew.

Rolled 3 (1d6)

Beer. Maybe the cube is similar to a vindaloo?

Why the fuck do you own the tin whistle? Its like the recorder but somehow sounds worse.

I forgot about this thread. I know that feel. My hands are all scarred from working with cement. Shit's tough when you're a poorfag kid with only work availible being construction

...what's that tiny roll on far left is for?

>a waterbottle
at least I stay hydrated while I slowly die!

there's no tiny roll on the left

Rolled 2 (1d6)

>Wardrobe
wat

Then what the hell have I been wiping with?

> directly to your right
...My wife, sheets and pillows

a fleshlight


the gelatinous cube must fight...another gelatinous cube that I made a few minutes ago.

I escape for sure. my men are strong.

Rolled 9 (1d10)

>I cast Discern lies
I think you're bullshitting us, m8

Rolled 13 (1d20)

I fugged up. Meant to roll a d20

Rolled 3 (1d6)

I got indoor palm in a flower tub. It`s a heavy tub.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>My stuffed animal collection
I attempt to lure the jelly with those into the oven.

Shopvac. How many gallons is the cube? I think I got this.

My dogs. Nope, I'm out. The dungeon can keeps its treasures.

Rolled 2 (1d6)

>A pack of cards
Cool, I can harass it from a distance if I try hard enough

Them together and use then as dogchucks

Rolled 1 (1d6)

>a pillow
I roll to seduce and remove armor while teasing it with gentle slaps of my silk-coated soft sap.

>soviet-made personal computer from late 80's (functional)
>Warhammer Fantasy Empire Free Company still in shrink wrap
>ramen noodles
>3 pack of Durex
time to get creative

A mixing bowl i fill with water and let it sit next to my computer because i can't be bothered to walk back and forth to the faucet to fill my glass.

Does drinking the cube count?

Rolled 4 (1d6)

Unarmed, gonna die.

Rolled 4 (1d6)

an old shitty $100 when it was new futon

>My penis
Well, it looks like this is gonna be difficult.

Question kind of related
One of the players close to my GM told me he's planning on killing my level 4 vanilla fighter, and pitting him all alone against a gel cube.
In a scale from 1 to Very, how fucked am I?
Is there any way to bullshit my way out of this?

>Object directly to your right
>Penis

it's an article my mom cut out and mailed to me. it's about how to massage your cat. not sure how I managed to deal 5 points of damage with that, but hey, whatever works.

Nah she was right next to me

Rolled 4 (1d6)

I have my dice bag filled with 80 d10s. THE ULTIMATE WEAPON.

Rolled 1, 5, 3, 10, 5, 5, 10, 10, 9, 2, 2, 10, 2, 1, 1, 10, 7, 6, 7, 1, 10, 8, 1, 4, 2 = 132 (25d10)

Rolling for damage.

Rolled 6, 6, 6, 5, 4, 8, 3, 3, 1, 9, 1, 4, 9, 2, 7, 10, 1, 6, 1, 10, 5, 3, 6, 10, 2 = 128 (25d10)

Rolling even more damage.
132 +

Rolled 2, 8, 5 = 15 (3d10)

Rolling final damage.
132 + 128 +

A pen. I win because it's mighty than the sword

132 + 128 + 15 = 275 damage. 53d10 damage.

...

Bottle of Coke or Alien Queen neca figure, ugh