Okay, completely hypothetical situation here...

Okay, completely hypothetical situation here, but what should you do if you accidentally summon Kairos Fateweaver in your Dark Heresy 2nd edition game? Need an answer quickly.

Drop what you're doing. Run. Change your name. Deny everything.

Challenge him to a game of riddles for your soul.

Then proceed to make one up and have the answer be completely unrelated. Insist that this non-sequitor answer is the one and only correct one. Call him an idiot if he says otherwise.

I have just assured you that
A: He will think you're too dumb to be worth killing, and may end up as a pawn in a future scheme. But that's later.

Or B: He kills you with a doombolt out of frustration, ensuring your death is quick and painless.

No need to thank me.

>How is a Raven like a Writing Desk?

Just a FYI.

Kairos Fateweaver can see the future and past clearly but is blind to the present. If you can land a hit on him, he will be confused and he might teleport away since he should have seen it coming and him not seeing it coming would spook him.

So far, these are all better ideas then to wack my GM over the head with the Core Rulebook.

Drink an entire bottle of Space Wolf ale, then beat Kairos to death with the bottle.

Ask which head is smarter

Quick update on the situation. He is now attempting to possess my Psyker, using ancient eldritch rituals that we puny humans cannot comprehend, in an attempt to cement his presence in our reality and reign over all sectors for eternity in the name of his insane master, Tzeentch. If he is successful, what is the best course of action?

You're fucked.

3 options

1 Kill yourself.

2 Hope Drago or a Primarch shows up

3 Kill yourself extra hard

Ask Kairos who's on first.

Attempt to drown the daemon in Ferensian Ale before he can take hold.

Ideal course of action, in exactly this order:
- bolt through the head of the possessed
- have a priest speak sacred rites of cleansing
- chop up the corpse
- incinerate the remains
- mix the ashes with blessed water or similar
- scatter them to the wind
- report to the Inquisition or the Ecclesiarchy

Quick! Ask him if he's a Genestealer!

Alright, the summoning was successful, I'm down a character, and the super-daemonhost escaped. We're fire-bombing the planet just to be sure, but what should we do now?

"psykana mercy blade" I believe is what you're looking for

How the actual fuck do you "accidently" summon Kairos Fateweaver? Isn't he meant to be the most powerful Greater Deamons of Tzeentch? How fucking hard did you fuck up OP?

see

We got tricked into it by a corrupted Inquisitor who we thought was our friend. Turns out he had been experimenting on penal colonists for a long time, and this was his baby project. We were trying to bind a slightly less scary daemon, but through crazy shenanigans we summoned the vizier of Tzeentch. I honestly don't quite know how it happened.

I think it'll all be part of Tzeentch's schemes....

Cut your hand off and strap a chain sword instead. After that go to town on Kairos until he begs for mercy.

>accidentaly summon one of the greatest servants of the god of fate.

riiiight

Literally everyone in the room has now been partial to the aura of perhaps one of the most intelligent and powerful Daemons in existence.

You're his puppets by proxy now, eliminate yourselves.

Ah, well I see your problem, you thought an Inquisitor was your friend. Never do this. Even is they aren't doing some evil shit they probably going to get framed for it by someone who is doing evil shit.

In answer to , I'd suggest getting in contact with the Ordo Malleus and telling them what happened. Worse case scenario, they kill all of you (which honestly you kind of deserve for this) and then get the Grey Knights to kill the Deamonhost. It's the reason they exist after all.

>Kairos Fateweaver can see the future and past clearly but is blind to the present

Just how big is this blind spot around the present ?

Days ?
Minutes ?
Seconds ?
Milliseconds ?
Something even less ?

You don't need to comprehend his rituals. Just disrupt them.

I suggest a big fucking bomb for maximum disruption.

This is literally what your mercy blade is for. Don't let your training fail you.

It's exactly one second; which fucked him up when he tried to attack the Lion because the guy's got insane reflexes