The party's healer starts demanding exorbitant fees for every wound healed

>Party tells healer they'll pay him in semen only
>Better get working if he wants his fee

If all the party members demanded exorbitant fees for their services, wouldn't those fees be covered by the loot?

Isn't that that what treasure hunting basically is? A group with valuable skills combining said skills in exchange for pay (via looted riches) that would seem exorbitant to the standard commoner of the setting?

They pretty much are.

They're hard to find as a weevil in a haystack.

>the party's sneak guy starts demanding exorbitant cuts of treasure for not just taking it while they sleep
>steals it anyway

>the party's healer is a 4e Intelligence warlord with 8 Charisma who "talks so good" that people's wounds magically seal up without scarring, even the unconscious fighter's injuries!

Explain this, 4rries.

>Walk it off

It really depends on the group and the individuals.

Typically, the unspoken agreement is that the loot is divided evenly into shares, but there's plenty of other arrangements possible. One person might be hiring the other party members so that they get a fixed amount regardless of what they find, or special monetary awards might be given for taking particular risks.

It's one of those things that sort of make me want to sit down an adventuring group before they start adventuring and have everyone sign a charter, with simple things like payment options along with protocol for situations like taking hostages. It seems like a good way to avoid conflicts later in the game, though it sounds like it would mean the game starts with one big argument.

this is my party
not even joking, this is literally a player in my party

>but why

>Party ranger starts demanding exorbitant fees for every animal yiffed into submission before combat.

IMO, if the group is the type to vehemently argue over loot, you can't stop them from doing it.

A good bit of IC wage haggling isn't even all that bad. Even if it results in the dickass rogue jacking reclaimed holy items from the paladin and planting them in the necromancy-dabbling wizard's knapsack. At least they're roleplaying.

>Party bard starts demanding exorbitant fees every time he opens his mouth.

Autocorrect or retarded?

It's a doggy dog world out there mate, you have to be willing to say a diamond dozen.

>another jackass on Veeky Forums can't just enjoy an idea and would rather act like a cunt calling it fake

>8 Cha

>tfw Cleric
>tfw I start charging for heals
>tfw they gotta pay.
Feels good man.

Stop posting stupid ideas.

>other people's fun isn't as good as mine

Wouldn't that conflict with a traditional Cleric's alignment?
>pic related either way

I'd kill you in your sleep and spend your share of the loot on healing items.

My fun is calling your fun stupid.

Well, whatever floats your boat I guess. Maybe you could do it a little quieter though?

>you're having fun wrong

>checked

But still, using anime reaction pics with each post really hurts an argument, no matter what you're arguing for or against.

I'd argue otherwise.
Anime reaction pics are practically a necessity of civil discourse. It ensures that no one thinks anyone is being overly serious.

>The party barbarian starts demanding exorbitant fees for every rage

>pic related
I'l endeavor to do better in the future, user

>Healer demands money per heal or up front rather than as a share of the treasure
>Agree, but sign a contract that is binding with their patron deity overseeing it
>Become the star wars trilogy of adventuring parties
>Laugh all the way to the motherfucking bank

>The party bard starts demanding exorbitant fees to stop playing

>rogue says he'll spot you the 500g if you pay him 50g now
>when you finally get injured he charismas his way into saying it was a "pre existing condition"

>If you don't pay him, he gets angry about it and rages anyways.

>wizard starts demanding exorbitant fees to stop inserting his magical realm into the game

>his magical realm is transformation and vore

>Be designated party healer
>Refuse to wear any form of armor
>Rush enemies, forcing party to save you and get hurt in the process
>Make them pay for heals
>repeat

do you also refuse to wear any form of clothing?

...

I can deal as long as it's not hard vore.

that costs extra

>>other people's fun isn't as good as mine
That is correct. Some people are wrong and they should feel bad.

>Party Fighter starts charging exorbitant fees to give the wizard her components back

I recall there was a thread a week or two ago about making an ancap character.

>the fighter starts demanding "protection" money from the healer

>the mage starts demanding payment from the healer for every spell cast

>the thief starts demanding payment from the healer for every trap defused
>the thief also starts stealing from the healer and using it to pay his fees

>the GM starts demanding payment from the healer's player for every game session he runs

>the whole party stops giving the healer a share of the loot because he's already being paid in fees

>the whole party just murders the healer in his sleep

>the gaming group kicks out the healer's player

>the gaming group murders the healer's player's loved ones

>leaves a note saying "lol you gotta pay", along with a bill for all the healing he charged them for

Everyone pays up because he's a multiclassing monk/Thief with the healer feat and can run away whenever he wants.

That's what you get when you bully the healer constantly.

>Bard's mouth gets taped shut

>Social skills don't work on PCs
Whoops.

>The bard is psionic and proceeds to project the song via psychic transmission

>The GM starts demanding exorbitant fees for each rock the party doesn't want to fall

hey man, you just gotta get the turnips in heat and they'll perk right up

>implying the healer wouldn't mortally wound everyone else in their sleep and then charge them for heals

>The party Toreador starts demanding exorbitant fees to turn off Majesty.

>The party's extradimensional storage starts demanding exorbitant fees or it will turn into a bag of devouring (but never when a foe reaches for loot).

>The paladin's god starts demanding exorbitant fees for smites

You might be without a healer for a little while, but it's worth it to nip this behaviour in the butt.

>The GM starts demanding exorbitant fees for "premium" quests

>some illegitimate child of Krod becomes a healer
>"I roll intimidate"
>DM: "that doesn't make sense"
>"That wound knows better than to not be closed"
>DM: "fine, but only on a 20"
>Suddenly, the Orc cleric who screams at his allies to heal them becomes known across the land.

We know exactly where an argument gets overly serious.

Best answer.

Well technically the pay would be for the /targeting/ of the rage, then.

>Lizardmen ssstart demanding exorbitant feesss to ssstop hisssing

Tell him not healing me is a breaching of the NAP and throw him a jar of re-creative alchemist fire.

>Dragon starts demanding exorbitant fees to attack countryside.

>mimic starts charging rental costs to person who takes loot
>goblins charge entry fees for dungeon
>money charges handling fee to be picked up
>immense, world spanning air elemental hooker charges for permission to give it constant fellatio and withdraws its air if people don't stop sucking it into its lungs without payment

Stop being a sandy dry cunt then

>Goblins starts demanding exorbitant fees to form raiding parties
>Hobgoblins forced to entrepreneurship to maintain warmachine.

>Owlbears start demanding exorbitant fees to be posted in "stat me" threads

I hate healer threads.

What's so fun about shitting on the people that take care of you and have the most stressful job in the business? We do what we do because no one else will and its also the easiest way to get a group.

You are all just as bad as the entitled soccer mom that shits on McDonalds employees to make herself feel better. But at the end if the day she's getting beaten and raped by her husband while the McD kid plays video games and eat junk food.

>Elves start demanding exorbitant fees for their glitter farts

>people complaining about how they DESERVE socialised healthcare

get insurance

>expecting the healer to earn their own money apart from the party
ALWAYS tip the healer. And thank them for their calcium.

Fuck you mate, I've played with that guy. He was a dildo and the game ended faster than it should have.

My sister wants to play a Lawful Evil cleric next session with this kind of mentality. I kinda think it's a fun and unconventional idea to have a completely mercenary and mercurial healer in the party.

This is the best answer in the thread I've seen.

1gp = 1hp is hardly "exorbitant"

>Explain this, 4rries.
I have prepare for this day

Well if he was thrown of a boat while wearing full plate, then do you know what I would have done when I looked at his player?

It would have raft.

...

>>also he threatened to turn the party into newts
Come on man, you know we'd get better eventually, don't you?

>The bard is then driven into the ground like a tent peg by the parties half-giant Blacksmith-turned-barbarian.

Please try to make jokes relevant to the conversation.

>party druid starts demanding exorbitant fees to stop inserting his beastiality magical realm into the game
>DM has him torn to shreds by a polar bear
We were in a forest in the middle of summer.

>the cleric reveals that he has already donated everyone's money to charity

>charity being the local bordello, with payment in kind

>female rogue is uncomfortable in saying where all her money came from and blushes hard every time the cleric winks at her

>On his taxes he has listed Charity as a tax deduction.
>That's her name, Charity

>wand of cure wounds + use magical device skill = one poor healer.

When I was just starting out, I made a cleric and was asked to create a backstory. I wanted a Neutral god so that I could heal but also create skeletons, because back in 2e animating dead was considered to be an Evil act, and healing was considered to be a Good act, and the only way you could do both was to play a Neutral character serving a Neutral god. But the only Neutral god I could think of a story for was the god of Money. So I actually proposed a cleric that required a coin from party members for the healing to work. I actually made a heal-whore.

>the only Neutral god I could think of a story for was the god of Money
Not the God of Healing?
>People must be healed
>Even if they would rather die
>Even if healing would leave them in a state worse then death
>Raising the dead is also fine because there are now fewer dead

A dick is a dick, regardless of whether or not it shoots healing jizz.

>noticed the rogue always takes more than their share because "rogue tax"
>be a ranger and started doing this
>party getting salty as fuck since I'm the only "healer" in our group of me, barb, rogue, fighter, and evok wizard
>rogue tries to kill me in my sleep
>run away with my superior ranger-ness
>then always track the party from then on during the day and hide at night, due to rolls am apparently ever only an hour away from them at most
>they start fights with bosses/enemies they can't take with their numbers
>see them falling or running away
>pick them off if they run away and stabilize them, taking their shit in the process
>attempt to weigh damaging the enemies to keeping the party just strong enough to not die on me if they stay
>then swoop in, almost kill them, stabilize, steal
>this has happened for three sessions in a row
>they are getting furious
>rogue is especially assblasted for reasons I can only imagin
>say that yeah, sucks when someone takes more than they earn isn't it and leave their bodies in a safe place while I bury things that are too heavy for me in a memorable place and hide once again

No idea why but the DM is still allowing this after, now going to be, four sessions and no one has left yet. I'd feel bad but it's honestly really fun.