Stat the Team

*The monk's mother
Cleric of the PAIN GODDESS and Paladin of Freedom are a couple
Ranger is great friends with the whizzard
Fighter overstocks on bread

> and also fucked your mother.
Do you have any proofs?
Also, how do I know you aren't him?

>Except he's so optimized that he can turn invisible, disguise himself perfectly, deal absurd amount of damage and also fucked your mother.
Are you implying that those things don't happen in 'political intrigue' games?

Because if they don't, please switch games with me

>he can also bend space in time to get back-stab damage from 30 feet away

And from the front.

Quick thought, since we're talking about these fuckers; is it just me or are the lore cartoon versions of the team utterly shit at combat?

We see them in game as damned fine fighters zipping all over the place but then the lore has them running away and getting the shit kicked out of them by comparison.

BLU just sucks.

While flying.

was that ballista looking thing designed to give me a headache?

Heavy killed a bear in one if the MVM ones and sniper takes Demoman and Ms. Pauling hostage.

Anyways they're supposed to be expendable idiots fighting other expendable idiots. They're good at killing each other and not much else.

Man, they just gave up trying to make the soldier fantasy themed.

On a different map

In TF:Classic

While cloaked

Pyro:

>Attributes:
ST 14 HP 18
DX 12 Will 12
IQ 10 Per 12
HT 12 FP 12
Basic Speed 8.00 Basic Move 8
Languages- English(Native)
TL 8

>Reaction Modifiers-
Appearance- None
Status- None
Reputation- -4 to everyone, but +2 for mercenaries of Mann Co.

>Advantages
Fashion Sense
Allies(Mann Co. Mercenaries) Rare, 100% of points, group of 8
High Pain Threshold
Indomitable
Patron(Saxton Hale) 150% of points, Minimal Intervention, only available on rolls of 6 or less
Signature Gear 2
Unfazeable
Zeroed

>Disadvantages
Dead Broke
Bloodlust(6)
Cannot Speak
Clueless
Delusion(Pyroland is reality)
Duty(Mann Co., 15 or less, Extremely Hazardous)
Pyromania(6)
>Skills
Flamethrower 18(DX+6)
Armory-Small Arms 14(IQ+4)
Axe 12(DX+0)
Pistol(substitute for specific flare gun skill) 18(DX+6)
Financing 14(IQ+4)

>Gear(All weapons and armor are signature)
Very Fine Flamethrower(If using High-tech, use TOZ LPO-50)
Very Fine Fire Axe
Flare Pistol(High Tech Leuchtpistole)-Sticky, 1D burn per second, 330 range, RoF 1, 1 Shot, ST 8, Bulk -2, Rcl 2, Weight 1.8
Turnout Gear(High Tech) Full Suit, DR 5 vs Fire, 2 vs others, Weight 12
Gas Mask

He then ambassador headshots you twice in a row from inside your spawn

>pyro
>english
Also you forgot the shotgun, and 8 speed seems a bit much for pyro.

Scout - Open Hand Monk. Very fast, surprisingly hard to hit. Theoretically lacking but that's hard to remember while they alternate between jacking their damage resistance through the roof, making themselves untargetable, and beating your face in with a stick. Will make you regret the creation of a knockback mechanic to start with.

Soldier- Pact of the Tome Warlock. Melts faces at a distance but occasionally busts out mobility and defense boosts including to allies group even though it doesn't seem he should be able to. Mostly still functions on the level of "find something to shoot and then shoot it."

Pyro- Sun Soul Monk. If they gets on top of you they will set you on fire. They can also set you on fire at mid-range. And shoot an explosive that will then set you on fire. Plan on being on fire a lot. Character is genderfluid but the player is so low-key about it no one gives a shit.

Demo- Bladelock. Usually stands in the back and spams trash damage. Will try to lure enemies into a total kill zone. Prone to occasionally stacking defenses and trying to sword someone to death when the situation calls for it. Does surprisingly well for bringing a knife to a gun fight, but team liked it better when they were spamming ranged.

Heavy- Berserker Dexbarian. Each individual bullet doesn't hurt that bad. Disturbingly accurate with them and just ludicrous survivability thanks to huge HP pool and resistances. Scares the hell out of the opposing team when the uber. Surprisingly good at melee.

Engineer- Beast Master Ranger. Just sort of always has healing, food, and supplies on hand. Brings some utility magic with them. Has multiple damage sources on the board at once but not able to use all of them at once. Does some technical stuff with equipment (like heavy crossbows and nets) that the rest of the team really doesn't understand but makes it work.

(cont)

(cont)

Sniper- Battlemaster Archery Fighter with Sharpshooter. Has a ranged weapon, murders people with the ranged weapon. Can debuff and play area control if necessary. Maneuver dice + Sharpshooter headshots send opponents to the salt mines.

Medic- Life cleric. Not bad in a fight, but would rather use a wide variety of boosted healing. Your team technically doesn't need one but will be dramatically happier with one. Most people either refuse to play this one or refuse to play anything else with no middle ground.

Spy- Strength Rogue/Barbarian/Fighter/Wizard/Bard/Monk/Sorc/Warlock with Magic Initiate. Uses some weird Invisibility/Alter Self/Sneak Attack combo that your DM spent 3 days tweeting back and forth with Mearls, Perkins, *and* Crawford trying to adjudicate. Wins every fight that starts with him getting his combo off, loses every fight he doesn't. Always splitting the party. Won't shut up about his Balisong and his Kunai.and when to use each. Brings a gun but doesn't use it. The living distillation of every That Guy story ever. The Engineer lives is quiet terror that he's going to push the DM too far and break some rule the Engineer has built on, the Pyro hates him because he stole their significant other. Mostly using some bullshit "spend less time on fire" special snowflake dagger the DM made up in a desperate attempt to reduce PvP without having to actually discuss it like adults.

Aided by a teleporter trampoline he managed to bully your team into making.

>Genderfluid
Get out.

Found the spy. Take it up with Gaben.

>spies
>threatened by pyros
>when the spycicle exists

>Spies
>Knowing what to do when their knife disappears
>Using a gun
>[muffled laughter]

I do hate that thing though, as I love using flare guns but that thing's existence makes shotguns arguably more viable.
You can pry my detonator out of my cold, dead hands though. I'll never stop jumping into weird spots before instantly dying to a demoman who decided to camp a storage closet.

Underrated post

what game do you want it statted in?(personally I'd say Strike! would be the easiest one to do so in)

well part of that is that for most of the MvM comics onward they're often without their equipment, so they aren't fighting at optimal capacity