Your father is a very powerful wizard of the highest order in all the multiverse...

No fucking idea.

Neither of those careers are, you know, congenital or inherited or whatever.

So about the same as any child born of successful, ambitious parents.

Their child.
Wizard and Ninja are not races IN MOST settings so if you wish to go into one of the family businesses, or even both, it's your own prerogative.

Mind you, whilst you'll have a great mentor you'll forever be living in their shadow.
It's best to strike out on your own.

They'll be proud of you either way, they are your loving parents after all.

She took the midnight train going aaaanyyyywheeeeere...

Probably an accountant or something.

Just a city boy

Born and raised in south Detroit.

After a few weeks of crying-shitting babby ruining their daily routine, the duo drops me at a retired adventurer friend's house and promise to come pick me up when I'm older. Said friend lives in a small town of zero stress, partially because it's a simple farming town, partially because it's the retreat of many adventurers, both retired ones and those who're taking a break.

In this high security environment, I grow up to be a sheltered but friendly child who is amazed by all the stories I'm told. I am eight years old when my surrogate family of gentle ex-muderhobos, in a fit of triggered parenting reflexes, decide to take me under their wing.

I have no talent for magic, so my days become a blur of exercises and combat training. At night, when I can barely move from fatigue, I listen to the less glorious and more grim tales of my teachers. I learn of loss, I learn of regret, and through it all I wish I could wash it all away.

I am 22 now, a towering man of steel-clad muscle, ready to face the horrors of this world. I set out on my journey, on my childish crusade, to find all those outcasts and misfits that there is a place they could call home where they could find peace at last.

I'm the Murderhobo Therapist.

Took the midnight train going anywhere!

He took the midnight train goin' aaaanyyyywheeeeere...

*Guitar solo*

Decides to become the greatest warrior in order to escape their parent's shadow

A neet who's an expert at runing away, stealth and summoning him self some snacks and a comfy shack.
Reads dwarven tapestries all day.
Uses scrying to watch noble girls in their schools doing ''moe'' things.

His father is thus focusing his attention on his younger brother and training him to be an eldritch knight while his mother is training his older sister so she can take over the assasination buisness.

Fighter
Level 1

Fuck you mom and dad it's not a phase!

RoyGreenhilt.jpg

Well, in some settings the magic is an innate and possibly inheritable condition.

Free to choose your own life path, you are more than the sum of your parents.

These, but as the head of a mercenary company. Magic? Stealth and subtility? Why bother working on those when I can just contract them out to the right people for the job? Me, I'll hand out the pay and bash heads when needed.

Rich as fuck, hopefully. Be a Rockefeller of some sort. Invest that dish until I get more moolah coming out my ears.

Swordsage
Dusblade
Nothing?

A jobless NEET living off mom and dad's fortune. Shitposting on my laptop from my room and then jacking off to porn.

Destined to disappoint both of them.

Probably join the Church or the Army.

Level 0 Commoner.

Now roll 3d6 in order you fucking faggot piece of shit.

A ninja who begrudgingly uses the arcane knowledge his father shoved onto him.
Glad I don't see that adultrous fucker any more.

>Son are ya playing with borowed demonic forces again?

No dad, its a totally legit form of magic that doesn't take years of arduous study
Look for a moment.

>Eldritch Blast

SonIamdisapoint.jpg

sounds familiar

A singer in a smokeeey room.

Rolled 2, 3, 1 = 6 (3d6)

Here's for Strength. ;)

I would be Jared from thepunchlineismachismo.

i just want to play xbox and hang out with my co-workers.

>father is wizard who got with very bendy female
get out.

Congratulations, your mother probably has more strength in her pelvic floor muscles than you have in your whole body.

Continue.

A spoiled useless teenager who never had to work for shit

...

An orphan when the DM has them both killed off cause muh drama.

Probably makes me a political agenda baby. Most Likely experimented on by dad, and beaten by my mother for smiling. Will regularly be attacked by assassins trying to dishonor my mothers clan, causing a paronoia. Will be looked down upon by high wizarding society, knowing my father probably married just to have political power of "dont like it? heres ninjas", and causing social distress.

Pretty much: Would become a PC. Or BBEG, though the line is always very thin.

Your parens get divorced almost instantly due to how incompatible they are, and no amount of spinetwisting ninja-sex can make up for that. Your father wins custody due to not being incredibly morally questionable. He raises you to become a great wizard like himself, but he constantly berates you for falling short. The "when I was your age, I was already using fireballs and practicing invisibility spells!" kind of thing. You will learn the pain of being the average son of a prodigy. Sooner or later you will become an adventurer and forced to fight your mother. She will handily defeat you and your party, then she'll complain about how you turned out to become a total waste of space, that it's all your fathers fault, that you'd never have turned out that way if she raised you etc. There will also be a lot of "tell your mother...", "tell your father..." back and forth accusations, to the point where you start to feel you're not going on quests as much as you're just passing messages around between two people who refuse to talk to eachother.

The smell o' wine and cheap perfuuuume.

A Mary Sue animoo fag.

Probably obsenely rich and influential.

Or use the powers of both, and become a dick-ass thief. sneak up on a legendary cosmic dragon, and steal the very essence that makes it both legendary and cosmic. Now it is just a dragon.

Your father will still berate you because you had to steal legendary and cosmic power rather than developing it on your own.

Your mother will still call you a waste of space because she was already robbing legendary, cosmic dragons blind when she was 16.

Both will still blame eachother for your failure to live up to their high standards.

I don't get it someone explain the joke

A paladin, since I rebelled against their immoral ways.

For a smile they can share the night!

probably the fantasy equivalent to Jaden Smith

I always liked the idea that D&D characters are actors on some level, working for crazy idiots to create dramatic adventures of varying quality.
It would explain why so many of the properties of the D&D universe make no sense.
It also gives an excuse for why characters are suddenly killed off or leave: Their 'actor' negotiated for a paycheck the manager wasn't willing to accept, or just wanted to quit.
The idea of the party breaking facade at the end of the campaign and going out for IHOP just amuses me.

It goes on and on and on and onnnnn—

A spoiled trust fund baby with no talents to speak of

25% chance of being another wizard of the highest order
25% chance of being another ninja without peer
50% chance of being a mediocre wizard ninja or ninja wizard

I think it would make someone else desu

>Now roll 3d6 in order you fucking faggot piece of shit.
Stats aren't a bit hereditary?

His father would probably insist he followed his footsteps and become a powerful mage

His mother, being an assassin and a former criminal, would also agree that raising him as a wizard instead of a ninja is better for him. She knows exactly how many young ones don't make it past the initial training and how dangerous her job is. She might still teach him some tricks and skills to get by, like being able to wallrun, how to fall correctly, how to conceal a dagger, how to mend his wounds in a pinch, etc.

Your result is a surprisingly mobile wizard that can infiltrate or disappear if the situation calls for it.

On the other hand, we can reverse the roles.

His father, knowing how difficult and dangerous was to master his own powers, decides not to teach him the more advanced stuff. Still, he manages to learn some low level magic and basic cantrips through observation and reading some books he borrows from time to time.

In this case, his mother is much more strict with his training and demans he becomes her successor.

So he becomes a wizard dr. McNinja

Yes, two parents would make me.

What are their alignments?
Religious? Which deities? Race?

I believe the word you are looking for is "alcoholic".

Neither do I but let's just type randomly until a joke comes out.

A very confusing answer that begs the question of how they cleared the spot/listen and got past various ward checks respectively to engage the act in a rather bizarre game of rocket tag horizontal tango.

When I was drunk off my ass once I ran a non-canon 'Behind the fourth wall' one-shot, where the party accidentally knocked down the backdrop to the campaign.

They found a bunch of NPCs, both friendly and villain, some of which had been cut from the story and never actually appearedm or were half-baked ideas from other campaigns I've run, all hanging around and chatting amongst themselves on a movie set/bar/construction site and a literal self-insert of myself yelling at everyone with a megaphone.

They were pretty good sports about it, but I don't think they could ever take that campaign seriously again.

Naruto?

>"Is it... Did I make it? Am I in?"
>"No, honey. I can feel something, is that you?"
>"Sorry, energy shield."
>"Okay, lemme take a step back a second, where did you say you were?"
>"About 5 feet left of the bed."
>"Well, I'm in the kitchen. Who's been massaging my shoulders, then?"
>"Uh, Simulacrum. Or astral projection. Possibly both."
>"This might be harder than we initially expected."

A nerd.

Magic might not be hereditary. Ninjutsu might not be hereditary. But nerdiness is.

If my dad is such a prestigious wizard, I'll probably have access to all the magical texts I want. If my mom is such a prestigious ninja, I'll at least potentially have access to all the sekret ninja scrolls I want. If my dad was nerd enough to be a wizard and my mom was nerd enough to be a ninja, you can bet I'd be nerdy enough to want to study magic and ninjutsu.

t. son of mathematician and a chemical engineer, who went into computer science

Straangers-

-Peeople

Hope the black kids in my class don't learn my dad is a grand wizard

Agreed.
t. CS from two EEs.

-Waiting
Up and down the boulevard

Their shadows

Med'an

Did they still divorce when I was a toddler?

Have fun getting your job outsourced code-monkeys

>Dad gets custody
I probably end up as some kind of low-to-mid-tier Sorcerer, or a decent Alchemist.

>Mom gets custody
I dunno, Rogue?

Also depends on what friends I end up making, whether or not this is happening on Earth, whether or not this has overall retconned my life, et cetera.

In all likelihood a disappointment
I don't remember the pigmy on the right

*sigh* Let's look at the list.
Arcane Trickster
Arcane Archer
Daggerspell Mage
Unseen Seer
Spellwarp Sniper
Master Spy
Bard
Swordsage

Or any other of a host of hybrid classes that use a mix of skill and magical powers. You learn a bit of both and make 'em work so that you and Dad can talk shop about magic crafting and such. You might not be able to reach the same heights but your accomplishments should be enough that he won't feel like he's wasted his time on you, and he'll see a bit of mom in the way you've learned to make your spells fit for stealth and intrigue. You can't match mom's skills with your own alone, but little spells make up the difference and at the end of the day your respective exploits are what matter more. You can chat about the kingdoms you knocked over by moving a spoon around with mage hand, while she laughs and retorts with the assassination she managed by dropping a coin off a tower.

When mom decides to retire and dad decides to ascend or plane-hop to keep up with where her post-mortem destination was, they'll go knowing that their child will be ready to take on the world. Neither a mage nor a sneak to exclusion, but a well trained individual none the less.

>t. "Mathematician"
We already crunch your numbers for you, what more do you want?
>But I know mathematical theories
And I know how to write algorithms. Get your smug head out of your ass.

A failure in their eyes?

>get arrested in the first town you go for being called murderhobo the rapist

>Would that make you ?
Given that they're my father and mother, I'd say that makes me, yes

Actually I'm EE,
but I'm sorry for shitposting user

Just imagine the reacharounds with that sleight of hand. The father is a lucky man.

SEARCHING IN THE NIIIIIIGHT!

A fucking Power Ranger?

CUZ BABY YOU'RE A FIIIIIREWOOOORK

>World is inhabited by nothing but Sean Connery clones
This place is getting weirder and weirder.

WHEN I WAS

Crushed under the weight of expectation.

Rolled 5, 2, 3 = 10 (3d6)

This would be DEX, I believe.

Congrats, your mom just disowned you.

Rolled 4, 5, 2 = 11 (3d6)

CON now.

Rolled 3, 4, 1 = 8 (3d6)

INT!

Kidnapping target.