What's the most inane, retarded ass random thing a PC in your party or game has ever done...

What's the most inane, retarded ass random thing a PC in your party or game has ever done? Bonus points if the player is completely unaware of his idiocy.

>Nightfall
>Adventurers set up camp, everything is going smoothly
>Resident rogue doesn't ever say he's using his bedroll
>Me (DM), "Hey man, are you taking first watch? What's your guy doing?"
>Rogue: "I'm just going to sleep like this." His character is sitting cross-legged a la Witcher and meditating
>DM: "A-are you sure? Rogue, listen, if you do that, you'll be fat--"
>Rogue: "Yep. I'm positive."
>DM: "Roll fort save."
>He rolls and fails.
>Starts the next day Fatigued. He would then keep on doing this every single time people would rest.
>Eventually just make him straight up permanently exhausted because he never saves.
>Everyone else is exasperated, rogue is somehow fine with it.

>Get sent on literal suicide missions that were supposed to be "easy" by the noble we were working for.
>Later "someone" attempts to drug/poison us at one her banquets.
>After this we're attacked by a group of hitmen, one of who is using the same type of sword as the noble's royal guard.

So yeah, at this point it's obvious Countess Bitchface is trying to kill us.

>Countess Bitchface finally gets sick of the bullshit and just sends her knights to "arrest" us for crimes that we wern't even around to commit.
>Everyone in the party knows we're innocent, know we're probably not getting a trial, probably going to be executed or something... so of course we're like "fuck this" and start fighting Bitchface's knights as we attempt to get the fuck out of her city.
>All of us except the party sorcerer... who literally let himself get arrested without a fight, tried to keep the rest of us from resisting, and then seemed legitimately surprised when he got hauled off to Bitchface's secret torture dungeon to be part of a demonic sacrifice ritual instead of being given a fair trial.
>Mind so blown I legitimately ask the player what he was thinking after the game.
>Player literally hadn't pieced any of the clues together, thought Countess Bitchface was still our ally, and thought the entire situation was all a misunderstanding that could totally be cleared up by just talking to the person trying to have us killed.
>Literally the player, not his character, the player himself hadn't figured this out.

It's not even like he wasn't paying attention either. He was literally one of the best roleplayers in the group and super-invested in the plot...

>Literally the player, not his character, the player himself hadn't figured this out.

D-did the character figure it out but the player didn't? like holy shit what

No, the player hadn't figured it out, and thus his character hadn't figured it. While the rest of us were running away from guys who wanted to kill us, he was standing there like "Hey guys, I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding! You're making it worse by fighting, stop!"

>Character gets possessed due to magical fuckery
>Starts talking in a clearly unearthy, booming voice
>Starts swinging with what is described "the strenght of the mad"
>Displays a knowledge of the surroundings impossible for just a random guy entering it
>I'm not even hiding the part where I am giving the player notes on what's going on
>Everyone tries restraining him so he wont kill anyone or get killed himself
>One PC pushes them away and goes "knock it off, we've got work to do, stop acting like children."
>Possessed PC stabs him in the eye immediately, just as the possession effect was wearing off

To this day, I don't understand what was going through his head. He was paying attention to the game, his character was just a few feet away from what was happening and somehow missed the demon voice, red eyes and erratic movement and wrote it off as childish infighting.

>Be at Harry Potter esque magic school
>Demons start invading due to the headmaster making a pact
>Demons use students as surrogate bodies (i.e. possess all of them)
>A makeshift resistance is mounted by the unpossessed, the adventurers, and rebelling teachers
>Horde of possessed students bursts into room where party + resistance was planning their offensive
>Teachers: "Do not use lethal force! They are just being manipulated!"
>All PCs take note and start dishing out non-lethal damage to take down the students
>All except the bard, who completely forgot that these were just regular students who just happened to have their bodies hijacked
>Bard proceeds to swing his longsword lethally, crits, confirms the crit
>Cuts the student clean in half
>The bard makes a will save against mental trauma for slicing down an innocent so brutally

Luckily he saved, but they would soon learn that outright killing the students let the demon spirit inside them materialize.

How much int did his character have?

Sounds like DM being a shit and not letting a play add some fluff to his character. Who cares if the character sleeps in a sitting position or not? It's fluff.

Now that you mention it, my character is a half-elf so it would make sense for him to meditate like that during the night

He was a human (so no avoiding fatigue due to sleep or w/e) and while I agree it's fluff, no one who sleeps cross legged sitting on hard ground is going to be spry and fully able bodied come next morning.

I mean, it doesn't help that this guy was literally playing Ezio Auditore... he was that edgelord lonewolf type, so giving him shit for sleeping like this was sort of payback for shit tier roleplay.

Yeah, but now he can blame his poor choices and failed rolls on fatigue instead of shitty roleplaying.

It'd be better to boot the player and not let him drag down the rest of the group if you haven't already spoken to him about his bullshit.

Opened a god damn tea shop and retired mid game

This campaign ended a year ago, because no one was taking it seriously save for the bard. We had a drunk dwarf who only did anything 'for the lulz,' the Ass Creed man, a lesbo cavalier who lost her shit every time I introduced a female NPC, and Good Guy Bard, who roleplayed like a regular human being.

It just got to the point where I couldn't take their bullshit anymore and I booted everyone in the ass, including myself. Me and bard would later play together in another a group and have good times without shitty players galore

You wanna elaborate, user?

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Who the fuck does that mid-game? Like seriously!?

Nothing much actually, I guess the ranger entering a barrack full of (admittedly sleeping) enemies to take a chair would qualify though.

>STALKER
>characters are in a camp, spending time in a dilapidated building with many rooms being rented out as a makeshift hotel by local camp trader
>some players playing cards and drinking with locals, some in their own rooms
>one player decides to knock on every door just to see what he can find because the other players got encounters in some rooms
>gets yanked inside a room at gunpoint, room is full of bandits operating clandestinely from inside the camp disguised as stalkers, were expecting a courier with a message and instead got the PC
>Bandit leader tells the PC that he's going to murder him unless the PC joins them
>PC is fumbling to answer when his friends start calling for him, noticing he's missing
>Bandits hear this as well, let the PC out of the room after explaining to him that if he moves from the doorway or gives them away he'll be killed
>PC steps out into doorway, turns to comrades
>"There are bandits in there!"
>Shotgun blast through the door kills the PC, entire hallway explodes into a shitshow of gunfire and grenades

There isn't a lot to elaborate on honestly, dude was playing a paladin of some death god and explained that his paladin would settle down and open a tea shop to remain in the area and protect all the graves and dead from necromancers and shit.
I just have no idea why he did it then and there and not after beating the BBEG, or why specifically a tea shop.

You tell me

holy shit, 10/10

>Party is in possession of a small tree with divine properties, a plot mcguffin.
>Priestess of relevant divinity shows up on party's ship, demanding tree back.
>Retard contacts BBEG, tells him that they have the tree and he's willing to work with BBEG
>BBEG says don't let priestess have it
>Retard (pyromancer) sets tree on fire
>Priestess demands pyromancer remove fire from tree
>Retard removes fire from tree
>Tells BBEG he failed to burn the tree
>BBEG asks why
>Priestess threatened me
>BBEG says burn it anyway, priestess isn't strong enough to kill him if the party backs him
>Retard tells BBEG the party doesn't back him
>BBEG says this was important information to know beforehand.
>Retard gets embarrased and sets the tree on fire again
>Priestess and party ask him to put it out
>He puts it out
>Asks BBEG what he should do
>BBEG says there isn't much he would count on asking of him, but on a personal level he should probably stop being a little bitch.
>Catches tree on fire.
>Puts it out
>Party gives priestess the tree because they don't want the traitor any where near it.
>Later kill traitor when something similar happens again.

Important question: was Countess Bitchface hot or - even worse - cute?

Why did he keep working with the bad guy?

He wanted to be funny.

I think he would try roleplaying it with a different tone than "dead serious" if that was the case. Which he didn't.

>Asks BBEG what he should do
Was he talking on a phone or something? That would have been a hilarious conversation.

>Sorry, look, this guy wants to defect to me but he isn't doing a great job of it. Could you perhaps give him a little slack in burning this tree down?

>It's just self defense, bro

Uh, I sleep like that in real life. Sitting up resting against a pillow. It does wonder for your pose and makes your joints feel great.

It takes a week or so to get used to, but I'd wager most people are able to do it.

One player in the group is just an idiot.

>He's the rogue
>"I steal his purse"
>DM asks him to roll for it
>"No, not really, just joking!"
>later
>in battle
>"I stab (my character) in the back!"
>Everyone is understandably surprised
>"Wait, not really! I'm just joking!"
>later, we discover a trap
>"I step on the trap!"
>2d6 damage
>"Oh wait, I don't actually do that!"

And on and on like this. He does something stupid and then tries to takeback, pretending he's funny. And he never shuts up when the DM is talking, I just want to strangle him.

Tell him, no takebacks. Or better yet, respond immediately as though he did it.

Alternatively, more maturely, talk to the DM about it, and ask if the DM or yourself should talk to this guy about it.

Now that's pretty funny.

>First session
>Kings son had just been kidnapped
>Town crier is running down the street, begging for help
>Party leaves nearby tavern to see what the ruckus was about
>We talk to the crier, who tells us to go to the king's palace
>Warforged Barbarian decides he wants the crier to lead us there
>The crier is like, "No, I have to tell more people, the palace is up the hill"
>The barbarian REALLY wants him to lead us
>The rest of the party just wants to go
>The barbarian takes out his great ax and rolls to intimidate
>Fails miserably
>Starts chasing the crier down the street with an ax
>The rest of the party just starts to go to the palace
>The barbarian catches up with us (the crier slipped away, luckily)
>We get to the gate, there are a shitton of guards
>We have three high charisma characters in the party, a cleric, a sorcerer, and a bard, so we take a second to determine who should do the talking
>Barbarian decides we're taking too long, decides to jump the fence
>20 feet from the guards
>They tell him to stop
>He tells them to go fuck themselves
>They shoot him with a crossbow, he falls off the fence and runs down the street
>Most of the guards chase after him
>The rest of us walk up to the remaining couple of guards and tell them we are adventurers here to help
>They ask if we are with the barbarian
>Fail a bluff
>Now we have to help subdue him
>We reach an alleyway, where he is standing surrounded by at least a dozen guards
>When he sees us he thinks he can just go with us
>The guards are like, "No, your ass is going to the dungeon"
>He threatens to kill all the guards if they lay a hand on him
>Sorcerer tries to "sleep" him
>He's a construct, can't use sleep
>Bard tries to convince him to leave
>Can't
>The barbarian suggests trying to convince the guards
>The guards threaten to shoot him
>He finally agrees to go to jail
He later complained that we were "punishing him" for "good roleplaying"

Not sure, just trying to be edgy and stir up shit I guess. THe BBEG wasnt ultra evil at this point, just an ambitious totalitarian, the player may concievably have sided with him ideologically, but I wouldnt give him that much credit.

Yeah it was on a com device. He actually did try to patch the bbeg through to the unofficial party leader, but the BBEG managed to stop him in time with a reminder that he was currently engaged in what his party would likely consider betryal (they didnt know IC why he was setting the tree on fire, and assumed it was because he just really hated the priestess) and, being as the party leader in particular hated the BBEG with a passion, should probably keep that to himself.

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Like leaves from the vine...

Haha, the mental image of this cracks me up. Also, what did you use to run STALKER, user?

>inane, retarded ass random thing
everything from my party and DM the past month and a half

one of the players is good, but the rest play like assholes.

don't

falling so slow..

Please tell me one of them isn't named kanser.

Hey I've done this.

I posted this a couple days ago. I don't know what he was thinking.

>Party is playing a highly lethal, yet fair, campaign.
>Remind them before every session of the lethality, and suggest that they be careful and take everything slow.
...Shortly after starting this particular session
>The party is given a task by a friendly wizard who has been nothing but kind and helpful to them for the whole campaign.
>They immediately sneak in to his basement to steal his shit.
>There are warning labels and danger signs all over EVERYTHING, and it becomes very apparent that his basement is full of traps.
>One player sneaks off by himself, and finds a long hallway with a door at the end.
>"There are 10 feet of scorch marks that suggest they cam from the door, along with the charred, skeletal remains of someone lying on the floor."
>The player approaches anyway.
>"The door glows a molten red as eldritch runes hum anxiously on it's surface. You can feel a distant heat radiating from it like a kiln."
>He literally says, "Eh, I'll get a reflex save. I go ahead and try to open it."

Ok I got one.
>New group playing dark heresy
>one dude has an obsession with getting people to seppuku
>finally gets some beggar whilst away from the party
>we use that guys place as base of operations
>seppuku dude proceeds to pour dead guys blood into a glass and then onto the ground
>he had no idea it was a ritual to khorne
>my paranoid of heresy psycher steals a guard's gun and shoots him for heresy

How do you get someone to seppuku? Seppuku is suicide.

It was a hive world. The ruling was that on such a world someone would surely be willing. He rolled high enough to find someone who was.

>Be DM
>Starting new game with two friends who have never played D&D before.
>They roll up a barbarian and a swordmage.
>Caravan they were traveling with stops in town after being hit by a coordinated raid the previous night.
>Caravan leader suggests players report the bandit problem to the town's governor.
>Players arrive at the governor's manor only to find that dignitaries from a nearby elf encampment were also there to see the governor, players are told to wait their turn for an audience.
>Barbarian won't have this, barges into governor's office and refuses to leave.
>Swordmage tries to force barbarian to leave, barbarian draws steel.
>Players seized as they begin fighting with each other and are thrown in jail for attempted assassination and disorderly conduct.
>While players try to formulate plan to break out, they notice a young half-elf boy being thrown in the cell opposite theirs.
>Turns out this kid was blamed for coordinating the raid the previous night, though it seems very unlikely he would do such a thing.
>Just before the players agree to slaughter their way out of prison, one of the elven dignitaries from earlier approaches them.
>Offers to negotiate for their release if they agree to investigate last night's raid, locate the weapons that were stolen, and secure them for the elves.
>Players agree and are released.
>Once they are free to roam, Barbarian decides he doesn't want to walk to the site of the raid and says he wants to get a horse, despite having no money.
>Swordmage, meanwhile wants to free the half-elf from prison.
>Each player thinks the other's plan is stupid and decide to split up.

Continue?

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Sure, why not.

>Swordmage manages to sneak into holding area, tries to the lock of the half-elf's cell with a fire spell.
>As he does this, a guard comes to check out what all the ruckus is about, swordmage busted.
>Swordmage quickly finishes the job, grabs the half-elf, and books it.
>Meanwhile, after failing to intimidate his way to a free horse, barbarian decides to try and sneak into the stable.
>He is successful but then realizes that he has no way to sneak out with his stolen horse.
>Decides to just ride out of the stable with his new horse at full speed.
>Between both players, every guard in town is chasing them
>After a Benny Hills chase sequence, the players somehow come out up two horses and a half elf from where they started.
>Players decide the best place to drop the half elf off at is the elven encampment.
>The elf who got them released soon realizes what is going on and puts the peices together.
>He is fucking pissed.
>Explains to the players that part of getting them sprung was claiming affiliation between the elves and players.
>Explains that their fuckery is going to get the elves branded as terrorists.
>Just before the order is given to execute them on the spot, a mob from town shows up at the encampment, pitchforks and all.
>Players exploit the chaos to get the hell out of Dodge.
>Ride off into sunset, the sounds of slaughter to their backs.
>First adventure completed!

*tries to melt the lock off of

Damn, I really messed that one up.

How did I miss this thread?

I don't even know where to start with tales of idiocy.

I'll go with the most recent boneheaded maneuver.

>PCs get into fight with some masked assailants in a city.
>During the fight,an assailant jumps off a low roof and tackles one of the PCs, and while they're rolling on the floor, e planted what appears to be a blue chip of stone in a given PC's backpack.
>Make a not at all easy perception roll to notice what had been done.
>Players win the fight
>Dig out the backpack, examine the stone.
>Can tell it's magical right away, but not what it does.
>Take it to a diviner to get a better reading.
>Diviner does his stuff.
>It sends out a magical call, he's not sure where.
>But he's sure that the item is one of a set, and that whomever has the other piece (or possibly multiple pieces) can track wherever the blue stone is.
>Yes, I stole the idea, I'm not sorry.
>Players nod and go on their way, putting the stone back in their packs.
>Get attacked by assassins roughly once every other day, and some of those fights have actually killed PCs, although not so badly that they weren't able to get them raised.
>Start going into hiding mode, rapidly and magically changing their location, trying to keep a low profile
>Doesn't work, of course.
>Wonder how the assassins keep finding them.
>Remind them about the divination they got, that the stone sends out a signal to parties unknown.
>Party leader: Yeah, but that could be anyone. How do we know they're connected to the assassins?

>Continue?
Always continue, damn you.

Kek

I had one character cut a female NPC's legs off after capturing her. This was in Savage Worlds in a STALKER-style game, so I guess I should have known something like this was going to happen. Basically she led a group that ended up in a fight with the PCs and eventually she tracked them down and tired to kill them thinking they were intruders. They shot her four times in the arms so that she lost her weapons, then beat the absolute shit out of her with the butts of their Mosin Nagants. Then they found a nearby rusty saw and tied her up, cutting off her legs. She basically started bleeding out immediately and they tried in vain to staunch the blood. She died like two minutes later. When I asked them waht the fuck they were thinking they said it was to "teach her a lesson" ignoring the fact that they were crippling her for life and basically just killing her in a more painful way. They had had this idea that she would find a new life in their village, although I think by that they meant they were going to keep her in a rape dungeon or something.

I wont lie that seems pretty shit if he didn't even have a chance to try and escape the demonic sacrifice. While I get having consequences is important, it's also important to give the players a chance to get out of situations that could kill them. If they keep screwing up then sure kill them, but at least give them an opportunity.

I don't know what kind of campaign you were playing, maybe you were playing one where the DM said that players will be killed a lot, I don't know. Maybe the DM did give him a chance, but getting captured by knights shouldn't be a instant player kill.

>Party leader: Yeah, but that could be anyone. How do we know they're connected to the assassins?
raughing asians.gif

just how dumb do they have to be lmao