Things people say when the party's paladin is female

Things people say when the party's paladin is female.

You know, I am quite accomplished At wielding a "Holy Hammer" myself.

Hey bitch, I was gonna fuck you up the ass and make you FART OUT YOUR MOUTH.

I know where I want her to Lay On Hands.

"Help! I've been stabbed in the dick! I need a Lay On Hands!"

Not my fault if you FALL for me. ;)

"Is Ser pronounced the same as Sir? Are you even a Sir when you're a night in this setting? Please help me, I'm autistic and don't pick up on social cues well. Please clap."

"I wonder if her period counts as holy water."

What stopped you?

Id smite that

>Oh no, please don't take my son, he's innocent! He didn't know that charm was heretical!
>I'm not a heretic! Please don't burn me!
>OH GOD I'M BEING BURNED AT THE STAKE
>AAHH! OH MY GOD THE PAIN! AAAAHH!

"I wonder if all of her fluids count as holy water. I need her to bless my +1 rod."

pretty much this

She's a nun with a sword?

"I see somebody else fell for the Joan of Arc meme."

please respond

"C-can I hold your hand? No? Oh. Okay. That's fine. S-sorry."

"Get the fuck out. Women aren't welcome in this hobby."

>battle-nuns

I'm okay with this

>Shall we Smite now, or Smite later?

WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GET YOUR ARMOR SKULPTED TO THE SHAPE OF YOUR TITS?!?!

Truly your's is an edge as sharp as your wit is dull.

>she must fall once a month

Why. Why the Katana?

Hail, fellow adventurer! Let's go forth and prove ourselves legendary heroes!

>why are you playing as a girl you fucking faggot

>Dude look at the size of her-
>eh hem
>FAITH, her great and inspiring faith.

Things you don't want to hear at a harvest festival.

>Wait, I was supposed to make the SACRIFICE straw the short one?

>Did we leave the Wicker Man out in the rain?

I roll to grab her by the pussy

someone left the cake out in the rain

"Knight I take you to the ball?

And now you pull your trousers up and pass your sausage to the person text to you.

>BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD AND SKULLS FOR HIS THRONE

Halfling pie

>may or may not contain halflings, nuts or corn

Signs your not going to succeed in tomorows battle against the Xixecal

Just pretend i took the time to shop a drew carey face in here.

>"So I think this might be a good time to retire my character. He's had a good run."

>CHAR YOU TREE

>My lighter's out.

50 points low score for genericness
500 points

Signs you are going to succed in tomorows battle against the Xixecal.

Signs the Rogue is about to betray you.

You're leaving the dungeon but he hasn't complained about his share of the loot yet.

He has not tried to steal your stuff for several hours.

He's above 0 HP

CHARYOU TREE

Soooo where do yall keep your gold?

"Hey, I think I heard something down this poorly-lit corridor. Why don't some of us go and investigate?"

He's still breathing

The commercial for a magical item.

>that pic
What the fuck

life for the crops, death for you

...

>We may have no dead monkeys, but you may have your dicks out

Elastic materials absorb the damage better.

Dead-on, apply directly to the undead.

So the Sisters of Battle?

You're above 0 HP

>sword
>not nun-chucks

ok then

+4 to your roll, if you happen to be President Trump.

Oh gawd, the battlejiggle she would face..

>She will be incredibly impressed, when you show her your skills with the immovable rod!

Things you can say about the party, but not the rescued princess.

They bathe regurarly.

Who invited THESE clowns?

>hand holding
too lewd mate.

They are one man short of a killing spree

>WoWArmorWithModernJigglePhysics.gif

Get over here and choke my chicken.

...

Stop whining or the murderhobos will visit you at night!

The scariest thing the DM could say.

>Roll perception
>Ok, you don't notice anything.

Get out of that dress, you look like a whore.

"How much health do you have left?"

"Can my girlfriend play with us tonight?"

>Are those your exact words?

>Here's a note for the Wizard, one for the Wizard, one for the Bard.... No, nothing for you, user. Don't worry about it.

"Introducing Soverign Glue! Perfect for any DIY project, from fixing bookshelves, to affixing a halfling to a storm giant!"

Could you please define which parts of your inventory are carried by your character personally.

Also, I need your porter's will save.

>which way did you try to open the door, and with which hand?

The player asks who has which magic items on them.

"Congratulations you won the lottery."

Thanks Hillary...

You're preeeeetty sure that he MIGHT be talking to truth

>I just got a $100 mini, I can't wait for you guys to see it...

Wait, I forgot to ask, what order is the party walking down the corridor? Oh, and how far apart are you?

>You find a book in the Evil wizard's bedroom.
>Are you sure you want to read it?

While you guys are out of the fight, could you go order pizza?

Things you can say about an Eldritch Monster, but not your girlfriend.

I know how to summon one.

Well done, user. You got an honest laugh out of me.

MAKE D&D GREAT AGAIN
And then I rape her.

Woah, you looked a lot slimmer in the pictures.

I found one by reading books in a dark basement.

If you can get over how slimy she is, the sex isn't half bad.

I have a chance of meeting one.

definitely this

devout pussy, yah, right.

This sends shivers up my spine.