That Guy/Girl becomes the DM

>has a fetish for lithe, younger, virginal men; it spills over into her PCs

Oh so she posts on Veeky Forums?

I don't just mean IC, OoC in the real world she only ever dates younger kinda feminine guys she suspects of being virgins. She'll pop his cherry and brag about adding another notch in her belt, wrap him around her finger and pussywhip him around, get her shit fucked out of for months and when the guy starts getting too big for his britches she'll dump him and start looking for new meat. This sends the first guy into a spiral of despair and depression, making him grovel at her feet, begging to be taken back, which she gets off to.

She recently did it to my best friend, fucked up the little guy's shit real bad.

Scratch that, he's just given everyone special snowflake items and weapons and now everything is overpowered.

Sounds like a terrible person

Wait, what's changed in the past 15 minutes? Explain.

Um yes please

So basically a woman and she looks like Aubrey plaza?

Was about 3 hours rather than 15 minutes. Handing out artifact-tier items like candy and the fights are lasting like 5 minutes without any real struggles. If everyones having fun I guess it's ok, I just get a bit crabby when level 5s are running around with +10 to attack roll items.

>actually putting "one" between exclamation marks
Is this 2006?

I'm still not seeing the downside

Hey user.... c-can I play with you and your group?

I'm a young, lithe virginal boy

Women don't like cherryboys

Unless they're sexually desperate and encounter a nubile young Eldar. In which case they'll try and rape them for the Emprah until an Ork intervenes.

>You almost had a good reply and turn into a B+ shitpost. Good man.
It's what this thread deserved and you know it.

I was seeing red flags in the first post, but Jesus Christ, what an absolutely putrid human being. You're not still playing with her, are you?

Yeah I'd be up for that

Why would I stop playing with her? She's not a rapist and my friend is a grown ass man who knew exactly what he was getting himself into, but he refused to heed my warnings and now his dick is thoroughly wet and his heart is thoroughly broken.

I called you a good man, didn't I?

Then you were criminally inaccurate.

I'm not calling you a bad girl, because then we'd have to fuck.

Why are you so negative, bro?

Because this is Veeky Forums and we can't have nice things.

Not sure how to respond to that

Then neither of us will be virgins

or

Veeky Forums always wants to be the little girl

Yes

Missy busted her leg, a compound fracture of the thigh, in an incident involving a bottle of whiskey, a case of beer, a bridge, a river, and slightly lower water level than she thought. She was zonked out pretty well on medication, so she couldn't GM Rifts, and to be honest, I was putting a LOT of time in on redoing the Ravenloft religion bit. Making Azalin one of the ancient Biblical Kings and stuff like that. So I really didn't wanna DM 2X week.

So Saturday got cancelled.

Or so I thought.

Friday we get told that there's going to be another Rifts game, and we're invited. However, the rules are stringent. Basic Book Only, no Dragons, no Glitter Boys, no SAMAS, No Power Armor, no Juicers or Crazies, no CS, no Scientists or Scholars, no Technowizards, no Mind Melters, no Dog Boys.

Hmmm... It appears that we may play Vagabonds and like 3 other classes.

Oh, and human only. 3d6 straight down the lines, Fatback will be watching.

I roll hot. And I mean fucking HOT! Nothing below a goddamn 19. I am a GOD among Vagabonds! Fatback signs off on the sheet, and I give it him, fucking thrilled, and go out with Missy, Hawk, and the wife to dinner at that fabulously fancy resteraunt Shari's!

We come back, and in the fabled GM's spot, is none other than our man Stan.

He tells me that my character sheet wasn't accepted, that my rolls are too high, so he "adjusted them". Wow, I have 8-10 in everything. No longer am I God of the Vagabonds, I'm not even Jesus of the Short Bus. But hey, I can deal. I used to play old White Box Gamma World.

Our first adventure, we get eaten by...

A BALROG! He pulls our arms and legs off, then devours our insides in front of us.

Oh, but we aren't really dead, see, we wake up in Atlantis as slaves, and now they're going to hunt us on the Atlantis Preserve.

In about an hour, we're all dead, messily slaughtered in horrific ways. Oh, except Fatback, who always seemed to manage to hide.

Stan is giggling like a little schoolboy. Zits have exploded, and he has dribblings smeared all over his face. My dinner is threatening to come up as he scratches his cheek and more explode. Missy has retched more than once, and my wife, who is now like 8 months pregnant, actually did throw up.

She screams at him to wash his face, it's disgusting, and he's making her sick.

Her character has a semi-truck fall out of the clear blue sky on her, and Stan states: Everyone killed must go sit over there or leave!

My wife goes over, politely asks one of the other GM's if she can play, and starts playing. Missy's character commits suicide and Missy wheels her way over there and joins her. Everyone but me, Hawk, Ray, and the Deacon quit.

Me, Hawk, the Deacon, and Ray decide that this shit has to stop. We tell Ray and the Deacon to follow our lead, let us make the plans.

And we go into full guerrilla combat mode.

When Fatback manages to wrestle a rifle away from one of the people and run off, we take it from him by force, and we go hunting. We're making Rambo proud, and now Stan is sweating. He tries to tell us "You can't do that!" and we point at the book and tell him that those skills say we can.

Hawk's Ley Line Walker is using up PPE like crazy, but we're winning through attrition. Stan drops semi's at us, saying we can't dodge, and we point out that a semi-truck is an SDC construct, and the trees that we can't cut down are MDC with thousands of MDC, like he pointed out to us.

We ask if the ground is MDC, he says no, we blow a hole in it with the erifle and use a captured vibroblade to slice little branches off the MDC bush, stake the fucking pit after wiping our asses with the stakes, and head back off. Then he thinks for a bit when we go to do it again and tells that the ground is MDC here, so we all get rocks and climb in the tree and wait. When we leap out of the trees Rambo style and smash our rocks on the backs of the heads of some of the huntsman, he laughs and tells us the rocks are SDC. We point out that he told us the rocks were MDC, and MDC hurts MDC. More pouting. Then he tells us the next encounter that the DIRT was MDC, but the rocks were SDC. So we filled our socks with MDC dirt and waded into combat again. Then the weapons didn't hurt the ground. He describes the rocks as exploding when hit by lasers, the "MDC Blast!!!" almos totally damaging the pathetic armor of Ithan amulets we have. Hmmm... So, we lure the badguys in to a place where there's lots of rocks and do "Spray Clip" so that a bunch of rocks get hit. He laughs at us that we're stupid, and we point out that he stated that a rock blown up by a laser does 2d6x10 MDC. Who's stupid now, bitch?

It's a fucking slaughter. Every single dirty trick Hawk and Ray knew, every single trick I knew, inspiration from the Deacon.

The best part was

Ray: "I'm going to shoot at the vehicle."
Stan: "You character doesn't know how to shoot a gun, your intelligence is too low."
Ray: "You saying because I'm black I'm not smart enough to shoot a gun? You saying a brother can't shoot a weapon in this racist world of yours?"
Stan: Looking panicked. "I mean, uhhhh, I meant to say... roll to hit?"

We got slaughtered, but we used the rules shamelessly to our advantage and had him almost crying in frustration as our dice were hot as hell. We dodged, tumbled, skill checked, and out-thought every fucking thing he threw at us, until he finally said:

"Bored with it all, the Splugorth detonate the explosives in your chest, killing you all instantly."

As per most of Veeky Forums, I quit playing, the group goes with it, then falls apart shortly after.

No great story, no drama we kept stoking, no loss of friends.

I just couldnt play with a lolrandumb

Goddamn that's insane, even for tg

She sounds like a dream.
Is she into pegging?

Are you an idiot? Do you even know what the term 'That guy' means?

I want to play in her game.

I would make a young, slightly feminine looking druid like in the pic.
He would be the son of a small landed noble, who run away from home because he didn't want to marry his betrothed girl.

And he would be completely immune to any sexual shit.

It's your funeral, bro

My friend tells me she used to stick a finger up his butt on special occasions

That's too girly even for her, and she's less interested in the lithe PCs and more on the lithe players

>That's too girly even for her, and she's less interested in the lithe PCs and more on the lithe players
No problem, that's not the only potential character concept I have. The second point is already covered.

believe it or not... she sounds like some people's absolute fetish. A sexpot who wants to take someone inexperienced, whip him into shape, then kick him loose? The guys don't know the favor she's doing for him.

Just because she's your fetish doesn't mean she isn't hurting people, user...

Yes, I see it happen whenever I DM. So it's really bitter sweet when people I've played with realize I'm the worse DM in the history of the planet. But I also don't wanna stop out of hopes that I might become almost kind of sort of decent some day, but I also feel guilty because that means tricking people into enduring the torture I'll wind up putting them through despite how every intention for them to have a good time.

Damn. She should sign up to goddamn FetLife or something, instead of fucking random guys over.

>Fighting back against your GM's railroady bullshit until the only thing he can do is throw a Rocks Fall Everyone Dies
You did a good job, user.

Don't worry. Your job isn't to be the best DM - your job is to be a DM. As long as you're upfront with your players about your (real or perceived) lack of DMing skills, as long as you don't pretend to be the best, as long as you're open to suggestions and criticism so your players can have fun, and most of all, as long as you have fun yourself, it'll be enough.

I think you're only bitter because she fucked your best friend. (Or possibly jealous it wasn't you.) Expecting anybody's first relationship to last forever is naive to put it nicely. And things are always better when at least one of the partners has some idea what they are doing.

>be senior year of hs
>find out there's a d&d club
>decide to join
>like 5 people sitting in the hallway with a box of dice, a rulebook for 5e and a few character sheets
>get a character sheet
>ok we do thing differently here then most places
>they striped out half the rules and most of the sheet is pointless
>all rolls are just straight d20 rolls unless the dm specifically says he wants to add something else in
>roll a human fighter because the group is 1 cleric, 2 druid and wizard
>dm decides to put a lv1 party against a dragon
>"lol don't worry you guys can handle it ill just scale the dragon to your level like skyrim."
>whole time they just sit around arguing about whose turn it is
>nobody can beat the dragon and it kills the wizard and one of the druids
>dm decides that a giant gorilla named harambe starts fighting the dragon
>they kill each other
>i go to collect loot
>i now have an item called the eye of harambe that lets me summon a gorilla
>game ends after an hour half
>"man that was fun huh user"

i honestly dont know if i can handle another session.
i have never been exposed to such unrefined autism before
and the others in the party just ate this shit up and loved it except for me and and the two girls that showed up who the one was just hanging out with her boyfriend and the other got board halfway through and just sat on her phone the whole time

wht do i do?

Join adventurers league at your LGS. learn how to actually play the game. Use the /5eg/ to get your hands on the MM and DMG and run your own game with your friends and Phone girl, if it seems like she would participate in an actual game.

Find another group

Online, if you must

well i have run games before and had fun and the only lgs around me charges $20 a month to play with them because the owner is a greedy fuck

>Online, if you must
kindof hard when you have slow ass internet like i do, i can barely connect to xmage servers

>Damn, GM, I dunno what to play and pick
>Pick whatever you like, doesn't matter if it's good or not
Master troll GMs are the worse

she's also arguably doing well for the guys if they're literal virgins Tbh

>she used to stick a finger up his butt on special occasions

Blue board, my dude

You could even say she's providing a service to the community

Probably is already, the fujo and man-eating is what she talks openly about so who knows what keeps secret?

Did I come across as bitter? I'm a little bummed out for my friend but as I said grown-ass man who knew was he was getting himself into. She's not my type, I'd rather she be my friend and DM

>whole time they just sit around arguing about whose turn it is
What? How the hell do you fuck up tracking initiative?

We rolled up characters. We roleplayed. We did quests and talked to NPCs. We acted like adults and eventually she stopped DMing once she realized being the DM took work.

we didn't roll for initiative it just started with the person to the left of the dm and just whent clockwise.
as for the confusion people would take like 5 minutes for one turn or they would bring up a different topic and the whole group would get side tracked

I will reiterate...

How did you manage to screw up initiative when you were going around the table clockwise?

bump

>Why would I stop playing with her? She's not a rapist and ...
I like the high bar you set.

"Are you a rapist?"
"Define 'rapist'..."
"... Good enough."

>"Are you a rapist?"
>"Does statutory count? Hypothetically speaking."

bump

That's super gay

I think it's more the fact that she seems like a terrible human being rather than the fact that your friend is somewhat retarded.

Nuh-uh, it's only gay if penises touch. Except when they're futa, or it's a Roman orgy, or one penis is made out if rubber. Then it's still not gay.

>Nuh-uh, it's only gay if penises touch.
Missonary position is gay-proof.

What said, you don't need to be some super-amazing writer right off the bat. You need to be open to the players and to try having fun together with them. Writing skill will come with practice.

bump

She's your that girl? You are a lucky dude

Soo she's a woman?

I don't get it

Sounds like that girl

Are there a lot of That Guy/Girl DM in general ?

That Folk are power-hungry attention whore, if they get the chance to be DM they'll jump on it

Thanks for the advice. As a soon to be role player, I'll try to stay far from such DM for my first plays

>that pic
>slightly

I've played 10 campaigns in 3 systems. Only met 1 That GM.

No we aren't

Could be worse

That Guy GM gets shat on after he tries to derail our pathfinder campaigns as a PC. Typical hitting on all female NPCs and killing anything that moves kinda bullshit.

>wants us to play his star wars d20 game
>we start with a bonus to some main stats via an implant
>on Bespin to start
>immediately get into a bar fight to start the session
>get hunted down by security (?) and storm troopers and railroaded into "the sewers of Bespin"
>try to escape but run into a large room with a level 15 Tyrant Rancor or turn around a face a horde of stormtroopers

Basically we ended the session at that point and didn't want any part in this campaign. That Guy leaves all pissed off.

Later find out he was going to have us all captured by the Empire to be experimented on via our implants that were actually tracking devices and exact some revenge on a couple people in our group from the pathfinder sessions.

Hey man I'd be bitter too if such a tremendous woman had deemed me too old to ride