Help me create a dnd character

Khopesh as weapon

Gnoll cleric who is completely faking his devotion to the gods, but too genuinely afraid of divine retribution to go back to raiding like he wants to.

Dwarf. Brewmeister for tool proficiency.

Goblin Che Guevara, liberating goblins, kobolds, imps and other 'minions' from the dungeon keepers who command them.

tfw no dubs.

Human Fighter with Halberd

Myconid fighter with a serious drinking problem.

Swordian

Dwarf Paladin.

Dark elf bard who is completely 80s hair metal, complete with frizzy multicolored locks that spill in all directions and a leopard-print headband (made of the fur of a leaopard he killed by ROCKING IT TOO HARD). Secretly gay and showboating to the contrary in order to keep others guessing.

Gay and unrealistic

Best. Concept. Ever.

You are alright.

Yeah, it's far more gay than Dark Elf Freddy Mercury.

...

Alignment? Religion? Fun backstory stuff?

Looks like I got it.

So, we done here?

Refuse to offer an alignment as I think they're stupid.

Religion is whatever setting god rocks the hardest, obv.

backstory is that he came from drow country so loving on anyone not female was considered taboo. In order to hide his feelings he began to craft rock operas about tits and good times that blew away the locals and now he's on the road, trying to cash in on his heavenly voice and ability to shred.

Alignment: Pretty Fucking Metal

Religion: probably a worshipper of Pelor. Inserts all the demonic warnings in religious texts into his songs.

The bard was going to be in an arranged marriage with a drow noblewoman he hated, and he fled to go rock elsewhere. Wrote a song about it, even.

>The reason why his songs are so good is because he actually has to ponder why tits are so great. He's put every cerebral effort into tits as a concept. Thus, his song lyrics about sex have a hidden level of depth to them.

Jon?

HOW THA FUCK'D YOU FIND ME

>Asks people in passing about their love lives so that he can write songs based on their heartaches and the wildest parties they've been to, then change it slightly pass it off as his own experience.

We have a winner. I guess OP got what he needed here.

Male elf ranger who performs handle animal checks through blowjobs.

SCRYING SHEET

Elf Ranger, Neutral Good
Average Str, Good-Great Dex & Int, Below average Wis, Below Average or Average Cha. Con is your choice.

A prince of his elven tribe, but never quite fit in due to being constantly slow on the uptake and lacking in social tact. In fact, if his parents were honest (they don't need to be, his brother is often honest enough for them both), they would say he was a complete hillbilly. While his enjoyment of tobacco and other smoking plants was not uncommon, he also gained a love of ale over wine, and was not against eating meat despite his family's wishes ("They din't want me to eat'em, they shouldn't taste so good.") The family secretly blame the nearby dwarves, which otherwise are considered "acceptable", for influencing their son this way, but could not do anything about it for fear of creating interracial strife.

His parents, the King and Queen of (insert conclave name here), decided on a plan B. They called upon Ted and gave him a quest, one that could save his race from an unspeakable fate. (What fate? "Oh, we dare not speak it.") He must go far to the north and retrieve the Orb of Farquad and bring it back to the conclave. Only then can they change theor luck.

Cont.

>Forgot, the elf's name is Ted. At least to the party. He has an elvish name, but prefers not to use it outside of his home.

The way his parents see it, this cna lead to two outcomes. One, he could die. They severley hope against that; they dislike who he is as a person, but he's still their son. The other outcome is that he comes home stronger and with a wider view of the world, perhaps to encourage him to act more proper. Either way, the end result is that they will be able to make his younger and smarter (and more passionate; make of that what you will) brother king in his place.

Sensing nothing strange about this bullshit quest, he sets out to claim the McGuffin and to do his family proud. That's where he starts in the overall campaign.

Except already got it.

Cool story tho, bro.

Chaotic Good, worships an earth god that grants him the power of rock. He used to work in a circus as a sword swallower: although he says he hasn't lost the skill, he won't do it if you ask him.