How should you portray the CIA in games?

This.

>still using that pathetic "It's [CURRENT YEAR]" phrase

At least I was referring to conventional land wars and not something like feminism. Technology has changed the face of war, and massive armies fighting each other in open fields is not something that happens anymore at all.

>getting worked-up over which memes are being flouted on a Navajo masonry forum

Conventional land war still exists.
The conventions have just changed.

Update your terminology, prole.

Yeah I probably should. Whatever, let's go back to mocking the CIA.

>that a trained monkey could do if only it had the security clearance.
But they're going to be revoking Michelle Obama's security clearance when he leaves office.

No, never. Pic completely unrelated and obviously from another century.

>25,000 troops
>inb4 "that's not a massive army!" moving of vague goalposts

Forgot pic. Battle of Mosul.

>But they're going to be revoking Michelle Obama's security clearance when he leaves office.
Check'd and kek'd

Spy Agencies in Real Life are largely dull bureaucracies that exist to gather vast amounts of minute detail, then sort through it for anything interesting.

Like this.

This. Assassinations and coups are fun but they're really fucking rare unless you're the SVR who lately seem to have inherited the KGBs hard on for it. Most intelligence work is talking to people and convincing people who don't want to talk to you to talk to you and that's glamorous field work. 90% of everything done by the CIA is analysis which is short for read reports and make reports about read reports so someone else can read the report to make an even lengthier report.

If the players knew it was them I'd be representing them pretty poorly.

Run a game where your players only listen in on the phone calls and read private emails of innocent civilians and should they uncover any real threats they call the relevant teams to investigate.

How is it the FBI are the only ones to come close to actually capturing the rabbit, but fuck it up and kill the rabbit thereby still failing?

How often do they exchange prisoners?

I dunno, the bear is the russian equivalent of rabbits...

...

You are just saying that because saying otherwise would land you in a gulag.

Don't trust strangers with umbrellas.

With plenty of neck flexing when asking about possible threats.

If you have to portray them, doesn't that mean they fucked up?

As merely cogs in the machine

In Russia, wildlife is strong, like bear. Thus, bear is local rabbit. Russian equivalent of bear? Is bigger bear, bigger teeth, eats humans. Is also radioactive, because Siberia.

But bears not like sissy american bear attacks that eat you. No, no. In Soviet Russia, you eat bear! You eat bear or you starve! Grandmother's ber jerky legendary food for walking. You walk many miles empty stomach, avoid eating jerky, yes?

How would you portray the part of the CIA that thought giving drugs to street gangs so that they could sell them to get rich was a good way of wiping out black poverty?

The sociologist equivalent of DARPA

I was planning a dark comedy conspiracy game in the future, and this is 100% what I was going to go with.

I tend to just use them as one step up from FBI, one step below NSA. Basically, another wanted star level, only for LEO characters it's kinda the reverse. Had a PC get drummed out of the city metro PD for blowing up a neighborhood with a helicopter, so I had him recruited offscreen by the CIA for future "plausible deniability" adventures.

Mind you, bears actually are pretty tasty.

Can I pick up a bear, gently tug its ears, feed it a carrot, kiss it on the nose and hug it?
If so, how do I apply for Russian citizenship?

>was a good way of wiping out black poverty?
As far as I know, the CIA didn't care about the black community (and debatably didn't specifically target them, scum's always gonna be scum). As far as I know it was mostly looking the other way when trans-American drug trading happened because the anti-communist groups the Murikans were propping up needed a way to be financed without the American government technically getting involved. If these Narcos could enter America, deal their stash and take their mad profits back, the Contras would have more than enough funding that technically didn't come from the American government.

So yes, America's popular government fucked over its own populace so poor farmers in one of the dozen non-countries south of Mexico can't have state funded healthcare.

I prefer my CIA 1950-70s style. Shadowy G-men in suits and ties with matching sunglasses with the surname Smith, efficient and ruthless people who can slip from friendly talking to you to gunning down witnesses. But then again my games in which CIA or like factions insist are generally heavy on investigation and the only times my characters would meet them would be in very bad situations. CIA Blacklight squads bursting through the door on orders to sanitize the area stuff like that.

EXACTLY

LIKE

THIS

youtube.com/watch?v=C-CG5w4YwOI

...my nigger

And the whole "government giving black gangs drugs" thing and the government spying on black groups and shit was more of a Hoover and FBI thing
Remember reading a book about it, and Hoover threatened one of his agents to find something they could use to raid a black panther building because they were gaining a lot of support or something

>How would you portray the part of the CIA that thought giving drugs to street gangs so that they could sell them to get rich was a good way of wiping out black poverty?

high INT

low WIS

However you want

>How should you portray the CIA in games?
There is no "should" in make belief games user.

The only way to do it, unless you're doing O P E R A T O R /k/ memes.

Look at how stiff his arms are. He is physically resisting his urge to powerstance and seems to be failing.

Poor, poor CIA. His entire life has become a meme.

When they show up, I go by the narrative cliches. The FBI are well meaning but wrong, while the CIA are correct but crooked.

They lurk facebook all day and stalk hotties. They cause drama and fuck with people. Everyone thinks they're faggots.

You know damn well you were expecting Bane

If that was the case he's probably disappointed. We've had hardly any of that at all.

So would you say that was part of his plan?

>maybe if I try really hard they'll like my stale meme

Keep reaching for that dream, bucko!

Hello, fellow road crew worker. Welcome to the road crew.

a large hairy man wanking in the basement of the White House

As small guys.

The issue is that is not a "modern" military force. That is a military force that is stuck in the 70s.

That's not how you spell "alignment", doofus.

THE LIES, THE LIES, THE LIES!!!

Watch MASH.
You'll understand what I want from you.

as obviously nefarious as possible

The only really good way is that the shit they do makes sense. If good guys, to find out more about a threat or secretly neutralize it. If bad, to achieve their goal, not to do random bad crap.

Important to using them as "bad" is the motive and goal of the head villain. Is he using his underlings to steal gold from a warlord to retire in style? Makes sense. Is he trying to assassinate random heroes? Why?

I just wanted to thank you for introducing me to this.

Al and I go way back but I've lost touch in the last few years.

>Do you think we might be the bad guys?

BIG GUYS

UUUU

YOU DON'T GET TO BRING FRIENDS

WAS GETTING GOT PART OF YOUR PLAN?

HE DIDN'T FLY SO GOOD

*twitch*

What do you think he was trying to convey with that subtle head movement?

>thread devolves into baneposting
EVERY TIME

EVERY
FUCKING
TIME.

YOU FUCKING CRETINS. YOU ABSOLUTE SUBHUMAN MONGOLOIDS.

GOD, I GOT SO ANGRY I FUCKING VOMITED FROM RAGE. I FEEL A LITTLE DIZZY NOW, AND I'M GOING TO LAY DOWN AFTER WRITING THIS POST. I MIGHT'VE HAD AN ANERYSM, SO PARDON ME FOR ANY SPELLING MISTAKES THAT MAY OCCUR.

ANYWAYS.

HOW HARD US IT TO ACTUALLY CONTRIBUTE TO THE FUCKING DISCUSSION INSTEAD OF PARROTING THE SAME FUCKING MEMES OVER AND OVER?

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? IT'S BEEN FOUR FUCKING YEARS SINCE THE FILM.

YOU MIGHT TRY TO BRING OUT SOME OTHER CONTENT THAN FUCKING BANEPOSTING WHEN THE FUCKING CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY IS MENTIONED.

SURE, IT WA FUNNY AT FIRST, BUT IT'S GETTING STALE QUICK

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I ENJOY BANEPOSTING AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY. I STILL GET A REASONABLE CHUCKLE FROM IT.

BUT THIS IS SOMETHING FUCKING ELSE. EVERY TIME THE CIA IS MENTIONED, EVEN BY PASSING, OR SOMONE USES THE WORDS "BIG" AND "GUY" IN THE SAME SENTENCE, NO MATTER THE BOARD, THE THREAD GETS FILLED WITH BANEPOSTS.

ESPECIALLY ON THE DESOLATE WASTELAND THAT IS /TV/. EVERY BOARD IS GUARANTEED AT LEAST ONE BANEPOST.

IT'S TIME TO FUCKING STOP.

WE HAD A GOOD TIME, SOME LAUGHS, BUT IT'S TIME TO FUCKING STOP.

STOP.

S
T
O
P.

SOMEONE GET THIS HOTHEAD OUT OF HERE!

He's on fire, folks!

Woah, dude, just cool down, man.

>devolves

You mean "evolves" right?

If you are playing fantasy, as a competent intelligence body.

Evil secret police who make the KGB look like a humanitarian organization.

Must've been a black rabbit.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=F9vUGYE7u2s

Nah, it could also have been a white rabbit with cuktist leanings

Just ignore it, user. The retard zeitgeist has shifted with the Trump election win, but some still haven't realized it yet. Baneposting is dying off, but it will still lurch forward for at least another year.

Replying with angry sounds just encourages more of it.

As hobgoblins

HOTHEAD
O
T
H
E
A
D

speaking of which has anyone started CIA or Bane?

I do have a villain lurking in the background of my game who is basically Bane, along with his intelligence agent nemesis in the not!CIA

Incompetent police officers with thrice as much red tape before they can do anything.

Are you thinking of the FBI

...

>doesn't pick it up

You're looking for a Canadian citizenship, perhaps.

Dragons

>Largely unimportant section of the government.
>Hello I don't know about Central American juntas

All the time, but not because a few kids that play satalight babysitter all day in an office want to have a cool unit patch.

This

FBI -> Competent and loyal but overzealous
NSA -> Incompetent and evil
CIA -> Shady and moderately competent

That's all historical though. /r/ that "come work at the NSA" video that was released recently where every single individual looks like they spend all day lurking tumblr