Guardian statue bars the only way onward

Guardian statue bars the only way onward.
When you approach it steps forth and demands its due for a passage.
Statue wants payment in a proverb. It won't accept the same payment twice.

I attack the statue.

Then after it smashes me I throw a hissy-fit and make a thread about it on Veeky Forums

I go on a meandering explanation about the Battle of Trenton, using it as a proverbial analogy for the sin of overindulgence and its consequences.

"A good diet won't bring your wife back."

>Losing all hope is freedom.
>It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.
>Every dog has his day.
>Not everything which is bad comes to hurt you.
>He who fears to suffer, suffers from fear.
Then call in the exterminatus and leave this stupid planet and its talking statues.
>A moment of laxity spawns a lifetime of heresy.

"Statues that stand around asking stupid riddles should kill themselves, the worthless cunts."

"If you do not bend, you break."
>Heard it before.
"That's not a proverb, it's a threat you stupid rock."

"If you immediately knew the candle light was fire, the meal was cooked long ago."

Don't piss into the wind.

>Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you shoot at your landlord, and it makes you miss him

"If you are so anal retentive your currency is little parables, then you probably deserve life as a statue!"

"Now I'm going to start a parable, though my actions, as to the consequences of dick-farting in a dragon's face.

"The rooster howls at midnight, heed it's greeting cloven one"

If you know you're insane, you're more sane than the rest of us.

In the land of the blind the one who owns the power company is poor.

Statue listens patiently until the very end. Then it ponders briefly and lets you through. It heard of the battle before, but you took it for a different conclusion thus making your proverb unique from the first.
The previous teller used Battle of Trenton to illustrate the point that nothing good ever happens in New Jersey.

"Getting swatter away by guardian's mace for offending it is misfortune of the unwise. Getting the very same mace rammed up your rear for offending the guardian twice is well deserved fate of the stubborn idiot."

I start babbling about how cool a certain superhero is, only to somehow finish it with "and that's why Wolverine sucks".

Despite it not being about him at all.

And that I actually don't mind the guy.

Maybe I shouldn't have gotten drunk before this run.

>The proverb of Dr. Dre
It ends with: "Bitches ain't shit but tricks and hoes."

>tricks and hoes
One job.

The guardian statue is capable of getting offended? Shitty statue if you ask me. One of them main advantages of using golems is that they're incapable of whining.

Who said it is a golem?

I'd rather have a frontal lobotomy
Than your fat ass in front of me

...

They don't think it be like it is, but it do.

I might be drunk, but at least I'm not a stone.

I use the same proverbs in every language I know

"When in doubt, pull out."

Even if it's a quickie, wrap up the sticky.

No man is an island, nor is he an indistinguishable field.

>Don't shit where you eat.

I have a ton:
>don't cook bacon naked
>don't cook sausage naked
>don't cook eggs naked
The list goes on

Dude, you want the piss troll a magical realms over.

"Don't put the cart before the horse. Its probably full of hay and the horse will eat it all and then you'll have a horse that's too full to walk and an empty cart and will have to put the horse on the cart and pull it home. So sayeth the wise men."

I like this thread

Isn't that... the one about the man who made a dumb bet and ended up having to spend the night in the snow without a fire? Then he saw some people in a house burning a candle, and focusing on said candle gave him the focus to make it through the night? His friends accused him of being warmed by the candle when he told them about it, so he had to cook them dinner. So after a couple hours, his hungry friends checked up on him in the kitchen to see what was taking so long, and he was attempting to cook the meal with a candle to prove a point.

If I'm right, I'd appreciate you telling me what this story actually is, because I can't remember where I read it.

One of my players happens to have made up a bunch of bizarre catfish related proverbs. So he should be good for the whole party.

He's a creole themed barbarian.

A prayer a day keeps the daemon away

"Fortune favours the bold."

Because no one says the common ones at a time like this.

that which can be explained is not that which is eternal

lovely

Omnia munda mundis

Everything is pure for the pure ones

"Hit first."

>Fortune favours the bold
Depending on the setting, this might not actually be that common, without a Latin influence to popularise it

"an decline just makes for a longer incline."

"Its better a soggy woman in the bed than one perfect in the screen"