Saturday night magic: the "I'm going to keep typing even if you tell me to stop

I live in a strange place. Where I'm from, there is no game store. There are plenty of magic players, but haven't been exposed to reddit, Veeky Forums, or even YouTube's magic community. They're mostly conservative mormons (just like me), so even if they found these sites, they would probably not enjoy it.

Anyway, with that back story out of the way, I'll cut to today. I haven't been to Saturday night magic recently (with me going out of town, a school dance, and general school stuff), so I decided today was a great day to go. I asked my good friend (I do not want to give these people identities away, so I'll call them by names of commanders they had that night) oloro where magic was located tonight, and he said it was at zurgo's house. He told me the location, and the house was far, far away from my house.

This was expected (most of my magic friends live over there, and my normal friends live around me), but as I went to zurgo's house, I noticed the houses around his where either trailer homes or old people homes. However, his house was on a dirt road, and was twice as large as any of the house around him. It also had twice as much garbage, construction materials and cars around his house.

I approached the door and was going to ring the doorbell, but zurgo got to the door before me. I was grateful that he did this (my ha dis where full with cheesecake and my cards), but still, kinda weird. I actually know zurgo, so I better describe him. He's a grade below me in school, and appears to have somewhat of a temper which he controls very well... sometimes. He also talks to daxos (the W/B one, who wasn't there and is arguably the best player around), so he knows somewhat of the competitive scene.

I walked in, and there were two other people there. Atarka (the fate reforged one), who is in my grade, and tromokratis who is zurgo's brother. They are like zurgo in a lot of ways, but atarka actually has money to spend on card sleeves and says "why are you doing this?" A lot when we play. Again, I know both of them. We start to walk into a separate room, and the reason why I knew that zurgo had younger siblings is that THEY WHERE RIGHT THERE.

"Oh user! I hate myself so that's why I'm reading this, but what's so wrong with the younger siblings being there?"

Good question, nobody. The first reason is because these are little, little kids. One was still in diapers, and the others where still loud and running around. I was afraid for my cards, as the diapers one apparently got into all of their board games, so there was just a mess of boxes, cards, and papers in one corner of the room (did I tell you that there was a lot of junk lying on the floor as well?) the second reason why is because whenever my older brothers had friends, I was NEVER allowed to mess around and converse with them for that long. Anyway, we sat down, and I started to trade with tromokratis.

So, 5 minutes have passed, and I'm looking through tromokratis' cards, and I see some pretty solid cards. He had

>3 young pyromancers
>1 declaration in stone
>1 anger of the gods
>ætherling
>1 Serra angel (apparently not a lot of people have them around here)
>1 insolent neonate
>1 vampire nighthawk

Of course, I was windmill slamming these cards, but as I was, a boy named Heliod came. He was... well, he's one of the reasons why I'm writing this. He isn't THAT guy, he doesn't seem that autistic either (probably just socially challenged at best). He apparently hasn't played in awhile, but has a ugin and sorin, solemn visitor, is a little on the chubby side, and sounds feminine. He also apparently knew zurgo for the longest time, but I have never seen him before ever. I'm pretty sure he's homeschooled, but he met zurgo in 3rd grade, so I don't know. Anyway, as I saw his Ugin while looking through his trade binder (I was just waiting for tromokratis to look through my stuff), I realized daxos had lost an thin while on a scouting trip (as someone stole it.) so, I talked to heliod about his back story. He doesn't know daxos, so while didn't steal ugin, he did say he was disappointed that ugin went down in price due to ugin's reprint, sooooooooo

But anyway, I also wanted to talk about the two games I had, and none of this buildup nonsense. So, I played a multiplayer game against

>tromokratis, with a 5 color eldrazi deck

>Atarka, who was running b/w extort

>zurgo, with r/u artifacts (and realizing a mistake, I must add that the daxos is the W/U one, not the W/B one.)

>heliod with... his heliod deck with the commander shuffled in

>and me, user, with a just recently upgraded mardu control deck, thanks to tromokratis's generous trades.

So, tromokratis went first, and every one went off to a slow start. I had a thoughtseize in hand, but I also only had a bloodfell caves, so I couldn't play it right then. On my second turn, however, I decided to target zurgo, as I knew that deck had an infinite turn combo with trading post, ugin'a nexus, and prototype portal. Good thing I did, as he already had trading post and the nexus in hand. I decided to make him discard trading post, as even if I got rid of the nexus, he could just get it back with the trading post, and because, you know, trading post does more than just sit around on turn five.

So, a couple of turns pass, and for the most part I'm just drawing and going, waiting for someone to actually attack me because I deceleration in stoned their whatever. However, I notice that Atarka played a chalice of life. He was at about 30 or so when he played it, so I knew that the whole board would have to deal with taking 5 every turn with the transformed chalice of death, and as my deck wasn't strong on life gain, I just notified the rest of the table about the chalice. Nobody actually acted up, but tromokratis did play an ulamog's crusher. I was about to declaration in stone it, but at this point he had a pretty strong board, so I knew that retaliation would happen. Instead, I pointed out the now transformed chalice, and tromo was also worried about, and was planning to attack atarka in order to make atarka sacrifice his chalice.

Meanwhile, on literally the other side of the table, heliod couldn't get enough board presence. He had no amazing threats, but he sure did had a prowler's helm, and whenever he would get it equipped to stormfront Pegasus, by golly he needed to announce it to the whole table. This totally amazing value of a near unblockable 1/3 apparently made zurgo mad, so he attacked his childhood friend for about 9, getting a bunch of thopters due to sharding sphinx.

At this point two main fights break out: tromo's crusher attacking atarka, making him sacrifice his creatures and lands, but atarka not giving up his chalice. There was also zurgo threatening to kill heliod, (as 9+other damage from extortions brought him down to 4) but holding back until tromo did something stupid. Then there was me, who needed lands and actual lighting bolts and not just lightning strikes and searing spears, but noooooo, apparently bolt is just too powerful for a standard block, and thus isn't that common where I live.

Whenever I see people complaining online about bad cards, I always remember that most people are like your group OP. They buy a starter deck and some packs from Walmart and just have 1 pet deck.

Wish my local scene was more into casual 60s, EDH is cool but gets old at times.

But I digress.

Anyway, there came a point where

>tromo had a bunch of spaghetti monsters

>zurgo's sharding sphinx and other artifact creatures were flooding the board

>heliod and atarka where nearly dead with no action on board (except for atarka's chalice, which was targeting tromo's face every turn)

>and I brought out a young pyromancer, and kept casting a spell every turn so I wouldn't have to discard and so I could get an elemental.

So, tromo swung with everything at atarka who, with no creatures, three lands and the coveted chalice of death, was brought down to one. Of course, atarka kept ticking down tromo's life total, so he was at ten. Zurgo. Noticing that two people had no blockers, killed both in the same turn. At this point the sphinx had generated 12 thopters, ready to beat me down with me at 13 life and not flyers...

What? No, I'm not complaining about how their cards are weak. In fact, I'm not complaint at all. I'm just saying that sometimes cards get over hyped, and that's it. (We're also not playing commander, just "regular.")

But hey, thanks for replying.

Good thing I had my third declaration in stone that I got earlier that night. This was the point where I started to laugh like a dweeb, and some other people as well.

So, with most of zurgo's board presence gone (he still had the sharding sphinx, sadly), I was able to stablize and get out some actual threats. Atarka (who as at one and still alive) started to use his chalice in zurgo (because he attacked Atarka at some point as well), so now I had a plan:

>don't get on Atarka's bad side

>kill sharding sphinx before it gives zurgo more thopters

>kill the rest of zurgo's stuff so I can kill him

It seemed like a good plan (to be honest I usually never get this far into multiplayer games, as I'm used to 1v1s and nobody teaming up on me, so I was still uncertain if I could pull this off.), but it was the best I got.

At this point, Atarka was barely holding on. He was still able to cast cards, but he was severely limited to what he could've done due to all of the anhiliation, but he kept going until he brought zurgo down to 5 or something, and then he died.

Now, I had a Serra angel, 5 elementals (the pyromancer was destroyed by a ratchet bomb that could've easily killed all of my elementals and the chalice of death if it had no counters on it, but it wasn't my mistake to make), and a gurmag angler. So, I attacked, he blocked enough so he was down to 2. He still had his nexus, but no sac outlet. He started to crack some cluestones, and finally he found some flyers to block my current board. Fortunately, I had both an anger of the gods and sarkhan the dragonspeaker, so I just wiped away his board and went in for the kill.

what the fuck is this shitty thread

Cool blog post OP
:^)

So, in that game, I played almost every single card I traded that day. I just found that interesting.

Anyway, the second game was against zurgo and I in an actual commander game, and I won that one as well, but just barely, as he got down a havoc festival and I decided I wasn't going to tutor up feldiar sovereign (I too was playing oloro that night), so I was able to get an answer to that "fun" time.

Anyway, hope something positive happened while you read this.

You're welcome :/\)

I'm not so sure myself.

Did you really just try to imitate the ^ with a /\? Jesus christ. What the fuck am I reading?

OP how old are you? About 13?

not nice

Isn't that the best time to play MTG? You don't have money so you play with what you've got against players who do the same.

Op give us a tl;dr , what was the point of your story?

Is this thread an accurate representation of what living with autism feels like?

Wat de fug am i readong

The world isn't nice. Especially most of Veeky Forums isn't nice. You need to be 18+ to post on here kiddie.