What are some things adventurers could find sealed away for 10,000 years that are NOT world destroying villains?

The Clock of the Long Now would actually be a pretty fun joke dungeon.

>carved into the desert mountains
>strange symbols and dead languages near the cavern
>follow a long straight tunnel so far you cannot see the light from the entrance anymore
>you enter a room dominated by a 3-story contraption. A staircase leads you to a large wheel running the circumference of the machine.
>it takes three party members to move it. After a full turn it locks into place, and the machine slowly clunks to life. Rods move up and down as the gears wildly spin.
>A star chart at the top begins to rotate wildly, trying to catch up with 10,000 years of lost time.
>it all whams to a halt. A soft ticking can still be heard.
>you check the readout. The artificer pulls out his pocket watch.

"Tch, all that and it's 5 minutes slow!"

yo mammas snatch

AW SHEEEIT I WENT THERE

Everyone went in there. You're not special.

A cute girl! She had to be sealed away for being too cute!

Fuck off.

Wally. Took a while, but you finally found him.

Cute!

A vacuum sealed technical and medical library, also containing a dictionary and language primer and several working solar panels and computers.

I'd slap him and tell him his watch is fast.

Ancient, formless entities that just want to sleep.

>Players discover an ancient sword stuck in a stone.
>Detection magic shows it's not evil
>It is however sentient and annoying as fuck

Until they put it back put up a background track of a political talk show that the player who wields it disagrees with the most.

>Stefan Molyneux the Sword

A duck that shits gold.

And all of the noblemen of the land are willing to kill for it.

Spent Nuclear Fuel from a reactor. It's still hot and radioactive after 10,000 years.

Holy hell, I laughed.
You win an internet.

>PCs break into an ancient vault looking for treasure
>Ignore warning about a horrible fate that would befall anyone who disturbs that which is buried here
>find a giant metal canister
>detect energy radiating from it
>break it open hoping for powerful items
>they find brown oxide powder and blistered corroded steel
>the next day start experiencing symptoms of reddening of the skin, diarrhea, vomiting, faintness, dizziness
>next week skin develops wet sores, hair starts falling out
>eventually collapse from starvation, dehydration, blood loss, and skin desquamation

Acute radiation poisoning would be a pretty unfair trap to spring on adventurers

Nuclear waste.
Magical waste.
Seeds of long-extinct plants.
Ancient stashes of preserved food.
A society of people who hid from an apocalypse of some kind, but nobody retrieved afterwards.

...

An ancient, yet ultimately alright to be around force.

Like an Elder God, but they like humans and try to give advice when they can. Whether or not that advice makes sense in our reality is up for debate, but they at least try to be helpful.

Maybe all the Elder Gods originally liked humans but they got tired of being ignored.

Grafitti

The fighter will still pass his FORT save

Corpse of a guy who fell into a glacier and was well preserved.

the recipe for mom's spagetti

Valuable treaure hidden and then forgotten by the world.

>Seed vault
>Plants of ancient history ready to be planted
>New ingredients for magic and curatives

>Rosseta Stone like artifact
>Describes the events of the future, but are now on our past

>The entire species
>The adventurers find themselves frozen in time

>Realm reaching magic nullifier
>Sealed so that magic could exist, the seal was technology based

>looking back on some of the earliest faps you ever had and realizing how poorly drawn everything is in spite of how incredible you thought it all was at the time
Roll a will save

>skub
>not a world destroying villain

The shills are worse than ever

Sealed away hero who proved to be too much of a threat to that one powerful, expanding city-state of evil wizard slavers circa the dawn of modern civilization when bronze was hot shit

He still thinks the wizards are around and you can't stop him

>An intelligent weapon bent on ending a bloodline of some kind.
What if it's a weapon meant to destroy a bloodline that no longer exists due to some other extraneous circumstances.
>/pol/ Sword wakes up.
>"KILL ALL THE SARGAMENIANS."
>"Those people died out 9,000 years ago in a huge plague."
>"I HAVE NO PURPOSE IN THIS WORLD."

Then the rest of the adventure is the group just carrying a racist sword that constantly tells racist anecdotes or jokes about a race of people they have absolutely no context for understanding.

More realistically, the sword recognizes that every human alive (save for a few isolated island populations) is a distant relative to that bloodline.

A force for good that the bbeg sealed away

An ancient Good that just wants to make the world a better place, but all the kings in the land derive their power from the dark lord who won 10,000 years ago, and so now they recruit a bunch of adventurers to vanquish Good once and for all.

A trap. Spring-loaded spikes or somesuch, so that it hits them when they unseal the chamber.

An ancient evil, sealed away until such a time as it could be dealt with. That time is now, and it's kind of pathetic.

A natural disaster in progress.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing; pure vacuum. The contents leaked away into the astral plane molecule by molecule.

An immortal singing frog.

...

this could be a pretty good setting, honestly.

A bunch of freaky ass star gods who came down on earth and did shit, but eventually as time went on their attitudes changed, and each in different ways.
One may still hang around and teach humans eldritch sciences and secrets, seeing the good in them, while another just fucked off to a mountain or a remote island and just sort of hangs. Another may decide that humans fucking suck and kills any they come across, while another may devote themselves to protecting the world from threats humans aren't yet eldritch enough to defend themselves against.

...so world ending terror?

40k ration bars.

They're probably still as close to edible as they ever were, too.

an Angel Grove, California destroying villain.

a guitar. intact and preserved, and capable of changing the greyscale world you live in

Damnit, came here to say that

An ancient good who intends to kill all things remotely evil and was sealed by an alliance if villains

Weapon schematics for a +2 Weapon.

Cute fae creatures ala Batmite and Mr Mxyzptlk

A Dead God

Everything from that show was beautiful.

By sealed away, I'm assuming you mean actively and intentionally sealed instead of simply forgotten by time?

>several hundred years worth of cooked and prepared food, locked in a permanent time stop effect to prevent spoiling
>the magical, and fully depowered, staff of a defeated world destroying villain, known for creating artifacts of terrible power
>a collection of angry mollusks
>what can only be described as a self-contained and self-supporting breeding program for mimic octopi from uncountable aeons past. there are no octopi in sight, and you are greeted warmly by people of indeterminate ethnicity.
>a small population of long-extinct insects, best described as spiders with the anatomy of wasps, disposition of africanized bees and hive structure of ants. they prove nigh-immune to chemical attacks, and are roughly as hard to kill as cockroaches. their venom causes warts in the stung area, and they like to go for the eyes. the warts eventually fall off, and 1d4 grubs emerge from them 1d3 days later. the insects are somehow instinctively aware of this, and will arrive to retrieve the grubs almost instantly before they can be attacked by predators. which might've been a problem in their normal environment with reptiles as the dominant type, but the grubs are horribly toxic to mammals.

A bottle of pickles. Still fresh and delicious. Just aged well.

That was the first thing that came to mind, I thought it was boring and overdone.

A bag of holding. Full of nothing but solid mithril 10 inch dildos.

Is becoming rich by selling the contents really worth it?

Underrated post.

An ancient arcanist's lunchbox, food uneaten and untouched, preserved with time magic and just as delicious (and probably still hot!) as the day as it was prepared.

>Not being known throughout the land as "Dildacales of Reasonable Prices"

Where the fuck do you think you are

The Warner Brothers and the Warner Sister Dot?

Perfectly preserved food rations

>What are some things adventurers could find sealed away for 10,000 years that are NOT world destroying villains?

And Ancient Spell, sealed away by those from a time long past for being too dangerous, too powerful for this world.
The spell is actually an outdated piece of crap that is worthless compared to even the most basic modern day magic, not just in cost and difficulty but also in effect. It's like finding the Ultimate Weapon of the ancient and it's a pointy rock

Final Fantasy 2 was the first game to have the Ultima Spell, and a good chunk of the game is spent working break the seals to acquire it so you can fight back against the BBEG with it. One of your party members even has to die to break the seals. When you get it, it is a piece of crap that deals almost no damage no matter how much you level it, being weaker maxed than some of the basic spells are starting out. It turned out there was a bug in the code for it and the Coder refused to fix it once it was found out, because he thought it made sense for some spell from 10,000 years ago to be way worse than what has been developed since then.

Is she really cute?

DO NOT ASK FOR WHAT YOU ARE NOT PREPARED FOR, TRAVELER

How cute are we talking here?

Psssh, she can't be that cute.

...

Graboids

There's no such thing as cute.

You know, I'm sure there's at least one canon character in D&D who is, what's the term? Pragmatic? Practical? enough to not even bat an eye at a never ending stream of mithril dildos.

All you'd have to do is set up a blacksmith shop somewhere that you can melt them down into mithril bars, and then you'd be set for life.

>melt them down into mithril bars,
Why would you do that?
That seems like a pointless step.

Because I am pretty sure the local prude will round up a mob of glorified witch hunters to murderhobo your ass if all you sell is giant dildos, made out of mithril or not.

They'll probably declare you some kind of demon worshiper trying to corrupt the pure and innocent. Hell, they would probably even get a paladin to join them to give them some credibility.

Alternatively, you could make a demon cult of debauchery and sin and hold weekly orgies to corrupt the pure and innocent.

The middle ages were way less prude than you think. They had daggers shaped like dicks, fittingly called the bollock dagger.
Knights added erect penises to their armor, just for bragging, and non-knights added ones to their clothes to not be left behind.

That's why you use a pneumatic hand-canon to shoot the mithril dildos at them until they go away.

>Adventurer
>Worrying about Murderhobos

>HEY DM
>WHAT
>HOW MUCH EXPERIENCE DO WE GET FOR KILLING PCS?! I KNOW YOU SAID NO PVP BUT THESE GUYS ARE STARTING SHIT

I'M WARNING YOU

I bet that girl's not so cute.

Cute doesn't exist in nature.

>>Rosseta Stone like artifact
>>Describes the events of the future, but are now on our past
You know, I really like this. They find stone tablets telling of arrival of unspeakable evil and how to defeat it, but a little research shows that the date is 3000 years in the past. Did the evil win? Are the characters now living in a world of evil? Who can tell!

YOU'RE NOT CUTE

I'M NOT MOVED, DO YOU HEAR ME?
YOU'RE NOT CUTE!
YOU CAN'T MAKE MY HEART SKIP A BEAT!
NOT
CUTE

L A S T C H A N C E

A sandwich.

There. Is. No. Cute.

Not cute.
This is my stand, I need to take it now because if I don't then who will?

He's probably going to post something like a realistic oil painting of Yotsuba doing something adorable, isn't he? We done it now boys.

How do you live with yourself, knowing that there is a little girl going through an existential crisis right now because you denied her of her very nature?
She lives only to make your heart go warm and soft, and she is trying despite your cold and bitter nature. Have you no sense of mercy? Can't you even pretend to acknowledge her efforts?
You are the worst.

This site was founded on one principle above all else: The requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you she's cute, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world -- "You're not so cute.”

A rather fine hat.

>This site was founded on one principle above all else:
The sharing of anime pictures.

>The requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences.
What site are you browsing? That has never been Veeky Forums's policy.

There is only one truth in this place. There is only one idea, one concept, that is belived by every member of this site. Sure, we may argue, and bicker, and call each other faggots, but if you are going to post here you should know the Rule of this place.
Pics or it didn't happen

...

DOOO ETTTT

...

>As the skin and flesh start falling off of his body the wizard has an idea
>Inspired by brains-in-a-jar he develops a spell that keeps his brain alive even without organs and moving even without muscles
>Thus Skeleton Wizard was born