Let's create a game whose rules only contains pointless and extraneous stats and mechanics that can be found in various...

Lets give this the ol' FATAL charm.
Group those stats into mega-stats of Body (first 4), Skill (middle 4), and Mind (last 5). Any effects that alter your mega-stats retroactivily affect your regular stats, and any skills that are derived from them.

Your Toughness determines your HP, and is based on your IRL weight. Get fat, get HP.

Cat 'o Nine Tails is listed as an explosive.

derived stats are also influenced by multiple inherent stats with different weights, so for example you total hit points are you leveldX (determined by class) + leveldY (determined by profession) + Health + 1/3 points of fitness + 1/5 points of strength + 1/2 points of Toughness

any stat increases retroactively increase or decrease your life total

Roll every turn to see if you are raped.
Anal Circumference determines HP lost

Also, there should be various different types of HP for various different types of damage, with each having a different effect once they reach zero.

Most damage types deal damage to more than one hp pool ("you get hit by the axe. Take 1d12 to your bodily integrity HP pool and 1d6 to your morale HP pool")

After being hurt in combat, you need to roll to avoid getting gangrene.

I perfer It provides more redundant stats of questionable use.

It is a D&Dfinder variant. Don't need much else.

Yeah, but is literally just World of Darkness with 3 extra stats.
Plus, its organized. You don't want this culsterfuck to be organized, do you?

>roll to see if your gun jams

What if we combined the two?
So there are 12 super categories, Physical Body, Physical Skill, Physical Mind, Mental Body, Mental Skill, Mental Mind, Spiritual body, Spiritual Skill, Spiritual Mind, Social Body, Social Skill, Social Mind.

Unless you specifically aim for a body part, you randomly roll for where you hit the enemy, adding another roll to every single attack.
Furthermore, you also have to roll on a severity chart to see how severe the attack was, which adds a damage modifier, and another fucking roll.

Ah, but you also have BP, body part points, which is essentially a individual health pool for each part of your body. So your hand has 1/16 of your HP in BP, and if it takes damage above that BP threshold, the limb is crippled. Then you need to roll on the cripple chart to see how that bodypart got crippled.
And if you take more BP damage than the limb has in a single strike, you need to roll on a pointless extra cripple chart to see how super-crippled you are.

Whenever you miss an attack, there's a chance that you slip and damage yourself.

BRILLIANT!

>Furthermore, you also have to roll on a severity chart to see how severe the attack was, which adds a damage modifier, and another fucking roll.
All scoring a critical hit does is get +1 to your roll on this chart (It's a D% roll)

Weapons and armour have durability. Each different kind of equipment interacts with durability in different ways. There are different sword bluntness and axe bluntness

Ya know I bet there's probably some people out there who would love a game like this where it's just as tedious and pointless as possible.

300+ fiddly character options that all do incredibly specific, petty shit like "+1 to damage rolls while standing under the night sky" or "lessen the penalty for using one specific move or maneuver"

than add in a dozen or so that are really powerful, but don't do anything to indicate which are which

We also have to add in trap options, so players feel accomplished when they find the options that are legitimately good. We bury the good options in hard to find, limited edition splat books among 64 terrible options.

Three months after these splat books are published, we errata the good options into oblivion to "keep the system integrity and balance internally consistant".

I would love this system. Mostly as a thought experiment, but also to annoy me "3.PF is too hard" group.

First you need to roll d100 to see if you're ambidextrous. If you get 100 you're ambidextrous.
Afterwards you need to roll d100 for each hand (however many your race has) to see how dexterous that hand is. Then you take that result and modify it how much your character's dexterity deviates from the norm.

So if we assume that standard Dexterity is 10 (just to the sake of examples), and your character has 12 Dex, that's a +20% to his handed dexterity roll. Note that I don't mean that you add 20, you add 20%.
So if your character has 12 Dex and rolls 56 LHD (Left Handed Dexterity) then his effective LHD is 67%. If he rolls 32 RHD (Right Handed Dexterity), his effective RHD is 38%.

Your hand dexterity is applied as a percentage modifier to every skill roll that requires dexterous hands. If you use multiple hands, calculate the average hand dexterity and use that.

So if the game is d100 roll under, and your Craft: Knitting skill is 65 (meaning you need to roll under 65 to successfully knit, assuming no modifiers), and considering the fact that you're knitting with both hands, the formula becomes:
>(Craft: Knitting)*((LHD+RHD)/2)
>65*((0.67+0.38)/2)
>65*(1.05/2)
>65*0.525
>34.125
Meaning that in this case, your handed dexterity average and your knitting skill means that you need to roll under 34 to successfully knit.

>First you need to roll d100 to see if you're ambidextrous. If you get 100 you're ambidextrous.
>Afterwards you need to roll d100 for each hand (however many your race has) to see how dexterous that hand is. Then you take that result and modify it how much your character's dexterity deviates from the norm.
Nah, we can do better, You roll 1d10 for each hand you have, for each 0/10 you roll you have a primary hand (Min. 1)

Pathfinder was already made, user.

Roll to determine your race.
Roll to determine your sub-race.
Roll to determine age (modifies parents roll).
Roll to determine your social class (this modifies all later wealth rolls).
Roll to determine where you grew up (modified by race and social class).
Roll to determine if your parents are alive (they aren't).
Roll to determine how many siblings you have (none).
Roll to determine which number of child you are (don't worry, you're an only child).
Roll to determine how tragic your childhood was (very).
Roll to determine character class (limited by race, upbringing and social class).
Roll to determine character subclass (featuring five slight variations of every class).
Roll to determine how much money you have (one roll for each denomination of currency).
Roll to determine how much land you own.
Roll to determine how many magical items you have (one roll for each possible kind of magical item).

What should we name this game?
I vote for "Clustefucks and Confusion"

Why would I want to look outside the window?

>Pathfinder is too hard waaaaa

There are 6 stats: strengths, constitution, dexterity, wisdom, intelligence, and charisma.

>Roll to determine how many magical items you have (one roll for each possible magical item).
FTFY.

we have 52 already, they are divided into 12 groups see

>Okay Jeff, the last step is to see what kind of magical items your character has. Can you roll 800d100?

Weapons and Armour have durability that has to be tracked, lest your weapon suddenly break on the battlefield.

Each school of Magic is exclusive and does not allow for crossing over. Once you study in one school you're stuck there for life.

Using only the most realistic combat simulation, roll to accidentally hit yourself on every attack. Opening a scroll has a chance to tear it in twain. Putting on your pants has a chance to make you a eunuch. Eating has a chance to stab your own eye out with a fork or choking on a bit of food/drink. Even going to the toilet requires a roll.

You have to put points into going to the toilet, walking and drinking in character creation.

> If your rolls say you have more than 1 roll again for each item you got
> If any ties, eliminate all others, roll again
> Continue until you have 1 magic item

Nah, just give each character a max HP penalty for each magic item they have, as magic items take part of your life force to power. This forces you to recalculate HP for each body part and ties back to

...

Roll a d1000 at character creation to determine specific allergies. This chart will of course include every single conceivable allergy known to man, and will also obviously have certain fantasy allergies (allergic to magic, allergic to trolls, allergic to dragon scales, etc.).

Rolling a 700-1000 makes you roll two more times on the chart. This stacks until you either stop rolling above a 700, or you get every single allergy on the chart.

You need to roll for genetic diseases.

so world of synnibarr

Experience only comes from killing enemies, but to get experience you have to fulfil your role. Meaning that the healer only gets XP if he heals, the mage only gets XP if he cast a spell, the thief only gets XP if he stole something, and so on. Meaning every fight becomes a mess as everyone tries to do their one thing before the battle's over.

Yes, but with added Realms of Atlantasia.

Don't forget this, you gotta roll to see if you snap your hands off from excessive twisting

Scoring a critical hit requires you to roll on the crit chart, you mean.

All movement ranges and attack ranges are measured in exact centimeters.

So to determine how far your attack range is in melee combat, you have to take your height, divide it in two and subtract half of the total width of your torso. Then you add the length of your weapon, and that's the maximum range you can strike from.

Combat is grid based, using 1mm squares to represent 10 centimetres. You have to use 2d10 on every miniature to track the location within the squares the mini occupies.

There is no Stat assignment. Only random roll.

Dice are shared as a pool. You have to put ALL your dice with everyone else's in the center of the table. No the game does not work without doing this.

Needs Size, like in Chaosium games.

>no Love

Of course, and you have to calculate the health point, body point, and morale point damage of snapping your own wrists off, and see if your stumps get gangrene.

I love it, up to 60 stats.

gender should also be a stat.

>Okay roll for Physical Gender
>Now Mental Gender
>Now Spiritual Gender
>Now Social Gender
It will be the most Progressive game ever, I love it!

take everything on this thread, now put it into Dwarf Fortress.
Not on a computer though, you calculate the Dwarf Fortress elements with dice.

physical man
mental woman
spiritual catkin
social futa

Also codify Every class and race combination from Pathfinder into it. All of them.

And the entire game can only be played by characters inside of D:tD 40k 7e.

"He was so tough he had a massive heartattack"

Why not have races as classes and classes as races?

Great idea, we need to add stat overflow.

Races as social classes, obviously.

Or have genders as race or class, or hell, any possible permutation on that.

For example, if I want to say my gender is "Rogue" and my class is "Female" and my race is "Paladin," I should be able to do it.

After all, we do want this game to be open to all forms of custimization. In other words, every single gender, race, and class option should have special options if its used for one of the other three slots.

Seperate HP pools for all of your organs!
All with varying resistances weakness and effects when damaged.

To make combat more realistic.

>I Sexually Identify as Rogue
BEST. GAME. EVER.

>Or have genders as race or class, or hell, any possible permutation on that.
I thought, genders were stats. Unless we make all the stats classes and races.

>My race is Physical Strength, and my class is >Mental Love

>Not Sexually Identifying as Paladin.
Heathen.

If you make class, race, and gender all stats, you'd have to roll for them. If you don't, you can make them pull from the same pool of options, which allows you to sexually identify as a vampire, be from the knight race, and have your job be woman. Alternatively, sage goes in all fields.

Hmm... I think we don't have enough recursion here.

Clearly some magic items can affect your stats/abilities...

Which then trickle down into your HP, forcing you to recalculate it again.

Even better if the stat change is dependent on HP...

You little shit.

[Cursed Sword]

This sword gives you a bonus to Physical Strength based on a penalty to Mental Health. Upon equipping, take 2 damage to Mental Health, then an additional 2 damage to Mental Health for each point of damage to Mental Health you have taken since equipping the [Cursed Sword]. Each point damage to Mental Health taken after equipping the [Cursed Sword] gives a bonus of 2 to Physical Strength.

>once your HP drops to a certain threshold, your stats change
>the change in stats increase your HP, which puts you above the threshold, which lowers your stats, which reduces your HP, which causes your stats to change, all repeating ad infinitum
FUCKING BRILLIANT!

Now all it needs is juuuuuust enough stability to not constantly be in an infinite loop. (or else the players might just ignore the rules)

Genders and races are stats, but only when used as either gender or race. Classes are classes, unless they're your gender or race, in which case they become stats. Genders and races can be classes, and will (obviously) need their own class stats.

So for example, my dragonkin (gender) paladin (race) human (class) would need to keep trap of their dragonkin and paladin stats, and would level up in their class, Human.

The loop only activates if your Magic Aura derived statistic is high enough (your Magic Aura increases your stats when you reach half-HP)
However, most players are gonna have pretty high Magic Aura, since its increased by every Magic Item you have.

heres a character sheet i'm working on for it

just page 1 of course

While I believe the original intention was to divide the 13 base stats by 3 categories, then have 4 types of each, I like your interpretation.

For an example of the original interpretation:
Physical Body is composed of
Physical Strength, P. Toughness, P. Health & P. Fitness. While Mental Skill is Mental Speed, M. Dex, M. Deftness, M. Alacrity.

Also, as a side note, I love the Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Social , Race and Gender names.

oh.... yeah i guess that makes more sense

Holy shit, it's beautiful.

so like this?

Yes, though I think there were several kinds of HP being discussed, each with several hit locations that had their own seperate pool. Maybe increase the AC box and make HP take up a large chunk of the second page.

yeah i just googled 12 dimensional hypercube and put that in for AC. seemed fitting somehow.

i feel like instead of stats being a number, this should be one of those games where you spend stat points to increase the die size for each stat, so that all of your stats can have different dice

Only if we have stats from d1 to d100. No, I don't have any idea how to roll a d 87.

That's easy. Just roll a d174 and divide it in half.

Roll 4d10+2d20+1d10/2 then flip a coin, head 1 tail 2

So, How should we divide up HP?

Physical HP is pretty easy, head, body, arms legs, waist, hands, feet.

Social HP can be divided based on different emotions.

Not sure about Spiritual or Mental HP pools though.

I'm not sure that gives an equal chance to roll all outcomes.

so

Mental HP is sanity, methinks. Spiritual HP is morale.

So it's not a proper d87.

The issue is we need multiple pools for each, unless we can put different aspects of sanity and moale. Actually rather than morale dropping for Spiritual, what about morality?

>The succubuss' attack hits, you lose 5 HP from your head and 3 from your lust.

GDW is that you?

>So it's not a proper d87.
i think the rulebook should discuss this (how to roll d87) as being a major argument at a lot of tables. likw rulebook 611b

Oh, that's good. Spiritual relates to your ability to resist the seven deadly sins or some such. Mental would have to literally incorporate the DSM for extra useless complexity. Social affects your moods, so you'd have axis such as happy/sad, relaxed/agitated, focused/attentive and your mood is determined by how these axes intersect. Nothing quite like three dimensional intersectional damage and a required psych degree to make a system fun.

Every single one of the game's spells and magic items should be affected by the various mental stats. In other words, every spell and magic item should have its own chapter breaking down all of the possible permutations.

And how using it can worsen or improve a pre-existing condition. Using a wand of Plentiful Pillows increases Melatonin in the body, but prolonged usage may desensitize the user, causing trouble sleeping without it. If that occurs, they may develop insomnia, which would worsen Depression, and lower overall energy, which would affect their Sloth hp as well. Increased Depression and lowered Sloth hp cause listlessness and a lack of motivation, which fuel feelings of powerlessness. This can cause a negative shift on the happy/sad axis. Feeling like one is the only one suffering damages Envy and Wrath towards comrades who are not affected. Now, if you take the Clear Mind feat, you can lessen the effects of using this wand once a day. This is not to be confused with the Mind Clear feat, which wipes your mind once every 30 minutes.

The system is crazy simple once you get the hang of it, but the learning curve can be a bit steep.

Each piece of equipment can have one or more keywords causing its functionality to change based on your stats. These keywords are spread out in every chapter. The words themselves are tangential at best to what they actually do.

On average you get 1.75 allergies