Your doorbell rings

>your doorbell rings
>you open up the door
>the character you played most recently is there with a bouquet for you

what goes down, Veeky Forums?

>Forever GM
>Literally never been player
So.. what now?

Well, I close the door in his face, and then call the police if he doesn't leave.

most recent NPC with an actual personality

There's almost certainly a knife in that bouquet aimed right at me.

Uh huh...

Yeah, he's definitely high since I'm definitely not his type (and he's very often high). Usher him inside and get him to lay down on the couch until he feels better. Make sure he has a few beers to stave off hangover as well.

I solely make gelatinous cubes and neo-tier characters

I stare at the bouquet in sheer terror and make feeble argument that I'm almost 30 and she doesn't really want to do this.

She's vampire with datura habit, can't imbue directly because vampire so she habitually loads cute young boys on the stuff and then gobbles up their laced blood. Other forms of abuse and molestation optional.

I'd probs grab the flowers and put em in some water. Then tell him while I appreciate the gesture we both know neither of us are gay. Then i'd probably go drinking with him and see if he knows of any ways to attain immortality with the daemonic favours he's gained over the course of his adventures.

What's your favorite way to include a gelatinous cube? Is it as a trap? If yes, what kind of trap?

It musn't be a romantic thing, we're both men and he's married to a woman. Do people give other people flowers in other contexts? Holidays, maybe? I'd have to ask what the occasion was.

the one with a feminine penis, i'm guessing.

theres a gelatinous cube outside your door

good luck

I don't know how I feel about getting together with an old jew Gnome but at least I'll have a lot of money.

I tell mr bones to fuck off and that I'm not getting into his wild ride, and that no, i won't bet on it with a basketball game (forever DM, last campaign was a silly magical girl one loaded as fuck with memes)

It has been a while since I played a character for more than a oneshot and I've been running adventures league for so long all the NPCs have mixed into one big grey mess, except Elisande. Little tyke needs some proper clothes, food, healthcare, and a home.

>last character was a rogue
"I appreciate the gesture, but you should probably give those flowers back to whoever you stole them from."

He's either been dead for over 100 years, or Goa'uld space-magic that he's not yet attained in the campaign has kept him alive this long.

I'd probably be a little scared of being raped, really.

>archmage who killed herself and bound he rsoul after fearing she'd be used for evil
I'd be extremely concerned

Blue flowers or pink flowers?
This is important.

what'd she bind the soul to?

pink

>"I'm sorry, but you're too British for me."
>Close the door in her face

...

I tell my drunkard dwarf paladin Dwonkle to go home.....because must be drunk

>Mid-20's Male Half-Elf Magus.

We'd probably screw. A lot.

Then I'd try my best to get him to teach me some spells and basic swordplay.

>moderately cute 19 yr. old girl who is also a psychic swordmaster
I'm pretty sure that question is entirely up to her.

A gem that she stored in her personal vault.

so somebody leaves a valuable gem on your doorstep. what do

>straight-laced male cyber sam
I assume he's here to knock me out and stuff me in a van as part of a run.

I slam the door and leg it.

Kiss my new wife

>Yes, yes; thanks for the flowers. Merry Christmas to you, too.

>Can I borrow some money?

>Greco wrestling old man dragonborn

Spread my cheeks.

>female tech priest

I've been waiting all my life for this

My players joke about how good I've gotten at making random NPCs into A+ waifus of various flavors, so I'm golden I guess.

>obligatory

>tfw ywn have a happy android waifu who wants to suck your dick propose to you

>"Bitch you're not getting a ring until you get a vagina installed."

"Look, I am flattered, but you are a 6'5 old man who smells of fish, death and you have wings. It would never work. Also aren't you married?"

Isn't this the one doujin where she goes buttfuck insane and tries to murder people?

>Please choose preferred vagina or vaginas from the bucket.

Looks like dowman sayman, so probably.

Umm... maybe?

Believe Machine

>11 Year Old Ninja who specializes in insect control
No, just no.

...

>literally myself
Now neither of us will be virgins.

>I heard you like self inserts so you can now self insert in self insert.

>burly high fantasy cowboy
Time to get reamed in the boipussy I guess.

>Frecklefaced redhead IG sergeant
I surrender unconditionally.

No thank you. It doesn't help that the character in question was a massive weirdo. She also had no friends for the longest time.

>twi'lek slave to sith apprentice
Giggity

>the xenophobic redneck hunchback warlock
Something tells me I'm not his type.

>qt choco elb rogue/GOO warlock
I mean, I'd probably shoot spaghetti from my pockets so violently that I'd be knocked on my ass, but she's tomboyish and friendly enough.

>Alcoholic kobold yakuza barfighter with the mentality of an excitable puppy.
Sounds like it's date night to me!

Date night ends is several fires, eight broken bones, four counts of grand larceny, three counts of public indecency, two arrests, one breakout, and a phone number for next time because godDAMN

Please not one of the NPCs I've played.

Because if it's instead my PC that I played two weeks ago, unf my fetish

We are both stunned likely because he was attempting to find the home of some woman he was hoping to con information out of and I wouldn't know how to react to a fox-neko-man garbage noble suddenly appearing at my door.

We might start a tailor shop since that is the business he is most interested in running and he likes to hire people on a whim to be his employees.

I always try to make my characters attractive by my own standards (and fetishes), but I always feel like I need to defend their appearance.

>forever GM who can't get a group going because people are flakey as fuck

I don't even remember the last game I ran.

>I'll take those flowers for 20gp
>30gp
>25gp
>deal
>Okay, get the fuck out of here

>Mage the Awakening "Manic Pixie Dream Girl" Acanthus

Have a wonderful night and never see her again when she leaves in the morning.

the best

Believe it or not, he was actually in the works of delivering flowers to someone else at the time.

So I'd tell him he had the wrong address.

Sister of Battle... Praise the Emperor, I guess?

Last character i played is a tyrannical and manipulative, but very charming vampiric noble lady. The only reasons i can think for her being interested in me are that she thinks i smell nice and wants to drink my blood, that she thinks i'm cute and wants a new pet, or both. So what goes down is she has her way with me, and i don't get a say because low willpower in my end and really good mind control on hers. If i'm lucky she'll just have a have a taste and leave, but the bouquet tells me i'm not lucky. So i'm probably going to get turned into her pet/blood doll, and there's really nothing i could do about it. Even running isn't an option because she's faster and stronger. Really the only upside here is that the same powers that will take my mind and will from me will also take away the overwhelming terror at what's happening.

An... ancient black dragon?
or is this a "PCs only" thread?

Rough anal.

Hug her tenderly and cry knowing that I have encountered a soul so beautiful and loving that all the agony that I have endured in my time here is not only over, but it is all so meaningless by comparison.

Loving and tender dates to go along with the assassination and murder, and some ass play on the side.

Hello Vette.

>>the character you played most recently is there with a bouquet for you
>Fuckboi cleric
Aw yes
>Subby bitch just like me
Aw fuck

>gruff, scarred ex-guardsman cum Inquisitorial muscle AGP style

Pretty much a wtf moment. Probably followed by some inquisitorial shenanigans.

Well I'm not really into muscle girls and kind made that 6'7" monk chick on a whim and because I found a picture that looked badass but hell, I'll take it.

>noble and gentle elf knight from a game that is 'slightly' influenced by FFXIV
I technically wouldn't mind, even with the size difference, but I dodged all other attempts at magical realm and I'll be damned if I don't dodge this one as well. He can have a sugar cube, a glass of water and a nap on the couch, then we'll talk.

I want to snug that zug.

>Character is 15 and has tragic backstory.
Well um... this is awkward. Especially when I have to explain I'm responsible for all the suffering in her life.

Pretty much same here. Oh well, I can add "she got raped by her creator" to the list!

She would probably axe murder my girlfriend and then rape me.

Jedi aren't allowed to marry.

Ehhhh, don't think I could do that to mine. She's prime daughter-fu material though.

...I don't remember if it was the inquisitive/playful uplifted squid with the electric claws dosed with nerve toxin or the smarmy academic elf wizard in denial that they were an adventurer.
Both would be handled by trying to redirect them to others; I'm relatively sure they're not actually there for me, or at least not in that kind of way.

I know kung-goo

>Vampire catgirl turned Android
>Knows literally everything
>Slowly becoming a god of time.

I close the door. She's a 12th level mythic character who can't kill a cr 1/4 snake. I think I'll be fine.

...details.

Haven't played it ages, so I can't remember, but my last two NPCs of note are as follows:
1. Basically a less sadistic version of Dio Brando/ Whammu covered in magical moving tattoos. If he actually loves me, he will probably understand that I don't love him back like that. He will however try to win my affection, probably through theft, warmongering, and clever trickery. He isn't gay though, so he'll likely just kidnap me and press gang me into service as a lackey. I won't survive two months.

2. A four armed leopard man with a thick British Indian accent, with his spots intricately gilded with precious metals. He is omni-sexual. He'll probably try to fuck both me and my fiance. He'll get embarrassed when we turn him down and take us out for a fabulous meal.

Absolution is not for us, brother.

You SURE she'll also say no?

How to stargate campaign?
Story time?

I'm not into men.

>a 10,000 year old Elder Dragon mama with an entire village of her half-breed spawn outside her lair that pay her tribute
Oh boy.

I'd probably assume someone I knew died and it was in some way his fault.

Can't see a reason a straight, psychic, doctor would be bringing me flowers otherwise.

She ain't a furry, or a whore. Top reasons I like her, in fact.

>A female gunslinger who lost her noble parents in Not!October Revolution, later decide to gather her personal force and restore the rightful ruler.

Guess it's time to Make Russia Empire Again? I'm in.

I'm really pissed my group didn't play this week so I didn't get to play my cute ghost-busting witch temporary replacement character who was supposed to debut yesterday, and instead end up with burly military man.

I'll just remind him he's married and tell him I couldn't do that to his family.

A burly Yorkshireman who's an asymptomatic (but still infectious) carrier of a horrific and possibly alien virus, who punches zombies in the face with a bionic arm.

Neither of us want this and I don't take the bouquet in case he sweated on it.

I prepare to die horribly.

This bitch just put me in the sights of her clan's vendetta.

>german female gnome necromancer from SR5

cute.

Stargate 1888.

Basically, the Brits find a stargate in the.. South pole, I think? They set it up, get it working, find their way to another world where they set up a permanent military base / colony of sorts.

Now command is sending out a team of individuals with specialized skillsets to some of the worlds they've decoded the addresses to.

>violent sadist tiefling assassin who implicitly resents his creator
>oh shit that's me
fuck
there's no way in hell I'd be able to get away, even if I slammed the door in his face, he'd reach right through it and pull my nuts out through my throat with his bitchin' ghost hand
WHY DID I GIVE HIM A BITCHIN' GHOST HAND
I give in to my edgelord fantasy one time and this is what happens

It's probably a momentary distraction so he can smack me in the face, tie me up and bring me downtown.