Let's play a fun little game Veeky Forums. Use Gatherer's random card feature until you get a creature card. That creature is now real and absolutely loyal to you as a companion/friend/pet no matter it's color identity or canon personality. If the card represents a female in any way, it instead devotes itself to killing you. Sorry degenerates.
Does your life improve? Or is it hindered?
Helpful link: gatherer.wizards.com
Mageta the Lion
Well, that kicks ass
Not what I was hoping for, but I'll take it. Bodyguards who are ripped. as bi-scum i am pleased as punch
>that kicks ass
Mageta's a badass, but his allies tend not to survive long. He's like Gideon except cool.
On my phone, so no image, but Arashin War Beast is pretty good considering everything else!
I suspect I'd have to very quickly get a large plot of land for it to graze on. It's ability only triggers when it's attacking so that means no ethereal manifestation army for me unless I go supervillain.
Overall I could manage and it's a solid defense against a lot of nasty things out there.
Eh. Maybe I could get it to serve me drinks or something.
Sweet
Joy...
Oh shit nigga.
Get on my level, bi- atch
That looks vaguely female, it's going to eat your ass.
Dragon!
Let's see what I get...
Oh, look, it wants to kill me. Thanks, OP.
This mean I'm princess mononoke now?
Well I guess I'm fucked.
Oh, nice. I get a cool flying weird-ass looking buddy and then after he dies I gain a new layer of protection.
Th-this is just a fucboi looking dude, r-right?
I'll just have to build my house on a graveyard site, and I think I won't be bothered by much.
I wonder if he won't be a fan of living in a desert.
Definitely improved.
No. But those are some big blades.
I like the way you think, sir.
Well rip me then
Could be worse. You could of gotten Oona.
>nibbles.jpg
you got me
here's mine. lazy, opulent friend that if he dies leaves me some of his crap? sure, I guess. I mean unless lewd is allowed. that man is a looker.
OP here, lewd is allowed if you're into dudes. Homos circumvent the female clause.
The big question here is it big enough to ride?
BFFs
forgot image
I guess my house get's haunted by a book loving ghost.
As long as he stays quiet while he reads...
Mine is a 6/6 buffalo/wolverine thing. I think it probably can double as a mount.
You're a lucky guy bruhv.
I've got a hexproof wolf, so sadly no.
Funny, I wanted to run these dudes in a deck with Odric 2.0 for a while.
kys literal faggot
Shit, I remember these guys. One of the first cards I've ever got as a kid.
AHAHAHAHA IT'S APOCALYPSE TIEM!
Not only is he quiet, but in the morning just before you wake up, you have fevered visions of things that may be during the day, giving you insight as to how to handle future events.
You are forever prevented from going innawoods for the threat of this angry forest spirit gutting you is too great. Should you ever enter into any copse of trees thick enough that you can't see the end on the other side, you will be horribly attacked, mutilated, and left as a warning to all who cross the forest.
>magic: the SJW pandering thread
>filled with mincing little cockbitches
Why am I surprised
Nah, I'm good. Thanks for the offer. If you're cute I might consider it though.
Don't mind me, just chilling with my invincible sky beast.
I mean.... it would be interesting.
>tfw completely and utterly fucked
>tfw nothing can protect you
>not even the army
I doubt even hiding in a bunker will save me with fucking EIGHT POWER. How do I spend my last moments bros?
Tell her to show tits or get the fuck out.
By the way OP, can I try again? This shit's kinda fun.
OP here, roll away friendo
Befriending this
Mischievous devil bro. Probably would make a shitty roommate but would be fun to hit the town with.
Eh, if I'm about to be turned into a fine paste I may as well try.
got prime time. pretty neat.
Jeeze, what's with me and green tonight. Not bad mind you. Wait, is Kodama a female? Can spirits have genders....Oh shit.
Look at this crazy fucker,you know he can turn the town red just by looking at him.
Dude flies too so that's like the best piggyback ride ever.
Sweet. I think I become ruler of the world now.
I had to roll like 20 times. I kept getting enchantments. Friggin weird.
>finally get a giant snake that can copy itself and give me extra spells.
Welp, I'm a spellslinger at heart, so I guess this works out.
'dem dicksuckin' lips
>If the card represents a female in any way, it instead devotes itself to killing you. Sorry degenerates.
Yo fucked, cracka
>makes an almost endless army of 2/2 elves.
>acts like a crazy ex- girlfriend.
You're so dead.
>Silver Myr
Guess I don't have to wash the dishes myself anymore.
Fog Bank.
I guess people will have a tough time attacking me and I will be surrounded by fog constantly. Maybe I'll work at a lighthouse.
Life is now a grand adventure living on top of this guy
Gotta love the durrdle turtle.
I am now friends with a wall.
...
I aint never had a friend like him
It's only a whelp but it's a dragon. It could grow into something great though.
I'm okay with this
This is pretty badass. Angels are pretty much the ideal servants and guardians.
I WILL ADORN THEM IN THE FINEST OF STEEL FORGED IN THE HOTTEST OF FLAMES
THEY SHALL BE MY MOUNTS AS I CHARGE TOWARDS ENEMIES UNKNOWN
THEY SHALL BE THE SOLDIERS I LEAD TO THE DESTINY OF OUR PEOPLE
THEIR SCIENTISTS WILL PRODUCE THE FINEST WEAPONRY SO THAT WE MAY CONQUER THE STARS
I AM NO LONGER TO BE CALLED BY MY BIRTH NAME
I AM
THE EMPERBEAR
Not bad. Lots of green around where I live so surely it'll get its buff.
Quite the bodyguard/muscle to have around.
I don't know shit about Magic but he looks badass.
I barely play and I fucking agree.
I think it's the art on the black cards that drew me in.
...
...
Not bad
Not too bad.
Oh wait, I only now realize that I'm dead.
>tfw can't into thoughtweft
We must fight to the death
> (Walls can't attack.)
Such intoxicating naivety.
cool, but slivers are so annoying
Daru Healer. Morph, and it can prevent damage. So, someone that's just kind of there without being a big attention grabber that helps me out here and there. Not bad.
Goddamit, I'm going to get murdered
My last words are
AROUND ELVES, WATCH YOURSELVES
What am I, Corvo?
>If the card represents a female in any way, it instead devotes itself to killing you
Well, shit.
Well isn't this a hot piece of ass.
Gonna reverse the gender stuff because I ain't into chicks. Guess we're going to hang out and talk about Avacyn and stuff.
Great, I get the retarded cousin of Innistrad's werewolves
sup
We must unite our forces and find one with the power to tutor up Rolling Stones..
Then the world will be ours.
Does this count?
[Spoiler]Fuck your spoiler text, Angels are GOOD
Fuck your rules.
I'm a dragon now.
Wow, jewish cards look pretty cool, and the set icon/color/art makes it look biblical
But maybe you're not
Looks like it will protect me.
Once.
Thriving Ibex
A sick ass Goat as a pet. And he can get more powerful at least once. So that helps out.
This works.
So, I am friends with a commie. Cool?
Whoa, I've never seen this one before...
Awww it's a cute bunny :D
Uh...I guess my life improves. Kezzy can beat someone up as long as they "control no creatures" whatever that means.
>anarchist
>commie
Pick one
Whoops I read that wrong. I'd lose 4 life.
Well as long as I don't meet an "opponent"
I'll be fine...I guess...