Strike down the evil lich that's been threatening the kingdom

>strike down the evil lich that's been threatening the kingdom
>loot his shit like any respectable adventurer
>finally unlock and open the last treasure chest
>see this

Wat do?

Other urls found in this thread:

managore.itch.io/death-of-a-lich
youtube.com/watch?v=NWmra9ZGiTE
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

Close chest, wrap with adamantium chains, lock with magic, bury deep beneath my Church's primary temple in secret.

Glowy green stuff is always bad. Everyone knows that.

Sounds about right:
managore.itch.io/death-of-a-lich

Probably turn on my friends to have the green orb. They'd obviously do the same so I just have to act first.

It doesn't actually matter at this point. If the Loknar is going to fuck with you, you're already dead. leave it right the fuck there, walk away, and hope it decides to ruin someone else's day today.

It seemed to turn out okay for the taxi driver, but I guess he never interacted with the thing, did he?

You, the player, realize the Lich was villain not for his own sake, but to protect the world from the Loknar.

Most characters would study it, letting it's fuckuppedness slip through their fingers and into the world.

The GM plans the sequel campaign that may or may not reseal it.

Is it edible?

I think it just didn't have to do much in that situation. That entire city was already as dark and nasty as cities get, and it didn't have to do anything to make the situation worse. The taxi driver probably got shanked for his pocket money or ran off the road by a drunk within a month. No need for the Loknar to impose.
Same with the nerd in the fantasy world. Simply existing there was enough to cause chaos and death, it just had to throw a new player into the mix to make the situation worse, and that's exactly what it did.

I masturbate and jizz all over it, before hitting it as hard as I can with my phallic wizard's staff!

There's only one way to find out.

Avenge.

It's the pact.

...

Fuck. This. Shit. I'm not dealing with that evil talking green orb. Close the chest, ward it with the strongest magic, wrap it with the strongest chains, guard it with my life until a 10/10 qt Taarna girl comes waltzing in.

I use the most powerful weapons at my disposal on it on the spot. Which, at the endgame, probably looks like fleeing to an appropriate distance and shooting a Portable Hole x Bag of Holding Arrow.

I don't know what Loknar is but I probably made things infinitely worse which just means I was keeping myself in character haha fuck

Challenge it to a duel in the Breastorium at the Nippopolos.

Close treasure chest and walk away.

Put it in my backpack to sell in town for 1 gold, duh!

I think I know where you're going with this

NOPE. Fuck this shit, I ain't gettin' paid enough for this! You fuckers can keep the money, I'm out!

Am I the only one who thought the orb was voiced by James Earl Jones?

I challenge it to a skald battle. I'm pretty sure that's in keeping with something an Eternal Hero would do.

Don't let it come in contact with corpses.

Knowing my party?

Immediately grab it and don't let our magic items expert identify it until the world ending earthquakes start

(this literally happened and the planet was destroyed, campaign over. DM forecast it a bunch too.)

I put my dick in it

The Pact is Vengeance!

(My Paladins always use the Oath of the Taarakians)

Were you playing The Apocalypse Stone?

In the movie, did they ever try hitting it with a sword? I bet no one ever tried that.

I roll to seduce.

>Wat do?


Ohfuck, it's the Loknar.

Close chest, start working out a way to get that goddamn Lich back, leave like we never touched anything, hope we managed to de-trigger whatever fucked-up prophecy just went off.

>Won't you take a ride, ride, ride
>On heavy metal

To this day, I can't eat Shepherd's Pie or any sort of mince, or even be near it without gagging. Just conceiving the idea makes me nauseous.

That fucking inn, man.

I understood that parody.

I didn't.

What the fuck is it?

I assemble all the bards.

the sum of all evils

Literally? well shit, as a paladin I'd cast detect evil, then promptly smite the fucking thing.

Good thing I'm surrounded by chickenshits because I CLAIM THE POWER FOR MY OWN **and damn the corruption that followS!+YY**==

I put a helm of opposite alignment on it

the obvious answer is assume it's evil, try to smite it with clerical goodness then forge a sword out of it when it becomes randomly purified

Touching it under any circumstances, even indirectly, lets it kill you. No save.

Well. Yeah. That trick just dumps it into the astral plane.

Who KNOWS what shit it can get up to once there.

I don't have to touch it to detect evil or smite it. I do have to hit it with a weapon that isn't a part of me, I could be a throwing weapon using Pally.

That only worked by pure luck of how naaru cycles go.

I don't even need to read the rest of the thread. I already found the best post in it.

That sounds pretty cool

Hah

Yeah, Have a proficiency in Dats or throwing knives and such as a backup weapon just in case of evil orbs that kill you if you touch them.

>The sun is touching the box, which is touching the table, which is touching the ground, which I am standing on, and my boots are touching my socks, and my socks are touching me.

Shit.

>not David with his sling

I'm doing this.

An episode of the American animated program "South Park" parodied the fantasy movie "Heavy Metal".

Feel free. I own any proceeds from it though!

>Casting detect evil
>On the Lok-Nhar
Had you seen the movie Scanners?
That fucking is so evil and so powerful it can even be use to summon old ones as you would summon monster 1.
Hrll,two badies in the movie try to summon on when they get the artifact: Uhluhtc.

I presumed my character would not know any of that and casts Detect Evil on things that seem to be alive and really any weapon or item powerful enough to be sentient and thus have alignment so as to avoid things like Charon's Claw.

i hit it with a hammer

Damn. That's pretty intense.

I use it as an energy source. What could go wrong?

Well, this can't be safe to leave around. [Mordenkainen's Disjunction].

I'm almost certain it could pass the save. It counts as a magic item right?

I believe there's a table for that. It starts at "detect faint evil" and ends at "unconscious for 2dx hours". In this case, though, you'd probably need to use the extended table.

>Hrll,two badies in the movie try to summon on when they get the artifact: Uhluhtc.
And the Lok-Nhar wiped the both of them out of existence. The damn thing is so fucking evil, that evil people shouldn't be using it, because it's so fucking evil.

either way i'd let the party know what i was doing beforehand and being that i know the magic tell them to seal it away immediately if i pass out.

D&D already has evil balls that kill you when you touch them, they're called Spheres of Annihilation.

>Spheres of Annihilation
>Evil
Please stop user, you're making me laugh.

>implying luring people with the promise of free ice cream is not evil

Is that the Green Sun? Depending on which group it is and who is DMing I either keep my mouth shut or warn the rest of the party that the campaign is about to fall down some stairs.

The Sphere itself is not evil, the promise of free ice cream inside of the Sphere is evil. The Lok-Nhar would tell you that it's got free ice cream inside it, which makes it an intelligent evil Sphere of Annihilation.

You didn't read even a single reply, huh.

I'll bite

What the fuck is it?

youtube.com/watch?v=NWmra9ZGiTE

I read a lot of them but there's a goddamn hat in front of the filename.

It's loc nar the sum of all evil. And it will definitely fuck up your day. I even bet that lich became a lich either by its influence or to imprison it. Either way you're all fucked if you open it up. But mind you the entire universe isn't fucked. Only the bits with loc nar in it.

...

Fair point then.

With a bit more context provided, if my party has enough Knowledge (Arcana/History/Religion/Forbidden-Lore) to know what the hell that thing is, we probably slam the chest closed and immediately begin figuring out how to monetize this thing's properties and habits.

It's not smart it's just how it tends to work out.

In my opinion the Lok-Nhar can help a bad guy when it serves its nefarious agenda. Like when he helped Captain Stern escape by simulating his demise at the hands of Hannover Fiste.
Or the horde of wastelanders, which he turns into an effective army to destroy the Elders.

Store in anus.

Isn't that just because the bad guys continue to serve its purpose down the road? Some villains wouldn't like being that thing's tool for the rest of their lives, or even the rest of eternity considering lichhood. Especially if it just means they get discarded to pave the way for a greater evil, like the previous lich.

Yes, hence Lok-Nhar destroys the Queen and the Immortal Faggot in the Richard Corben world. You never ever control the Lok-Nhar, you are his bitch and when you don't serve him anymore for his plans you sure will end obliterated.
I mean, this thing is capable of destroy a Flash Gordon tier hero capable of drive a car into a planet's atmosphere from a spaceship and land safely as a level 1 PC will kill a goblin so can make BBEGs like Darkseid or Sauron polish him every morning and kneel on their four before adressing to his spherical evil perfection.

Stat the Lok-Nhar, mong.

No. The Lok-Nhar is like the Lady of Pain. No stats, except death. Or you're a Taarakian who's willing to fulfill their oath with self sacrifice, then you'll win.

Not as a character but as an artifact, brah.
As in the fapping Hand of Vecna.

Ah, my very own sun! Praise the sun!

How do you stat an artifact?

Same way you stat a magic item, but with an extra bit about the special process for destroying it.

Let's do it then.

It vies for control with the Dark Entity contacting my character from within his magical weapon for complete domination of my character. Either way, my character is going to end up becoming a puppet/husk. It's only a matter of question and time who wins out in the end.

From what I can gather so far from the entity within the weapon, it feasts on the souls of those slain by the weapon. It is also very tricksy and deceptive being. Calling it a fiend would be an understatement as it's more of a force of nature.

So what is it exactly? Everyone says its a "Loknar," which comes up as a star trek ship when I look it up on google.

What would happen if this thing where dropped into the heart of Menzoberranzan?

Nothing.

Read the fucking thread.

In case OP's filename didn't tip you off, it's Loc-Nar not Loknar.

Relock the treasure chest and break off a lockpick inside of the lock so it is more difficult to reopen.

Then pray that I wasn't exposed for too long.

(Reminded me of a story where a party finds a glowing rock in a room made out of a cold dark grey metal. It didn't ping as magic or psionic. One member of the party picked it up and the party took it with them. Whenever the DM got them to make fort saves, he quietly gave them CON penalties. Turns out that that rock was radioactive in a bad way.)

Why?

If anybody wouldn't hesitate to use the Loknar it's the Drow.

Nobody can read the fucking filename because of the hat, you fucking dipshit.

To be fair, that was my first reaction as well.

God am I going to have to live with this forever.

I will become The Caller.

i'm telling you it couldn't make the Drow any worse not that they wouldn't use it, and as soon as Lolth became aware she'd destroy it or be destroyed and that would pretty much signal Loc-Nars end Ao would have an issue with it.
If you had read the fucking thread you'd have noticed you can see the file name when someone link to the OP in their comment thats why you should READ THE FUCKING THREAD!

...

Its a % chance. 5% per level.

20th level wizard says math.