An enormous space hulk has exited the Warp and your Explorator demands you lead your team of elite guardsmen deep inside to find an ancient artifact. There is no time for backup.
The object to your left is your squad's weapon.
The object to your right is your squad's armor.
The object behind you is your squad's tactics.
Did you survive?
Dog bowl, computer tower, and bed. I'm...not sure what bed tactics would be like.
Yea
Cellphone, Lamp, Bed Headboard.
I don't understand the tactic here, Explorator.
Wall, pillow, window.
I guess we cheese it?
>Did you survive?
A few of us. We fail the mission though.
closet
laundry basket
bed
wtf
Flashlight (lazeguns?)
Pikachu (Magnetism? Shock armor?)
White Board (door kicker tactics and planning?)
We might make it
Lot of /comfy/ bastards here, it would seem.
>I don't understand the tactic here
Really?
>Lamp
>door
>Iron Maiden Poster
I don't know man. I think we charge in like idiots and all die.
>and all die.
>door as "armor"
Pretty sure you backpedal when the going gets rough.
Candles, tweezers, lamp?
Are we really shitty incinerants?
Blanket (Maybe usable as a net?)
Pillow (Ah, crap)
Wall (?????)
We're screwed.
Roll of toilet paper for our weapon
A pillow for our armor,
And a mattress for our tactics.
I guess we go in the hulk and play pranks on the artifact guardians, until they become used to our fluffy armor presence like a memory foam mattress becomes used to its owner's profile. Then we steal the artifact and run.
ARe you... in a bedroom/ath\\room combo??
No, im sick and out of tissue paper so I've got a roll sitting on my bed for blowing my nose.
Our Squads weapons are venerated power chairs, donated kindly by the Angry Marines personal stock to assist us pitiful mortals in fighting the Hiveminds corrupt brood.
Our armor is literal tissues- i mean thrice blesses Flack Armor, standart issue equipment for every guardsmen that is worth their lasgun.
Our general tactics to take on the mission are... laundry baskets... uhh...
Yeah, we're dead.
Flashlight.
A notepad.
And a fan with a pith helmet on it.
I guess I'm part of the praetorian guard.
Weapon: Headset
>blast loud contemporary music for psychological warfare
Armor: iPhone 6s+
>force enemy to miss with distracting lights and recoil at our shit taste in smartphones
Tactics: Heavy-Duty Umbrella
>Create forcefields to protect from artillery rain and charge forward
We got this in the bag.
>tissues
>tums
>door
Wielding the arcane might of a box of kleenex and protected with the firm defense of a plastic Tums box, we employ the masterful strategy of closing the doors and praying for our lives.
A cup of ice.
A Nintendo 3DSXL.
A bed.
Hmm.
Nexus tablet: Turn the screen brightness to max and blind the enemy.
Headphones: Drown out outside noises so we are blissfully unaware of anything bad happening.
Small refrigerator: ???
We did not survive, nor did the battery in the tablet. The bright side is that we were nice and cool and listening to the best jams the Imperium has to offer.
spoon
bamboo tray
table
Welp guys, we're getting tabled.
>Keyboard
>Paper
>Door
SWAT bureaucrats here we come
>Left
Empty beer bottle. Might be able to stab a genestealer with it once broken
>Right
A CZ-83. Emperor-dammit! The quartermaster switched out the armor with the weapons and then the weapons with the trash from the break room!
>Behind
A paper from the Naval War College on Chaos Theory by Maj. Glenn James, USAF. Well, that should actually help us in making sense of the chaotic depths of the space hulk.
>Two foot pipe wrench as weapons
>Mobilith SHC 460 synthetic grease as armor
>Andritz Belt Feed Press as tactics
We're assaulting space hulks as surly waste processing mechanics from the lower decks?
Standing lamp. Kraig-Jorgensen rifle. Gun safe.
>We carry the light of the Emperor into the dark places! GUARDSMEN, FIRE!
>He means shine your lights at the thing charging you lads, and if they get close keep them at bay with your bayonets.
To my right: Closet containing ammo and slavshit weapons.
To my left: pile of dirty clothes
Behind me: A wall.
Stand aside, for the 71st /K/ommando Corp, has arrived!
...
You missread the OP.
Hat
Buttefingers Bar
My...Roomate? Explorator do we need to see the commisar
I didn't know what to expect anons to have around them for this thread. But it wasn't that
With an squad armed with radiators, using shower armor, and employing shit tactics, I doubt they would survive anything.
These kinds of prompts are always fun as a third shift operator. It would be equally entertaining if I was in the lab at the time of my post.
Full laundry basket to my left, Half full laundry basket to my right, bed behind me.
These tactics are beyond me, and these weapons are far too advanced for me to understand.
Ruler weapons.
Bed sheet armor.
And psp tactics?
To my left: Donky Konka bongos plugged into a Wii
To my right: A printer
Behind me: the closest thing behind me is a fake christmas tree across the room that nobody bothered to take down.
Is it Sanguinala already, Explorator? Oh boy, I'll grab the bongos!
>Trash can, Nalgene bottle, messenger bag
So we hike around picking up litter and carry the artifact out in a messenger bag? No survivors.
>Bed sheet armor.
not much worse than regular guard gear then is it?
>Pillow
>Bedsheet
>Pillow
Charge! With the Emporers blessing no foe shall withstand our snug fury!
To my left: another guy
To my right: A glass door
Behind me: A computer
Human wave tactics?
>Beer bottle, cellphone, computer chair
>tfw squad of guardsmen wielding broken beer bottles and duct-taped head to toe with cell phones scoots around a space hulk on swivel chairs
A pile of random stuff, atleast including a pocket knife.
Door armor?
Door tactics?
Depends on the writer.
>Cap of "tears"
>Paper
>Armed chair/Ladder
We will do it, till the first enemy encounter.
To my left, empty room... a standing fan if you count objects out of arm's reach.
To my right, a workbench.
And behind me, a cart with thermoplast plates.
...we Mechanicus now?
Weapon: Used Tissue
>Toxic/chemical weapons
Armor: heat pack
>Environmental suits(?)
Tactics: Backpack
>either being Well equipped, or LOOTING
>A very upset Norwegian
>Forks
>Gas cylinder
I can only see this going poorly.
I'm fucked. Armed with a small pot of glue and protected by my holy address book, I board the hulk while singing inspiring chants from the Emperoror's Folder of Electric Bill Statements.
Left: a giant cardboard box
Right: a crucifix
Behind: a ladder
mechanized crusaders who take the high ground?
To my left: toilet paper
To my right: potted plant
Behind me: toilet
Welp, time to shitpost
Left: A dictator class imperial cruiser miniature
Right: A plier
Behind: A box of medieval miniatures
The cruiser is nice, the medieval tactics wont be effective with a cruiser though. If the cruiser breaks I can fix it with the plier I geuss.
>backpack
>some random woman
>wall
wat
a bag, a cellphone, and a chair. I like hard mode
I don't know if I've ever sympathized with an image this much before.
Paints, calendar, wall.
We survive. We paint ourselves as calendars on the wall (always using multiple thin coats and getting a nice fine tip on our brushes) and attack the 'nids when they walk past, fooled by our disguise. It's foolproof, Explorator!
>Throttle
>Joystick
>Poster of a spaceship
Scramble fighters and hope the artifact is resistant to lasers I guess.
No they will be armored by guns. And cabinet. They are slav. Then they strangle filthy enemies with dirty cloths.
>a container of chocolate chip cookies
>a metal bottle
>a vacuum cleaner
>mfw
Cellphone, Guitar, Window. At least the tactics make sense.
>weapon
Ironing board
>armor
Kitchen sink
>tactics
Fridge
We box the enemy into a sort of reverse testudo with our ironing boards assited by our sink shields then ram boards between the gaps to cut it up.
>Lamp weapons
>Coffee mug armor
>Bed tactics
No2
>all these people with weapons as armor
They'd never send guardsmen inside space hulks, it went badly too much times before
Headphones.
Dust remover.
Pathfinder Supplements.
....I think we're in trouble.
Hammer, particle board, forklift.
This is what I get for surfing Veeky Forums at work. At least I have better chances than most other anons in the thread (not sure how stacking shit works as a strategy)
>armor to my right
Well, shit.
>weapon
A synthesizer.
>tactics
Uh, "Neuromancer" by William Gibson.
Weapon: Bed
Armour: Fan
Tactics: Door
Sorry, what is going on here?
You a slowly approach the genestealer, and in your best Barry White voice you say, "hey there sweet thing, whaddaya say we get gotta here and swap some genetics?"
Object to the right is a steel fire door, to the left, a 48" lawnmower, behind me is a brick wall... I think we'll be ok.
So, typical Guardsmen tactics?
Hell yeah brother. I work in access control, so I can get some interesting combos myself.
If I saw this last week, I could have said, with total honesty, a paranoid schizophrenic retired Marine, a 50,000 volt stepdown transformer and a pair of BIG damn channel locks.
Are you in my house?
Are you in mine?
Who is this?
Empty booth, low wall, and chair. I think we're in a cover-based shooter that uses chairs as tactics.
there is a bearded axe to my left but there is also a revolver to my left to my right is a polyurethane laundry bag
>Comp microphone
>Bomber jacket
>Guitar
AWW HELL YEAH
TIME FOR PLANET DANCE MUTHAFUCKA
>The object to your left is your squad's weapon.
A shoe.
>The object to your right is your squad's armor.
A window screen.
>The object behind you is your squad's tactics
... An IOTV (body armor).
I'm keeping my vest on my desk from now on.
nail-clipper
protein shake (bio-armour?)
socks
no there's not enough offense in this plan.
>shower chair
>hair brush
>toilet
Fuck no. I've got to stop browsing Veeky Forums while taking a shit.
To my left, nothing.
To my right, nothing.
Behind me, still nothing.
I am alone in a lush green field, I hear only the wind's whispers, I smell the grass and the soil, I see the world standing still, and at this moment I am at peace.
I am so fucked.