Any of you dweeby nü-male basement dwellers play a real man's game?

Maybe it's time to grow up and stop playing kid's games then?

Nah, it's too complicated. Learning all that shit from the ground up after growing up is just too much fucking work.

Old dog, new tricks, etc. Same thing with football rules and teams and famous players and shit. It just ain't happening, it's too late.

The easiest card game is where you are dealt half of the deck and your opponent the other half. You open your top cards and whose card is higher takes both. We call it "the drunkard" here.

Dude, just fucking kill people who fuck with you. Presto, good at New Vegas.

Don't be retarded. I learned how to play the game in 15 minutes. Do you know what a pair is? You already understand half the game.

No, I'm virtually retarded.

Did you just assume my level of retardation, shitlord?

I remember playing that game at 5. There are more elaborate versions of that game where you do combos with pairs trips, straights etc. But poker is more fun han all of them.

Ain't that a fruit, brother?

I used to make money off poker when there was an explosion of it 5/10 years ago. I read a couple of books and realised that made me better than 90% of the morons thinking they were James bond. You cant earn money like you could before as all the fish went back to video games.

I deal cards as a job, and deal with drunk shits all night. It gets old.

How much do you get paid for that?

So is Street Fighter. Your point?

I remember.

Didn't the well dry up after americans were banned from playing online or something?

If I wanted to lose money for a temporary rush, I'd go buy some cheap liquor and jerk off.

It's near zero sum. You can make money.

You realize is screwing with you right? The joke is that it's a really simple game that they find boring.

Yes, but your pic mistakenly shows blackjack, not chemin de fer.

I was about to go out and play billiard

>playing the least interesting game you can play with the standard 52
Grow up and play whist, you mong.

Is fucking your mom a real man's game? If so I'm one of the top athletes in my field.

I played whist.

Then I grew up and started playing tarot.

>black jack
>real mans game
Its barely a step up from slots or roulette.

How do I git gud at poker?
All of my peers seem to turn into absolute experts who have been playing nothing else their entire lives anytime poker comes up and I don't want to embarrass myself in front of them.

Yes, I play baccarat.

I played poker with my elderly jewish neighbour a few weeks ago. Fucker cleaned me out so quickly that I'm sure he's faking his dementia.

>Whist
Pleb.

Whatever you say, grandma.

Five-man Briscola is the only traditional card game worth playing. You get the betting of your average Casino game, backstabby teamwork and an excellent "hidden traitor" mechanic all in one.

tried it. Used to be fantastic at calling a bluff but apparently I've lost it over time.

>still a monster Euchre player

Nope, i can't bluff for shit.

If you boys want to hear about a real man's game. Check this shit out.

Euchre is still legit though, especially in Indiana or Ohio plus parts of michigan.

This, we need more poker threads on Veeky Forums though

So is Magic: The Gathering.

Yeah, that's exactly what happened. Online gambling was expressly made illegal.

Not that you would have made significant money without artificial intelligence. The best players of the time were playing with massive computer assistance and used it to get a statistical edge on others.

We're an enlightened board, user. Please select your appropriate level of retardation from the attached flowchart, and we can resume the shitposting from an appropriate and mutually retarded standpoint.

Fuck yes, Euchre. Haven't played it in years.

I played a good bit 5 years ago, and a little last year, all casually. It's fun, but I'm not good with gambling, and there are plenty of better hidden information/bluffing games available to scratch that itch.

I did love tiliting my buddy by going all in preflop heads up, though.

my friends and i play egyptian rat screw. we have a set pot buy in, and any time you mis-slap you add to the pot along with adding cards.

That's because they don't have broadcasting rights on 'real' sports other than football/basketball/baseball. Hence all the time they piss away on off-field drama that no one gives a shit about.

>Hurr durr, your complicated games with depth and books of rules suck
>You should be playing the simplest, noobiest card game ever conceived like me, because REEL MENZ aren't supposed to use their brains
>HURRR DURRR IM SO FUCKING RETARDED

Poker is the easiest, most boring shit-tier game I've ever played. What, because people usually bet money, that somehow makes it "manly"? You can bet money on any game with a winner or loser. I bet anything more complicated than solitaire or uno would give you an aneurysm. Go play russian roulette with six rounds in the chamber, you over-compensating, insecure window licker.

I don't gamble for personal reasons, and am unable to play for fun because nobody is willing to play against me because I am too good at bluffing in a casual setting.

Sort of. I'm a professional dealer at the number one casino in my state, does that count?

Is it the only casino in your state?

I bought spanish cards like these once not realizing they weren't a full set. Tell me more about this Briscola and any other games that might go well on a quiet night with a few drinks.

No there's ten of them, hahah.

Yurofags. I forget we need to use simple phrases for you to understand.

States are big. Big places have many casinos.

Maybe he just lives in a state that has no casinos and no native american land.

It was a shitty attempt at a joke.
It obviously failed worse than even I thought it would.

No I got the joke, and then I replied with the truth. Later some other guy decided to make a Europe shitpost. So I showed him why that small detail he focused on, the concept of a state and its size, should be nothing to complain about under this context.

>Bridge

Now THERE'S a real card game. Poker get out.

>mfw club tells me I'm too old to become a good bridge player
>mfw 25 years old
>mfw I have no face cards

But the only two card games innamojave are Blackjack and Caravan REEE.

>implying a real man gives a shit what other men do in their free time when it doesn't have any affect on him
No, I don't, because I hate the shit out of card games. Always have. I deal with miniatures, because making them, sculpting, painting and so on involve creativity (read: it's a hobby), stuff that you don't get from boring-ass pieces of paper with numbers and pictures printed on them. If that's your thing, good on you, but don't act like it makes you any more interesting or "manly" than the gits that play MtG or YGO.

>sicilian cards
Does "backstabbing teamwork" include actual stab wounds?

>Billiards
Muh nigga

...

Briscola's the most "classic" game you can play with them, and it comes with three variants, depending on the number of players.

2-3 man Briscola.

Each player is dealt three cards, with the remaining cards shuffled into a deck. Then, the top card from the deck is revealed and placed at the center of the table; the card's suit determines the "Briscola", the strongest suit in that game (If playing with three players, an additional card from the deck is removed from the game). The game is then divided in a number of "rounds"; the first player plays a card from his hand, whose suit will be the second strongest. The other players then respond by each playing one of their own cards, after which the winner of the round is determined, who aquires all the cards that have been played. Here's an example:

>Briscola is a three of swords.
>P1 plays a King of clubs. Only a card of higher value with the same suit (i.e: the Ace of clubs) or any card with a swords suit can defeat it.
>P2 plays a worthless 4 of gold. P1 still has the highest value.
>P3 plays a 3 of swords. As its suit is the same as the Briscola, it is the strongest card in the round, and can only be defeated by other sword suit-cards of greater value.
>P3 wins the round, collecting all the played cards into a separate "points pile".

After a round, everyone draws a card, starting from the round winner and then going clockwise. The round's winner then plays the first card of the next round, and so-on.

The game proceeds this way until only 1 or 2 cards remain in the main deck. During the draw phase, the last player to draw will put the card that was used to determine the Briscola in his hand, instead.

After this, everyone counts their points according to the following values:

Jack = 2
Knight = 3
King = 4
Three = 10
Ace = 11

All other cards are worthless. The player with the highest points wins.

(cont.)

4- man Briscola.

Same as with normal Briscola, but the players are split into two teams. While they cannot talk to each other in the first round, they can freely communicate and discuss strategies out loud (at their own risk) the rest of the game. Once the middle deck is empty, the players can show their teammates what their hand is, and strategise accordingly. Points are shared within the team, so the general strategy is generally to have one teammate playing high-point cards and the other playing strong enough cards to collect said points.

5-man Briscola

This is where the game gets interesting. All the cards in the deck are dealt evenly to each player. A player, generally the one to the left of the dealer, then makes a bet as to how many points he thinks he can score. The other players can then decide to raise by betting they could score a higher value or stand. This continues until no one is willing to raise a player's bet. The strategy in this phase is to ensure the bet value is high enough to be difficult to reach, but low enough that someone might be tempted to try and raise you.

The player who raised the highest bet then declares, or "calls" a single card in the deck to be the Briscola for the game. As all cards have been dealt, the Briscola will be in the hand of one of the players, who secretely becomes the Traitor. At this point, the players are divided into two teams: the player who made the bet vs everyone else. However, the traitor is secretely collaborating with the bet-maker, and the points the former makes during the game will be summed to the latter's at the end.

Gameplay-wise, it operates in a similar way to 4-man Briscola: everyone can talk to each other, although they will not be able to see the other players' hands at any point, and the general strategy remains similar. However, each player keeps their own individual "points pile", which are added together only when the traitor is revealed at the end of the game.

Just play more, it's simple as that. Try to see what decisions you make are good and what aren't. Adjust your behaviour if you see that you're doing something wrong.

5-man Briscola can get a lot more complicated in terms of strategies. The traitor is trying to either indirectly let the bet-maker win rounds and make points, or he is trying to make as many points as possible himself. However, he must be careful when to play the "called" Briscola that is in his hand, as it will immediately reveal him to be the traitor.

he bet-maker, while trying to reach the amount of points he bet he would make, is also trying to sow confusion and distrust amongst the other players while trying to figure out who's on his side, so he can collaborate accordingly. The other players are instead trying to maintain an even spread of points amongst them while trying to figure out who the traitor is, so that they can play around him.

To make things even more backstabby, you can add in some real-money betting mechanics. At our house we like to have the initial bets on both card points and an amount of money. Each raise affects both points and money value, which are placed in a main pot. Once a bet-maker is selected, all other players add a minimum sum of money to the pot. If the bet-maker and traitor win, they split the money. If the others win, though, the winnings are split in four, with the player who made the most points earning half of the total winnings, and the others gaining a mere fourth. This generally leads to .

I goofed. If the traitor and bet-maker win, a similar condition takes place, the traitor first gains back the amount he bet, then the remaining pot is split in two.

Why yes, actually. A night of poker, alcohol, and weed beats a night of roleplaying for sure.

>poker
>a real men's game
>not preferans/bridge/mahjong
You are a fucking plebeian.
Poker is for children who are unable to remember anything beyond a couple of rules and hands. The calculation of risks in poker is a fucking joke, and playing poker professionally is like being a professional cocksucker.

Educate yourself, ingrate.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preferans
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contract_bridge
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahjong

>Euchre

MY DUDES! Euchre is the shit. Me and roommates have a weekly card night. Euchre comes up almost every time.

Fucking love that game.

Only to strip girls when drinking.

I used to play poker with potato chips instead of plastic chips. It was really fun because you were more willing to put in chips you didn't like as much and it made some people more easy to read. Especially if you were really perceptive at the party beforehand and figured out what kind of chips someone liked to eat.

youtube.com/watch?v=mTsyzRSRC08

i wanted to learn poker.

after 2-3 hours of reading i was only beginning to understand how much fucking shit i would need to know and calculate at every move to be able to make money of of it.

i get all the basic concepts of actually not playing 90% of the hands you are dealt and that being last is a real big advantage that lets you play with much weaker hands.

...

Briscola is for children and senile old men. Play triesete if you want a serious card game or qui fameno if you want to have fun.

Metabolic process chart?

>Tresette
>No talking or bluffing
if I wanted an emotionless snoozefest, we might as well be playing Macchiavelli.

>Qui fameno
Never heard of this one, though, and I can't seem to find it anywhere. How do you play it?

I think he is referring to this game:
pagat.com/tressette/ciapano.html