Ever have trouble finding a decent gaming group? Well...

Ever have trouble finding a decent gaming group? Well, seems like I won't be playing any tabletop games around these parts. I ran into possibly the worst group I'll ever meet. Worst part: a long-time friend of mine has fallen in with their ranks.

>Be in second semester of college
>Things going well, but I haven't made many friends
>Tired of working on homework every weekend, so I decide on a whim to go to the second floor of the student hangout building where I always hear a bunch of loud nerds
>They make a good first impression, I like them initially and we hit it off, all liking the same nerd shit
>Suddenly my hermit friend from high school pops up, gives me a spontaneous hug
>have not seen him since I helped him move in last August
>We catch up. Apparently he has been as much of a shut in as ever; his new friends confirm they never see him except for this exact time and day every week
>"well thanks for telling me dude"
>he says he hasn't been buying phone service, but he will if I want to text him sometime
>whatevs
>He says he'll probably be doing some tabletop shit later if I'm willing to wait. It's noon.
>I had mentioned starting a Pathfinder game to his friends earlier, so naturally I was interested. I agree to wait until then in the student lobby.
>One of them talks to me excitedly about how he has the perfect build for rogues at level 1, and how he loves playing rogue, and has only ever played human rogues. I respond to this by saying I am doing 4d6 in order, but this makes him excited to see what sort of rogue the dice will give him. "Rogue is a really versatile class!"
>coolbeans.gif

More to come. This isn't the worst part.

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His friends are being total memesters, and not the good kind. One of them, unironically, is wearing a fedora, with a neckbeard. He tries to start a discussion on atheism but is shut down by literally everyone else. He's also wearing a Team Valor shirt, which... Pokemon GO is dead, dude.
>Maybe he's the only weirdo? The others seem at least somewhat socially adjusted. I keep my eyes peeled.
>One of them points behind me and the others turn and stare. I slowly turn my head around and see nothing except a girl walking down the stairs.
>I ask, "Heh, what are you guys looking at?"
>The smartest ass of the group jokingly explains to the sheepish femanon, "Well, you see, there was a very beautiful girl that just walked past, and we were checking her out. Yeah, we're pigs." They all laugh.
>Well, hey, at least they're honest. At 6' with a steady workout routine I'm rather masculine, so I guess I'm not used to that attention, or I don't notice it. None of my guy friends in high school ever did that; it was a whole new world to me.
Anyways.
>They all suddenly, almost in unison, all pull out their 3DS systems and start playing Pokemon. No words between them.
>Nothing wrong with Nintendo games, but I left mine at home. I didn't know this was going to be a thing.
>They start laughing and bantering and carrying on about what's going on in their respective games.
>r/atheism pulls out a Bluetooth speaker and starts playing songs that were cool in 2006. What happens next will shock you!
>Everyone, in unison, starts singing along to classics like Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance and other such legends in the student lobby. Atheist dude is singing in a pitch-perfect falsetto.
>I start to think I'm being initiated into a cringe cult.
>From this point forward, I stay purely for the bizarre experience. I was too curious about what would happen next to leave now, and I felt obligated to document it.

I realize I haven't even gotten to the tabletop shit yet, but hold on. Most of this story is just about the people I met while trying to get a group together and why I will not try again as long as I'm going to this school.

>While everyone else is singing and arguing about which evolution of Rockruff is better, my old friend (we'll call him T) and Atheism Idol stand up to go out for lunch. I subconsciously register this but am too shellshocked to ask to go with them.
>I'm left alone with T's friends. They're playing Pokemon. Still.
>I didn't bring Pokemon, but I did have Fire Emblem handy. I decide to do as the natives do until the one person I'm comfortable talking to in this group returns.
>A stuttering but otherwise nice fellow named Shamarr asks about me in the second person. Smartass tells him my name. It's evident talking to goyles is new territory for our young hero.
>"Uh, h-hi, user. Sorry, I... Sorry, I d-didn't know your-- your name."
>"That's fine. Nice to meet you!"
>"Y-you too."
That was the extent of that conversation.
>T eventually returns with his food. Never much of an eater, he gives me his fries to placate me.
>I take them. Shit, now I couldn't leave-- not after I've just been given food. It got boring without M'Lord around to lead the chorus, and I was no longer having fun observing the group.

Eventually... it's RP time.

Who are you quoting?

Two more parts to this. It starts to get "good" here.

>I am less amused and more annoyed by the dumb jokes at this point. I stepped outside to get away from the internet, but these guys personified the worst parts of it. Real life cringe lost its novelty.
>I ask T, "Weren't we going to roleplay soon?"
>He immediately agrees, stands up, and calls the group to attention. "We're going to start our realistic zombie RPG."
Oh no. He had told me about this. We weren't rolling characters. We were going to play as ourselves. Worst part: the other people judge your stats. They won't just trust you to be honest.
>Get out a piece of paper, write "SPECIAL" on it (they were doing Fallout attributes because of course they were)
>"Okay, on a scale of one to five, two being what we consider average... how would you rate your strength?"
I work out 4 days a week. One of those days is arm day. I don't want to push it, though.
>"Three, I guess."
"I guess"? I've fucked myself. I realize, in hindsight, I should have just said 3 and nothing else. Whatever. The "I guess" was because I really didn't feel a 5-point system for attributes was sufficient, but you can only communicate so much in two words. To them, I communicated weakness.
>"...Really? Oookay. Uh, so, you know, strength in our game means... pure, brute, lifting strength."
>This pissed me off. "Look, you don't have to define strength for me. I know what strength is."
>"Well, uh, there are skills that help determine combat damage, it's not just strength..."
>This was getting bad, so T stepped in. "You know, user, you're awful perceptive, at least."
>What the fuck, T. I helped you move. You know I work out more than your gangly fuckboys you call friends. You know I'm at least a 3 strength in your stupid fucking homebrew SPECIAL ass zombie game.
>I restrain myself from saying this and inquire, "What makes you say that?" I'm about as perceptive IRL as a short-sighted mole in daylight, so I knew he was just trying to shut me up.

Final part. I am still seething.

>Atheist says, "Soooooo, we goin' with a 2?"
>I stare at him. I stare at him for several silent seconds. He can't make eye contact with me.
>Smartass tries to break the tension with, "Well, if you want a higher attribute you could always prove your strength..."
>I'd had it. Rather than proving my strength by, say, lifting things, or throwing one of them off the second floor, or whatever dominatrix shit he was insinuating, I suddenly realize that I don't have to prove anything to them. I'd had it with this dumb group and having one good person in it wasn't worth making a time investment like a roleplaying game with the rest of them.
(And is it really roleplaying if we're playing as literal self-inserts?)
>"Look, I'm not feeling this. Later."
>I grab my stuff and walk away. I am still seething inside, though.
>When I exit the building, the sun is setting and I can no longer hold in my anger. I start running home, since my apartment is just off-campus.
>Get home, and in a fit of insecurity I pick up my weights. I definitely went too hard on them, but at least it reassured me that I wasn't 2 fucking strength.

But yeah. That's how I basically wasted a whole day trying to find more people IRL who share my interests. This is why Roll20 exists.

Ok?

Tbh, I'd have just left at realistic zombie RPG.

This is why you don't associate with nerds irl. You have to assert your dominance by yelling insults at them while doing a sick kickflip.

Apart from the sexism, they seem alright. Sure, they're spergie as hell, and that's not my cup of tea, but there's nothing wrong with liking "edgy" music or playing Pokemon with friends. Maybe you should have tried to get to know them better. Hell, some dude who probably has mild social anxiety/retardation tried to start a conversation with you, so that's some points.

Basically, you sou d like you're trying to be holier-than-thou to this group of friends, and while they crossed a few lines with their sexism, they seem like OK guys from your account.

Though is right, any zombie game is just begging for pasta to be written about it.