Besides sleep with him, what would the wife of a dark lord actually do?

Please god, let this be bait. Not a poor soul intentionally fucking up his relationship.

I'm trying to determine whether I'm being deceived or not.

This line is certainly pushing it:
>Recently, I met a girl, not a transsexual, an actual girl
Followed by:
>as time passed,
And then:
> A few months went by
Keeping your timeline steady makes for a better narrative.

>Which brings me to you, Veeky Forums, tell me, besides sleeping with him, what would the wife of a dark lord actually do?

Straight answer: probably deal with his more boring shit. Someone's gotta handle the tribute from the shitty towns he's conquered, disputes between minions, etc. He's gonna dump this on her, but she won't get shit for respect at first so it'll be an uphill battle to earn it.

Real answer: the wife of a dark lord does whatever your sidehug girlfriend wants to do.

>I'm also looking for any suggestions

Really real answer: get over your Christfagging sanctimony and hit that. There's nothing magical about sex, it's just another aspect of life, and quite a fun one, too. You're doing yourself a disservice.

It's like refusing to ride a roller coaster because you want your first time to be special.

Well, there's a saying that behind every great man there's a great woman, so...

She could start a web of intrigue to keep the Dark Lord's rivals from taking his throne. Sowing zizany is a good way to make sure thay will foil one another's plots to overthrow the Dark Lord. Divide and conquer.

Other than that, she could be used as a diplomat, as people might be more willing to negotiate (when not fearstruck) with a person that doesn't look like evil incarnate. Bonus points for beauty.

She could also serve as emotional support for the Dark Lord, which could give some character to the bed scenes. I imagine trying to run an evil empire of backstabbing serfs would be frustrating as hell.

But yeah, unless she goes adventuring for some reason, it will be mostly what says: the boring shit.

If you're feeling like a hopeless /d/egenerate, she could always tenderly hold the Dark Lord's hand.

So, let me get my head around this, for some reason you've decided that premarital sex is bad. Ok, whatever, that's your business. But just to clear something up, I'm getting the feeling she doesn't feel the same, and has probably had sex before, hasn't she? So, after telling this girl who's probably had sex before you don't ever want to fuck until you're married, you decide to do you absolute best to get her really really horny? I am following this, right? Now I'm not going to go right to /r9k/ levels and tell you that she's just going to cheat on you because she's a roastie whore, but it's certainly going to strain her self control, and even if she does manage to keep it together, all you're really doing in the end is making her incredibly sexually frustrated. So honestly, I think the specifics of her imaginary role in the imaginary relationship is really the least of you problems.

or this is bait and I've not just bitten, but chewed and swallowed

Dude, are you the QM for the Demonic Lord Concubine Quest over at /qst/? Because the premise for that quest is exactly like what you describe in your post.

So... everything well-written is fake?

Honestly, as some one who naturally writes and speaks with this type of flair, people like you are the ones who make me shut myself in so I don't look retarded.

You know how some people have "the music in their soul"? Writing is the same way - some people are just predisposed to be dramatic in their writing style, regardless of the piece's origin in reality (or lack thereof).

There is absolutely no way that this isn't bait.

>get over your Christfagging sanctimony

It doesn't have to be religious, you know. I'm waiting until marriage for sex, not because I believe in god, but because I think sex is supposed to be intimate. It's something you do with some one you really love, not just some one you've been dating for a few months. It might have to do with my love language being touch, as that makes sex even more meaningful for me, but I don't know.

For me having sex is basically telling this person "I love you enough to risk a family with you right now." You just don't do that was some rando.

...

Fucking hell, now you've all driven him off.

Nice support, Veeky Forums.

I knew what to expect because this is Veeky Forums, but I am still disappoint.

>Placing this much faith in the institute that is marriage
Marrying someone is just a ring, there isn't a magical difference between a married couple and the same couple but unmarried.
Its generally not a great idea to plan your life around arbitrary dates and events. Waiting for marriage also has the side effect of possibly causing you to rush into a shitty marriage that collapses due to poor foundations. Try before you buy and all that.

Several things:

First, thank you for the laugh. I needed it this morning before work.
Second,
>extramarital sex under any circumstances
This is where you first fucked up. To be a autistic, extramarital means you're already married and cheating on your spouse. The word you're looking for is 'premarital'. But whatever, you made your point. Your stupid stupid point.

Denying sex before marriage is like buying a car before test driving it. People are sometimes incompatible when it comes to fucking. You really ought to get over this hangup soon. Assuming she has had sex before, this will end whatever passes for your 'relationship' eventually.

Third, to actually answer your question. The wife of a Dark Lord could do a great many things. Scheme against the Dark Court, deal with the day-to-day bullshit that the Dark Lord himself is unwilling or uninterested in doing. Best idea I can come up with while eating my oatmeal is: Act as the Spymaster. While her hubby is off stomping faces and razing kingdoms, she works to keep internal threats neutralized, find traitors in castles he's about to besiege, and keeps the competition dead.

Fourth, I'm jealous that you found this. God speed user, fuck her.

Fifth, this never happened. Ever. Good what if scenario though.

Probably should have added that it's not necessarily marriage itself that I MUST wait for. Just a relationship that is serious enough to where if I got pregnant we'd both be like "Shit, this sucks, but we can buckle down and figure it out together." Ideally the type of person I'd have sex with and marry are exactly the same.

Your advice is still very good, though, and OP's wording suggests he may need it.

This. Also, marriage doesn't magically mean you love somebody more. I recommend that instead of waiting until, like this user said an arbitrary time, just wait until you feel comfortable and attached enough to her to to take that step. It doesn't have to be tonight or this month or this year, but it should be set around you and her, not some bizarre societal expectation. Also, protip, if she doesn't support you in waiting like this, just get rid of her, she wouldn't make a decent life time partner anyway.

Dude. He rolled in here failing at greentext, talking about how he refused to bang a girl who is clearly mad for him, and whining about being mistreated for having "music in [his] soul."

We are only human.

And as an aside, I call BS on the whole, "I want my first time to be special," argument. Nobody's first time is special. Best bet is he's gonna give her two awkward humps and a "sorry." Nothing against him specifically, that's just life. Some things only come with practice.

>Nobody's first time is special.
Fucking preach user. Fuck preach.

The only lesson I took away from my first time was that two virgins should never, under any circumstances fuck one another.

I disagree, they certainly should. But then they should do it again not long after, and again after that.

The second part happened. But someone knowing what to actually do and not running off teenage hormones, porn, and nerves would've been nice.

Yeah, but it can be good in my opinion, if nothing else it's good bonding if you stay together.

Legit. I got lucky and had my first with a girl who had been around the block a few times. It still sucked, but at least I got some useful feedback.

>Just a relationship that is serious enough to where if I got pregnant we'd both be like "Shit, this sucks, but we can buckle down and figure it out together."
You know there is more than one kind of sex, right? You can get up to quite a lot without babymaking being even a remote possibility.

"Music in my soul" person was not OP.

We're not talking blowjobs or something, we're talking about actual sex. Or at least I was. I'm willing to do quite a lot before that point in a relationship. Those are all about being supportive and nice to your partner, right?

OP drew the line at anything past kissing.

Being willing to explore but stopping short of actual intercourse is entirely understandable, imo.

If she's one wife then she will be the mistress of the House when he's gone. Handling the funds, minions, usurpers and whatnot. It doesn't need to be "boring" as the other anons are saying. Go for it and have fun.
Your writing is great. Please continue.

>I'm indeed a permavirgin, and I told her that I will not be having extramarital sex under any circumstances

Way too blatant but it's Friday so here's a token bump for your effort

May you enrage many a poster this day, OP!

Why does everyone think this is bait? Is that the new meme on Veeky Forums?
(Not OP.)

Because some of us have been on this board since 2007.

You know that phrase about there being nothing new under the sun? Same deal.

>(Not OP.)
Sure.

It's a detailed post about something which mentions, almost as an aside, something which is also likely to provoke conversation. OP's virginity signalling had no relevance to his actual question, but it's there anyway.

This is a common bait pattern, like asking Veeky Forums to design a specifically-themed setting for a group to magical realm in.

>bawww marriage is meaningless, give into your base desires immediately, you're hurting my feelings with your spiritual fulfillment and self-control!!!!!
Y'all niggas posting in a bait thread.

Beauty fades. The True wife of a dark lord has to be the kind of person who can resist his other paramours attempts to take her spot at this side, and a dark lord is gonna have some damn extreme lovers.

An 18 year old country bumpkin can't compare to the Witch of Weyr, who can not only just steal her beauty with magic but is also Queen of the Blackwoods and commands an army of Unseelie Fae. Her time is either occupied by court intrigue, staying pretty, or picking something up that makes her essential to him.

I think OP has been driven off.

>you guys posting about OP baiting are so stupid!
>don't you realize this is a bait thread?

It could just be he was trying to be colorful and funny. That's honestly what I think, and I don't have years of trolling to condition me into assuming everything slightly odd is a troll.

She's the sole responsible for his villainy! She's the one who pushed him to the path of evil.

You're free to hold whatever incorrect beliefs you like.

>bait post has the words "bait thread" in it
>bites the bait anyway
>merely pretending

Bait or not, this thread's still more interesting than another 40k thread or bullshit general.

Now, the real question, how will she survive the little monsters she will give birth to?

>Besides sleep with him, what would the wife of a dark lord actually do?
What a dark mistress would do.
>Scheming
>Plotting
>Poisoning
>Assassinating in such ways that it would look like an accident/unfortunate event/force of nature/etc
>Double-crossing her rivals
>Thinking about how to take her husband's place (if she's not loyal)
>Thinking about how to not let people take her husband's place (if she's not loyal and she wants the throne for herself)
>Thinking about how to not let people take her husband's place (when she's loyal and genuinely loves her husband)
>Spending romantic evenings with her husband
>Unpersoning every girl her husband is talking to (if she really loves him)
>Training the maids into killer ninja maids
>Conducting rituals to summon demonic abominations to unleash on her husband's enemies (alternatively doing so on her husband if she wants to backstab him)
>Being a villainess with good publicity like her husband (competent dark lords must have good publicity which makes the masses less likely to rebel)
>Help her husband in ruling the lands (even competent dark lords need some help)
>Sucking succubuses dry to get their beauty until lifeless shells remain (eventually doing so to rivals and heroines)
>Interior arrangement (dark mistresses love doing this and competent ones combine style with practicality...and death-traps)
>Giving birth to enough kids so that her and her husband's bloodline wouldn't die out
>Making sure that among the kids one would inherit her husband's place via murderous survival of the fittest and most cunning (it ain't easy being a dark lord/dark mistress) and to make them into glorious bastards that can outsmart anyone and who know how to rule and fight with weapons and magic
>Keeping the order in the lands when her hubby is too busy conquering kingdoms

I can't come up with more at this point.

Easy the dark lord took her as his wife because she can bear his little monsters.

I'm actually more interested in "sleeping" part. It's not about magical realm shenanigans - I just simply can't imagine how your typical BBEG can shag his mistress.
Would it be just a boring missionary position thrusts for a minute like it was depicted in modern fantasy flicks? Simply for procreation, no pleasure for himself and his companion?

She's using him to gain power herself. Women aren't as strong as men but they have the same ambition men do. She wants power but knows she can't take it by playing men's rules, so she bides her time and uses her own strengths to her advantage. Once her husband is in a state of weakness she will strike, and do so in a way that leaves her blameless. Think of the French princess from Braveheart, she waits until the powerful king is sick and weak, then whispers in his ear on his deathbed
>I'm pregnant
>It's not your blood
>as soon as your crotchety ass dies I'm killing your faggot son and taking your throne
That's the kind of thing a woman would do to beat a man she can't overpower.

Very roughly, painfully, and with extreme pleasure in the end
That's how he did it.

Is it too inane to ask why a villain's spouse would need to do anything in particular?

It isn't like being evil prevents you from loving or being loved.

>two virgins should never have sex
That sounds like something a woman would say to justify being a whore

He's a guy after all. Do you think he doesn't shit like a normal person just because he's titled "Dark Lord"? Well, maybe he became the Dark Lord because he has some awkward, weird fetishes he has to suppress.

Evil Dark Lords/Overlords always have proficiency in shagging.

The same with Dark Mistresses + skills in encouraging men to come with them to bed.

To the point that either of them can leave a normal person lust for more.

But when a Dark Lord and Dark Mistress meet, then they do it in such a way that even the entire kamasutra looks like the friggin missionary position.

Often it is accompanied with hours long quakes and people fearing that the whole evil citadel will fall apart due to them being so intense in bed.

Just because you are evil doesn't mean you cannot have good sex.

Usurp his throne of course!

Reported for blogshit :^)

Hmmm. That pic.

Isn't this Hallmark Entertainment's Snow White?

As opposed to men, who are always whores anyways.

>Party kills the Demon Queen
>Level 20+ vengeance Paladin swears eternal vengeance upon his wife's murderers

You can love someone you're dating. It can be pre marital and still be special.

(I actually agree with the whole "better with someone you love" concept)

He was in the process of reforming her?

No, men can't be whores. There was no social stigma like that, in any time, in any society.
Still isn't, even after all of those decades of post-modern cultural propaganda, and never will be, since this prejudice steams from humanity biological basis.

They manage the nitty gritty of your finances, management, and even shit like interior decorating.

While I cam agree that it sounds hipocritical to say that, it is the truth. Quality of sex for men is almost entirely based on the attractiveness of the woman. You wouldn't find many men who can say that virgin on virgin sex is bad, therefor any issues regarding quality of the sex outside those parameters would be almost solely female issues

>Do you think he doesn't shit like a normal person
Yeah, I always thought avatars of dark gods or transcendent evil wizards say goodbye to basic needs.
It's not about being "evil", it is more about the stature, no, transcendence. Creature of such power is not simply a biological being. Such basic things like food or sex seems too petty for it. Can't imagine a person slaying a God, whilst thinking "Today we'll do it in a bathtub".

Avatars of Dark Gods and Evil Wizards usually want to be that because of largely material reasons. Having a hot wife to fuck all the time in whatever kinky ways they can think of is probably one of them.

>Implying higher beings don't want to indulge in primitive pleasures for the fun of it

You don't have "flair". You don't have "music in your soul".

You're a pretentious dipshit. Pull your head out of your ass and learn to write clearly.

I've dated two girls that told me they don't believe in pre-marital. Both fucked within two months. It wasn't pressure or coercion on my part - we just make out, hands would wander (hers and mine), and things would inevitably progress even though I was asking "Are you sure? Are you for real sure?" because I didn't wanted to get branded as some college rapist. They got caught up in the fun and energy and newness of it and that's all.

Sex is special, certainly. It means something, and should only happen between people on the same wavelength. That said, you're doing yourself a disservice by putting it on this exalted pedestal.

I'm married now - and I spent five years with her sorting out our differences on money, chores, sex and all the other little shit that suddenly means everything when paired with the "TIL DEATH DO YOU PART" addendum, before I decided. The result is a marriage that is no different from when we were dating, and that's a very good thing.

Don't delay user. You're just postponing a necessary and important aspect of your life until AFTER its harder to fix.

Plot to betray the dark lord, obviously.

>are you sure?
>are you really sure?
What a Fucking cuck. This is how you end up divorced at 40 gentlemen

Why do you think a Dark Lord or a Dark Mistress will be off the bat the same as Sauron?

The Dark Lord/Mistress may very be a former mortal that gained enormous power and still enjoy the whole mortal stuff.

>I told her that I will not be having extramarital sex under any circumstance
user are you fucking dense?

Dude, it's fucking amazing bonding if you stay together. Unless... don't tell me you just prematurely ejaculated once and then you both went home? You stuck around for the main event, right?

This story might be the most Veeky Forums thing I've ever read.

Bravo sir.

Only thought of this when I read "Dark Overlord" in the OP.

"Flair" doesn't happen in stupid internet arguments. It happens in storytelling - whether or not the story is true has no impact on that. I was going to copypaste a short story I wrote when I was eleven, but I couldn't find it. Literally everyone I showed it to thought I'd stolen it. Kids in my class wouldn't stop asking me to write more and the GOD DAMN TEACHER thought it was a good idea to have me write every single day and then read it to the class. Part of the reason I lost my love for writing.

But I tell you what, random internet fagguette who's managed to rustle my non-existant jimmies, why don't you give me something to write about? You can tell me if it's "flair", I'm a pretentious dipshit, or a fucking stupid autist. It's the last one.

Not him but
>being polite
>being thoughtful
>putting her first

>divorced at 40
>cuck

Oh so THAT'S why everyone is freaking out on him.
Makes sense now.

Galavant, from ABC. Every episode is a musical poking fun at common tropes of Disney type stories. Very worth a watch if you want a good comedy.

why not "flair" us up something on topic, baitsicle?

OP here, mwahahahahaha! I fooled you all, I am actually the QM for the Dark Lord's Concubine Quest on the /qst/ board! I am not really GMing an erotic campaign for my girlfriend, I didn't know where to take the Quest after the first session, so I decided to come to Veeky Forums for your advice, and I figured if I was going to extract Questing advice of all things from you, I might as well entertain you with a greentext. You've all given me excellent ideas for how to proceed, and I thank you all.

I do have a girlfriend, am in a stable relationship with her, and do not believe in premarital sex, but I am not autistic enough to jeoporadize my relationship with her with an erotic campaign. If you are curious, I am actually a Computer Repairman, and am DMing a very successful did campain with several of my close friends, significant other included. I hope the greentext half-bait was delicious, and I apologize for deceiving you.

> DMing a very successful D&D campaign, autocorrect is the bane of my existence.

>This thread

All good, Op.
Your writing is erotic as fuck. Keep up the good work.

It's obviously bait.

>"Flair" doesn't happen in stupid arguments

When a post contains the word "cuck", you should know by now not to reply.

The wife of the dark lord would do everything the first lady of the US would. Love and motivate her people, do as much as she can to win their trust and affection, and prepare the people for war and other trials when necessary. She would also try to influence the dark lords intentions in the interest of her people if she is the compassionate sort. She might also involve herself in petty squabbles with the court and other female rivals. It really all depends on how aggressive the woman is with her desire to weild power and her intentions. Interesting idea for a campaign.

>The wife of the dark lord would do everything the first lady of the US would.

Pee on him and reassure him about his penis size?

ITP: bait and shit that didn't happen

>>responding to argument instead of just writing something interesting
>>No one believed I wrote the thing, but also wouldn't stop asking me to write something new so now I write nothing at all

I'm still curious as to how you'll apply your prosaic lyricism to our peasant cum queen

OH.

Need to watch it then.

Maybe lol. Melania wont do anything important or meaningful. Probably just wallow in an existential depression while simultaneously possessing an actual purpose and ability to act on that purpose but simply doing nothing.