Only one dragon has ever kidnapped a princess, and only because he happened to have a fetish for it...

>Kobolds are fiercely jealous of orcs because of this newfound friendship, resulting in something like a low level war between the two

>This war includes things like kobolds trying to write saucy nkoboldsn order to fetishize themselves
>It mostly ends horribly

>Be different dragon
>Swoop down onto village
>Some roaring, posturing..
>Oh and set a cottage on fire
>Demand tribute
>Seem to recall a nice cow last time
>Or was it a horse?
>Shame that meat is all they give
>But they're farmers after all
>And.. they're tying a human to the sacrificial post
>Do they expect you to eat it... Her?
>Probably female anyway
>Poke it a couple times
>Stops screaming at least
>Doesn't look particularly appetising
>Guess I'll take it for later
>Maybe think of a way to prepare it
>Or maybe use it as a servant?
>Fuck it, I'll figure it out later.
>Next time I'm demanding some sheep

And the legend continues.

>Villagers give you the wrong thing after you give clear instructions
>Not immediately burning their village to the ground

You've no one to blame but yourself for taking half measures Golgos.

Nonono, you set the FIELDS on fire. That way they suffer but they're still alive and able to work up tributes to you.

Be patient. Set the village on fire. Settlers will come in time.

That's completely ass backwards. Houses are easy to rebuild. It take humans like a week to build their little shacks. you burn their sense of security and their measly possessions. You burn a field all your doing is impairing their ability to make the very gold you're trying to take.

Well, I never burned all the fields. Just one or two, tearing up trenches to keep it from spreading (also helps reinforce that you have power over their life and death). Maybe a farmhouse as well, but as you say, those go back up quickly.

But I've moved on from humans to kobold tribes. They don't have much gold, but they give me livestock and they make great cocksocks.

>Fucking literal subdragons.

That's gross man. I don't need to hear that

Don't knock it till you try it.

Meta note: what's /d/ stand for on dragon Veeky Forums?

>fucking kobolds
Kill yourself
Anyone who ever EVER fucks a subdragon is a degenerate
Next you'll talk about those wyverns you fucked or something

Doubloons.

Still /d/ickgirls

>Terrorising kobold warrens
>Not just subsuming them into your own lair or using them as satellite bases for a cult
It's just... I mean I guess you COULD, but why would you? It would be like.. getting up, flying around your lair just to pick up a gem on the other side. Just use a cantrip to float it over.

>Kobolds start writing smut about themselves with humans
>Their grasp of Common leaves something to be desired, but they persevere
>However, they also have little grasp of mammal biology
>All the stories end with clutches of eggs being laid, regardless of the mother's species
>Sometimes humans with hemipenes show up
>It then becomes clear Kobolds aren't familiar with human sexual dimorphism
>Either everything has tits or nothing does
>It is very common to find one of these stories in the crib of a kidnapped infant
>Kobolds aren't sure why it isn't catching on

>the ancient evil is tired of drinking virgin blood and wishes someone would ritually sacrifice a pizza or some ice cream

>I have our newest work! Is called "Kobold is Dragon in Bed But Smaller"
>Surely this will make us better than ugly green men.
>Why are the pretty ladies laughing at our book?

>he hasn't experienced that tight kobold pussy or those infinitely flexible wyrms

How much does your mate cuck you? Jeez.

The pathway of the Council of Wizards is clear. We need to wipeout the Kobolds forever, less they dilute the standard we have set for our smut.

Your alone here
Not everyone is sexually attracted to half breeds
Stop before you get your ass purged

[angry wyvernposter screeching]

>Has to fuck vaguely dragon looking species to get off
>Calls anyone else a cuckold

You couldn't be a bigger faggot if you spray painted yourself silver and started worshiping Bahamut.

Everyon puts out for monsters with a CR4 or higher

Oh, I don't terrorize them anymore. I did initially, just to get their respect and worship.

Thing is, the tribes near my mountain are nomadic herders in the underground lava caverns. So instead of just pulling them all to my lair at once, each group stops by every month to pay their protection tithe. I do keep a few around as various laborers/servants etc.

Wouldn't it just be easier to teach the kobolds how to write better smut than attempted genocide because your taste in porn is shit?

>>>/WVN/

dragons are jealous NEETS that want what others have simply for the status. this is why dragons covet gold and steal attractive maidens.

>"I have awakened from 10 000 years of slumber!"
"M-my lord, where are you going?"
>"I'm fucking starved man. Hey, do they still have Kentucky Fried Ankheg chains? No? Damn I could go for a snack"
"W-we believed your first meal would be..." *points at struggling girl tied to rough hewn stone altar*
>"... Do you guys just assume thats what I eat? I'm corporeal now, I don't need weird shit like that anymore."

>not
>everyone
I fucking hate magic ball posting

No. Smut is an ancient and venerable art. Genocide in the name of my excellent tastes is the definition of justified.

You're the one missing out, my dude.

If magic balls are phones, what's a computer?

Magic Mirrors. Duh.

>Wizard magics kobolds into better writers
>Their understanding of anatomy is still poor but the quality of writing is too good to pass up
>A generation of horny adventurers get off to reading about egg laying
>suddenly all egg laying species are being seduced by human men
>In response a female sorceror creates a spell making humans able to lay eggs too

Scrying crystals

B-but it's horrible in there. It's just shit flinging and I think some of them are just having the keyboard. It's the worst kind of containment board.
Can't I just learn Polymorph and pretend?

Why not use magic to make sexier kobolds?

>oh ok...ummm do we just let her go then?
>well yea I'm not gonna eat her
>oh ok...no hard feeling eh miss?
>meh this is actually the most exciting thing thats ever happened to me
>wow, was not expecting that
>yea I'm pretty sheltered, kinda aroused to be honest
>oh well uhhh here you're free to go
>do you guys wanna play monopoly or something?
>yeaaaaaa were not really the gaming type
>oh ok

Oh no! I was too busy wondering if I could, that I never bothered to wonder if I should! I've gone to far!

Impossible, no matter what we do they'll still be kobolds and shit by association. Might as well wipe them out and replace them with a sexy new race. It's fullproff

/dragon/ thread?

I use a scrying pool. I know they've gone a little out of fashion but you wouldn't believe the power I get with just a little work to set up an enchanted spring into the pond.
Plus the display? There's not much better unless I got a massive wall of silver. Which is tempting, but difficult to maintain.

And besides, I don't care what anyone says with harmonic crystals or technomancy; scrying pools just have a style of their own. Tap a claw to the surface, a single ripple and you're on the astral net.

Keep the fetishposting to the right threads though, come on. Not that to haven't done the same in the past
Didn't we try that once? Is that where the new dragonborn come from or am i mixing that up with something else?

i just saw the penguins. that pic has been around for years. how did i not see that before?

>Didn't we try that once? Is that where the new dragonborn come from or am i mixing that up with something else?
We can do better but they are a nice start.

I think we messed up if that was the aim though. Teeny tiny tails.
Tails are sexy, you can't just.. not have a long, muscled tail on your sexy race. It would be like not having horns.

>Blood libel
>myth
Sure thing, Mordecai.

>he doesn't personally use magical genetic engineering/permapolymorphing on his sex slaves

It's like you don't even breed multiple generations of whores.

Hey Faggots,
My name is St. George, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, reptiles who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass gold. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever been venerated by the church? I mean, I guess it’s fun artistically roaring at villagers because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to maidens in the capitol.
Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I was centurion in the legions of the emperor, and Martyr of the Lord. What contests do you partake of, other than “jack off to naked drawn kobolds”? I also maintain perfect logistics, and have a trophy room filled with wonders (I just got another; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It’s me and my latest kill.

You literally killed a single Komodo, ONE TIME.

I'd say I value my privacy, but honestly I'm pretty lonely. Maybe I -should- take up fleshsculpting.

>Posts a picture of a shitty knight about to get roasted
Seriously how do you think he's going to win that? At worst, an impromptu tongue piercing or some dentistry is needed with that strike. And he's already in the line of fire.

Komodos arent even dragons, they are just lazy lizards with vaguely poisonous bites and this fucker hit a sleeping lizard with a lance.

But to be fair I have never been venerated by a church, maybe because the church is too busy shitting themselves because they are terrified of dragons.

Oh gosh that sounds like it could be the title of a light novel about a NEET being reincarnated as a dragon.

I would read that. I would read it in a heartbeat.

What specifically would you like to see in such a tale?

>be me
>successful orcish buisness man
>in loving marriage with many children
>go to big city on a buisness trip
>head to inn
>one of the waitresses is an elf
>giving me weird looks
>keeps on bending down in front of me
>spills hot coffe on my pants
>keep my cool and only act mildly angry
>"i'm sorry sir how can i EVER make this up to you"
>tries to touch my crotch
>slap her hand and ask to see the manager
>after threatning to sue i now get a free weeks stay at the inn
>go to room
>open door
>see elf lying on the bed
>spreads legs
>shut door close
>long story short i now own the most successful inn chain in all of Rhydonia
Fucking elves man

Sounds like a translation problem. "Gold" in draconic is probably "beautiful thing that's good to sleep with". The villagers just don't understand sensible values.

>people start socially awkward cult
>summon an old one to help them socially
>leaves to find better friends

>The Kobold and the Prince 2 - Hot cloaca action" is considered by some literary scholars to be a classic example of outsider art. It is a rare novel, much sought after by antique dealers and booksellers.

You were awarded a multi-million dollar company, assets and all as settlement for a sexual harassment case? Who is your lawyer? Is he a (((Wizard)))?

How does the average orc have a smaller cock than the average orc cock?

Shut up George, it was a friggen alligator, possibly a really ugly dog.

The outliers on the upper end are VERY large.

Average in relation to other humanoid creatures.

The same way, 90% of dudes in real life have a cock on the smaller side of average or how most people have IQs higher than the average.

The "average" is taken from public surveys, if a cute girl with a clip board asks you how big your dick is, you are going to add a few inches.

In fairness, every mammal does have tits. Females just get the hormones to get them working. And bigger.

They are also boring salary-men, its very awkward.

A Bard, actually.

No
It was a bard

>once an orc male has children, they are over taken by the natural instinct of providing for them
>this has led to orc males being one of the most ambitiotus among the civilized race
>this also explains the data that shows that orcs make up 65% of the rich,45% of the worlds leaders, when they only make up 35% percent of the world population

Half Orcs share memes. about their over bearing Orc dads.
>Get a B on the test? Get thrown in a hornets nest, see how much you like Bees then.

>Orc Genetics means you can drink, Orc father means you never will.

>Mom spoils you rotten, Dad despoils your rotten guts.

>an A- is an Orc F.

But this is literally the story of the Halflings. A unch of them took a part in an adventure, and now their entire species is stereotyped to be adventurous master thieves. While in reality they're extremely conservative and risk averse farmers who never travel farther than the local fair.

Saved for the posterity

Weren't the Tooks known as burglars and adventurers, or Did Gandalf just make that up?

holy shit, he just kind of hollowed em out and jammed em on there.
I'm impressed and concerned.

>have any of you ever been venerated by the church?
Veles, the Slavic analogue of Mercury, was often referred to as The Serpent.

They were merely known as "adventurous" by Hobbit standards. Probably went out without an umbrella in the rain.
One of them killed a bunch of orcs, to be fair.

This is why you want to be a wizard.

He said THE church, not pseudo-satanic pagan cults.

Myths of attaining great powers of magic by remaining "pure" persist among the elven men, many choose to remain celibate in hopes of becoming powerful wizards

Elven women are forced to look elsewhere to satiate their needs and have thus garnered a reputation as a race of sluts

>implying paganism wasn't the norm for most of human history
>implying monotheism isn't the oddball collection of new-fangled cults that just happened to get popular

Hoarding, comedy, maybe somethingabout how being a neet prepared the mc for his life as the most epic dragon ever?

Wait, you can use polymorph? I thought Wyverns couldn't use magic. You're cool and waifuable.

FUCK OFF DEGENERAT
KILL YOURSELF
REMINDER: WYVERNS ARE A THING BECAUSE A DRAGON FUCKED A BIRD

SUFFER NOT THE HALF BREED