Whats your party's most memorable qoutes

"I am looking for the people who are looking for the people I'm looking for"

From the Bard:
>"JENNY! I WANT TO GROW OLD WITH YOU!"

I found it rather simple and and cute.

And during a modern game set in Germany by the dick breath Gary: "Ahh the eternal Kraut is at it again."

>"Oh blah blah blah Grave danger blah blah blah you've been warned blah blah what the fuck ever"
Said by our party rogue to the guardians of the portal to the dreamlands as he walked right through it.

We're in town. Every month on the full moon, a pack of werewolves comes into town. We find this out... as the full moon comes out.

Two-weapon ranger in the loft room hears the howling, boots open the window and yells out, "LOOKS LIKE IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH, GUYS!"

What the actual fuck?

Whorphanage. It's called a whorphanage.

>"Oh geez buddy, you gotta buildin' permit for this joint? I'm lookin' at these pillahs 'ere and I gotta say, this ain't up to code"
>Paladin in fake mustache concurs
>"Not up to code at all. Ooooh yeah that's gotta go."
>continue for 1/2 hour

"Look, if we were sneaking in, why would we be walking through the FRONT door?"

Amazingly, they bought it

"I need to do the math to identify the assholes for him"

Had to roleplay the ritual for my character to become a Lich. Had to die first, of course. So we asked an NPC to kill my mage. My character and her had quite an angry relation, as Remind was the favorite student of our common mage master, but she was his daughter, much more skilled at magic than he was.

And they were a family of black dragons.

Since Remind was always in some kind of troubles (with everyone: good, evil, everything you want), many wanted to kill him.

So that's when she said...

>''Everyone wants to kill the bastard you are, yet I don't fucking care about the honor you're giving me and will just kill you for my fun. Fuck you.''

>"I dont do what's smart, I do what seems smart!"
Said by my rogue to the anti magic paladin NPC I was trying to make friends with.

"That's a tasty little wolf," says like four different bandits who fumble their rolls to shit and fall into the city-fire that they started, trying to attack the druid's wolf companion.

Also, "CATCH THESE HANDS," quote the Cleric who killed an undead manticore by just pumping her highest level healing spell into it.

"Nothing like sodomy to bring people together"

My undead knight said this but even I can't remember the exact context.

>"Now that I've taken it, would stealing the egg from the dragon's nest count as stealing from its horde?"

"Hey boss the mute guy wants to talk to you"

"Vodka!"

In a hunter the reckoning game:
*In bad german accent*"Achtung, you must all flee, live, marry and make more little hunters ja?"

From the PF game:
>After puching a hole in the Moon, the god fast pitches back to earth. Make a fortitude save not to ignite in the atmosphere.

"Cult registration forms please."

After the third time they actually had the papers
The Paladin didn't care

In the first campaign I ever played, the ranger of our group rolled for survival to try and track a couple of orc patrols back to their base. He rolled a 20, and our DM said;

>You pretty much learn everything you possibly can from their foot prints. One walks with a limp in a practiced manner, as if from an old injury, and you can tell that the other likes to waltz.

One of those "had to be there" moments, but it cracked us up at the time.

Another DM, another campaign, an NPC was telling us how bad it was living with his curse, and said in all seriousness;
>It's a nightmare, I absolutely cannot bear it!
His curse was being a were-bear.

"GODDAMMIT. Just when I thought Jesus couldn't be any more of a faggot, there he is gaping his asshole into an ever widening maw threatening to consume the universe!"

DMing a campaign over a year ago, the party had finally made their way to the end of a magical dungeon that the snarky, wisecracking villain had set up just for them. He likes to talk, and decided to give them a history lesson.

"Before the city was founded, there was a system of caves here, which a large pack of gnolls called their home. Instead of losing lives by clearing them out, the founders had wizards and explosives experts set off detonations in key places to collapse the tunnels over their heads. Then, they built this city... they built this city on rock and gnoll."

The monk replied "REALLY? Ok, fine, that's nice. I'm tired of this place and your stupid smirking face. Are we free to go now?"

"Yes, you're free... FREE FALLING."

Cue the trap door opening beneath their feet, dropping them into the remains of the gnoll caves past the outskirts of the city. The players are all fans of classic rock, and appreciated the cheeky jokes.

"The telepath approaches the podium, and a wave of sexcitement washes over the crowd."

>wait, isn't this the guy with the huge harem?

Telepath: "Oh- whoops! Sorry about that everyone. Force of habit. The arousal will pass in a few minutes I swear."

Our party was tracking some kinda giant ants that had ravaging a countryside. Anyway, the party was mostly smartasses, and one of the party was a too-literal half-orc samurai.

We came across a camp that had these brownish black clumps (about the size of watermelons) all over the place - nobody knew what they were, and no one wanted to fuck with them (there was some out of character thought that they might be eggs or mines). half orc samurai walks up and breaks one open, immediately screws his face up.

>Half Orc: Its offal!
>party monk: It surely is (thinking he said awful)
>Half Orc: ...
>Half Orc: No I mean its feces

> I make an executive decision and plant a .44 slug in his forehead.

two seconds later

> I make another executive decision and shoot myself in the head.

Goddamn body-possessing demon motherfuckers almost killed a good character that day.

>Alright, I will use the buckteeth of the dire beavers to make some new fetishes.

>You are the voice in the back of everyone's head, who is ultimately ignored.
>You mean 'conscience'?
>Yeah!

>Honestly, we are the best educators there are: the boy is going to be the biggest badass by the time he becomes an adult.

>It's raining Hippogriffs!

"That dummy is a worthy opponent"

Pic related.

Our parties barbarian

"Can I fish recklessly?"

This act lead to an entire galaxy being more or less fucked through a series of events.
>precious galaxy
>"I space the robot"
This too, lead to that entire galaxy being fucked.

"Fuck gobbos lmao"

"So you're telling me the guy who just tried to rob the bank is your friend?"
"Yep.........oh shit wait"

"No Angus. Please don't fuck that"

"I wanted to be the Princess for once"

"Stairs will waste time. I will just go through the floor instead."

"It's not a bhurka. I'm a ninja."

Oh and another favourite "because fuck you!"

"I'm between a rock and a pregnant place!"

"Presenting his majesty king cucked the bastard child!"

Jesus Christ.

The party had recently been bestowed lordships, and had effectively been split. This is a conversation the DM (myself), had with the player of Altair, the wood elf ranger.

DM: After investigating the pixie king's claims, your scouts do indeed discover an army of several hundred ogres preparing to march on the pixie kingdom. They're preparing to take the fight to the pixies, and will be setting off already by now, and will pass through your lands. What are you going to do?

Player: Well.... I'll just have to deal with them.

DM: ....Okay, in what way? Are you going to muster up a militia or-

Player: I'll deal with them.

DM: ...what, personally?

Player: I think I'll have to, yeah.

The lone wood elf ranger then proceeded to head to intercept the couple hundred ogres mid-march, and climbed to the top of the trees in the redwood forest, where he proceeded to roll for stealth before assaulting the incoming army with longbow attacks with enchanted returning arrows.

A LOT of time later, the fucker managed to confuse, terrify, outplay and take down every single ogre, BY HIMSELF.

Altair is now considered a badass by the entire group, and we still reference this moment in reverence often, Altair, he deals with it.

Well, we've only had one session, but there's maybe:

"Can't stop me Nikki."

and

"I's don' geddit" - a memorable line (repeated often already) from our half orc barbarian after getting told of for breaking the kobolds neck mid-interrogation, as somebody had said in passing "It would be better if he didn't run off to warn anyone." Amidst the discussion.

"You better get back down there and crawl through that tunnel of decaying, rattling bones, or I'll GIVE you something to cry about!"

Dirk don't do dong.

>"I never would have thought the goddess of humans would be a fat-titted cow."
Goatsesus?

"LET'S GO FIGHT THE DIRE LION!"

Also, the negative, unclear, or doesn't feel like answering result on any divination is now "Pterodactyl Screeching".
The DM was trying to do horror/mystery, and their solution for Speak With Dead was to have a soul eating demon thing come by and eat the guy halfway through the interrogation. He tried to do sudden jumpscare screaming in person. It did not go well.

A new guy decided to stealth behind a fellow PC and try to steal from him in a combat situation:

"Dude, I just need you to know, you are a grown ass man, you make your own decisions, and I am NOT responsible for the consequences."

Did he get his shit kicked in?
I hope he got his shit kicked in.

"Speak now or forever fuck that Gorilla!"

>party knocks on the door of cultist HQ
>asked who they are
>"We're, uh... The girl scouts."

One from a.monk party member: "Whoah, apples? Fancy. The monastery only let us have oranges."

>A runabout... WE'LL STEAL IT! NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!

Obviously they were trying to steal a getaway vehicle without anyone noticing. The fuckwit who screames (yes screamed) that meme meant it out of character. But he did it so loudly that I decided enough was enough.

>God's above, are you fucking serious? You challenged a Bugbear to a duel? And you're surprised he cheated?
>He swore on his honor!
>HE HAD A DEAD HALFLING MOUNTED ON HIS SHIELD!
Our Paladin had an unreasonably high opinion of man-eating goblinoids. It almost always went poorly for him.

"Clive who?"

Soo wfrp2ed and two of players both dwarves go back to the slaughtered caravan to bury bodies. One of the players is a entertainer and is ventriloquilist with a.. elf thingie. So he offers the other player to go to the bushes and have some fun in high pitched voice instead of his normal dwarf one. Took me by total surprise bevause he didnt specify he said that with the elf thingie on his hand and I was laughing so hard I couldnt breathe, crying from laughter aswell

>I fucking hate this country. The whole damn place is going to shit. Since we came here, we've been ambushed by ninjas four times and had five, fucking FIVE, separate dungeons collapse on us. There's no goddamn building code, just fucking ninjas everywhere. Every single temple, tower and castle is one fucking second away from falling in on itself. Fuck Japan. I'm fucking glad I'm dead.
For context, my fighter had just been crushed by another collapsing building.

>Back story
>Group (6 PCs in total) is leaving haunted house (First in game day)
>Ranger is carrying out everyone else in the party who are unconscious with the Rogue
>Rogue is attacked by a swarm of rats and is now dying
>Rogue eventually fails all 3 throws and dies 5 feet from the exit
>Ranger could of killed the rats but after Rogue dies he lights the house on fire after taking everything off the Rogue's body
>Ranger tells everyone else that he tried to save the rogue and everyone else eventually forgets the rogue
>Player who had rogue, remakes a new char who was rogue's apprentice and looks for their teacher
>PC all now besides new PC are always "Clive who?"

R.I.P. Clod

*half-orc after going blind yelling*
WOW ITS REALLY DARK ALL OF THE SUDDEN
*after going deaf later in that same campaign*
FUCK I'M BLIND AGAIN

He got his shit kicked VERILY in.

>"He's piloting the golem!"
And that's how G(nome) Golem was retroactively born in the setting.

...

We had a new player in the group. He played a diplomat and the group had just found a lost child.

>Ranger: What should we do with this kid?
>Diplo: Dude, whatever, fuck the kid.
>Sorc: Don't diddle children.
>Diplo: What? No, I mean let's just kill the damn kid and move on. Who cares about the kid?
>Ranger: Wait, is this you or your character saying this?
>Diplo: Me. My character would never kill a kid. He's a good guy.

"How dare you insult my mother! You want to see how much of a savage I am, paladin!? I'm going to fucking eat you!"

And then after the battle, the barbarian ate him.

"There's no elegant way to take a corpse our of a bag."

"Actually, I still have another corpse in my bag..."

"If we make it through this, I'll forgive you for everything."

"If we make it through this... I will too."

Tbh the I set the house on fire BEFORE I left Cliff or whatever his name to die.

>You mean the Trading Post?

The party was in Luskan and one party member, a red dragonborn, had gone missing overnight. The party asked around town if anyone "had seen a large red dragon". Invariably, the townsfolk replied with some version of the above line.

"Oh crap there's demons in here!"
A quote we used to lure a series of very very low intelligence demons out of a trap infested room into a bunch of attacks of opportunity in the hall way, one at at time.

"I have a solution!" - Alchemist catchphrase

We're totally not pirates!

It's become the campaign tag line.
Totally not pirates quest. And they aren't, quite.

"So he wants a knife fight, eh? Fine. A knife fight he wants, a gunfight he gets!"

>I set fire on fire
My sword mage. Has Irresistible Flame, which drops the targets resist fire by 20. This results in many enemies that normally one could not set on fire, being set on fire. With some hilarity.

Oh, we also refer to one character as "crystal jesus" as he is made of crystal and is our healbot.

"Please get in the punishment line"

Oh just remembered another one. From our L5R campaign:
"Basically Asian Cthulhu"
Referencing this super weird forest where people are born with traits specific to certain clans. Myself (a sugenja) and another sugenja are both now paranoid of the area. Our curiosity bit us in the ass it seems.

"Gold will melt and run to the basement, and magic items can't be destroyed by non-magical fire. I say we revisit this arson idea."

It's become a recurring event.

I can't help but note that that was the end of the interrogation, not the middle.

>"I want one of those [massive sci-fi creatures]"
>"They're too big for your ship"
>"Alright then, I want one of the babies"
>"They don't come in babies"
>"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DON'T COME IN BABIES?"

There was a solid second before we all lost our shit laughing.

>"Do you have any books on... crop rotation?"
>followed by a pair of wiggled eyebrows

Town they're currently in has a lockdown on magical items so when a PC sold the spellbook he got from the last dungeon, the gnome he bought it from pretended it was a book on crop rotation. Henceforth illegal activities are referred to as "books on crop rotation"

We ran a Vikings based D&D campaign. Things got fairly Off The Hook.

Then when it ended, the GM ran another campaign (Star Wars this time), so the same group of us showed up, and hijacked it, declaring this new campaign was "Vikings 2: Pimps in Space edition".

It got weird.

We've been recording every insane or stupid thing one of our players says. It's become quite the list over the years.

>I'm gonna flick out my last ball

>She's a girl, she's supposed to have hair

>Do you guys wanna keep drilling this old woman?

>I wanna punch her in the face with my staff

"I'm gonna hit him with a laser beam from Jesus."
"Be quiet. I'm summoning slave labor."
"Were you aware that your father is a faggot?"

"She was 2, how attached can you be?"

I played a robot character in a Science Fiction game who was a ship defense unit retasked as muscle in a grey ops team.

While the rest of the party was having dinner with a militia leader we were supporting, I was outside, scanning the perimeter with a green, underage militia sentry.

He tried to strike up conversation, asking me about how my character handles fear. I decided instead of shutting down the topic in the cliche "Robots don't feel" way, I was going to run with it.

Since my bot had been reprogrammed to prioritize mission parameters, I was honest.

"In conflict situations, reviewing objectives and the units you are supporting can help reduce felt stress. My comrades would use terms like "What I'm fighting for" and "Thinking of home"."

He then asked me a dumb question: "How many people have you killed?"

"Two-hundred and eighty seven" was the immediate reply.

The young sentry spend a few moments mulling over the number before saying "Wow... I don't think I know that many people."

The response was "Don't be concerned, I didn't know them either."

Our bard often wrote down some of his "poetry" when he was muted, which happened often because he had Cacophonix's skills.
He often mispelled words for giggles, but he once wrote "amor" (love in spanish) as "hamor" (Let's translate that as lhove).

For some reason, we gave "lhove" it's own pronounciation (emphatizing the A) and it's own nuance. We kind of forgot about it once he finished the campaign.

In a completely unrelared campaign, the same player played a paladin, but he didn't specify what god he was a paladin of.

>DM: So, what are your PC's beliefs?
>Paladin: Lhove is the law, lhove under will.

"Why am I sexually attracted to the fox lady?"
Some pathfinder seductress kitsune made us all roll will saves to not fall in love with her. My character was a gay human who believed that cross-species love was immoral and disgusting. Que me rolling a one.

"That's, uhh, good enough for you"

Said by player to his lifelong friend, as said friend was dying.

Playing a fantasy game
A huge explosion injures half of the party.

Said with a really serious tone
«It's clear. Booby trap.»

"I am here to administer Pelor's blessing, and it will hurt a lot"
Cheesy I

"You're all going to die."

we actually intimidated the BBEG into fucking off and leaving us alone. we still hunted him down and killed him. when you make a threat you follow through.

"Stop staring at my cloaca!"

"It's not gay if you save 10 platinum "

I fucked an illithid. And after several bribes was no longer going to die

"You know what's worse than a cannibal? A racist cannibal."
"What about a picky one?"
"Same thing."

Clever.

>"You mean 'collapse'?"
>"Yeah... let's go with that."