Stat me Veeky Forums

Stat me Veeky Forums

Like Samus, and just so.

Samus with a vulnerability: Metroid

The gargantuan musclegirl Samus from Nintendo Power will always be canon in my heart

Good to see this meme is still up and running.

Big girl.

I need to see this.

Can't, my copy of Feng Shui is in the box right now so I can't give you an abomination writeup.

Been playing Prime today, so I was thinking... How strong is Samus, really? I mean, a lot of what she does is the suit. Jumpan and shootan are mostly the suit giving her lockons and things like space jump boots.
I know one source has her being brought up on a 100G planet, and while I love the idea of an unarmoured Samus surprising people by being able to pick up cars thanks to magic bird DNA science; I don't think it's canon considering she doesn't just punch her way to victory.

Basically, if I compared Samus to a regular Federation trooper or generic human soldier, how strong is she sans chozo suits?

...

That's the conundrum isn't it? We just don't have much hard lore for her abilities without her suit outside of that one part in Metroid Zero Mission. But if we were to base her abilities on that, then she's would already be much stronger than even a top condition natural human. During that mission, she routinely survive multiple melee attacks from giant space pirate soldiers (contact), their laser beams; she could jump as high as she does in her suit and wall jumps (so the suit essentially just off-sets its own weight and give her the space jump ability) and run almost as fast as the space pirate soldier. All under super high gravity (100G canonically, which is so high it's a bit silly). Given all this, her choice to fight at a range is just a result of her training and preference. This makes sense since she is probably a stickler for efficiency, given how much time she spend during each mission on gathering different upgrades.

>given how much time she spend during each mission on gathering different upgrades
You mean about 25% different and 75% the same stuff she lost 5 minutes ago

That's the SA-X user. It got gangraped by baby Metroids.

I wish I had half the balls Samus has. She rushed after Ridley in Super Metroid with nothing but Power Suit, Power Beam & not even morph ball.

Do you think Samus has this massive space warehouse filled with gravity suit upgrades and plasma beam cannons somewhere?
>"I really need to get around to organising this place at some point... next time."

WTF IS WRONG WITH HER NECK

She presumably gives some of them back. Prime 2's upgrades are easily explained as situational & unneeded outside the Dark Aether. Prime 3's phazon shit is explainable but not the Ice Missiles, Plasma beam, etc. Most confusing is Super Metroid happening right after Metroid 2. I guess she donated her gear to scientists or something. She could become rich if she patented her gear.

If you are willing to take the manga as canon (it was hosted on Nintendo's website and there are manga panels on the Japanese version of Zero Mission) Samus can jump good, fall on the ground hard enough to create a crater deeper than she's tall (she was four years old then) and be barely bruised,

Is the manga canon? Some of the things there don't match up to Zero Mission despite Zero Mission having Old Bird & the ruins.

As I said, it was hosted by Nintendo's official site.
And there are a few panels made by the manga's artist (and depicting manga only characters) on Fusion's cartridge (you need to activate parental controls on the Japanese version to see the panels)

>there are manga panels on the Japanese version of Zero Mission
There are some in the English version, too, like pictures of babby Samus in some of the endings.

It's like... pseudocanon. I'd consider it canon until they overrule it in games.

can't crawl/10

If the SA-X can do everything Samus can, then it can If Zero Mission taught us anything. It's just that doing so in the suit scuffs the finish, and it is a bitch to clean.

>It's just that doing so in the suit scuffs the finish, and it is a bitch to clean.
That begs the question, would the SA-X be able to just 'refresh' itself by doing that creepy waver the X do to get rid of stains and marks, or would it actually be forced to clean it?

It's hard to say. In the suit I'd say she's capable of lifting around 10 tons or so, since in the manga she could punch through robots that resist missiles, and in Other M she could lift and throw a lava whale physically. There aren't really any other examples of her physical strength in any media, since she favors ranged combat.

Out of suit, though, she has shown some super athleticism. Capable of jumping 20+ feet in the manga and fast enough to jump in from of an energy weapon before her suit had even finished materializing. She knows at least a little hand to hand and could take on several members of the Federation Police unarmed. Otherwise, again, not much on her physical abilities.

>100G canonically

Technically it's not really canon, just an extrapolation from given information. The origin of the figure is that the given mass of Zebes was off by an order of magnitude, the actual number making it over 800 times as dense as Earth. And because mass affects gravity, some fans calculated the gravity Zebes should have at that mass, and it ended up being something stupid like 860 times the gravity of Earth.

So yeah, Zebes' gravity has never been officially given, that number is a calculation based on some official numbers that HAVE been given but are widely believed to be a typo. For the record the scan says something like 4 trillion teratons, but if you replace that with 4 billion teratons instead, you get a much more reasonable figure that's actually slightly smaller than Earth, IIRC.

SA-X≥10

SA-X stats:
>TPK
>Vulnerable to: Metroids
>Weapon: Ice Beam

What do you think Samus even does when not being... SAMUS ARAN, BOUNTY HUNTER and just Samus?
Her gunship doesn't look like there's a lot of space in there after all the tech, so I can't imagine she lives in it. And if she does, wow that puts a rather sad filter to her badass life.

Considering that, according to the Japs, she does everything for free, it would not be out of the question for her to live out of her car.

She's got Bird magic. That ship's big & fast enough to head to the nearest space hotel.

>limited space
>a problem

Can we talk about the morph ball? It's simultaneously one of the most amazing and impractical abilities she has.

Technically it's astounding. Becoming energy, with a physical presence being a small sphere that can drop bombs and boost around? That's incredible.
But you have to wonder what the magic space birds were thinking when they decided that yesz this was something their warriors needed. The ability to become meter wide spheres, because the galaxy is littered with meter wide tubes for some reason.
I can only assume iit was some bizarre negroid countermeasure.

>So in case negroids get out of hand, our warriors need to counter their draining
>Okay, so these energy balls will force them to detach
>But there's no viable delivery method
>Unless.. we turn the warrior INTO energy!
>Okay, but then we need to contain ir
>The most stable way is a sphere
>So in an emergency the warrior can enter the anti-magnetic delivery mode and detonate the bomb
>Let's test it!
>Heh, wow look at that! You can roll around like that however you want!
>That's kind of neat

...

>Negroid
Autocorrect is racist as fuck. But I ain't deleting that post. That's hilarious.

The Chozo can morph ball & speedbooster naturally. They just made technology that allows others to imitate them.

According to concept art it's a natural ability some Chozo have, along with the High Jump and Shinespark. Apparently the upgrades are like prosthetics because Samus is disabled by Chozo standards.

Stat this body

...

I thought the Phazon happened before the Super Metroid.

Stat this ass

>the greatest warrior in her universe is a pathetic cripple by her adoptive parent's standards

Holy shit.

If we take the comic as canon (with some translation errors) then it's likely that Samus is several times stronger than a normal Federation soldier, and the time we see her outside of her suit in Zero Mission mostly confirms it.

Technically all of Prime is supposed to be considered non-canon, even if it fits in the timeline nicely between Zero Mission and Metroid 2.

Most of her bounty hunting is done for free, as most of the ships she's flown are loaners from the Federation. She probably does have a private ship of her own (maybe the one we see in Super Metroid), but I think she is forced to disarm most of her stuff after every excursion by the Federation because of the fear that she goes rogue and starts to blow shit up, no one could stop her (which is mostly true, based on SA-X damage in Fusion).

It's a side-story which is canon but not directly connected to the rest. Kinda like many EUs.

>Prime is supposed to be considered non-canon

Sakamoto never actually said that, so it's a shame the myth became so widely believed. He said it was a "gaiden" thing, which more or less means a side story in the same sense you'd say sidequest. Not the main story of Metroid, but it's still considered canon.

-10 to butt.

But user, how do you kill an ass?

Do you think Yoshi would get embarassed if yugioh saw him lay an egg?

It is a negroid contermeasure. In the event of emergencies, she can transform into a Basketball to disguise herself until she can escape.

WS:4 BS:4 S:3 T:4 W:1 I:4 A:1 Ld:8 Sv:3+

Downy feather pubes

Size/Type: Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 5d10+25 (52 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 15 (-1 size, +1 Dex, +5 natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+14
Attack: Claw +9 melee (1d6+5)
Full Attack: 2 claws +9 melee (1d6+5) and bite +4 melee (1d8+2)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved grab
Special Qualities: Scent
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities: Str 21, Dex 12, Con 21, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +8, Spot +8
Feats: Alertness, Track
Environment: Temperate forests
Organization: Solitary, pair, or pack (3-8)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always neutral
Advancement: 6-8 HD (Large); 9-15 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: —

If a man impregnates Samus, is it beastiality?

>Samus's look post-Fusion is canon in two games
Thank you Zero Mission

BIRD DNA

No, its a feat of heroics.

Head canon achived

>a man impregnating Samus
Immpossible, it would need to be a Man-and-a-half

>Doomguy
>having sex

First date would be interesting admittedly, might need to vacate an entire plane of existence for it

>Stat me Veeky Forums

I'm convinced that DoomGuy isn't really a sexual being anymore, hasn't been for quite a while. I would compare him to Adol from the Ys games in that the only thing that brings him anything close to sexual pleasure is fighting demons. In fact DoomGuy is a bit worse than Adol since you can at least argue that Adol might have a thing for the character Feena. DoomGuy has no one at all that he might be remotely interested in romantically.

In short, when it comes to sex, DoomGuy has left humanity behind.

>DoomGuy has no one at all that he might be remotely interested in

Don't undersell my feelings for Shotgun-chan, faggot.

My completely unsubstantiated headcannon is that most of those upgrades are adapted for use only on the planet they are picked up in. Like, they would only work on SR388.

>Ice Beam and Missile tho?

Well, differing gravities and all? Hmmm.
Another possibility is that having all of those upgrades on all at once drains the suits batteries like nobodies business and she has to remove them to bring down her recharging bills.

The fact that Chozo schematics are all one-shots that are permanently removed after each mission is pretty weird and stupid.
But Chozo Science IS pretty weird and stupid.

In fact, ALL Scientists in the Metroid setting are Stupid and Weird, with the only differences between them being levels of Competency.
Chozo being at the top, Federation Scientists at the bottom.

Tube Pirates being NEXT LEVEL.

Space Pirates are between the two. They don't do what they set out to do, but they still end up with something.

Lemme find a pasta I did on the subject a whileback.

>Pretty much every scientist in the Metroid setting literally never ever think about the consequences of what they're doing. The only difference between the Chozo, Space Pirates and Earth Federation is levels of compentency.

>Case in point, the Metroids themselves.

>Chozo 1: We've found a race of mimic parasites on SR388 that could infiltrate and destroy all life in the galaxy
>Chozo 2: This is a problem. What should we do.
>Chozo 1: Let's create a super-predator that feeds off them to keep their numbers down
>Chozo 2: ...could we not just blow the whole planet up? We know how. I mean there's a planetary scale self destruct right here on Zebes. We could totally just put it on a ship and fly it to SR388 and detonate it.
>Mother Brain: I agree, I am all for this plan that involves removing the one safeguard that's stopping me from wiping out your pathetic dwindling species.
>Chozo 1: SORRY IT'S TOO LATE I AM ALREADY DOING A SCIENCE
>Chozo 2: ...wait, what did you just say Mother Brain?

Then you have Space Pirates

>Pirate 1: Let's try to mass produce the Metroids using radiation!
>Pirate 2: Whoops, instead of making lots of them, we've just made the original huge!
>Pirate 1: ...I know! Let's bombard Kraid with this stuff when he's asleep! It will be hilarious!
>Pirate 2: Oh god yes! He won't be able to use the tubes to get out of his room!
>Pirate 1: HA HA classic Space PiraTUUUUUUUBES
>Pirate 2: TUUUUUBES
>Pirate 1: TUUUUUBES
>Pirate 3: ...did I hear someone say TUUUUUBES?

And Earth Federation

>Scientist 1: Let's mass produce our own Metroids in a secret lab
>Scientist 2: Isn't that kind of risky? What if they escape?
>Scientist 1: IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE WE ARE ALL DEAD
>[and scientist 1 and 2 were X parasites]

>I'd consider it canon until they overrule it in games.
It's not that I disagree with you, but the games aren't always friendly with concepts like canon. That is to say fuck Other M.

Actually, does user have the screen cap of all the ways Other M contradicts almost every other game in the series? I lost it when my computer died.

>Old Bird! Old Bird! I beat my high jump record! I got to 15 meters high!
>"Oh, child, I'm sorry, at least you tried."

>shotgunchan
>not BFGchan

FUckingh nightmar

...

It's been that way for the others. The manga has been contradicted every now and then for a while. How was the Morph Ball obtained again?

Fucking Japan
>she's a bounty hunter
>but that shit ain't honorable
>she does it for free then
>how does she feed herself
>dunno, health pickups?

Considering all the stuff she winds up with it's very possible that she can turn massive profits by selling it off to the highest bidders

Would explain how she ends up with nothing at the beginning of the next game
>Man that auction was wild, time to go on vacation

>brain
>flair
>aim
>nerve

But wait
Weren't the Chozo dead by the time Metroid Prime happened?
Then what were the Aurora units if not ProtoMotherBrains?

I always figured she was just THAT much of a hollow shell of a person and ate nutrient goop out of a tube from magical chozo shenanigans. I mean, they can do matter/energy conversion, there's probably a hookup in the suit somewhere that drains off a little energy and turns it into food.
Lately, of course, she can just eat X parasites using her entire body because eldritch spaghetti DNA.

I presume it's the other way around, that the Feds based their Aurora units on Mother Brain. Otherwise there isn't any way to explain it. It's nothing special though, the Manga was never 100% consistent with the games.

Too bad there aren't any X anymore.

>Hey, this thing went absolutely batshit and killed its hyperintelligent creators who finished science to the point that they decided to become monks instead
>We should make our own, it'll be baller
Oh, the federation.

Given how often the Last Metroid has been very much not the last, I've got 50 internets that the federation or space pirates got a sample before it went down.

The space pirates, of course, are trying to make X-virus/Phazon jello shots out of it.

BFGchan is just some haughty bitch. Sure, she's nice, but she's so flighty. Shotgunchan is the reliable childhood best friend that's always been at his side. She's a tough, working girl.

>>Negroid
>Autocorrect is racist as fuck.

It only knows the word at all because you taught it. Guess the SJWs were right after all.

>Shotgun-chan
>Not Super shotgun-kun

>Doomguy has left humanity behind

Samus x Doomguy...

The God-Emperor of Mankind is powerful enough to be their kid, but I can't see those two raising such a massive asshole.

remember, no more phazon since the whole planet blew up

but maybe metroid-resistant x-virus

i don't think that's possible with her fucked up DNA

>Doomguy
>Looks down at dead scientist while Hayden gives his "we had humanities best interests at heart" spiel, smashes screen afterwards
>Saves VEGA despite no-one telling him to do so, carries him in his suit
>No humanity

No user, you are the demons

>Implying Doomguy would let any child of his get involved with psyker shenanigans
Doomguy would probably withold thosegenes through sheer force of will

Those four words absolutely appear in the image.

>Throughout the game Doomguy had not one line of dialogue
>not even "UNF"
>Still has 10/10 characterization that other characters pick up on
I also liked how Hayden even picked up on the fact that Doomguy was doing what he thought was necessary

>no more phazon since the whole planet blew up

That one did anyway. The purpose of Leviathans is to make new Phaaze planets. No way of telling how many there would be.

Nah, blowing up Phaaze killed all of them

twice, actually

this Phaaze and the phazon was kind of alive

I never said that he had no humanity, I just said that sex or romance isn't really a thing for him anymore.

That or the Feds found a storage of Chozo made prototype Mother Brain units somewhere.
Just making a load of those and dumping them somewhere is something the Chozo would DEFINITELY do.

Considering the problems bioweapons have made, I can see why Adam hates them & even ordered SR388 to be destroyed to eliminate the X. He's some kind of anti-mechanicus & became an AI himself.

You know, you say that but the Federation has it's moments. They were able to actually effectively use Phazon reliably and without insanity with their elite troopers and associated technology, plus they apparently were able to work the kinks out of mother brain to make their own friendly AI biocomputers.

Way I see it, by Prime 3 they may be low on the tech scale but they're rising rapidly by making shit that actually functions reliably and safely. On the other hand they're running headlong into the civilisation filter that exists in the Metroid universe of an over-dependency on technology and forgetting magic/spiritualism.

The Phazon worked initially but then users started suffering from all sorts of problems. They managed to pull out early due to Samus destroying Phazon. The Space Pirates weren't so lucky. They got fucked pretty hard. No wonder the last Metroid being in captivity meant the galaxy was at peace.