Made an enemy so irritating one of the players punched me in the face

>actually and for real manages to kill other characters
>paladin keeps doing shit like throwing the cleric at the kobold because they know that he's the real target
>paladin goes on a massive quest to find a way to end the kobold's suffering
>when he makes progress in the quest the kobold leaves him alone
>the party with new characters is very intrigued
>eventually they realize that the kobold understands that the paladin was just doing his job and as an unintelligent kobold there was nothing the paladin could have done to make his life better
>as this intellilectual kobold the creature helps them solve puzzles, fight through deadly traps, and eventually they breach the realm of chaos with their kobold buddy
>MASSIVE BATTLE WITH THE GOD HIMSELF and they fucking kill him
>kobold and Paladin embrace as brothers because they worked together to stop an evil god's curse
>other party members died
>paladin suddenly takes 20 d6's of sneak attack damage
>kobold got him in the spine
>whispers in his ear
>"gotcha, bitch."
>suddenly get Richard Spencer'd and fall out of my chair laughing

You're fucking sadistic mate.

HOW IS THIS NOT EXCITING OP
THIS IS AMAZING
Also, that was kinda of a dick move.
Hope you guys made up.

that sounds awesome why did he punch you?

I dunno, that's pretty funny. I'd have high fived you, once I cooled down from the backstab bullshit. Pretty decent tale, OP, good for you.

You....you didn't read the second half did you?

It's all going well too, because them niggas basically just rolled new characters with the plan to murder the fucking kobold. Five Paladin party, allied with the gods of Law, because said kobold became the new chaos god. lmao

I think it's pretty funny.

> Eh, it's not that exciting.

You're damn right about that. I barely made it through the first post. Haha a kobold got to keep coming back frmo the dead for no fucking reason to keep attacking the party paladin. Then finally killed him.

There, I just told your entire story in two sentences. Didn't need eighty lines of greentext. What a load of wank. Shit like this is why no one takes D&D games seriously anymore. It's just "LMAO EPIC NAT 20" bullshit.

Also the fact that you got punched over that shows that you either have nasty-ass breath, or your friend has severe anger issues. No, seriously, he is a fucking danger to society if he thinks that shit is okay. I am sick to death of spergs with zero sense of what is okay or acceptable in a social setting. Like this skinny twat at an AL game I went to six months ago who started playing meme videos on youtube when his character died, some "fuck this shit" song that annoyed everyone. His girlfriend (yea, I know, but at least she was fat) told him to cut it out like 4 times. Then the DM literally threatened to kick him out and he finally shut the fuck up.. Later on this prematurely-balding fag playing a dwarf barbarian got killed trying to lead away some plant zombie creatures or some shit, and he started actually fucking crying. I have never been in a sadder more awkward circumstance. Six grown adults (four male two female) sitting at a table under flourescent light in the back of a game store, watching number seven cry because his precious imaginary dwarf died. What the actual fuck. I had to quit RPGs for three months after that out of the transplanted shame I felt for that person. I think he still lived with his mother, too.

>screencapping your own posts

K

Take some deep breaths.

Step away from the computer.

Have a sit down.

Listen to some music on your phone.

That is entirely too much mad for a fun little greentext story.

Oh shit it looks like The Angriest user on Veeky Forums finally learned to use whitespace.

I'd say that my GMing is going alright. The group seems to appreciate my work. We're moving along at a slow pace, but things are going to start picking up in the near future, now that all of the party has been gathered and is working towards the same goal.

Dude, the guy got advanced mental issues from smoking weed due to his fuckhead parents letting him start doing it when he was like 12. He now has severe drug induced psychosis and we hang out with him to help him because he doesn't have much social interaction.

It doesn't hurt that he's a fucking twink and his punch felt like I was hit with an inflatable plastic hammer. Faggot.

Chill out senpai.
It ain't that bad.
Guy told funny story, group of friends have their own set of actions.
Let them be, it's not affecting you personally.
That, or this is B8 in which case G8 B8 M8.

epic. simply epic

Not him, hombre. It was me.
And this is for you.

>gate bait mate

what did he mean by this?

Why didn't they just trap it?

No, gait bait mate. As in he walked right into it.

It eventually seemed to get pretty smart.

Not those other faggots, I'm actually glad you summarized it so simply. Two separate posts for a kobold meme is just wankery.

Great bait mate.
That's what I meant.
You....haven't seem British memes.
Gait bait is also the alternate which I also imply in this.

>reddit spacing

Die. Also no one cares about how hard his punch was. It's still fucking autistic and uncalled for and shows that these spergs have little to not concept of other peoples' personal space. It is absolutely disgusting that these people are allowed out in public. I have made MULTIPLE complaints to my local game store about the fact that they even let these autistics in the front door, but they just brush it off. They think it's okay to make excuses for these fat fucks with no fashion sense and the hygeine of a rotting Kodiak bear corpse. No, it is not okay for you to touch. And if you punch me, you will become a threat to my life and I will remove you from my household, at gunpoint if necessary. I don't stand for that kind of shit.

Fuck off, OP.

Show us on the doll where the Fun-havers touched you, user

>complaining about spergs
>by sperging out

Okay

You're welcome, user. That's literally ALL it was. It was like the That Guy Mike story on here from a few years ago, except that wasn't even greentext and at least it had interesting flavor to it. OP's story is just "okay and then he became a LITERAL GOD OMG LMAO"

And now the fuckwit has screencapped it to post on /r/D&D so he can get 4000 upvotes and his hipster girlfriend will stroke his cock to reward him. That's the kind of shit RPGs have devolved into. The anime and video games and the stupid-ass YouTube cartoon short viral videos have completely destroyed the existence of serious sober campaigns that actually are fulfilling and fun. It's just laugh-a-minute cheetos-infused cancer. I seriously hope some acute STDs begin to spread amongst the neo-RP population. They need to die. I hope they all get some kind of acute advanced brain cancer and fall dead at their shitty Starbucks jobs and community college classes. If I have to read one more "epick greentext" about a level 1 cleric rolling a nat 20 on his religion check and instantly ascending to godhood, where you can almost see the bespectacled nu male GM shrug and throw up his hands as if to say "well what else and I supposed to do" with a faggy little grin on his bearded face. Worthless motherfuckers. D&D has become the Cards Against Humanity of roleplaying games thanks to the party-game culture where D&D is now meant to be enjoyed with a few microbrews among cultured adults taking a night off from caring for their wife's sons.

Fuck this shit.

The guy already called you out on that but heres a tip for the future. If the OP is screen shotting his own posts you'll see some (You)'s

ty user for the screencap

Damn kiddo, calm down.

Yeah but you'll notice I'm not fucking touching your ass, user. I'm not punching you, or assaulting you with my ass-stink I haven't washed in three days. I played with a DM who had a massive dank ass stain on my seat and I had to literally wash the cushion with some cleaning products that just fucked it up even more. I tried to call him to tell him to come replace the fucking thing, but his mom answered the phone and I'm pretty sure she had Alzheimers because she asked me to repeat myself five times, once after a fifteen-second pause of saying nothing while I could hear Jeopardy playing in the background. I will never invite these motherfuckers over to my house again. These spergs seriously need to be gassed. I am angry. I have a goddamn right to enjoy my hobby without these fat unwashed motherfuckers with a criminal-level lack of understand of social protocol, infesting it with their stupid shit. The anime characters, the furry characters... NO ONE WATCHES YOUR FUCKING ANIME SHIT. Also, D&D is not a fucking anime RPG. Go play OVA if you want that shit. Or Anima. Or Ironclaw. Or one of the dozen or so other RPGs designed as containment ground for your fucking autism. Do not bring it here. I know D&D is the Wal-Mart of RPGs but for fucks sake, just let me play the fucking game without you taking a fat shit all over my enjoyment of it.

It's easy to remove (you)s in MSPaint you dumb fucking asshole. I've done it myself.

> calm down
> about literal physical assualt

Stop being an apologist for Asperger's Syndrome. Mental illness is not a defense when you've been shot dead for assaulting someone.

Ok dude. That's a personal life problem. The people I play with, decent members of society.
You.....found others.
In the end, it's all a matter of finding the right group.

>It's easy to remove (you)s in MSPaint you dumb fucking asshole. I've done it myself.
>I've done it myself.
You really are autistic aren't you?

There's a million ways to trap a creature, particularly something as small and weak as a kobold. Just burying it alive should do the trick.

Hey kid. I'm oldschool. I'm 68 and I played DnD back in the 70's. I played with Gary Gygax and Arneson with the basic set way back on multiple occasions. I go on Veeky Forums and this is the first time I have ever posted here, and will likely be the last.

You are a child. Your belief that DnD was about serious or sobriety is a joke. DnD was a game about fighting battles against monsters with friends. Most people tried their hardest to roleplay as established characters and all we ever did was fuck around and laugh and laugh and laugh about it. I know that you're a hardcore purist, but in my time with that specific edition of DnD, there was never any kind of serious or sober campaigns ever played. Gary Gygax would have spat at the mention of your name and you would have been banned from every table in the Early Gen Con Days. DnD was never the place to get serious RP going and you're probably seriously mentally disturbed. My daughter is 31 and and she has down syndrome and she's less of a fucking retard than you are.

>All this butthurt over a stupid story that is mostly of the "had to be there" variety of humor.

Its just a game bro. No wonder we don't get much OC anymore, every time some user comes in with something stupid or funny like we had in the old days [Sir Bearington, the Luchadore monk, etc etc] some assholes come in going "NO! D&D IS SERIOUS BUZNESS!"

>I'm 68

Drop dead you fucking faggot. DnD belongs to the 3.5 generation. It was unplayable shit before 3.5 and it went straight back to unplayable shit with 4.0 and onward. Die.

>plan session around moral dilemna
>party can either eat horrible nightmare fungus that makes them rack up insanity points or turn to cannibalism
>moral compass player bails that morning
>party devour the sailours travelling with them with no qualms

> implying fun is what matters about an RPG

Holy shit, just shut the fuck up. No, no one gives a fuck. "Well if your group's having fun, then YOU need to man up and keep DMing for them and babysit their wife's son for them while you're at it!" No, fuck off nigger. Just because someone is having fun does not mean they are fucking shielded from all forms of criticism. If I show up for an RPG and it descends into a fucking cake orgy it might be fun but it sure as fuck is not an RPG and not what I fucking signed up for. I am sick of this shit where people think they have the moral high ground because they are having "fun." Well, you know what? Your fun doesn't matter. It just fucking doesn't, because you are shitting up RPGs with your inane, low-class garbage. You people seriously need to be fucking exterminated from this hobby. You show up with joke-ass wanker characters who you use to bring out random memes and references into the game and completely fucking ruin it. Like an episode of Rick and Morty or Futurama or one of those dumb-ass shows that you Redditor fuckdykes consider a goddamn masterpiece of cinema just like you consider Ready Play One a literary masterpiece. When all three are garbage, because they are reference humor, and are so far up their own ass that it just goes to show what a complete lack of self-awareness you fuckers have. Get the fuck out. I would love to flip the table on your microbrews and slap the shit out of your fat fucking faces. Please just kill yourselves. This is D&D. Not Cards Against Humanity. Not Rick and Morty. Not Critical Role. This isn't fucking Critical Role. It isn't supposed to be funny. It's supposed to be fun, and occasionally funny, but it's not supposed to be funny as it's primary M.O.. The problem with your cackling ADHD jack-asses is that you are too hyperactive and emotionally stunted to be able to tell the fucking difference.

Get fucked.

HOLY DAMN THE ANCIENTS.
I'll take the chance.
Any advice for aspiring DMs?
Specifically me?

>I'm 68

Prove it, faggot.

> My daughter is 31 and and she has down syndrome and she's less of a fucking retard than you are.

Top kek. I bet she's not even yours. Your wife fucked a literal retard instead of you.

> I know that you're a hardcore purist, but in my time with that specific edition of DnD, there was never any kind of serious or sober campaigns ever played

You are really full of shit, top kek. Just because YOU never did something, clearly NO ONE ever did it. You are the majority, you and your group. God i am laughing my ass off at the solipsism here.

> Gary Gygax would have spat at the mention of your name and you would have been banned from every table in the Early Gen Con Days.

Gygax was a fucking poser who didn't even understand what he invented. If he had died in 1985 like he should have, RPGs would have been in a far better state today.

Is this fresh pasta? It seems stale, but I've never actually seen it before.

All right, this is just bait now.
user, please.
It's just kinda sad bait now.

Why don't you tell us about the time the Great Depression caught Abraham Lincoln naked in your backyard?

Except Sir Bearintgon and Los Tiburnos are stupid shit stories that are only popular because of /r/D&D and the swarms of Redditors that started posting here after those greentexts made it big on the "normie" sites. Then they started reposting those greentexts and that's where all the fedora-tipping "let's have an enlightened thread about 40k goblins good sir!" dumb-ass crap came from.

I typed out the post myself, dumbass.

Not an argument. Waiting for a timestamped pic of your grognard face, "old fag"

>implying it wasn't bait to start with
>implying this whole thread isn't bait

This is The Angriest user. He showed up a couple days ago doing this same thing, but without paragraphs.

He's also 28 and hates everyone in his own generation.

If he's the average of them I don't blame him, he's kind of That fucking Guy right now.

I like to give all things a chance.
It seems they are always wasted.
It just confirms to be bait in the end.

It doesn't. Ever since I started getting paid for herding idiots in the office I kind of lost interest in doing so for free on my time off.

Reminds me off this.

>Funny OC is shit!
>Lets just have generals!
>Nothing but generals, all the time!

You are the cancer that is killing Veeky Forums

Effing hilarious. Love dem classics.

You can honestly just ignore anyone who uses the phrase "Reddit spacing" as being a retarded fag, probably from Reddit.

I hate the lies people add to make shit like this sounded funnier. It's a good story it doesn't need the fake "and then he shut the door in my face"

like, no he didn't. He obviously found it funny enough to actually go through with it and describe it with a witticism. He didn't kick the due out of his fucking house because if he did he'd just handwave it and not respond to it in a funny way

Jesus christ someone cap this, this shit was more hilarious than OPs story

True. It's set to be the next copypasta. 1d4chan gonna need some new changes after this.

Eh, the real cancer is members of Veeky Forums that don't browse other boards, especially /b/, long enough that they're finally able to ignore bullshit.

Everyone talks about how Veeky Forums was great back in the day. It wasn't. There was even more crap than there is now. The difference was we didn't take it seriously, or we ignored it when we didn't like it.

It almost feels like a good old Virtpost, especially the part about having fun. Remember his rants about how RPGs are serious business, and how humor doesn't belong in RPGs? Don't get me wrong, I want to strangle the guy with his own intestines, but I wish some of our current shitposters actually put some effort into their work, or at least didn't have such an easy audience to target, like said.

...

...

>complains about annoying and unhygienic people at his card store/whatever
>All the while being so flamingly anal about someone telling the story in a way you don't like and because they play the game in a way you don't like

Here's your (you)s you literally autist, now go back to your hugbox.

I just wanna laugh.

Dee is so trashy.

I don't know if this guy's nervous breakdown of a rant is pasta already
But if it isn't, then it's pasta now.

That's awesome though.

thats not dee thats a bird

If you want to see more of him, here's one from a day or two ago.

Why is it always the angry turbo-autists that are the ones to use 'not an argument'? I'm genuinely curious.

Okay, I have a question, and this seems a good a time as any to ask it: why exactly do people hate reddit? Is it a meme? Like, I've been here long enough to have seen that most of Veeky Forums hates reddit, but outside of not liking the websites layout I've never had a reason to despise it like everyone who mentions it.

I honestly think that it's all the same guy and he just shitposts on Veeky Forums whenever he has the chance. The writing style for all these different rants are always the same and they rant about LITERALLY the same exact shit, no variation.

Website rivalry at it's core, followed by a general disdain for the different culture of the community, and finally the denizens of Veeky Forums fucking despise upvotes and point whoring of the non-reaction image kind

>And if you punch me, you will become a threat to my life

It must be awful being made of wet cardboard or whatever.

Holy fuck, do you get paid to rant or something?
Is this an elaborate ruse?

Why is everyone bandwagonning against the angry dude? Nothing hes said indicates autism or mental instability, and I've noticed my retard early-20s friends have the exact approach to dnd he described.

I thought non-/b/ 4chaners were generally bitter contrarian sub-culture geeks not "bro chill out" illiterate morons. Or maybe you're all just furries.

Oh and OP greentext was the gayest load of shit I've read on here this year.

Oh shit is there more?

MOAR PLZ MOAR!

I haven't chuckled so hard in ages.

sounds like someone needs to chill out

Because he's been attention-whoring in multiple threads and can't format his posts to save his life, besides generally acting like a salty bitch.

OP was indeed a faggot and his shit has received little attention but rant-bro is gold tier entertainment and we will milk that till it's dry.

Haha frigg you :^)
Ok
Sick 8s boii

>It's easy to remove (you)s in MSPaint you dumb fucking asshole. I've done it myself.
Are you a retard

Just press F12 and edit the actual line on the page

>Just press F12 and edit the actual line on the page

That's dangerous shit.

I once tried that and accidently deleted system 32.

...

...

I wonder if he's the guy who flipped out about "BBEG" a while ago.

Storytime is storytime no matter what. Unless it's as fake and-or /thatguy/ tier faggotry, like the dude who wrote about playing a k-pop singer and rolling like seven 20s in critical moments.

OP's story was funny, if a bit you-had-to-be-there, yeah. Rants about how d&d used to be good and serious before being overrun by lolrandumb normies have nothing to do in this thread. Possibly not even in the d&d 5e thread, or on Veeky Forums at all.

LMAO, I haven't seen this level of assmad in ages.

Meh, I don't see what all the fuss is over deleting system 32, it's nowhere near as bad as dividing by zero.

Thanks user.