Hello pre-space people!

I am a representitive of the Blorg Commonality! I've come to your primitive planet in search of new friends for my people and i've found you! Don't worry about your primitive concerns, the Blorg will solve them by giving you technologies beyond your wildest imagination once you become our forever friends!

Do I get a sex bot?

Can you instead give us technologies just within the bounds of our wildest imagination? I feel like we'd probably be better able to use those. I mean, a technology beyond our wildest imagination, how will we know what it does when we turn it on? It would be pretty embarrassing for everyone involved in this process if we accidentally kill ourselves because we thought an energy generation device was some sort of hyper-advanced combine harvester.

No thanks, we'd rather solve our own problems.

Eh. Was kinda hoping for green skinned space babes but I guess you'll do.

remove yourself from our sovereign space repulsive alien scum. Our race value might and isolation above all else, your weakness is an affront to that which we hold dear.

IT'S A SPACE THING!

I'M GONNA FUCK IT!

fuck off space niggers, we're full

you can crash on the moon if you want

Okay, I guess there are alien friends I would prefer less than the orz.

I see even fucking aliens can't manage to save the full-size image.

>Our race values isolation and might beyond all else
Factually false, our race values wealth and cool shit above all else.
Lrn 2 human, fget

...

>Blorg
Oh how I miss them days of the Blorg streams..

>our race values wealth and cool shit above all else
>above all else

If you had to choose between, your family being poor and safe vs being rich and having your children get raped, which would you choose?

What's the catch? I see what's in it for us, but what's in it for you?

Be rich, pay mercs to protect family.

GIT GUD

Did you just assume my race?

Why are you so tiny?

Uh, they got spaceships and an interstellar empire. We got a dozen squabbling kingdoms on this continent alone with swords, galleys and muskets. Frankly they got us bang to rights in the Might department.

ALL HAIL THE BLORG!

How rich?

>We humanz we're kangz an shit before da space niggers showed up an stole o' shit

Release the fucking DLC already, Martin you fuck.
I want to play, but can't play inferior version now that I know the better version is coming.

BANKS WHEN YOU YOU SWEDISH FUCK

>might above all else
By that logic, we should be falling to our knees and fellating the Blorg because they can into space travel, which puts their technological might incomprehensibly beyond ours.

Took the blarg right out of my blorg

I KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

The Blorg were crappy and I'm glad they're dead.

I made them friends with my Tachyon Lance.

HOLY SHIT THIS.

I NEED MY MEGASTRUCTURES AND I NEED THEM NOW.

GIVE ME THE BIOLOGICAL PATH, I WANT PURITY OF FORM.

>raped
Please, your spoiled rich kids are probably just sluts and are afraid that if you find out they love the Blorg tentacle that you'll disinherit them.

*Blocks your path*

Fuck off we're full. Go colonize Mars instead of being fucking one ship refugees.

Why, in this imaginary situation, am I unable to comprehend security. Also
>having a child

01_EMBASSY_PROPOSE

You know you love dat fungoid jiggle

Our species has literally chose money over the other consistently for thousands of years. We sell children into fucking sex slavery, you dolt.

Blorg Friend, beam me the fuck up, lets go on an adventure!

I'd unironically fuck a blorg.

Play Commonwealth of Man and achieve our manifest destiny of ruling the stars, shitting on filthy Xenos and achieving the dream of the great Man-peror of man of everyone having chiseled abs.

is so retarded that I kill his fleets piecemeal. Support your fleets Mr unbidden.

Unbidden are cool, but trash.

...bzzt!
Oh, hello there! We are the Starfish People, hailing from New Startopia!

> Not deleting pre-built garbage human empires

Why this tho

"TO SERVE MAN" IS A COOKBOOK

>Commonwelth of Man
>Not playing Humans as the United Corporate State of Google

At least try to be realistic.

IVE GOT A COMBINE HARVESTER AND ILL GIVE YOU THE KEY

Not running them as the "Federation of Sol" with Juan Salvador Tao as the president.

Hey you, yes you!
I am going to stick my penis inside you.

...

>tfw you crush hyper-nationalist luddites under the boots of your uplifted post-human tech-singularity

Help I've got the wrong genitals

>tfw can't eat xenos yet
Just release the damn DLC already paracocks.

i welcom our Ur-Quan overlords

u silly human, you dont need a sex bot when Commander Vux is arround

>Purity of Form
>Not wanting to purge the unclean with mind bullets

It's like you're a lowly Xeno

>Kohr-Ah
>Overlords
Wrong Ur-Quan.

Wait, of what? Didn't know OP was a reference

Stellaris. AKA Space Genocide Simulator. Soon to be Soylent Green is Ayys Simulator

Is that game any good? The last decade haven't made any decent 4x games in space. Some mediocre like Endless legend but nothing really decent or good.

>Is that game any good?
Your mileage will vary.
If you enjoy other Paradox Grand Strategy games (EUIV, CK2, HoI) you may find something to like.

If you want to play games you can finish/win, try Galactic Civilizations.

If you want a deeply flavorful space opera, try ... I don't actually know those, Ur-Quan Masters?

If you want a space strategy with a rock/paper/scissors shipbuilding system that works (but is a bit exploitable) try Endless Space.

Stellaris tries to do all of them, and doesn't do either perfectly, but it may be sufficient for you. What it DOES do is let you tinker and roleplay with your alien (or human) empire much more than the average. Just don't expect to "win" a game - the wincons and Fallen Empires are bullshit right now.

It's kind of The Sims: Galactic Conquest. (And personally I love that)

It's pretty fun. I have my psychic genocidal/enslaving space mushrooms that dominate the galaxy and eradicate non fungiod life.

To be fair, no paradox game starts out good at the beginning (some arguably only until mods come in). But I think your assessment is fair towards Stellaris.

I like it, since it does try so much, but it could be a lot better. I am happy that they are at least improving ship combat in incremental ways.

It has very good for early game content, but becomes boring late game and is currently really unfinished mess. I'd wait for Utopia DLC before buying it because that's supposed to make endgame and many more things more interesting.

>Just don't expect to "win" a game - the wincons and Fallen Empires are bullshit right now.

Nah, it's pretty easy (too easy in fact) to beat Fallen Empires (you just need about 50k kinetic fleet with good shields) and winning the game is far from hard. Thing is that conquering the galaxy will become too boring in the end. It does work bit better for very small galaxies, but still pretty boring. This is because all the good stuff (aside endgame crises, but those aren't very interesting) happens during early game.