No matter where you go or what you're trying to do, your party seems to spend a lot of time on all sorts of feasts

He's a hack and I can't wait until he dies of obesity and his fanboys finally shut the fuck up and stop shitting up every fantasy media with their need to add "gritty realism".

>Veeky Forums and Veeky Forums meet
>youtube.com/watch?v=z5hU9OKE-cc

Some of us enjoy reading about food.

>No matter where you go or what you're trying to do, your party seems to spend a lot of time traveling.
>Every time, the DM stops the action for long-winded, gratuitous descriptions of scenery, such as wide grassy plains, steep snowy mountains, rocky outcroppings, dark gloomy caves, cities with walls of white marble and cozy burrows in the hillsides.

>Your DM uses the word "swamp" to describe a vagina.

>fat pink mast

I was confused for a second since that is /asp/'s goal horn.

jesus christ how fucking perfect

>No matter where you go or what you're trying to do, your party seems to spend a lot of time on all sorts of Pathos
>Every time, the DM stop the action for long-winded, gratuitous descriptions of various types of Pathos, such as oxtail pathos, summer green tossed with pathos, pathos, red pathos, and crumbed cheese pathos, hot crab pathos, spiced pathos, and quails drowned in pathos.

Go read Leaves From the Inn of the Last Home's cookery section, then.

> No matter where you go or what you're trying to do, your party seems to spend a lot of time on all sorts of thews.
> Every time, the DM stop the action for long-winded, gratuitous descriptions of various thews, such as mighty thews, hardened thews, Cimmerian thews, the thews of strong, uncivilized men, and the weak thews of cityfolk.

I can see what's wrong with it, as it doesn't do shit for advancing the story, but like you, I enjoy reading descriptions of the food in fantasy
In GRRM's case, I like the descriptions of certain wines
Shame there aren't any of beer brewed by local monks

>No matter where you go or what you're trying to do, your party seems to spend a lot of time on all sorts of drugs.
>Every time, the DM stop the action for long-winded, gratuitous descriptions of various trips, such as acid colourful nonsense, heroin relaxation, MDMA joyful sensations, amphetamine boosts of energy and cannabis sudden hunger.

I'm all about this.

Moar.

>And then you realize he's literally drawing the map about a day's travel ahead of your characters

Wrong motherfuckin' image, yo

In a book that's already beating you over the head with all of the different families, factions, titles, and names of a feudal system that's more fractured than my goddamned sphincter after eating at my town's Taco Bell, all while the cast of characters who you can actually give two shits about is really fucking small (I managed to give a shit about 3 by the end of the first book, and I know that one of them gets killed off), it makes for cruel and unusual writing.

I also just hate how much the book projects really fucking modern nastiness onto a more primitive culture. I can at least appreciate how poetic he is with their deaths. Danny's brother being "crowned," Rob getting impaled in his fat gut by a pig after fathering and secreting who knows how many bastards, Ned losing his head because he was an idiot, and big, bad Drago dying from a flesh wound he got while trampling some bumfuck village.

Can someone tell me why butter is the one food that became a meme?

Ask paula dean the butter paladin.

But it's not.

Potatoes.

This. I always get hungry and really want to get in to cooking when I hear that stuff. Never get horny or want to have sex with the magical realm stuff.

Because in Mountain Blade, butter is non-perishable and cheap, so armies will subsist entirely off butter with no actual food whatsoever.

...This started up my autism like mad.

>Bi natter where you go or what you're trying to do, your party seems to spend a lot of time getting punished for that one time you screwed something up in the first session.
>Every time, the DM stops the action for long-winded, gratiutitous descriptions of how your initial screwup fucked over the ENTIRE WORLD yet again, such as dooming a wondrous race of magical horses, destroying an important artifact that is literally a foundation stone to the world's magical stability, or keeping the laws that separate the dead and the living intact.

There was a bug that caused villages to have nothing but butter in their inventories

As in he's making it up as he goes?

My GM is Enid Blyton?

>Mountain Blade
Most food is non-perishable in Mount and Blade...
Also using only one food source is retarded.

Maybe, but it works

I don't recognize these two. Who are they/what did they write?

THE MORE SHE DRANK
H
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M
O
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S
H
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S
H
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T

Why Redwall stop.
I liked those books a lot as a kid.

>book every year or every other year until Jacques' death in 2011

Author's been dead for a while man.

>fat man
>describes good food at length

Brian Jacques died a few years ago user.

>I also just hate how much the book projects really fucking modern nastiness onto a more primitive culture

Explain.

Most fat people get fat off bad food though

You have a romantic notion of the past. When this guy rebelled against the Spanish, the crown executed his entire family in front of him, and then drew and quartered him, but had to decapitated him after the horses didn't tear his legs off.

I didn't say it was unrealistic either, maybe you should try reading.

>All fantasy authors are bad
>My shitty homebrew setting is better

Don't be pedantic user.

>No matter where you go or what you're trying to do, your party seems to spend a lot of time involved in excessively detailed fight scenes that bring the plot to a halt.
>Realize you're playing DnD/Pathfinder and this is to be expected.

>Leaves From the Inn of the Last Home

Oh hey, I have that book! I have to dig it out and give it a read sometime. It's been too long.

youtube.com/watch?v=QmKhGqWcJGY

>The crown.
Monarchs were subhuman.
Nobles are one facet of any culture, and the only times book one shifted frame to show the world around them were to show....a wall for undesirables and a brothel. It's an old world religious culture and the only characters we're exposed to outside of the nobility are presented as either the nobility's punching bags or its fuckdolls. Everything that happens to move the plot forward is consistently shitty. You'd think the fucking ghost and barbarian cunts on the other side of their wall were the ones who put it up.

It feels more like I'm watching a really shitty soap opera instead of an attempt to capture another world, and I dislike looking at it.

Found the reader who's attention span has been destroyed by the internet.

Not that user but I have found my tastes change. When I was younger I could read book on book of 6-800 pages easily such as WoT or anything. As I've aged I've found I enjoy generally shorter books of 150-300 pages of quality writing or plot even about relatively mundae matters.

The bottom one, at least, is Stephen Donaldson

In his most famous work, almost right out of the gate, the protagonist rapes a girl. Almost everything that happens over the next 6 books are direct consequence of his raping this girl, and his attempts to make up for it, which inevitably fail, and cause even more bad shit to happen. It's only when he accepts that he can't un-rape the girl and acknowledges that he'll try to do his best even though he can never be really redeemed does he become effective.

No, fat people get fat with an EXCESS of food.
"Bad food" is a myth.
Some food has no nutritional value, but it still does it's job with simple sugars.

user…

Brian died. Heart attack.

The more books you read, the less impressed you are with meaningless flowery descriptions.

What was the feast tax policy?

His skeleton finally escaped.

> No matter where you go or what you're trying to do, your party seems to spend a lot of time on all sorts of niggers.

> Every time, the DM stop the action for long-winded, gratuitous descriptions of various nigger traits, such as massive lips, flared nostrils, low intellect, weird accents, predisposition to violent crime, bad smell, aversion to cats, and tendancy to worship strange, horrific, eldritch creatures from beyond the conventional imagination.

I hate to admit it. I've done stuff like this. Albeit I tend to use meals as a shorthand for various things about a region and the people they're eating with.

Also lead to the PCs eating weird stuff.

He wasn't even that fucking racist, you retard.

It's a joke, calm down.

Toxoplasmosis is a mean bitch.

This. He even married a Jewish woman!

Don't forget the yellow hordes user

I mean, there is a reason why you see a lot of cars with ISIS.

The medieval people had it right when they killed the cats, but I bet cucks would be against doing it again

Typical game on roll20.

You have Roger Zelazny to thank for that particular feature of GRRM. The two of them were good friends, and Martin wrote an essay about his friend/mentor's passing.

But yeah, Zelazny wrote quite descriptively about food in his books. It seems like he wanted to grab the reader's attention by appealing to the senses. No problem there, except Martin has the annoying James Michener habit of expounding upon the background and history of every little goddamn thing that distracts one of his characters. You can almost sense him expanding his universe and getting an idea for a new series of novels -- anything to keep him from finishing ASOIAF.

I'm going to laugh when this fat fuck dies and fans of his garbage material don't get an ending.

Brandon Saviourson will take over and save this series too.

GOT producers have had the bible for years. He can die tomorrow and it's still getting made, and then we'll have backronym-style books that rip from the show. And every bookfag will cry tears of blood and pitch.

And Preston Jacobs will have endless videos about how he thinks the books would have really ended.

World building =/= literature
I'd read a setting compendium made by GRRM in an instant, but the man can't write prose for shit.

>appreciating the skillful evocation of a scene or emotion is somehow being easily impressed
Pretty sure you just don't care for the subject matter. Like how some Pixar fans find Ratatouille dull and boring bit think Cars was amazing... or vice versa.

He's already made a compendium.

>I dislike looking at it
I think we found the source of your criticism right there. It has nothing to do with realism or anachronism.

There are other book series that take breaks from the plot to pan over idyllic pastoral vistas populated with hard-working but happy and honest folk. Maybe you would like those better. In this series, bad things are happening, and you need to pay attention.

Toughen up, or get out of the furnace.

ITT: Author problems that aren't really problems.

AKA: Identifiable characteristics of any kind make writing vulnerable to subjective dislike by random people.

Jesus fucking Christ, it's "food is integral part of roleplaying" thread again...

Underrated kek

>No, fat people get fat with an EXCESS of food.
>"Bad food" is a myth.
>Some food has no nutritional value, but it still does it's job with simple sugars.
There are definitely bad foods user. Sugar, for one example is highly addictive, and mages it extremely difficult to not eat an excess of food.

>"Bad food" is a myth.
Try eating fast-food for a while and nothing else. Tell me then about problems about digestive track.
Bonus round - eat nothing but MRE rations for two weeks.

Note that I'm not talking about getting fat here. But it doesn't make this stuff any less bad for your health

Oh my dear god. I mean I understand not everyone can go to school for this or work in the field, but at the very least make friends with an RD on Facebook and talk to them about food. Unless you're convinced that all RDs are shills for the media / corporate america / the government / big pharma / whatever scapegoat boogeyman you use to keep yourself from learning things.

This guy is technically right, but mentions correctly that his contribution is only tangentially related to the topic of the original post, and is strictly speaking out of scope.

>no matter where you go your party always seems to be in need of a towel. Wiping things, improvising scarves, breathing filters, etc.

>Try eating fast-food for a while and nothing else. Tell me then about problems about digestive track.
Did this for about a year and had no digestive problems whatsoever. Gained about 30 pounds and that was it.

>tfw you will never have glorious disk maker as a GM.

You need to read more books, then you'll understand.

There is the possibility that user has read far more than you have, And still enjoys a well written scene even if it's just about food. I, for instance, still enjoy purple prose and sometimes find it disappointing when an author doesn't use it, it often feels lacking in detail.
You just want to feel superior and act like you're some kind of fucking great critic of modern authors, and one thing I've found in my time is that most critics, by and large, are full of shit, and you should always judge for yourself.

what about women's penises

>plot twist of one story is literally "your family has black ancestors"
>main character is so shocked he goes insane

>There is the possibility that user has read far more than you have
Not according to his posts.

Not everyone puts on their full English skills on display, 100% of the time, and it's still early enough that non-native speakers would be on.

I guess you're new but that's taken as a given in any roleplaying game.

I mean this is the t-girls board after all

>no matter where you go, the party never seems to remember what they're doing
>every time, the DM stops and asks what he was going to do again

>No matter where you go, the party always seems to be subject to fate.
>Every time, the DM stops and some old man gives a long winded, sad monologue about disappointment.
>There are no quotation marks.