Hey /dragon/ a bunch of adventurers came in and killed all my kobolds

How can one even slay oneself? I once heard from an eastern visitors that mortals there use their sword on themselves to end their lives, but I don't think that'll work. My claws can barely handle a sword and the best sword I could find after looking trough the bonepile was like +5, so not nearly strong enough.

1- Depends on the adventurers. If they're low tier just finish them yourself. Adventurers have a tenancy to get plucky and make their gains off of your minions, as you've already seen. If you're somehow intimidated by their group (if they have a mage with no morals, for example) It might be easier to allow the mortal kingdoms to deal with them for you. Adventurers are drawn to loot of wealth and power, so use that against them. I advise planting a false rumor about how the king has been replaced with a doppelganger that plans to throw the land into war. Adventuring-types are dumb enough to kill the king and get thrown in prison or executed after getting a whiff of a plot like that.

2: Literally fly in front of any group of unowned kobolds. They will follow you home. I think it's called imprinting.

3) Find a distraction, perhaps a healthy hobby. Steal a few cows, find a bit of gold, kidnap a princess or two after your adventurer problem has been exterminated.

I seriously don't get why people even use living minions in this day and age. Get on with the times. Next thing you're gonna tell me you still eat stolen sheep.

undead are a lot dumber and require more mircomanging than living minions.

a living minion can be commanded to do complex task and follow a weekly calendar of chores on their own.

it's fine if you only have a dozen or so minions, but when you get above fifty minions undead drop off dramatically in effectiveness without a living minion to command over them in your stead.

Dragon, dragoff.

>Next thing you're gonna tell me you still eat stolen sheep.

Wait, what do you mean by that?

What do you do with your stolen sheep?
Or am I grossly misinterpreting your statement?

>Not respecting or having respect for your own property.

I bet you don't even have a treasure horde.

reddie pls go and stay go
Well, y'see...
First, you eat all of your treasure, and then you turn into a mountian

Not that draganon, but I think he looks down on stealing sheep. Like, why not eat local game

Is it me, or did the Temp-Worker class in Warehouses & Cubicles 4.5e get a massive nerf, while Reality Celebrity got the exact fucking opposite. Which neither needed.

Also, why'd they change the Latino race to be borderline unplayable in an "America" campaign?

>kobolds
LOL. What a faggot. I bet you don't even have lizardfolk.

Latino is only unplayable if you tried to multi-nationalize and never finished getting your American traits. Ask your GM if you can finish your campaign pre-change, or failing that marry an American NPC and finish off your kit that way.

I've had good success with warforged. The expense only makes them more valuable, and with a bit of gold and gemwork, they even blend in with my hoard.

>I advise planting a false rumor about how the king has been replaced with a doppelganger that plans to throw the land into war.

Nigga I am a lizard in a cave, what you want me to do just walk up and smash my head in their taverns and start talking shit about their ruler?

You could try gitting gud

Honestly, whelps these days

Hey Faggots,
My name is Smaug, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any virgin tributes? I mean, I guess it’s fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on visagetome.
Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I am fire, I am death, and kill where I wish and none dare resist. What sports do you play, other than “jack off to naked drawn Nippon people”? My teeth are swords, my claws spears, my wings a hurricane and my breath death, and I have a huge hoard (I just slept with her; Shit was SO comfy). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It’s me and my hoard

Why not just eat dirt you uncultured urchin?

All the rules that ruined the latino were ripped right out of the 4e splat American Nationalism anyway. It's just some devs playing with the reds v blues crap again.
Any of the rules that you can find in 4.5 and that splat you can just ignore in 4.5

Is this a porn pic? It looks like it might be a porn pic.

If it is, I need source.

Get some birds instead. they make for better companions.

You got punked by a hobbit and shot down by a mortal with a bow. How about you get good before shitposting?

>muh kobolds
sneeze with your nostrils closed you dungheap

why didn't
>rocks fall, everyone dies
happen? what did you do to anger the dark gods?

Of course not, but if you know the right people and some magic...
Well, manipulating any living being is always about subtlty. Whether it be in the fine print of a contract or knowing where to plant the right seeds with the right people. Maybe some mind control, maybe paying someone and offing them in a way that looks like a Dopple's work. Hell if you're good you can throw the kingdom into chaos for some other elabrat plan.

Great now I feel like those snobs from the plane filled with concrete towers and loud carriages.

Good to know. Only problem I have now is that I've worked my way up to "Warehouse Floor Manager", but the half-blood playing the CEO's "Fifty-Something White Republican Female Personal Assistant" and the scaleless fag playing the "Fifty-Something White Republican Female Bookkeeper" have been doing everything in their power to keep me from leveling up to "Salaried" or even get a frickin' raise.

>Relying on falling rocks.
Do you even set out overly complex death traps?

I mean, his kobolds were probably responsible for his falling rocks, so if they're dead chances are the wandering murderhobos in question probably avoided that specific trap.

Why else would you have kobolds if not to micro-manage all that tedious shit in your lair?

Force some dwarves to forge a big-ass sword for you, then. Do the deed when they give it to you.

KEK

ABSOLUTELY SLAUGHTERED

You're a fucking wyvern now, get out.

>All these actual wyverns posting on this board
I miss dunkelzhan

Leave it to the white dragons to produce such genetic defects

Or commission them, it's not like you'll need your gold when you're dead.

Kobolds are more trouble than they're worth. Terrible loot polishers, short lifespan, and they taste terrible. You're better off without them, trust me. Humans are far better. Just raid the local kingdom and bring home a grip of maidens. They are much better at curating my hoard and they don't try to shit where I sleep. Some of them can even sing.

I know what you mean, bro. I've had my kobolds for 1000 years and the same clan is still serving me. Little things have almost been wiped out a few times, but they keep bouncing back. I don't know what I'd do if they all died.

Get hobos instead. They smell funny but they don't bleed everywhere for no discernible reason and you don't get stupid white knights trying to "save" them with their dick.

Why, I'd tell you to use your servants to spread the rumor of course!

Ooooh, right...

can't you polymorph into some half-elf

Lizardfolk are filthy and messy, they would get mud all over your hoard.

yay, new copypasta