Inquisitorial Penal Regiment Veeky Forums: Insamity Embodied Edition

I have no idea what's going on. The plot? A mere shadow, thing of the past, buried in piles of crack, retardation and "fun." What happens now? Where will they go next? Will I resist the urge to end it all? Guess we'll both find out.
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1d4Chan: 1d4chan.org/wiki/Campaign:Penal_regiment_designation_Veeky Forums

Steam Group: steamcommunity.com/groups/40k_penal_regiment.

FAQ:
>What the fuck is this?
Somewhat a campaign of crack-infused free-form roleplay in the grim darkness of the far future.

>When do you guys make these threads?
Usually mondays at 4PM GMT, but they sometimes extend to Tuesdays if we got caught in the middle of something when the thread died and it was too late to make another one the same day.

>Can I join in?
Sure, just think of a character and have fun, you can find most info in 1d4chan albeit it's ussually a little bit out of date in comparison to where the threads are.

>Is there any requirement in character creation.
Not really, we've had Xeno infiltrators, Chaos infiltrators, Villains, Heroes, Normal Guardsmen, Crazed Guardsmen, Assassins, Psykers, Space Marines, Inquisitors, Squats... just think whathever and join the fun.

>Is it allowed to have more than a single character?
Yes as long as you don't use it to powerplay.

>So how you guys do the playan'?
We tend to use spoilers for OOC chat, but nothing is set in stone.
We tend to use greentexts for describing a character's actions, but again nothing is set in stone.
Use d20s for combat checks and d100s for other things you want to roll, higher Is better.
It's important to know that the regiment is now in the employ of a radical Ordo Xenos Inquisitor, with influence from an Ordo Malleus Inquisitor and under the watch of an Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor. Yes we've been through a lot of shit.

>Why don't you guise move to quest?
We're not a quest that's why.

>On board the Judgement, specifically Deckard's quarters.
>Gets out of the shower, wrapped in one towel while drying her hair and ears with another.
>She was pale in comparison to her usual self and her general appearance made it rather obvious that she was feeling ill
>then again, three bottles of hard liquor and a wild night comes with consequences.

>Malak would let out a sigh as he takes a bite from a ham and cheese sandwich.
>"Stuck on the ship for the past week, without any word of where in the hell we're going.... The only thing to do is deal with the trainees..."

>wakes up to the blinding light of the weak bedroom lamp, he squints his eyes, hissing at the lamp, before putting on his old shades
>what would be an attempt to raise from the bed would end up by slamming onto the floor and then getting up promptly
>he takes a deep breath and follows up by a deep sigh before he pulls his shirt and pants on, lighting an Lho as he pulls on his boots
Well, I'm feeling like I got skullfucked by a daemon of Khorne. But nothing unusual here. 'ow about you, luv?

>After several days of Warp transit. Isabelle has become rather bored.
>Although she and her regiment were constantly doing drills in preperation for the next deployment. Those were a pale comparison to the ones back on the Homeworld.
>Maybe Commissar Eisen needed some help with something? That way she could kill two birds with one stone.

>is still on the dreadnaughts head while in sleep mode

>the dreadnought waits in the hangar patiently, dreaming of days long since passed.

Hey sorry to bother you but… what's your story, how and why are you here?

>the sarcophagus starts
Hm? What? Oh.
>a rumbling sigh comes from deep inside
I was a Blackshield. Of the Deathwatch. Before that I will not say. More recently, I was assigned with a Kill-Team to clear out a Space Hulk of genestealers. We did. Unfortunately I was separated from them, and missed extraction.
>the chassis tilts upwards
I do not know how long I slept after that. Decades? Centuries? It's all irrelevant. I was awoken when a distress signal was picked up, bearing the same clearance codes as my former chapter. I followed it, and it brought me here. My brothers are not here.
>it tilts back downwards
But I was a fool to think they would be.

>he eats a snack, rubbing his chin
Hmmh, come on, we can't have you all alone like this. How about we find Vic and go to the town? It's been a whole since the last civilized place I saw wasn't rubble.

> wake up in the chamber of the stasis
Ah! our appointment is today
> wake Utitur

Don't worry I'm sure you will find your brothers until then however I shall help in any way I can

>wakes with a start
>exclaimes quickly
Wha- no I wasn't sleeping YOU were sleeping and sleepin is a human trait and as such has been removed from my superior body… now five more minutes please…

Feeling fucked. Both in good and bad ways. I did spew out something which probably is heresy but then again I did flush it.
>she'd gag a little at the thought, making a quick turn around just in case she'd be in a hurry again
Have to admit though, not too bad of a welcome to a new reg.

Sure. T-That sounds...great, provided they don't hate me...

>another rumble escapes the dreadnought, this time sounding content
Mmmm... I wouldn't bother. I do not know if I would like what I found, were I to locate my brothers. The gesture is appreciated, though.

Well whatever you say your stuck with me till my techpriest comes back
>resume sitting on dread

we cannot afford to be late, the Necrons and especially the Royal Musicomancer do not forgive the one who are out of time

>he chuckles and puts on his leather jacket
Yeah, not much of a drinker though, you'd need to work on that luv. But you're better in... other fields
>he stretches his neck, it makes a loud crack
By which I mean sniping, of course.
>he grins with the lho between his teeth
Oh, now who'd hate you? You're too adorable to hate. Come on, even the khornates squee when they see you.

This is just a quest.

read the OP

>The regiment's vessel is pulled out of the warp by unknown energies

People who don't like Abhumans?
>Anya shrugs.

Fine,fine I wish I had my skull for all the times it has accidentally injected me with combat drugs which had to be purged from my system it was a real wake up call

>The Chariot stands ready
>::WE HAVE EXITED THE WARP, BROTHER::
But why?
>::REASON UNKNOWN.::
Then we will have a fight on our hands.

>he sighs and shakes his head
Those are not people, those are morons. Remember that. You're great. Don't let morons tell you otherwise.
>he takes her hand
Come on, let's go find Vic

well then prepare yourself for dancing
>the he go for the door, heading to the lobby

>She'll be speaking with Oddball about Tau tech knowledge so she knows what systems to modify about the Orca

>Malak would perk up as the ship is brought out of the Warp.

I guess we've arrived...

>Malak would stand up, finish off the last two bites of his sandwich, and would make his way to the Scion armoury to prepare himself.

>Servoskull sends message to techpriest
++unscheduled departure from warp++
++spirits are disrupted++
++will send for help if violence occurs within or without structure++

>It's not a quest because we said it wasn't one!
>but elsewise it's exactly like one

Ok lets go!
>reads message
Okay the guard are encountering warp fuckery probably nothing I have a system in place to find out if it escalates
So lets go!

>A signal is broadcast in a language neither the machine spirits, the adeptus mechanicus enginseers and magos nor the hereteks can understand. But due to the pattern followed and the repetitions it is probably a warning.

>::TRANSMISSION RECEIVED. UNDECIPHERABLE.::
Probability of the origin of the transmission being xenos?
>::ESTIMATED 61% LIKELY TO BE OF XENO ORIGIN.::
We need more information.

...

Rolled 48 (1d100)

do not worry we will be out there real quick
okay let's go

>Is filling her cup on the bar/table/somewhere

Hank: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Dwight: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Rolled 16 (1d100)

>techpriest message
++found signal likely of xenos origin++
++will retrieve all available tech an scan those that can't++
++if I do not send more messages assume the worst++
>back to PR
This sounds cool but a warning is a warning so…
Let us proceed with all possible haste

Rolled 19 (1d100)

Okay less haste

>he waves over to her as they approach her
Miss Rider, you dare leave Corporal Laaski unattended? You know what trouble this little mischief causes, almost as much as you.
>he smiles
You okay, dear?

Rolled 43 (1d100)

take a quick pause if you want

>She blushes a bit.
I'm fine uncle Kane, I wanted to fill my cup... and another one for her.
You want more wine too?

>pause

O-Okay then...

>Anya waves at her.

Wine? Why su-
>He remembers he left Lien alone in a crowd with wine
...gimme a sec dear
>he gently swirls Anya to Vic and runs off to look for Anya, silently muttering "Oh God Oh God Oh God"

>She waves back and approaches a cup for her.
How are you doing, dear?

>Is doing pretty nicely, all things considered, the wine helped her relax and she's not blushing anymore when some human looks at her for being a xeno

Okay then Unc-
>Anya just looks confused.
I-I'm okay...how are you?

>slows down and approaches her
...hey. You ok?
>he takes a glass and pours some wine himself, sipping it slowly
The crowds still making you nervous?

I'm doing fine, luv.
Enjoying the party?

Not anymore, no. The crowd is nice, I was watching this card game those individuals were playing, Poker I think you Gue call it.

Oh? Were you thinking of trying it out?
>he looks at the game
Never really understood the rules, I was always too drunk to notice

I bet I could win most people in this room... they are too keen to bluffing

Oh? I'd love to see that
>he leans on the table and sips his wine
Come on, Impress me and I'll be at your service

>Sits with him then
Bring it on!

Err... do you have cards?

>go to the workshop of the Musicomancer
this a very important appointment Utitur so don't speak without thinking, it could bring unfortunate consequences and you'll get a gift if we make it out of this alive

>Arnel would stand upon the bridge of the Judgement's Teeth. A hand placed upon his chin, a intrigued looking grin upon his elderly face, and his gaze planeted directly upon the massive Xeno fortress that was on screen.

Captain Helmont. Get me a scan of the Xeno structure. I want whatever information you can possibly obtain about it. Alloy composition, size, gun implacments, whatever you can get.

>He'd place his hands upon a holo-emitter before him.

Afterwards, get me a scan of the local system. Scan for planet's, local ship and communication traffic.

>He would stand up at this point.

And in the meantime, prepare a boarding team for launch on my command.

>shakes his clenched wrist and opens it with a full pack of cards
Hmmh, 2 players won't be enough...
>he waves Anya and Vic over

>The structure is inconclusive, albeit the scan can at least tell it already existed before the Horus Heresy, as for the planet below, the scan reveals inactive necron tomb world structures... but they're all wrong and messed up, not any reading from any vault holding a necron in stasis or an active unit in the field, it's as if the tomb world below were ruins.

The landscapes are dead, continents filled with ash and dead husks of destroyed necron tech covered in dirt.

There are some eldar vehicles, also destroyed covered in ash and dusk.

There's no galactic charts nor maps, the regiment is literally in the middle of nowhere, in fact most charts either place either nothing existing here or a warpstorm the size of the Maelstrom.

This was a warzone long, long ago...

I-I'm enjoying it f-fine How about you?

>Anya walks over.
Hmm? What's the matter?

>As he scrolls through the newly acquired data popping up on screen, a single tear would begin form at the corner of the old, radical, Ordo Xeno Inquistor left eye. Only to find itself quickly wiped away.

That's quite the treasure trove of Xeno tech down there. It looks like the stories of the "War in Heaven" I've heard might actually have some merit to them.

>Having finished analyzing the data, a small grin would form upon his wrickled visage.

But it still doesn't fully explain what the Xeno structure in orbit is. Let alone how it was able to pull us directly from the Warp...

>The old Inquistor would remain silent for a moment.

Send a message to Commissar Eisen. Have him prep a team to go and board the alien structure. My gut tells me that our only way to escape this system is on board that structure.

In the meantime, assemble a team to head down to the planet's surface. I want a closer look at it...

I think they want us to join...
Shall we?

>Recieves the call for duty.
>A grin shows up under his mask.
So. A boarding team eh? Haven't had one of those since I took part on a genestealer purge in a space hulk.

>He'd quickly move to get his gear and signal a report for the finest teams of guardsmen to report at the hangar ASAP.

I-
Uhmm...what she said
Me and miss Cupcakes here have a bet
Mind helping me win it?

>The Chariot stands ready
A close-quarters battle is to be expected?
>it raises it's seismic hammer

Sure, could be good for a laugh.

>Malak would arrive to the hanger, alongside a handful of Scions and trainees, who like him, were fully geared up in their white and gold armour.

Tempestor Ordenius here. My team and I are ready for duty Commissar!

You heard the lady, if it's fun we're in, uncle.

>he smiles
Then sit your butts down and let's start this
>he mixes the cards and deals them
Now let's see if I can play this game sober

>Is reading the very few information gathered about the temple.
Well this is some omnious piece of paper that I could use in a bathroom for what little it helps.

Alright listen up ladies! We're going to board an ancient temple of most likely Xeno origin. It predates the Horus Heresy and is likely dangerous. I want you all equipped with breaching charges. I get the feeling we're going to encounter a lot of closed doors in our way!

Rolled 16, 45 = 61 (2d100)

>Rolling for the gals' luck

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>Rolling for Kane's luck

>::NEW INFORMATION, BROTHER. DESTROYED NECRON TOMBWORLD BELOW.::
Hmm. Anything else?
>::IS IT NOT CLEAR TO YOU, BROTHER?
I hope it is not. That would be very, very bad.
>the dreadnought lumbers to it's dropship

>Malak would grin upon hearing the words "Breaching charges".

I was hoping you would say that Commissar.

>He'd hoist up a bag of explosives.

Lucky for you, I was one of the best demo experts in the old 277th Mechanised Infantry Regiment.

Rolled 72 (1d100)

>Rollan.

>Lien doesn't even have a pair in her hand, she goes for king high.
>Vic has a pair of fours.

Oh forgive me sire I did not intend to disappoint you sire please oh please allow me to redeem myself sire!
>She spoke in a extremely satirical tone.
Now that's how I'd reply were you a high lord. Just, in case you ever become one.

And this is how I'll reply to you now.
>She flips him off and shows her tongue like a child

Very well then! Everyone board your transports! We're going in hot!

>It is the largest sum, true, but not by much.
I c-can bluff just fine. I do it quite a bit you know.

>the Ironclad is locked in place on the transport by attending techpriests
I am ready to deliver His judgement.

>Puffs her cheeks
You got lucky to have a poker of queens.

>he chuckles
Me? A noble? Not much of a chance
>he grins and gets up, fixing his jacket up
And I know a nice, warm place for that long old tongue of yours. A bottle's tip.
>he picks up a bottle of the ground and sips

>he seems to barely follow what's happening, yet ends up with the largest sum at the end and a side smirk
Hmmh. You can't blufg if you don't know how to.
>he taps his temple

>having hastily gathered her gear the sniper, tactically having disguised her features boards a transport
This better be worth it..

>These are the answers to that statement.

>she had heard the call for arms and quickly gotten in gear
Tag along or not but I'm going!

this post happens prior to this one

>Malak would nod his head, before motioning for his squad to board one of their Valkyires.

>follows her, a sound cannon slumped over one shoulder and a plasma gun over another
Fun fun fun

>Anya stands up and looks over in the general direction of the booze.
I'm going to...g-get some more...
>She'd head off to grab it, taking orders first however.

>he leans over to her and boops her nose area
It's okay to lose, luv. I'm still at your service

>He'd contact the inquisitor.
My lord, we're ready for take off.

>She doesn't blush, probably because of the booze.
Come on... let's have another, 1 on 1 I am sure I can best you.

Rolled 73 (1d100)

>he leans back and remixes the cards
Sure thing, love.
>he deals them
>rolling luck

Rolled 55 (1d100)

>Likewise

>Utitur Xenonem
zzzzz… WHAT NO NOT ASLEEP

>Cheryl
Whyzh? Hmm? Were are we whaat going in? Oh no did I miss the thingy?

OP, use a trip so I can filter these cancerous cringefests until you take this shit to IRC or start getting deleted by janny.

>He looks at the bigger pike next to him, then back at her, smile and raised brow
Last time, winner takes all?

>the dreadnought is secured in place
We are on our way to the objective.

>threads have been around forever
>WAAAAAH! I DON'T LIKE IT GO AWAY!
Grow up newfag.