ITT: Try to piss off Veeky Forums

Pathfinder is a great system.

Okay.

Hey guys. I'm rolling up a new toon. Can I get some help?

If you move the first two to the end, I agree with this.

Woman adventurers are unrealistic in a medieval fantasy setting.

It's what my character would do

We're looking for a new GM because our old one had to quit for personal reasons. We absolutely want to play at minimum 20th level. Your job as GM will be to create an interesting world with believable NPCs, interesting set pieces and challenging dungeons. We would prefer a homebrew setting with kitsunes and other anime inspired custom races, but if you want to run it in Golarion (tm), that's fine too. You have to be able to take in input from our side, we will tell you what we want and when we want it, don't worry ;)
Pic related is our favourite supplement, that we absolutely want to see in action.

>You all meet in a tavern
>You see in the corner a young man in studded leather chatting animatedly with an older woman in heavy armour.
>An old man wearing a ragged cloak over equally ragged clothes nurses a cooling cup of coffee while watching their antics, stirring in a spoonful of sugar after a exploratory taste.
>A man with dark skin pays for his meal with several unfamiliar coins, before brushing past you on his way out the door. He wears a vest made of soft leather over a loose cotton shirt, a short sword in its sheath across his back, held by a series of leather straps and small metal rungs.
>A young girl greets you animatedly, and asks if any of you were interested in buying some of the potato and rabbit stew that is currently cooking, or if you'd like rooms for the night.

He said piss off Veeky Forums, not piss off feminists.

>20th level
Instant nope.

Meatbread tastes like shit.
Dwarf Fortress is worse than shit.

What am I supposed to be seeing here

See, I was thinking of trying something like this, but I was cocerned that i wouldnt be able to craft my bait well enough. What we need is a user wiling to craft a page long, infiriating script that is also elegent in its simplisity. Something that is garanteed to drive even the sanist of all anons into a froothing rage. Something that will leve them reading far logner than necesary due ot a lack of content, but which has to ned somewhere. We need an exert wordsmith and a bodrerline socipath. The hero we need must be... [spoler]a master baiter.[/spoler] ;)

>Dwarf Fortress is worse than shit.

You have a female Dwarf and a female Elf.

The dwarf is a hot shortstack, the elf is pure cheesecake.

The Dwarf loves Pathfinder, the Elf prefers 5e.

The Elf wants quests back on the board, the Dwarf is glad to see them gone.

The Dwarf enjoys generals, the Elf says they killed creativity on the board.

The Dwarf is tolerably Progressive. The Elf posts on /pol/... and means it.

The Dwarf believes all the memes about GURPS. The Elf is willing to give it a try.

The Elf is an Ultrasmurf fan. The Dwarf likes the Magpies. However, the Dwarf plays Orks and the Elf plays Tau. Both like the look of Tyranids though.

The Elf plays Blue-Black, the Dwarf Black-Green.

The Elf likes Cultist-Chan. The Dwarf hates the All Guardsmen Party stories.

The Dwarf wants to experiment with Monstergirl sexplay... possibly to the extent of furryism. The Elf is into pegging and urethral sounding.

The Dwarf enjoys JoJo. The Elf thought Kill La Kill was an instant classic.

Both thought Boku No Pico was adorable.

The Dwarf insists on playing the rogue if possible. The Elf always makes paladins.

The Elf is the one posting the Varg threads.

The Dwarf posts Lindybeige threads because she thinks they lead to interesting discussion.

The Elf couldn't care less about the new season of Samurai Jack. The Dwarf thought Firefly was just ok.

You have to pick one to date for the next six months. No, you can't kill both. Or yourself.

Dwarf

It actually IS terrible though. OP's picture? That is actually disgusting.

Let's hope the dwarf has a steady source of lava to drown in.

Well, you beat me. I tip my figurative hat.

One of you has Shit Taste.

It's unrealistic for wizards to be balanced with fighters.

fuck you guys

Dwarf, but I won't play Pathfinder with her.

So basically, the Elf is perfect in every way and the Dwarf is shit?

But it's the kind of shit that makes me loathe to take the antique table my grandmother wants to give to one of the grandkids. I'd love to use it as a gaming table, but I don't want to be having a panic attack every time I bring someone over and they have snacks. I could cover it up, but it's a beautiful table - if you get it for the looks, what's the point of never seeing it?

Actual traditional games

>Tau Player
>Liked Kill La Kill
>Plays Asshole colors.
>questfag

Whelp, you failed.

Wait I got
>cliche start
>woman in heavy armor
>coffee
>sugar
>dark skin
>sword worn across back
>potatoes

You fucker, this is like that thing where two guys with swords pass each other and then the other guy takes five steps before he splits in half.

Wow.
I guess elf, they're at least kind of cute in a "wow they are really retarded how do they even remember to breathe" kind of way.

Put tempered glass on top of it?

>this is like that thing where two guys with swords pass each other and then the other guy takes five steps before he splits in half.
Bleach?

Literally any Japanese anything made in the past 50 years

Skub, yes or no?

Enjoy having your anus and urethra torn apart by a retard.

I'm gonna play a CN Kender rogue.

You win. Fuck you.

Jim Profit and LogicNinja and VirtualOptim and Sergal posting and Flare posting really addd to the character of the board, and all of them should be brought back and made janitors?

Date the Elf.

There's also
>studded leather
>unfamiliar coins
>cotton
>rooms for the night

No thanks, you go ahead

dwarf anyone choosing elf is shitter

>...and this is what my character looks like!

>The Dwarf hates the All Guardsmen Party stories
10/10 you got me user

>The Elf is the one posting the Varg threads.
elf is wife tier

See:

Is there a limit on how drunk I can be the entire relationship?

Drunk but not to the point of death.

Go die in a flaming acid bath.

By the way, who brought the Cheetos and Mountain Dew?

Literally only downside to dwarf is a love of PF and a memetastic distaste for GURPS. She's miles better than pure faryan /pol/ack.

You need to get shot.
This thread was bad, but you guys seem intent on turning it into a "let's pay attention to shit best left ignored"

The elf, then. The dwarf will take my constant alcoholism as a sign of approval. The elf will be disgusted and want nothing to do with me for being a filthy fucking degenerate. Especially if I drink ouzo, or fermented mares milk, or something. No urethral sounding for me!

Plus, with boku-no-pico, and the elf wanting to try gurps, I can probably combine the two and my brain *should* explode in protest at being exposed to that sort of horror.

ROUND TWO

The Elf thinks Steven Universe is the best cartoon currently airing. The Dwarf says the same about Adventure Time.

The Elf likes Big Bang Theory. The Dwarf hates Rick and Morty.

The Elf always smells of cigarettes. The Dwarf is frequently stoned.

The Elf thinks Wyverns should count as Dragons. The Dwarf thinks she can fix Chakats.

Both don't see what the big deal is about kender, or airplane food.

Both of them would've thought that was funny.

The Dwarf tells the WORST puns imaginable. The Elf Thinks fart jokes are only funny when she tells them.

Both have very strong opposing opinions about Tolkien and Harry Potter. Freebie on this one, you get to choose.

One thinks Douglas Adams was better than Terry Pratchett. You only find out which one after you make a decision.

The Elf only uses GameScience Dice. The Dwarf believes all Dice Gods superstition and is super uptight about letting others touch her dice.

Same rules apply before, except now both are strapped to a trolley problem. The question now becomes who would you rather date, and who would you rather see dead?

Communism is wrong.

Reddit is that way, friendo.

>Can't kill yourself.
Try making the elf want to kill you instead.

Fuck you. Well done.

>Woman adventurers are unrealistic in a medieval fantasy setting
>fantasy
If you were talking about an actual historical setting you'd have a point, how do people generally handle that? Do female players just have to genderswap or have a permanently gimped character?

You win, user. I think I'd rather smuggle drugs into thailand with a picture of their king taped to my boots than date either of them for six months or kill one and leave the other alive.

I'd rather see them both dead and continue to faithfully date my left hand.

"Pathfinder is a bad game."

No multi-track drifting.

I'll make a chaotic stupid loner whose selfish decisions are all defended by " It's what my character would do!"

Dwarf for three reasons
>My anus/ urethra will remain safe
>I can share my ambivalence of firefly with her
>I find Lindy threads enjoyably annoying

Other than that they're both hot memetastic weebs. I don't see this lasting beyond six months.

Veeky Forums are the most easily baited board on this whole website, by far.

Dwarf, because I don't need to agree with her on every little thing for me to want to date her, and we agree on enough (or at least have perpendicular enough interests) and she's cute enough that I'll enjoy the six months that I'm finally not alone.

WHERE IS THE DAMN LAVA!
NO BRAKES = AUTOMATIC CRASH.

"Communism is bad"? Really?

I'd say Veeky Forums falls for the bait harder, but actual baiting tends to be a bit harder.

>"Communism is bad"? Really?
It worked didn't it?

>but actual baiting tends to be a bit harder.
Nah, I've seen people get baited accidentally which doesn't even make sense.

You don't go to /k/ much, do you?

This has reached a point where it could piss people off not because of the man himself any more, but only from people who take 1d4chan as gospel.

How easily baited are they?

>Veeky Forums is communist

How can you get four fours and still be retarded. What a waste.

One of your players wants to bring his girlfriend for just one game and asks you to create her an appropriate character. She arrives and the only thing she knows about the game is that she absolutely hates the character you created for her.

She stays for the entire session frequently saying things like "What the fuck am I supposed to do?" every time her turn comes up. The boyfriend makes excuses on her behalf saying "At least she's willing to play," and other things to mask the fact that he is completely embarrassed and emasculated.

Sticking with Dwarf, Elf get TROLLEY'D. Also dwarf has some hot opinions that might be interesting to listen too. It'll be a long six months.

That's kind of the point. Reddit is turning into a commie shithole. Veeky Forums? Why the fuck would you troll about communism on Veeky Forums? That's like trolling about ancaps anywhere.

>Wyverns

>Loves Tolkien

>Hates potterfaggotry

She's perfect

Not as easily as the white bread wet towels on this board

At any given time, half the threads on page one are pure bait.

Art thou a fellow goldiblack flagman of nonagressives and the freebydowants?

Springfield Armory 1911 or Glock 17 Gen 4

Do /out/ ever have threads about what kind of bait to use when fishing, a bait thread if you will.

Hardmode: They're friends that will take eachother to whatever game you're in or running. They cannot be separated. They talk about you all the time. Whoever you don't pick will stalk the fuck out of you.

INTRODUCING DLC CHARACTER:

Male dragonborn.
He is into fitness and weightlifting.
He will play tabletop but only half assedly and will generally play CN rogues.
He doesn't play anything other than 3.5 and demands to use all the splat books.
He plays on his cellphone when it's not his turn.
He never brings snacks.
He has a fursona and will talk to you about it autistically.
He prefers "classic" anime like ghost in the shell and will not watch anything popular.

True Demon Hard Mode:
He unironically browses /mu/ and Veeky Forums and shares their views.

>elf likes big bang theory
>Elf likes fart jokes
Regardless of my opinion on which still means dwarf is kind of better I want elf Dead.
They're both kind of shitty, though.

Damn straight. Want to go shoot some of neighbour's escaped child slaves?

Yes, it is actually a general.

It's possible, it just requires old-school conventions like high lethality and varying XP curves, along with additional restrictions on advancement for wizards.

Having a PHD in restructuring reality is obviously stronger than having a PHD in sword-fighting, but the latter should take much less time.

It also makes no sense that a wizard can develop his skills to such an insane level just by camping in the woods and putting kobolds to sleep.

Wizards should have major storyline-level requirements to advance past certain thresholds. Like....

1-6 - Hedge wizard: Run of the mill murderhobo, knows some spells only really useful for adventuring, doesn't do research, can spend his whole life doing this and never progress past that

7-12 Mage: Wizard has to settle down and attend some kind of organized learning institution to reach this point (he can do that at any level, but he can never get to level 7 without doing it)

13-17 High Mage: This wizard has transcended his training and can teach his own institution if he wants to. A high mage that deigns to murderhobo will completely outclass his mundane peers but why would he bother? A wizard has to do something to contribute to the world of magical academia equivalent to a graduate thesis, generally requiring collaboration between player and DM to figure out a suitable story arc for it.

18+ Archmage: At this point the wizard can do pretty much anything and as such most have transcended human concerns entirely. Reaching this level requires serious consideration by the DM, should take discoveries or deeds of global impact.

-------

But that's all really complicated and just gives arcane classes even more cool shit while fighters languish.

The real answer to the mage problem is to play Ars Magica.

>contributan

I like quests a lot, especially ones with sexy kobolds and le epic memes

>The Elf is into pegging

I choose the elf.

I made a thing no one will thank me for and will likely be passed around filename threads for the next few weeks.

>create an NPC that is distinct and vital to the story
>have the PCs frequently talk to and about him
>Near the end of the campaign he does something very significant like become the BBEG or sacrifice himself for the party's sake.
>One player pipes up
"So who is this guy supposed to be again?"

>Why the fuck would you troll about communism on Veeky Forums?
Because it works? There was a thread the other day someone started about using communists as villains and the first response was some moron bitching about the thread and how everyone should sage it, and that post was just the first one like that.

Don't you mean...
He has a humansona and is a reverse otherkin. He is just as annoyingly delusional as otherkin saying shit like "Fuck you I'm a Human Bean.

>Metal rungs over the back.

This must be uncomfortable. Maybe it's his 10ft ladder?

that has a penis doesn't it