What is the boxed wine of fantasy RPGs?

What is the boxed wine of fantasy RPGs?

Pathfinder, lots of different kinds, and it's almost all shit.

This, in every way.

Boxed wine?
I think you mean goon.

D&D

yeah nah yeah

>Box Wine
5e. Tries to be classy. Doesn't really leave an impact.

>Pabst
D&D 3.X The kind of shit you only play when there's nothing else. You're probably better off just playing pretend for the next hour.

>Jalapeno Grapefruit Svedka
Pathfinder. Tries to be flashy, bold, and rich. Only gives you a headache and attracts the worst insects to your table.

What is the peppermint schnapps of fantasy RPGs?

Boxed wine.

Or, if oriental in setting, jugged wine.

>that episode of always sunny where they drink boxed wine in coke cans

you know that shit was recalled because of arsenic?

Bota box is where its at

GURPS
Straight clear ethanol
You can make damn near a million drinks with it, if you know what youre doing. Casual inspection will cause blindness and unconsciousness

Make an enchanted box with spout obscurer for boxed wine with markings showing it was repackaged after being damaged during a shipping incident. Make it a reward or alternate pay after an attack on a caravan or ship they helped. Have the original container be damaged during the attack. Any imperfections in the box construction and enchanting can be explained by the need to get moving.

Probably dnd
It's easily accessible
People try to shit on it, but in a blind taste test you can't tell the difference
It still gets you just as drunk

What kind of drink would Shadowrun be?

freeform

50 year old whiskey, raw ethanol and red bull

You take a shot, then you wake up the next morning.

You're pretty sure you were at a bar, but you can't remember what happened, you think you may have ended up at a party, you don't recognize the girl laying half-naked on top of you on your couch and you have no idea of how you got home in one piece.

Someone mixing wine with whiskey but at erratic volumes so you don't know how fucked it's going to be until you drink.

Most likely something like Only War. Sounds like a great idea, and is actually quite pleasant, but after a couple of nights you will get sick of the flavor.

Actually, you get blind from drinking methanol, which happens when you try to distill ethanol but you fuck up the temperature.

>happens when you try to distill ethanol but you fuck up the temperature.
Or when you want to produce technical alcohol and need to make sure it won't be re-purposed into drinking alcohol (causing massive tax evasion), methanol is mixed in on purpose.

Shadowrun is taking a decent midrange quality booze from 15 years ago and trying to make it into a neon blue microgreen herb salt rimmed 5 bitters and house cherry bullshit drink at massive markup when the actual neon is a bunch of glowsticks you've cracked open, the herb salt is just salt from the last bar that got rat poison mixed in with it, no one knows what the fuck a microgreen is, and the cherries are from kmart but some random who comes to your bar so much you had to give them some sort of job re-bottles them in mason jars with a rip-off label.

>failing this hard

shut up Dee

>D&D 3.Finder
generic boxed white wine
>ADD
cheap red wine
>D&D 5e
canned beer
>D&D 4e
bacardi breezer
>GURPS
generic booze
>Shadowrun
blended whisky
>Savage Worlds
craft beer
>oWoD
malt liquor
>nWoD
canned cocktail
>Call of Cthulhu
absinthe
>Traveller
single malt whisky
>Paranoia
tequila
>MYFAROG
homemade "mead"
>FATAL
methanol

>decent
>midrange

Zima

Calling 3.X pabst is an insult to Pabst, the best low tier beer. Star Wars d20 Saga is the Pabst of RPGs

Amount of alcohol is the complexity of mechanics. Taste is how well it's executed and quality of setting.

I take it you only date white woman?

D&D's various flavors are all different kinds of beers. You've got your cheap, mass market swill, your surprisingly good craft brews, your traditional regionals.

WoD is Skye Vodka. Pretentious, not awful but direly overrated. The candelabra of 90s goths everywhere.

Shadowrun is Zima.

MechWarrior is Jack Daniels. The low rent take on a good idea.

FATAL is tequila. Seems like a good idea at the time, but you wake up the next morning with a splitting headache, a foul taste in your mouth, and three different men's sperm on you.

GURPS is wine. A million varieties. To outsiders, the whole thing seems needlessly complicated. Fans can't shut up about how great it is. Nonfans worry that if they try it they'll turn into fans. Popular among college professors, futurists, and other snooty types. Actually pretty damn good.

Dungeon Fantasy is sangria. Sweet, uncomplicated, kind of a cliche. Wine for people who can't pull off faking that theyre the kind of person that likes wine.

Eclipse Phase is a wine cooler. Desperately trying to latch onto a superior product (Transhuman Space) but really malt liquor underneath the hype. Mostly used by community college poly sci majors to bang high school chicks.

Magic the Gathering is 40oz malt liquor. There, I said it. Beer-derived, and the hood not too different from a wine cooler. Really, that's most CCGs. Lots of brands, all superficially different.

. I like this! The 40k RPGs are great but yeah come off like this.

Rifts is moonshine, barely aged corn whiskey. Side effects include blindness, unplanned pregnancy, mild retardation, and Florida Man incidents. Popular among rednecks and in the inner city.

FATE is a champagne enema. Related to wine, mostly a gay thing. Fun and simple if you're willing to lay still and take it.

Numenara is brandy. Distilled wine, snootier but also pretty damn good. Easy to get drunk on. Chemically similar to Skye Vodka.

Savage Worlds is boxed wine. In a good way.

What drink is Call of Cthulhu?

Trail of Cthulhu?

CthulhuTech?

Delta Green?

Unknown Armies?

Boxed wine is a cheap wine blended from several others, so Pathfinder. Sweet boozy garbage with an audience of addicts.

5e would be like Barefoot Wine - popular, easy to keep around for whatever, and better than people admit.

5e is two buck chuck.

Don't know about the others, but Call of Cthulhu is of course Abstinthe.

>FATE is a champagne enema.

Nice!

What's the rum and coke of tabletop games?

>CoC
Absinthe
>ToC
Jaegermeister, tastes like Absinthe and fucks you up pretty good but it's just not the same
>CTech
Jenkem
>DG
Double whiskey, straight up
>UA
Tequila spiked with acid

What drink is 4e?

First post best post once again.

Not your father's root beer

What about straight vodka of RPGs?

OSR
You don't drink it because of the good taste, you drink it because you want to get drunk

L5R is American Craft Sake. Looks and tastes like Sake but something is defiantly off if you are more familiar with the real thing.

>Numenara is brandy. Distilled wine, snootier but also pretty damn good. Easy to get drunk on.

Nice try Monte.