On today's agenda, we need to discuss problems we have had in the past with our respective adventuring parties, and how to better crush their attempts to usurp our power.
Refreshments have been brought by our Treasurer, Yestav the Oblivion Bringer, and will be available during discussion.
No capes allowed.
Yeah, I think our problem is that we don't have a regular guy whose only power is telling the adventurers and police what we're gonna do before we do it.
Fellow villains, it is I, the Plaguebringer. I can already see some of you cringing and moaning, but I would like to bring this issue again - I suggest we should clarify our no cape policy and make it that it only forbids actual capes.
As you know, my regular attire includes a cloak - which is not a cape, and therefore should be allowed as a part of a dress-code.
My reasoning is very simple - when I wear my mask, but not my cap... Excuse me, not my cloak, I look downright silly.
Plaguebringer, we have been through this before. Cloaks do not technically count as capes, but they need to be secured so as to avoid work related accidents. The policy only exists because Dr. GoreGon is getting rather annoyed with putting our members back together after they get their apparel caught in something. If you can approve it with the Doctor, outside of this meeting, we will make due changes to the policy.
That is a good suggestion. We could have someone do that, then when the heroes grow to trust what this someone says, we will have him make a redherring. If you have anyone in mind, please do refer them here.
(Note to Sarpa The Unscrupulous Secretary: If any applicants for this position only talk in riddle, blast'em. We need members who will contribute to the conversation, and will not make planning harder than it needs to be. Say a one liner about riddles over their corpse as well, and you will be given a paid day off Monday of next week.)
You know, I'm really worried about our public image. Do we really need to call our organization villanous and evil? Why not something with a more positive spin to it, like Cheery People's Fun Time Club?
1. We are all card carrying villains. If we proclaimed ourselves as anything else, we would be getting members who are not villains themselves, maybe even getting moles or worse into our inner fold. That isn't very desired.
2. If you are worried about the public image because of sexual reasons, we have a variety of ways to keep you sated. Consorts, hypnosis rays, REALLY fetishy stuff if you are into it. You name it, you can probably get it.
3. We as villains like acronyms, V.A.N.E. has a bit of a ring to it.
4. If you want subtle world manipulation, join the Illuminati. We are all about theatrics, and showing the world who the real bosses are.
My fellow miscreants, how good of an idea is it to rely on some wish-granting entity for your plan? I ask since it seems to often backfire.
If you are prepared for everything that could come along with a wish, go for it.
If you are wishing for a specific outcome, you might want to look into entities that are sympathetic with that outcome, and are less likely to screw you.
If you are wishing for immortality, that doesn't mean you are 100% also invulnerable. If you wish for invulnerability, that doesn't mean you are 100% immortal. Make sure you use a term or terms which will get you what you want while filtering out what you don't.
Be specific, respect the entity, don't try to time travel, and you should be good.
Beware of genies. They are more likely to twist your wish than other wish granters.
I AM VORN THE UNSPEAKABLE, SO CALLED DUE TO THE HORRIBLE ATROCITIES I COMMIT AND ALSO BECAUSE I CANNOT SPEAK ONLY YELL. I COME TO YOU NOW AND PROPOSE WE OFFICIALLY MAKE EVERY TUESDAY TACO TUESDAY, FOR OFFICE FUN AND MORALE. BLLRIFHYGAAVHHGH!
Thank you for the advice brother.
I agree with this man of much shouting and drooling.
Unless anyone objects, the motion to have Taco Tuesdays is passed. Members must bring their own guacamole though.
>Members must bring their own guacamole though.
¡Inaceptable! Guacamole libre es una tradición sagrada de la asociación!
Si, but when our resource warehouse in Mexico was blown up a couple of weeks ago by that hero with the explosive eye lasers, all the Association's guac reserves were burnt up with it. Do not worry, it will only last until we regain our foothold there, and get back our rightfully deserved guacamole.
Besides, we still have salsa to tide us over.
What's the policy on parking unusual vehicles in the parking lot, because whoever blocked off two parking spots is an asshole. Just because I'm a great underwater navigator doesn't mean I have to be one to park my damn sub.
Hey guys, Dave from the community outreach program here. You guys are doing a fantastic job, love what you've done with the kingdom, but I have received some community complaints about the bandit problem.
I know this isn't the kind of thing you guys usually deal with, but I assure you it would do wonders for your public image. Otherwise the heroes will do it, and they will get more support from the towns, and that just causes a whole new mess y'know?
Totally cool if it doesn't mesh well with your plans, just something to consider. Thanks guys, keep it up.
Bandits don't have eye for drama and panache like a proper hero does, they're scary because they don't play by the rules! Why can't you just call the police to deal with them?
>but I have received some community complaints about the bandit problem.
¿Qué problema? ¡Los banditos son miembros portadores de tarjetas de la asociación!
I'll be honest here, I think we can all value a little honesty, the police just aren't good enough for the job. They're always moving around, it's a mess. I'm afraid there're only really two groups up to the task - the Villains Association of Nefarious Evilness, and the Vanguard Against Ne'erdowells and Evildooers, and we can't have them taking all the image opportunities, right guys?
Oh no, not you guys. You guys are fabulous - but there's another gang that has been causing a bit of trouble, edging in on our 'turf'. Honestly, you guys are just perfect for this job, if you want to do it. Nothing says 'bad boy' like some gang warfare, right guys?
And can I say, that bandolier looks fantastic on you, Mateo. Boy, I would not like to meet you in a dark alley, am I right? I know.
Fuck, realised after posting that this thread is modern superhero themed, not fantasy.
Hello everyone, Corporator her, I have something I want to brought up to this meeting:
Can we talk about henchmen and familiar? I mean, I have no problem with our fellow necromancers and pals, but I have several complaints from the Janitorial Service of Evil Lairs about degradations and unhygienic practices. Please refrain from bringing your zombies to the meeting, or executing a henchman for not doing his job, at least during meeting hours. Thanks.
I second Vorn for Taco Tuesday.
>spoiler
The association transcends time and space. All are welcome here, providing they are sufficiently nefarious.
Evidently sheyou weren't paying enough attention in seduction 101.
Take five minutes for a costume change, and try again.
I also want a Taco Tuesday. Good idea, comrades.
Need a hand with those bandits? Or an ICBM?
Sorry, name tag fell off.
... or am I the only one who remembered to wear his?
I don't like name tags, it wrinkles my suit.
>Vanguard Against Ne'erdowells and Evildooers
>V.A.N.E.
Alright, that's it.
CODE TURQUOISE EVERYONE!
Those jackasses who call themselves 'Heroes' have just crossed the line! THAT. IS. OUR. ACRONYM.
We will grant your request, not out of any moral obligation, but because we will not take second banana to a bunch of snobs with capes and heat vision.
We get ready to smash in these wannabes within the hour. If the mission is a success, we will not only have Taco Tuesday, but also FREE GUACAMOLE.
You can count on me, this is copyright infringement., I'll bury them under paperworks.
Lo intentamos, pero la asociación nos hizo compartir una etiqueta entre todos nosotros.
Don't worry. We are getting new V.A.N.E. Identification methods in the upcoming summer. I personally have my eyes on the pendent that also deflects rays.
Guacamole gratis?!?! ¡Tienes nuestras armas! ¡Cruzaremos la frontera y cortaremos las líneas de suministro del gringo inmediatamente!
Should I keep posting as the Banditos in Spanish or switch over to English? Spanish is funnier to me, but I get that constantly having to paste it into google translate might be annoying.
Do whatever you want.
It's funnier in spanish. Also, most of the message is pretty clear regardless.