You are a lich...

scratch my back

Seems kinda impossible to reach lichhood all by yourself.

I mean its kinda the natural hight of the school that doesn't come from natural evolution.

SO basically Hitler as a lich

" I die a little more every moment I am not with you..."

>CAN WE JUST SIT DOWN AND TALK FOR A WHILE?
>I HAVEN'T HAD A REAL CONVERSATION IN YEARS. ZOMBIES MAKE POOR FRIENDS.

what if it runs in the family?

A Lich with an itch now thats quite a pitch

>Grab your coats.
>We're gunna get blasted.

"find me 1 cadillac, 1 kanye mixtape, 1 bottle of alizé, and a bevvy of wenches and i will you give all 5 pieces of exodia the forbidden one"

Give them bullshit items, and send them on a quest based on to slay an illusionist pretend to be a terrible dragon. It is of course, actually a dragon, and they will die. Fuck the little fucking upstarts.

I ask them to find the dungeon heart and destory it. It my phylactery. After they did the dungeon will fall on top of them, burying them alive.

What if he had been a human football instead?

American or european?

Anything a Living or non-evil alignment individual can do, usually, and even then, you'd have to be a pleb Lich to DIRECTLY talk to people, seeing as it's a given the Fear aura is only suppressible if the face is covered (See Lich Monster class template, and every fucking reason their kind works by proxy).

If I had to directly contact them, I'd ensure the time, place, atmosphere and effect I had on first time introductions was worthy of their attentions, and I'd clearly have to Scry them beforehand via directly controlled servants.

As for items in question, it's usually better to give the lower level ones junk, but in more urgent circumstances hand-tailored items for each party member is of particular satisfactory recompense.

The spellcasters can get some spells from me, re-distribution is important after all, and I can't guard a repository of space in my libraries and archives forever, as even they can expire and crumble to dust due to test of time, so he gets some common things which are harder to come about in the current DR, and perhaps one more of his choosing from my personal choices that I may have picked up from the Libris Mortis based on an educational question to pry his/her (doubtful) worth.

Transportation of My Phylactery? Only if they were stupid enough to put me in a vault of forbidden sealed evil artefacts.
youtube.com/watch?v=NQ3pAD8mln4

...Show me the pieces.

Protip: The girl is dead for over 50 years without him realising.

Best part: you have the instructions/warnings for the items, but they cost additional favors. For basic favor they get the items, activation codes and other such necessities, and the opportunity to learn exactly why said items are forbidden in all civilized countries.

>Without him realizing
But why?
>He says she lives two hills beyond the church; doesn't mention that's the oldest part of the graveyard in town
>They find a crude shrine/mausoleum has been constructed amidst the various broken old graves, and inside it are piles of letters and poetry in states of decay from "ancient" to "maybe a year ago"

Find me the most bitching motorcycle in all the realms, and I will reward you with all this useless magic garbage I took from the last ten adventuring parties who were less willing to see reason and accept my inevitable dominion.

I think there are even a few +4 weapons in there.

Go into town and buy material components for spells that are hard to find outside of towns. I don't have time to raze a village for 5000 - 10000 GP gems. Plus they could go get more gold for me so I can spend more time on my undead research and on prepping and maintaining my undead army.

"Can you carry a something to the fields of Elysium for me? I cant go myself. I can open the portal to that plane, I can even scry it, but its just too holy a place for me to go."
"Seek out a woman named Melody Hillmansdoter. She... in life she was my wife. My dark arts have damned me, but she was a good soul and has gone where I never will."
"Take her this letter. And, if she would write one, bring me her reply. Tell her I miss her very much."
"Do this for me, and I will give you what you ask."

Give them all decently powerful items, props if they're above their level. Tell them to forth and do good in your name, or just whatever, because you're tired of getting a bad rap.

Neglect to mention all items have a 24/7 scrying. Sit back and enjoy your own private reality TV show. No matter what they do with the power you gave them you will be entertained.

I like this one.

alternately, "ok, so, yeah, I been dead for a while. the whole 'I want to live forever' thing? forgot the important bit was LIVE. I have this spell, let's me, well, ride piggyback on your emotions, feel what you feel. If you eat, I can taste it too, if you drink, I can get drunk too. All that good stuff. 99% of the time you won't even know I'm there, but every now and again I may have a suggestion, like 'what does that roast taste like, how does that woman feel pressed against you while in bed' that sort of thing. Allow this and the items you ask for are yours."

>>The Licht is a retired Epic-level adventurer.
>>Before going their separate ways , his party agreed on protocol for "getting the band back together" should a situation of sufficient urgency present itself
>>For some this is easy, like getting a letter to his retired Rogue buddy that's now a continent spanning crime lord
>>Others are more challenging. He can't exactly waltz past the pearly gates to meet with his Half-Celestial cleric anymore.
>>Reaching the Warlock is also a problem, since before becoming a Lich he promised his soul to dozens of devils and demons in exchange for arcane knowledge. Now that they can't collect they're furious at being cheated and entry to the lower planes isn't advisable, so someone else will have to meet with the Warlock that is now lord of one of the infinite layers of the Abyss.
>>The party are essentially multiversal couriers trying to help a surly old skeleton get his flaky friends together in one place

fpbp

Help me impress Stacy at the dance.

One thing I might do is send the adventures to do something I could do, but don't want the credit for doing. Such as foiling another evil entity because their plans interfere with mine or I want their resources, but without having other evil entities pissed at me.

>End of campaign, evil forces rallied to fight.
>Lich, his old adventuring party, and the party that has been growing stronger while helping him, stand ready for an epic showdown

This is what I would love to see.

Fuck the missus.

>My daughter is currently overseas for her schooling. Her summer vacation is starting soon and I need someone to protect her during her trip here due to being busy with evil magic that mankind was no supposed to understand."

That's... not the worst idea.

Particularly if it's a diplomatic marriage that really, really needs to be stable.

10/10

Bring me Harry Potter

>lonely lich just wants to know what it's like to feel human touch and be loved

This sounds like it would make for an excellent campaign.

I tell them my only desire.

Wake me up inside.

Yeah. That's his plan. Mmm Hmm no ulterior motives with that guy nope not him. You can trust him. Really.

CAN'T WAKE UP

>Wesnoth lich
patrician taste
inb4 that's the first google images result for lich

Have them assassinate my arch-rival. Except my arch-rival is also me and it's a huge publicity stunt to pin the blame on some other fucker and justifiably have them annihilated and their lands annexed.

...so wait. Is the lich's old party, good, or evil aligned?

Are you reassembling a team of the land's greatest heroes, or of its greatest villains for one final death-to-X-empire plan?

Honestly, I can see the appeal in each.

The bridge of friendship spans all alignments user.

nice clothes, dead bodies

Hire the adventurers to kill any other adventurers who might try to stop you