L5R Storytime thread: "Get the fuck off me Humpty Dumpty" said the Stonewall edition

>Kitsuki-san tried to murder us all with his glare as he ate the piece
>It is very good shrimp. Thank you Aoi-san
>My pleasure!
>After a pleasant lunch we returned to witness the end of the archery contest.
>Mantis-san was up next
>he first put three arrows into some moderate targets.
>Then fired his last two shots at the commander.
>He arced his shots up high, the first was taken by the wind and overshot the commander
>The second came straight down and punched through the kabuto, burying itself halfway up the shaft.
>It was close, but he ended up falling shy of the Shiba Gunso's score
>After several unsecsfull attempts to remove Mantis-san's arrow it was decided the kabuto would be replaced
>Mantis-san was allowed to keep the helm, arrow and all.
>I know right where I'll put it, too.
>he grinned.
>After that it was another Lion, followed by an Utaku. Strong showing's from both, but neither was able to take the lead
>Then Crane stepped up. They were very young, and I couldn't tell if I was looking at a pretty boy or a young girl.
>Amono spoke up.
>I know that one. Doji Rei
>Well. Thanks for clearing up the mystery.
>She fired off two shots almost as fast as Kentaro had.
>And took out both eyes on the commander
>Her other three struck the back ranks of straw targets
>Well, that's damn near unbeatable.
>As the rest of the contestants took their shots, damn near became completely
>Doji Rei was declared the winner of the Archery contest
>Hey, uh, Ishigaki-san?
>Is that a boy or a girl?
>I'm married Monkey, I don't need to concern myself with such things.
>Oh, yeah. Guess you've got a point.
>I was just curious, is all.
>Naomi and I ate dinner with our kids, private family time.
>Neither of them had gotten the hang of chopsticks yet, so it was bit messy. Lots of grab and stuff and giggle.
>yummy!
>Tetsute's first word had been HUNGRY
>And much of his vocabulary centered around food.

Eat and grow, small Crab
Soon you will need to carry
The greatest burden

>Even as an infant his I'm hungry cries were cleary different from any other crying
>In that they could probably hear him all the way to the Wall.
>Naomi took the children for a bath, and headed down to the mens baths
>They were empty, save for one other.
>Shoji.
>He looked up as I entered, then down. Then away, angrily.
>So, I win again.
>I sat down and began to wash, not giving him any satisfaction by noticing him
>Silnce, for a time
>Then
>It is not enough for you take my daughter, now you want my son as well?
>Don't give me that bullshit, you never wanted your daughter to begin with.
>She still had value to this family!
>I dumped my bucket over my head and stood up
>I looked him dead in the eyes.
>You really don't understand, do you?
>THAT is why your son doesn't respect you enough to follow in your footsteps.
>I got in to soak, as Shoji choked back his rage
>You all took a great risk with the incident the other day!
>You were lucky it worked out so well!
>You fools think with your hearts to much, do you know nothing of Duty or Honor!
>I surged across the bath at him
>And pinned him to the wall, my forearm across his neck.
>Not quite choking him, but close
>Do not DARE speak to me of duty little man.
>You have spent your whole life hiding behind others, letting them take the risks for you.
>I have stood at the forefront of every battle I have ever been in.
>You use others to further your own goals
>You throw away their lives when it is convenient
>You have never risked you own life, not once, on purpose
>For an earth tensai, you're pathetic. A sniveling coward afraid to be hurt.
>And you would lecture me about honor? about duty?
>Say something like that again and you'd better pray to every fortune, kami and ancestor you can think off that one of those Crane steps up to defend you.
>I let him go
>And left
>I will make you pay for these insults! One day I will take something YOU hold dear!

I gotchu senpai. There's 16 of the things so far, I think...

huh. F A M is wordfiltered to senpai

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Ooooooooooo Shiiiiiiiit did he just threaten the little crabs?

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>One day I will take something YOU hold dear!

I think Shoji is about to have an "accident" and drown in the bath.

Thanks, I have a friend who doesn't browse Veeky Forums that I'm sharing these with.

>inb4 reddit

Oh no he didn't
Sniveling phoenix got balls
Step up crab-sama

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six captchas. joot plz

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mixed up the post order there

Someone archive this shit so we don't lose these!

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Ikoma-user is handling the screencaps, while Librarian user is doing a pdf

I don't think anything from the last thread got capped.

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Little bird brain fool
You can not threaten a Crab
Without a beating

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Ikoma user mentioned offhandldy some shit going down irl. Maybe their unable to continue? Because this is it as far as I know

>Ichi.
>ni
>san
>shi
>go
>roku
>shichi
>hachi
>kyuu
>juu
>Nope. Still mad
>So I returned to punch Shoji in the face
>I felt his cheekbone crack
>Shoji was not much of a brawler, and naked while sitting in water up to his waist wasn't helping him any
>So I decided to give him some tips on swiming by shoving his head under the water
>Plus, he couldn't scream for gaurds to come help that way.
>It occured to me that I was having a naked fist fight with my father in law, and seriously trying to kill him
>This... this probably won't go over very well with Naomi.
>He might be a coward, but Shoji was still an earth tensai.
>The human spirit is tethered to it's body. >Damage the integrity of the body, and the spirit's grip loosens.
>Damage it enough and the spirit is no longer bound.
>The most basic 'healing' spell did not actually close wounds. Rather it simply reinforced the damaged bonds.
>At least, that's how Naomi explained it to me.
>The strength of ones earth most determined the strength of those tethers.
>In other words, this could take a while.
>It was then that I heard voices nearing the baths.
>Well
>Shit
>So pulled Shoji up
>As he gasped and sputtered I yelled loudly enough to be heard outside
>Shoji-sama! Are you alright! It is slippery!
>The people outside rushed in
>He glared at me even as I slapped his back.
>To help him get all the water out, of course
>I... I am fine now!
>Good, good.
>Oh, it looks like you hit your face when you slipped!
>Yes, it is nothing though. I trully did not feel it.
>Of course, Shoji-sama, you are durable, if nothing else!
>I left, before I lost my temper again.
>I decided not to tell anyone about that little exchange.
>I joined my family and went to sleep
>There were a few days of more basic courtly activities
>Shoji was 'resting' due to a mild 'illness' and would resume hosting soon.
>In the meantime, we enjoyed watching Aoi pursue Kitsuki-san.
>I wondered if he was serious about his protestations.

Poor poor monkey-san
Centipede persues her prize
Will his resolve hold?

Turkey in cesspool
Feasting with abandon
Chocolate covered smirk

This is going to end so very, very well.

Doesn't anyone think this is going to end well?

Because this is going to end well.

So very, very well.

>After Shoji recovered from his 'illness' he announced the next competition
>A go tournament
>I was beginning to see a pattern here
>There many entrants for the go tournament.
>So many that even though it was single elimination, it would likely take a day or two.
>There was no time limit imposed on the individual games themselves.
>No one liked the weak fools who would play poorly but try to be ahead when time ran out, after all.
>My fist oponent turned out to be the Shiba Gunso
>I drew white
>he placed upon his left corner star
>I mirrored his move
>I played conservatively after all, building up my territory and only then attacking enough to nudge my opponent off the board
>We placed quickly at first, both of us ignoring the other in favor of developing a strong base.
>But while I was still moving up the sides, he took the Origin of Heaven
>Bold.
>Was he trying to fight for the center, while sneaking around the sides?
>Hoping that a battle on all fronts would confuse me?
>If he was, he was in trouble.
>I was not a smart man, but I knew how to defend my territory
>I continued on with my development, pretending to ignore his audacity
>He grew bold and struck at my territory before fully consolidating his position.
>I then sallied forth, harrying his flanks while he tried to push against me
>he wheeled in response
>Only for me to strike a hammer blow to the center crushing his line
>he frowned over the board for a moment.
>Then bowed
>A good game. You are better than I gave you credit for, and my recklessness cost me.
>I'd like to think I had something to do with my own victory, but he was right. I had won because he made a few costly mistakes.
>A good game. Maybe we can play again sometime, and I'll see what you're trully capable off.
>Indeed.
>There were several games still ongoing, so I meandered about and observed
>Aoi was still playing.
>She was leaning forward studying the board intently
>her opponent was also studying intently
>just... not the board

It's a little bit after midnight here. Gonna turn in for the evening. Tomorrow should see fewer interruptions

I feel like at this point it's worth seriously considering going into debt to the Scorpion. Hell, maybe they'd give Ishi a discount? Killing Shoji would practically be doing a service to Rokugan.

Hey, I'm reading through the caps again, and what IS Dozega? Google and WIkipedia don't really come up with anything.

Disgracefully, the first result is from 9gag.

I know nothing of L5R, and I love this storytime. I haven't seen one this good since Shadowrun Storytime. We require art of Ishikagi and Dervish as drinking buds

As far as my google-fu can ascertain, a Dozega (possibly spelled dogeza?) is a bow. I'm assuming it's the full forehead on ground knees down hunched over bow.

so much this

Ishigaki has a bad problem with typos when the English biased spell checker just assumes every weeb word is wrong.

Given the context, you're probably right
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogeza

Take this free bump from a yuropoor guy like me

>Is that a boy or a girl?
>I'm married Monkey, I don't need to concern myself with such things.

Fucking kek.

Where are all the crane boytoys, hmm?

>implying that a crab would concern themselves if someone is a boy or a girl either way

Crane, go and stay go.

No way, this tale is too much fun

Serving as spare mounts for the Unicorn and the Dragon, of course.

>Dragon

Leave us out of your fag-fest, thank you.

>the dragons are only one samurai
I'll help myself to your share then

You can't take my share if I did not claim any share to begin with.

Also, consider changing clans.

I can take your share if someone offered it to you and you refused though. Because it was supposed to be yours but it was refused.

Also, no.

I don't know about your family, but mine doesn't deal with those who would make such offers. Because we do not partake in lowly acts.

Also, consider reviewing your position on the second one. I insist.

It is only lowly if one of the two sides does not consent to it. Strenghtening the bond between two clans is also praiseworthy, in these trying times: those who work together for a commin goal will have more success than those who work scattered and alone.

It is lowly because you do it out of your desire, which is obvious from how insistently you push for such exchenge and how avariciously you try to catch any opportunity to partake in it, as it is seen in you trying to grab on others' non-existant "shares".
Desire is a sin, ands you dishonor yourself by succumbing to it.

>implying you won't regret not taking this opportunity

No, I wouldn't. You confuse me with someone else, probably yourself.

An arrow set loose.
What fate guides it to the mark?
Arrow's or archer's?

>not-insignificant bonus

It is a meager +1k0. But hitting a stationary target in the "eye" is crazy easy (5 + 4 Raises for the Called Shot = TN 25).

Pretty sure an archery contest is not going to use skirmish rules.

Oh, degenerate
I regret to inform you
traps are fucking gay

> not wanting to play burly unicorn or Matsu samuraiko married to white-haired crane trap
Smhtbphwyf

Shitposting runs loose
While storyteller is gone.
A shameful display!

I'm more insulted that you'd want to fuck a crane than anything else.

Still gay tho

>a meager +1k0
>meager
no

not wanting to makes it all the sweeter

Ah, traps may be gay
But I have to say, who cares?
user, they're still hot.

>I took a glance down at the board.
>With a frighteningly cute 'Yosh!' Aoi placed her piece
>I could see she was going to win.
>his pieces were scattered; she had waltzed into his territory practically unopposed.
>Monkey was sitting across from Katsuie-sama
>Monkey was telegraphing just how much trouble he was in; sitting with his ankles crossed and arms follded
>I came over to see just how bad it was.
>oof
>Katsuie-sama had succesfully pushed into the center and was curetnly ahead in the battle for one of Monkey's sides.
>Only a measly strip remained of Monkey's once proud empire
>And given how decisive Katsuie's voctories had been on the rest of the board, he might even be able to take more of that.
>Monkey made a frustrated noise and placed his piece, seemingly at random
>Ohhh, good move!
>Though Katsuie-sama praised Monkey's placement, I couldn't see how it helped him win.
>Katsuie-sama aborted his attack, placing to defend against Monkey's last move
>Monkey placed
>Then Katsuie-sama
>Then Monkey
>Then Katsuie-sama
>Then Monkey
>Then Katsuie-sama
>Then Monkey
>Then it was over
>Monkey had managed to, in the last few turns take back just a bit of his territory, reclaiming one of his sides
>Katsuie-sama thanked Monkey for the good game
>I am pleased to have seen such determination.
>many will simply concede when they think they have lost, but you kept fighting back, until the very end!
>I would have been more impressed were I not certain that Monkey had not planned any of that
>The first round was over.
>From our group, only Monkey failed to advance
>Guess it takes more than just luck to win a game of go, neh?
>Toshiro spoke up.
>Katsuie-sama is renowned throughout the Crab clan as a great go player.
>I looked over at him.
>really? I didn't know
>That's because you don't pay attention to things like that.
>I grunted.
>Round 2 began
>Mantis-san and I got to have our showdown

>decide to toss out a little trap fanservice for you filthy degenerates
>Come back to this wall of shitposts
>mfw

Never change, you wonderful faggots

>>In our first games, we were lopsided in our styles
>He focused to much on attack, I foccused to much on defense
>We had improved one another considerably in our previous games
>Now an invincible force would collide with an immovable object
>and all of Rokugan would tremble
>I drew white again
>The two of us chose our ground for our basecamps, and began deploying our forces
>He sent scouts along his sides, testing to see how I would react
>I began laying traps just outside my territory
>I also gave up a few peices, sacrificing them to his sides, just so he didn't focus to much on what I was really up to
>He secured the flanks, and begans to bring up his forces, preparing to crush me in a pincer
>To late; I had prepared the center
>I struck deep into his territory, charging his base camp
>he responded swtifly, and I lost more force to his defense
>I fell back, trying to salvage the assault
>he pursued, thinking I had overreached
>Right into my traps
>It wasn't long before he found himself cut off
>I fell upon the center with all my might
>But Mantis-san wasn't about to give up so eaisly
>He marshaled his forces and drove a wedge through my encirclement
>Breaking free, he wheeled,
>It was nearing the end now
>He kept up a constant motion, slashing away wherever he could do the most damage
>rather than chase after him and try to stem the bleeding, I began to set up ahead of him blunting his assault
>When the last pieces were played, it ended up being very close.
>He had two sides, I had one. We contested the fourth. But I had the center
>I had won, though by a slimmer margin than I had expected.
>Well done Ishigaki-san
>You too, Mantis-san
>We grinned at one another, both pleased with ferocity and skill of our rival.
>I looked up to see Kitsuki-san staring down at our board
>He looked between the two of us.
>How is possible the two of you are so bad at this game?
>huh?
>I've heard of beginners luck, but how did you BOTH manage to get past the first round?!

It's not our faults that we're degenerates!

>Monkey wins through sheer force of Shonen-Protag will
If Monkey keeps acting like this, it won't be long before he's the village Hokage! Believe it!

Kitsuki v Aoi final. Please.

Traps are awesome. Every game should have some.

>Aoi wins
>She's upset, because she thought Kitsuki through the match
>really, he was just too distracted by her to play intelignetly

I think she knows exactly what effect she has on people.

"It was then that Ishigaki realised - he was not the hero, he was the token big guy in Monkey's party."

Yes it is you fucking sub-human.

>>I looked up to see Kitsuki-san staring down at our board
>>He looked between the two of us.
>>How is possible the two of you are so bad at this game?
>>huh?
>>I've heard of beginners luck, but how did you BOTH manage to get past the first round?!
>my fucking face when

Fine then, it's not my fault that shitposting is so much fun.

>Well, the Shiba I played did fall for my ploy and become overconfident.
>I played Lion, he fell for my taunting attacks and left himself open.
>So really, how do you figure we're bad?
>Kitsuki-san just buried his face in his hands
>It turned out, though, that Kitsuki-san had lost his match.
>Aoi had bested him soundly
>And so proved that playing one's opponent was just as viable as playing the game itself
>I really didn't know where he got off, saying we were bad at go.
>I was annihilated in the third round
>I sat across from an Akodo
>As we bowed he spoke
>Some say that go is superior game, others claim shogi.
>I say both are good.
>In Shogi, one must capture the opponents king, removing enemy pieces and pinning down his forces.
>It teaches one to think tactially, to see the strengths and weakness of each unit and use them to their best potential.
>Shogi simulates a real battle well.
>Go, however, is about controlling territory.
>Each piece is the same as any other. Their individual abilities do not exist, because at this level it is irrelevant.
>Only by working together can they achieve victory.
>Go teaches one about strategy
>I think this guy takes these games waaaay to seriously for his own good
>But, while his obsesion may be unhealthy, it proved it's worth quite handily
>He fell for none of my traps, simply placing his pieces with precision almost as soon as I decided on my own placement.
>He didn't respond to my feints, when I tried to begin setting up a trap he dismantled it before I was finished
>By the time I was done, a full 3/4 of the board was firmly in his control
>As we bowed after it was over he spoke again
>You have potential.
>But you forget this is game.
>Go can teach one strategy, but only if one is broad minded and able to the analogies
>You treat this as a literal battle and so your placement is amateur at best.
>well.
>Maybe Kitsuki-san was right after all.
>But he still lost before I did.

>How is possible the two of you are so bad at this game?

>It turned out, though, that Kitsuki-san had lost his match.
>Aoi had bested him soundly

The Salt is real.

>No, I did not lose
>But you were out of the trouney? So you must have lost?
>I conceded, but not because I could not win
>Then why?
>I found her playstyle offensive.
>Folding her hands in her lap to push herself up.
>leaning forward all the time
>Nibbling at her thumb while she thinks
>Shruging before she palced a peice.
>I could not think straight
>So, what you're saying is, she didn't beat your army, she fired an arrow with a letter into your camp that got you so worked up you beat yourself.
>NO!
>Monkey fell over cackling.
>...buh....beat!
>Beat Himself!
>Kistuki-san and Naomi were confused as to why that was so funny.
>Toshiro just responded to their confusion
>If we have to explain it, it's not really funny anymore
>I hadn't intended to make that joke. but whatever.
>I'd let them think I was clever
>The final turned out to be Katsuie-sama vs Akodo Gocrazy
>Hey, you played him didn't you Ishigaki-san?
>What's his name?
>Akodo Gocrazy
>No it isn't. His name is Akodo Akira
>I like mine better.
>What if he hears you?
>bah. I could take him.
>In a first blood duel over a minor insult? YOU?
>I had no idea why everyone keeps thinking I'm a terrible duelist
>That's it, I'm going to get my own headbag so that the next time we get caught up in a war I could go looking for duels and put an end to that once and for all.
>The real question is how to hide a head bag from Naomi.
>Gocrazy made the same speach to Katsuie-sama that he made to me
>Katsuie-sama offered some of his own go related wisdom
>Go is indeed a fine game. You can learn much about a person from the way they play
>But it is best to dispel all notions of them from your mind before you begin.
>If you have preconceptions, and they turn out to be wrong, you may outsmart yourself and play poorly.
>Katsuie-sama drew black
>He placed his first piece
>The Akodo followed with quick certainty
>As they devolped their openings, Kitsuki-san hissed beside me
>A fuseki!

It is. The Book of Air specifically calls out for that with the expanded Called Shot rules, and looks like Crab-sama and his companions have a major hard-on for by-the-book gaming (sorry, no offense intended).

At the table, the scene probably played out like this:
>Monkey made few-Raise (1-2?) shot, missed (very poor dice roll)
>Monkey made no-Raise shot, hit (in the knee, standard success)
>Monkey player got encouraged, took two Raises for a chest shot, scored a hit
>Repeat
>Monkey player got a good feel of the task, called four Raises for eyesocket shot, Void'd the roll, and scored a solid hit
According to previous combats in the story, I would say the Monkey player is not very familiar with the more advanced L5R skirmish rules. I can see him being in the blind about hitting stationary targets in a non-standard situation (he definitely didn't know that he was up against base TN 5) and thus having a somewhat rough start.

+1k0 is something like +2 to your average result (exploding dice included). That's "okay" at best IMO.

>Kitsuki-san whispered so as not to be overheard by the players
>Katsuie-sama is going for a far more open and relaxed game.
>I watched
>relaxed is right.
>Katsuie-sama was placing his pieces all around the board, isolated and alone
>I was sure he was setting up traps, except I couldn't see how they could form yet, or be closed in time
>Was he thinking of the endgame already?
>Could he really see that many moves ahead?
>Gocrazy's hand paused for the first time
>Naomi whispered to me
>He had been going with a traditional opening, building up his more easily defended sides and corners.
>Now he wonders if he should respond to Katsuie-sama or if he should continue
>Akodo Gocrazy placed his piece. Next to one of Katsuie-samas
>Oooooh.
>So, it is now then?
>Very well
>Katsuie-sama palced
>Then Gocrazy
>Katsuie placed with great speed
>So did Gocrazy
>tak
>tak
>tak
>tak
>Their hands were almost blurs
>Neither was looking at the board much
>They were looking at each other
>The Akodo was stone faced and stoic
>Katsuie-sama wore a faint smile.
>Whether he was enjoying the game or just knew something the Akodo did not was not clear.
>maybe it was both
>The Akodo paused again
>hand hovering over the place he was about set his piece down
>He looked at the board
>For some time
>Slowley, he moved his hand
>Placing the piece somewhere else
>tak
>Katsuie kept right with has certain, rapid placement.
>Akodo Gocrazy closed his eyes.
>And bowed to Katsuie-sama
>It was an honor to face such a skilled oponent
>Katsuie-sama returned the bow
>Likewise. I have learned much from you this day.
>Your strategy is strong, sturdy and reliable.
>You are easily the finest player I have ever had the fortune to face.
>At the end of the second day, Hida Katsuie was declared the winner of the Go tournament.
>Later on, I caught Kitsuki-san staring at a go board
>What's up?
>this is the state of the board, just before Akodo Akira made his last play.
>Oh?

Sideline commentators is one of my favourite things about torunament/competition plots.

>If the Akodo couldn't see a way out at that point, I doubt there was one.
>I am not so certain, Ishigaki-san
>I sat down and stared at the board with Kitsuki-san
>Hey, what are you guys doing?
>Kitsuki-san is trying to figure out if there was still a way for the Lion to win before he made his last play
>Oh.
>Monkey sat down next to us
>Before I knew it, we were all sitting around the board, staring it hard enough to set it on fire
>Toshiro got up, and thumpdraged off.
>We continued to stare at the board
>What about here?
>No, that wouldn't work either Monkey.
>See, then Katsuie-sama places here.
>Oh yeah.
>Mantis-san nodded. Yeah, it really is just imposible
>Are you so certain?
>We jumped
>Katsuie-sama came into the room, along with Toshiro
>So that's where he went
>here, let me make you all some tea to clear your minds
>he did so. It was a fine robust tea.
>May I?
>Of course Katsuie-sama
>He placed a piece for the lion. Where the Lion had been about to place
>Then he placed for himself
>He played out the rest of the game, down the very last placement
>We looked.
>The Lion had won this game
>You see?
>It is important to never give up, no matter how bleak things may look.
>He sipped his tea calmly.
>More people lose because they tell themselves they have lost, then have well and truly lost.
>Kitsuki-san nodded
>Conversely, one could say it is just as important to convince your enemy he has been defeated as it is to actually defeat them.
>Indeed, Kitsuki-san.
>Such is the weight or reputation.
>The Akodo are feared as tacticians, the Kakita and Mirumoto feared as Duelists.
>All fear to anger the Scorpion, or to deal with them more than necessary.
>They forget that even Cranes can fall in duels, that sometimes the Scorpion cannot sting you, that even the Lion are not invincible in war
>Moneky spoke up
>I thought that no army led by an Akodo has ever known defeat? Or something like that, anyway.
>Katsuie-sama chuckled

The stomach growls
online I go! stuffed crust
coming here. Ja nee

So did scorpion psych out akodo, or did Akodo deliberately forfeit?

First, Katsuie is a Crab. Second, he did not specifically "psych out" Akodo, Akodo just bulked in under general pressure.

I think it was that the Akodo didn't see the path he needed to take to win. Since the whole party was sitting there for a while trying to see it, it seems Katsuie just knew where his own weakness was.

hence the whole; never give up lesson. Foreshadowing on ForeverGM's part?

My bad. But given the peace conference and all that, I wondered if he deliberately threw it as some courtly diplo-speak message.

I'd say Akodo did see the path to victory, he did intend to make that winning move after all. Katsuie made him doubt himself by being nonchalant.