Hey Veeky Forums, help me build the ultimate d&d war wagon...

Well, what could the DM do to destroy it? If it's metal he might try lightning.

Ground it with a cable hanging out the back onto the ground, or build a faraday cage around it

>gets stuck in mud
>party has to leave it and go on foot or die defending it

That's why it needs to fly

kek

Then find some damned lightning runes to absorb the energy and convert It into an anti-thieves forcefield.

Holy shit that's a great idea

Break an axle, for starters

How about just heat it up and roast the players?

The horses are immediately a weak point.
Having it be entirely covered means only ranged combatants have opportunities, and the melee primaries are not able to contribute properly.
It's a wagon, so it can't go most places you will be going.
>dm proof
Impossible, really.

vacuum sealed layer like a thermos and white interior surfac of the outer layer so there is very little energy transfer

another party member here, we actually wanted a bear that we fed beef jerky to

We use fire elementals or a phoenix instead of horses to allow the battlewagon to fly.
Elementals are tireless, right?

Most of our party is reasonably good at range, so we got that covered. Horses are definitely a problem, what if it could magically fly? Some sort of dispell magic spell could be a problem though

Huh that's a good plan, could definitely work

OK, what if he just puts a thin bridge in the way, you have no way to dismantle it and remake it.

>Oh no a bridge!
>Flies over it
Nothing personell, kid

Get a cleric to cast mending a few times

Good point, I'm a cleric.

Any creature pulling it is a weakpoint, user, period.
There is actually, in the 3e Arms and Equipment book, a self propelling magic wheel.
But then you'd have to worry about...>Some sort of dispell magic spell could be a problem though
Absolutely, and there is a whole fucking little you can do about it, because targeted dispel hits every active magic effect on an object, and the wagon, with everything on it, counts.
Y'all will have ot let go of making it "dmproof", because if they really want to fuck your day, there will be no vaseline.
You have a good baseline, but I would avoid flight until MUCH later, because that only increases the odds the DM will try to fuck you.
A self-propelling wheel will do you good for a long while. Get it masterworked everyfuckingthing, use your dosh to get it enchanted.
Someone learn alchemy so you can make your own potions, they will go a long way.
When you get the money, you can install some potent magic effects in the thing. In a game I was in, we had a battle wagon that had Magnificent Mansion in one of the seats, and literally Trojan Horse'd a city because we had 100 warforged warriors of various types in it.
You ever see 30 Swordsage warforged hitting a city with their "Holy Ironfire Breath" at once?
Then we captured thousands of people and went full cybermen on them, forcing them into the Creation Forge we had and made an army that took over half the world

OK, he kills the fliers.
Falls, splat

Nice.

DM here, will confirm, I will fuck with them, with very little Vaseline :)))))))))))

Eventually the DM hodged some shit together and we lost it all, but we managed to escape with our shit to a new plane to do it all over again
Which is to be expected.
Do your worst, you bastard, I hope your players make you eat your notes while crying bitch tears.

Damn dude, you have really thought this out. A lot of good points here, and the warforged story is really cool. We want to sink a lot into this wagon and make it as badass as possible.
Definitely a weak point we will have to address somehow

kek

kek, every time I one-shot one of these noob kids they nearly break down in their own bitch tears

>you have really thought this out
I had five people helping me flesh it out.
If you have the cash and time, I'd say for everyone party member to put 1/3 their take into the war wagon.
Use Arms and Equipment guide liberally. Even if you aren't playing 3.PF, it has a shitton of ideas for items, from self-loading mini ballistae that can be fire from inside the wagon, to ramming prows (you haven't know baddass until you kick the level for RAMMING SPEED, your adamantine phallic symbol brutally spearing the bullet the necromancer was riding in and the necromancer as well), how to attach effects to the wagon, inside and out, and also make it comfy, because you need to ride in style sometimes, too.
Take your time, tho. Don't go hogwild, because a battlewagon is only as good as the people in it. Good luck, anons.

Thank you wagonanon, you are the wagonmaster. One day we will be as good as you

Ohhh, I had one of those for my grizzled veteran character... ... And my DM was the one which sugested it. There's no such thing as DM-proof, however.

I can sugest things based on historical authencity, such as sails, man-powered bulldozers, cloth armor, rocket launchers, horse-propeled cannon batteries and modular attachments. Although a 19th century thing for rifles, wind-up engines are feasible.

Sounds pretty cool, definitely got to look into historical examples

Be warned, wagonapprentice, this will cost more money than anything you could possible imagine.
I think our total cost at the end in value was breaking 7 digits easy.
Do NOT get an adamantine shell for the wagon unless you either have inexhaustible funds or can find it on the cheap (you won't). The price completely offsets the bonuses.

So, wagon master what is your recommended upgrade route, we have some funds now, humble beginnings, however. How should we proceed and what should we do when we come into greater riches?

We are level 3 right now, so a bit of a way to go yet, but eventually we can hopefully get this mega wagon. We will definitely not go for adamantine unless we have nothing else to spend money on

>make it DM-proof
You're the worst kind of player.

I'm the DM. If it unbalances things, I can do one of the following.

1) Talk to you OOC. "This is stupid and you should get rid of it." If you don't do that, then I go to
2) Introduce bullshit that can bypass its defenses. Say it's got anti-magic and heavy armor? Welcome to psionics. If you give it crystal-shielding, okay, say hello to acid breath. I can always come up with something that will beat you, because you work within the rules. I don't.

And fuck you for thinking like that. Thank god that you don't actually have a group to play with because you're the worst kind of shitter.

Oh nooo, the party wants to do something fun and lighthearted and the dm doesnt mind! How dare we! Seriously dude you need to chill out a bit, wanting to build a cool cart doesn't make someone the 'worst kind of player'. Sounds like you have a very strict, adventurers league style table. Fair enough if you enjoy that, but other people playing differently doesnt make them terrible players man.

No, it's your words of "dm-proof." You were the one who said them. Which means that you view the relationship between the DM and the PCs as adversarial rather than cooperative.

Which therefore means you're fucking trash and should have your books be taken away. As I said, the only thing that warms my heart is that you're just theory-crafting and you don't actually have a group to play with, since you're so insufferable.

The Cybermen went full evil murderhobo.
We sacked towns clean, kidnapped and ransomed nobles, took any job so long as half was paid upfront, worked for tyrants trying to wipe out good guy rebels, then killed the tyrants and sacked the nation while it was in anarchy,
all while following the DM's save the world plot, until the world needed to be saved from us.
That poor DM, the entire group to this day feels like we did him wrong. I'm pretty sure he hung up his books after that campaign.
As for starting, a masterwork carriage with everything inside stripped out, a 5' extension and an extra set of wheels. For armor, either shields, or strips of overlapping iron, depending on what's more economical.
If you want speed, get 4 horses. If you aren't worried about speed, get donkies/mules, and make sure they are well protected. Barding is a fucking must.
Get periscopes, use them religiously, or have your best keep an eye at night.
GET LOCKS, THE BEST LOCKS YOU CAN AFFORD, BECAUSE FUCKERS WILL TRY TO JACK YOU.
Remember that you can't take it everywhere, so prepare for when you can't make use of it. However, you can lean towards battlefield style situations where you are a force multiplier making the best use of your goods.
user, chill out.
Yes, they rightly can fear an very, very expensive investment being arbitrarily wrecked because the GM doesn't know how to challenge the players without going full retard.
A war wagon is only so good, and so useful for your average crew. If you can't treat it with the same manner of basic respect as the players personal equipment (ie not sending sundermonkeys at them because the fighter hits too hard), then the problem is you, not them.
They aren't making guns and bombs, or anything that upends the setting.
It's a fucking tricked out carriage, and people like you are why they wanted to make it "dm-proof" to begin with, because you have shown the willingness to act out of spite.

Wow, way to misinterpret that you shitfuck.

Here's the issue. A war wagon as described trivializes combat. So, which is why the first step of the process is to ask OOC whether they actually WANT to play a combat-heavy (D&D) game.

If the answer is no, you switch to a better system. If the answer is yes, you ask them OOC to get rid of the wagon, because it makes combat trivial.

If the answer is yes, then you don't have a problem. But if the answer is no, then I can assume the following:

>the players are idiots
>they see the relationship between the PCs and DM as competitive rather than cooperative

And that means I have two options. I can either quit as DM, because that's not the kind of atmosphere I want to play in OR I can have some fun myself and wreck their shit. As I said, the players play by the rules, but I make them.

Mending sucks dick because of the weight limit, you'll need at least Make Whole.

>because it makes combat trivial.
As someone that actually did this exact thing, no, it fucking doesn't, no more than the hundreds of thousands we spent could have gone towards making us personally more powerful.
What it did do was give us narrative power, not combat power. In combat, it made us survivable, not killy, and there are many ways to reasonably counter it, unless you think a castle is an impregnable rock.
On top of that, most of the campaign, we couldn't use it because circumstances demanded we be on foot, as most games generally do.
You are swatting at paper tigers, and like a bad GM, getting fearful of something that is a circumstantial benefit. For most games, such an item, with it's massive cost, would not be useful, but my game had us traveling the world on an open goal that had enough leeway for us to get use from it.
user, stop being afraid of the players being strong, first off, and actually think about what such a tool can actually do.

What's the edition and what's our budget?

Assumed 3.PF due to language, and they are at level 3, according to the 2 anons in the thread.

Well then the first order of business is to ditch the horses and get an elephant with the Warbeast template.

Try asking your GM.

suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/873590/

This is amazing advice and definitely what we will do, thanks so much, I appreciate it
The DM thinks it's a funny and cool idea, so chill a bit and don't overreact, you seem like some angry dickhead man
5e actually, but our DM is pretty lenient with us buying or making whatever we can think of, so long as it makes sense, so we can use ideas from any edition or setting. Budget is currently small, we are really poor as we spent all our money on two horses, but eventually we want to sink pretty much everything we earn into it.

Actually, scratch that. Warbeast Grizzly Mastodon. 38 Strength, 50 ft of movement, proficiency in armor, this thing IS your war wagon.

imgur.com/a/96SBc
It also has ships, weapons and war engines, all non-magical or historical.

Now how much does it cost, and how much would it set them back in terms of feeding, care, and it's inevitable death?

According to the rules provided by the Warbeast template, the Mastodon itself would be about 1225 GP. You can apply the Warbeast template yourself with two months of work and a Handle Animal check, or just double the price of the thing to get it pre trained.

Surprisingly affordable either way.

>Expects DM not to destroy it
Why would the dm destroy it?
It existing just means more options for fun fights and plot hooks.

Death machine vs more deathyer machines!
The orc hordes are are coming! The death machine is needed to save the kingdom!
Accidentally fall into the cockpit of an even deathier machine that everyone wants

then how does the wagon go forward if there's always portals. Tethered to the wagon itself?

So what you're saying is that your DM was shit. Gotcha.

Your DM is shit.

Good point, didn't think of this
Mastadon idea sounds very cool, we would have to convert it to 5e

stop. dont use horses. Use floating discs instead, linked together. Its not fast, but shit, it'll get you wherever you're going.

They are force projections so they aren't liable to be stopped by much.