The king put out a call for adventurers to fight an evil dragon and offered his daughter's hand in marriage. However...

I'm GM and for each of the PCs in my current campaign

>still, I get a princess, that's pretty cool

>is she hot and is she into girls?

>can I just have a bag of money instead?

>I will not even touch one of the oppressors! DIE IMPERIALIST SCUM! VIVA LA REVOLUTION!

>eighth in line for the throne
7 people are going to have "hunting accidents"

I ask to work seven more years for the hand of the older daughter.

8th in line? Time to remedy that baby.

The king is okay with marrying his daughter to a woman?

The king is okay with marrying his daughter to a commoner woman?

The king is okay with marrying his daughter to a drow commoner woman? I mean, human-raised, and a fundamentally good person, but still racially a drow.

Damn, dude, that's progressive as shit. I can't even be mad.

As long as it comes with titles and land, I'm all in. The right to call oneself Baron or a Count and a small fief plus ties to the royal family is no small achievement for a coarse adventurer.

I ask if there's any other Dragons that need slaying, because there's four people in the party and everyone who loses the Rock-Paper-Scissors tournament is going to be upset.

Does she have huge tracts of lands?

The kingdom permits polygamy, and the King doesn't feel like thinking of another reward. Enjoy your new collective wife.

What are her stats? Class? Feats?
How young is youngest? Are we talking, like, an 8 year old, or closer to something, I dunno, legal?

>What happens?
We cast resurrection on the dragon.

Have fun!

>Marry her
>Still get to be royalty
>The marriage is loveless
>We both agree to have relationships outside our marriage as long as we keep it on the DL
>She gets to fuck around with the stable boys
>I still get to have my stable boy pucci too

Overall life would be good.

The king is literally auctioning his youngest off to the most murderous of murderhobos he can find, and you think he cares about being progressive or not?

He just wants to have a daughter attached to the biggest badass around, so that if any of the other kingdoms try to start shit, he can say "My youngest daughter is married to the badass that killed that one unstoppable dragon. Do you really want to see how well your army of mooks stands up to them?"

The Whore of Babylon takes in another thousand cocks.

its still royalty - and beats most nobles by a mile, and by that point you can probably afford a estate from adventurebucks

this

7 unfortunate accidents later and I find myself the heir to his kingdom.

>All this talk about killing the 7 older princesses, as though things would be that simple.

At your wedding to the youngest daughter, everything is going fine and things are actually starting to get kind of boring when all of a sudden...

THE CEILING BURST OPEN AND A PRINCESS FLIES THROUGH, SWORD IN ONE HAND AND SPELL IN THE OTHER

"MR. ANONYMOUS!"
"I AM YOUR NEW WIFE'S NEXT OLDEST SIBLING!"
"CONSIDER OUR FIGHT BEGUN!"

Murderhobo Verses the World

>"MR. ANONYMOUS!"
>"I AM YOUR NEW WIFE'S NEXT OLDEST SIBLING!"
>"CONSIDER OUR FIGHT BEGUN!"
>Defeat princess, have to marry her too.
>End up as the new king with seven wives and a husband

>Or killed.

But she's eighth in line for the throne so it's not like it'd be a big loss.

>Eighth in line
>Princess isn't cool with that at all
>Demands that we both kill our way to the throne
>Murder her other siblings
>King is beyond proud that his youngest daughter took the initiative to butcher her way to the crown
>She goes on to rule with a bloody iron fist and brings in a new era of order and prosperity for the land
>As thanks for helping her carve up her family into bloody gobs she grants me a harem of loli cat girls

...

Why is this even a problem?

The party leader, the most powerful guy, is now nobility. Sure the daughter has no dowry, but obviously the kingdom's going to retain the party's services as walking WMDs.

The party is now on easy street, as valued agents of the Crown. I mean, if your party is Exalted or something, this is the toe-hold you need to take over, but generally it isn't necessary.

>seven wives

Seven older siblings, not seven older sisters.

I take time getting to know her and if we are compatible I marry her. Why wouldn't I?

Is there some reason not to marry a fairly nice young woman who is likely decently educated?

Now we can focus on killing that lich!

We'll if the leader of our group gets the hand in marriage what do the rest of us get?

Veeky Forums in a nutshell

Big fucking woo. If the dragon was slain, expect the same for the unlucky seven.

Now you're thinking like a Crusader King

She still has a claim. And we can still push said claim.

>"My youngest daughter is married to the badass that killed that one unstoppable dragon. Do you really want to see how well your army of mooks stands up to them?"

The most recent NPC in a position of power I ran would be forced to respond to this with, "For the sake of science, I suppose so. I have no idea how comparable dragons and armies are, and this seems like a necessary test."

That depends, is she a reasonably attractive biological woman, is she virginal, is she fine with her husband's constant murder hoboing away from home, and will I receive a minor fief in the bargain? If yes to all four, I have no reason to complain, and accept the deal without hesitation.

Then you bring her back as some kind of undead monster.

I'm cool with that.

- huge status bump
- Dragon-slayer + son in law of the king = huge career opportunities as a general, marshall, high priest etc.
- "no significant dowry" for a princess = mid-range aristocratic title and land to match (possibly land you have to conquer yourself, but so what?)
- Already got the cash from the Dragon's hoard (and selling any dragon bits for cash)
- Waifu on the picture looks cute AF

That is before even considering any possible accidents that can happen to the people on the way to the throne.

What if the king just gives you a permission to go and carve a new duchy out on his border, Kingmaker-style?

I swear a dozen seperate anons have all said "kill the other 7 heirs".

And you just know they all think they're so fucking original and edgy.

Sweet! I mean, thou art most honoured your majesty for thy offer, which I do graciously accept!

Absolutely nothing, since the party consists of two already-married women and a robot. We were gonna take the lump sum anyway.

The King is willing to m marry off a royal daughter to a functionally illiterate peasant knight-turned-mercenary from a foreign nation and with a background in banditry and horse thieving, that is also another woman and almost certainly a good deal older than said daughter?

I got a feeling the girl won't be too happy about it, but I can see the game being played. I'll take the deal, to aid in the stability of the kingdom if nothing else.

Dear gods, please let her be of age.

Now, I don't see her being too keen on the idea, but I think we can make this work. She'll have claim on a mid-high level knight, who /will/ teach her how to defend herself, since guards and her new spouse aren't omnipotent. If she can teach her wife to read better at some point, than it can be a fair trade. The marriage will have to be a somewhat open one, though precautions will have to be made to make sure inconvenient children don't crop up. Though to make the marriage a sealed deal there will probably still have to be consummation. Since we're both women, this will likely call for a witness, which will just be outright embarrassing. The princess won't be left wanting, though. If the king later wants an heir down her side of the family line, she'll need a prince consort of some kind.

I didn't say it, but it was my first thought. I certainly didn't think it was original, but I would argue that it's lack of originally precludes it from being edgy. It's just what you do

That...would make a lot of sense, actually. It'd kill multiple birds with one stone.

>king
Que?

Can i get just gold instead?
At least with gold i can buy a hooker then marry and regret it forever

>my character is an assassin
I see nothing wrong with this.

Nigga nothing about this is edgy. It's pure pragmatism, I don't wanna kill all these people, but not as much as I want to be king.

In my own way, I am the king.

OUR FIGHT BEGAN THE MOMENT YOU RSVPD 'Will Attend'. YOU ARE SEATED NEXT TO THE LIVE SAVING FICUS.

ITS LOVELY. GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

Maybe she's a morganatic offspring? In which case, might as well to get a lock on a bunch of dragon-slayers- that's a resource worth having.

At the very least it's a good plan because any potential peasant-hero dragonslayer was going to be an intrigue plot chess piece if ever there was one. Make it only ever to have been a *royalist* chess piece.

You're a worthless person.

...

>Revolutionary thoughts
That's how I like to h-
>Burn the rich
>Class war
>From each according to his ability to each according to his need
>Abolish wage labor
>Property is theft
...there's guillotine with your name on it.

You have a guillotine named Chris?

The deep joke there is the guillotining is the ultimate result of revolutionary thoughts, not a reaction against them. Take the cash and the waifu and keep your head down, user. Maybe your great-grandkid will pull a Henry Tudor.

>The joke
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>The Moon
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>Your head

Gawain plz go

Go away gawain nobody likes you

>sneak into the castle in the middle of the night
>chop of both the princesses hands
>sell them at the market for a quarter what their worth because carisma was my dump stat
>???
>profit

Put a ring on it

Going from random adventurer to even an amount of in the royal family is an upgrade. The fact shes far from the throne is cool too; 8th is far enough off that assassins and plots wouldnt really give a shit, but not too far off to mooch treasury funds.

Considering that my character is discredited "nobility," it's pretty much the perfect situation. By marrying into this royal family, he gains some of the status he needs in order to take back his own title. Since he grew up in relatively high society, he knows all the proper etiquette, and so even though the daughter's hand is a given, he won't present any embarrassment to the crown afterwards. Plus, she might like him a bit better than someone from a lower class.

Then, by using contacts within the kingdom's court and the strength of the title he now possesses, he can start gathering military support to return to his homeland and press his claim. If he succeeds, the kingdom gets expanded. It's a win-win.

Looks like someone can't handle the sunniest knight.

I'm a country bumpkin with a pet goat who pretends to be a sophisticated city boy.

Ima take the princess is what im saying

We have two!
Two evil dragons and two half-dragons! (does that count as a third?)

Also, I'll get a flying palace.

>because carisma was my dump stat
What about int and wis? Because that just sounds stupid

>not too far off to mooch treasury funds
Queen Elizabeth II disagrees with you

WE MUST TAKE JERUSALEM!

>fairly nice young women who is likely decently educated.

Is that you or your character talking?

Some one get Uncle Richard out, he got deus fever again.

Honestly, that's better then getting the Crown Princess. I'm a wizard, not a king. Nor am I a tactician, bureaucrat, policy-setter, lawyer, leader, negotiator, diplomat, or public speaker.

Being well down the chain means all the prestige of being nobility with far less pressure.

>no dowery.

Which brings to mind, what sort of jank ass kingdom cant even afford a dowery for their 8th in line?

Is she hot? If not my magic can reshape her to my linkings. Her lack of accomplishments means she's a good candidate for reeducation and restructuring. Give me a few years and not only will she possess unearthly beauty, be a magical force unto herself, and by ravenous with ambition she'll also be my devoted waifu and ruthless enforcer.

You fucked up, buddy

>Ranger who is slowly turning into a tree

Hope she's good at pruning me in my old age

Non Nobis Domine, heretic

No significant dowry for a princess. I'd expect at least a barony, though, otherwise this shames the kingdom.

Maybe that´s why the dragon needed to be slain? The kingdoms treasury was perhaps mixed in with the dragons hoard?

Insist that he meant I get to marry all of his daughters. They are my harem now.

"Ah crap. So Mixzshzhshahsdas wasn`t lying his lizard ass out of this one. Now I feel bad about that old salamander."

I march right back to the dragon's lair and cast Raise Dead on it.

STOP BEING A KEK

>The king put out a call for adventurers to fight an evil dragon
Didn't specify a dragon, might kill a komodo dragon that's considered evil by some peasants since it ate their pigs

/thread

To be completely honest, both.

Reveal that I married the dragon, take over the kingdom with scaly waifu.

Even if that were the case it literally changes nothing about the outcome when it comes to the "Princess, What do" scenario

What a waste of trips and a human life you are.

Can I set up shop in the castle?
Adventureprince Baneslaying Inc. may bring some interesting business to the kingdom.

Looks like someone needs a helicopter ride, no charge.

...

That poor king losing his eldest seven daughters to unrelated but undoubtably fatal accidents.

>be 34 y-old blackguard
>get to smash
>get to smash royalty
>get to smash youngest daughter of a king who's only 8th in line
He would never decline the offer, even though it might as well be a political move to get rid of the blackguard and the party he's part of. Him thinking with his dick kinda got him in the whole blackguard thing anyway.

Resurrect the dragon, then tell the King that he should have clarified he wanted the dragon permanently slain.