"Your Holiness, there is disturbing news from Romania

>thinking I don't hate the Turks more than I hate devilspawn
>thinking I won't canonize the fucker if he manages to rid the world of the Turk

Oh, bugger. Send that strangely dressed fellow with the whip, Delmont or whatever his name was.

Well, the dead walk the earth so I guess it's the apocalypse? So pray a lot and turn the other cheek so hard you're dizzy until the rapture happens.

Lat the man purge the turks
Just make it known to him that if he succeeds in his crusade he must kill himself

>"in service of God, I sell myself to the Devil" and has proclaimed to defend Christendom from the Turks "till the end of days". The Turks have already fed great armies, only for them to be returned upon stakes and spikes, but he has not made any advances upon his Christian neighbors.
Send ambassadors to ask how he acquired his new powers and if his deal can be replicated.

>Saint Dracula, here we come!
>>thinking I won't canonize the fucker if he manages to rid the world of the Turk
Am I the only one who wants this setting now? Vampire crusaders have the moral high ground over jihadists. ANYTHING has the moral high ground over jihadists.

>Siding with the devil against your fellow man

Y'all motherfuckers need Jesus more than the Turks do.

We're siding with Dracula, technically. And what men, sir? Dat dere's a Turk.

>Turks
>Fellow Men

Dracula means Dragon. As in the Serpent. As in the Devil. Also, Dracul means Devil in Romanian.

Get your head screwed on straight and stop using fire and brimstone hatred to distract you from the light of our savior. What are you? A Jew?

>would rather hang with the Romanian Devil than let the Turks catch a break
Jesus how bad were these guys?

>Dracula means Dragon
Dracul means dragon.
Dracula means son of the dragon.
Vlad II was called Vlad Dracul (Vlad the Dragon), Vlad III was his son (obviously, thus called Vlad Dracula).

We really don't have a modern day mindset to appropriate a correct level of hatred for a major rival such as the Turks/Ottomans/Saracens were to Christian Europe, I dare say even against terrorists and jihadists.

The closer we can get is the hatred of Communists during McCarthysm or the Nazi's in WW2. The Turks represented an entire race completely counter to your whole way of life, and percieved as one who were prepared to take over all of Europe and forcefully turn you from god or put you to the sword or slavery.

Ever watched 300? How the Persians are portrayed.

>forcefully turn you from god

And this is how they do it. Lucifer is a deciever.

Honestly, while I believe a lot of filthy peasants and political powers might join up with actually the Devil, I feel like the actual priests would crap their pants.

Anyone who kills Turks is doing God's will.

If vlad is truely a pure and just man of the faith he will triumph over lucifer and the turks
If he fails to wipe out the turks it shows that not even the devils power can stop them
All the christian kingdoms must unite
If he falls to the devil it shows the power and influence the devil has
It proves that kings must stay pure as the driven snow
If he over comes the devil and turks it shows the purity and power of a righteous man

this

He has openly admitted to bargaining with the devil to do black magic. That literally makes him a warlock. The only thing worse than Turks is the Devil himself.

The struggle between Europe and Turks is transient and fleeting, the fight between Righteousness and Evil is eternal. Save your souls.

>ponder a crusade
Is he occupying the holy land?
No? Then call me when he has driven the saracens from the holy land and then we might prep a crusade to retake it from him instead.
>crusading anywhere but the holy land
Commoner, please.

Someone who merely bargains with the Devil is not as bad as a Turk, who is the Devil.

>not seeing this as a blessing
>Saint Dracul and his Castle of Ordeals will be a place to send all those spare noble sons to get treasure/honor/glory without causing a fuss
>will forge badasses capable of sending the Saint to his unhallowed rest for a time
>will rid the world of Turks before all this
>unliving proof that there is a devil and thus a God

"Eh, the Lord will judge him. How many heathens do you say he impaled?" *rubs hands*

So what you're saying is that he made a bargain with the Turks? I'm not really sure how that's better.

>allowing the devil to control swathes of gods earth unopposed
>in Europe no less
>a blessing

>needing proof of God

You sound like a heathen.

We shall let him be, for now. So long as his appetite is satisfied with the blood of Turks we will not interfere. Let him rid the world of the heathen filth. When he has finished the vengeance of the Lord will deal with him swiftly. Dividing up his lands and fortunes amongst our loyal lords (with a healthy cut off the top for Ourselves, of course) will soothe their ruffled feathers.

As long as he's fucking over the Turks and not everyone like in Castlevania, we'll rent him the land. Saint Dracula all fucking day.

>renting land to THE DEVIL

I don't even know what I'm hearing.

The hatred of the Turk flowing through this user's screen.

>ponder a crusade
Great idea. Team up with Saint Dracula and together, we shall take back the holy land.

>somebody just read The Historian

I dig it though, shit's tight. Historical Dracula deserves more attention

>If Hitler invaded hell I would make at least a favorable reference to the devil in the House of Commons
Kebab will be removed.

They'd taken Spain, Constantinople, Jerusalem (gee Mohamad, how come you get THREE holy cities?) and had basically made it impossible for Christians to float anything more significant than a wooden plank on the Mediterranean.

Piracy, slave raids, and just a general disregard for farmers rights (particularly when they took North Africa) obliterated the trade web that had allowed the former Roman Empire to feed itself (remember Egypt was the bread basket of the empire.

Jerusalem was just the cherry on top, they literally held the Holy 'Land'. That means almost all the biblical places of the new testament, which itself incorporated much of Canan.

Also Damascus.

Man, fuck the Turks.

I fear that allowing him to continue his unholy crusade unabated will only serve to strengthen his accursed power, such that we will be unable to put him down, when the time comes, milord.

>fearing anything while under the banner of God

Cool.

You obviously fear the Turks enough to let the devil run riot over a third of the continent. Do you think he'll just give you the Holy Land? He'll probably burn down jersulam and rape the zombie Virgin Mary.

This

>"Your Holiness, there is disturbing new

Holy fuckbeans.........Why wasn't I told sooner? Before it got to this point? This isn't disturbing news. Disturbing news, is that my favorite fruit was lost at sea, and it will be two weeks till the next shipment. This is catastrophic news.

I execute the messenger, and send a group of heroes to fix it.

>some guy named Martin Luther writes 102 Theses and calls upon fellow christians to support the Saint Dracul

We already knew both exist, though.

A monster of God is still better than a breathing Turk.

For shame, that you would pay heed to such foolish rumors. This prince may be mad, but he is nothing but a man, and so long as he is slaying heathens he is a servant of God. As for these tales of devils and sorcery, they are simply the childish bleatings of ignorant peasants, and no rational person should give them credence.

This setting is just getting more fun by the moment. A world where the Reformation is caused by a split over whether weaponized vampires are OK as long as they only feed on heathens or not.

Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!

O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shallt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother.

Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!

So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!

- Koshovyi otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host.

>a monster of God
It's a monster attempting to do God's bidding. He's in the Devil's pocket now.

Wouldn't such a schism begin in the balkans though rather than Germany? The countries most threatened by the turk would be ok with the devil himself intervening

>Every one of the 102 thesis contain some subtle variation of "Fuck the Turks."

user, the entire Balkans are now a skeleton-infested mountain range, centred on a demonic castle. The only people left who could have a Reformation are the few emaciated peasants remaining on the shores of the Adriatic or the king's court, who are hardly in a position to do so.

No, the Reformation will start in Germany, among wary princes who are conflicted about sending troops to defeat such a monstrous enemy, leaving themselves open to the power plays of rivals back home. The Emperor himself is hardest pressed, his own Hungarian lands bordering the Balkans, and factions in the Imperial court vie for his approval and attention. The Pope will be a deciding factor in this, his decision at this juncture setting the course for the history of the world.

You don't think we can spot you, filthy t*rk.
Go back to your precious mongolia before Saint Dracula gets you.

I got this.

It's still better than Turk

To be fair, the problem with T*rks is Islam. I'm sure they'd be fine folk if they were Christians. Or anything other than Muslim for that matter. They can be treeworshippers for all I care, whatever.

I strictly remember reading that one of the methods of impalement was to let gravity slowly pull you down while it was penetrating your ass.

Yep, and good ol' Drac was particularly keen on using it as a form of domestic law enforcement within his own country. When he decided to inflict it upon young mothers he was partial to impaling her infant child on the same pike, so the baby's body would slow the death of the mother and extend her suffering.

A real piece of work he was.

>implying Drac isn't the true hero
Think about it. He impales his enemies on wooden stakes and leaves them out in the sun.
Meanwhile, Turks are known for wearing body-covering outfits and burkas. So tell me - who is more likely to be a vampire: the Drac or the Turks?
I mean, the whole plot is pretty obvious: the Drac was fighting against the vampires, they turned him, but he rebelled against his sire and staked him.
Now he wanders the endless night like a fanatic he is - a vampire who is also a vampire killer with a grudge.

This thread:

>faustian deals
I love these as a narrative tool.

I'd disprove and write a treatise on why that's fucked, but keep it and the disapproval private, and not intervene until we know more, since if it's as it's rumored, it's literally devil vs devil: neither side winning is good. There's no victory to be had with the Turks winning, or in him winning. Basically need to get a better feel for the situation with him. Perhaps I'd send a formal request to speak to him in Rome (he can still be saved). Perhaps call for forces to muster outside of Wallachia, to potentially help or crush him depending on how ridiculous this corruption is.

Inevitably some Jesuit jack ass will revere him as a saint after I'm dead if I don't do something, but I can't be hasty.

Ye olde bantz elevated to an art form. The ultimate proof that you can control an empire the size of a continent and it won't intimidate the Cossacks.

Question. Is it OUR devil? If so he's allowed to do as he pleases so long as it results in the extermination of Turks. God almighty has dominion over the devil, and in turn over Vlad.

>A man who sold himself into damnation and perdition for the sake of his fellow man
>It's a monster attempting to do God's bidding
>Defender of the faithful at the cost of his own happiness

He has suffered and died for the faith. He is technically a martyr.

Saint Vlad the Dragon. He shall command the next crusade to retake the holy land.

Do we have a source for that that isn't Turkish or a political opponent?

Arthur, get the fucking cross.

Which is worse? A Turkire or a Vampurk?

Well, it would stop penetrating your ass after a few centimeters, and would just rip through your intestines and then slide on happily through your internal organs.

Amass forces from all over christendom, accept Orthodox refugees and await the response of Muscovy. I have the firm belief that if we were to unite, we could defeat this heretic in due time. His armies will be drained, and ours will not. Clearly, this is a test, and one that we must defeat in due time.

God always prevails, and even evil men can follow His will.

>Saint Dracula, here we come!
That's metal as fuck. "For he so loved Christendom that he gave up his immortal soul on its behalf." I can just see that shit rendered in the style of Requiem.

That really calls for some end-of-days C.S. Lewis style asspull shit where Dracula's like, "Well, I did what I set out to do. I'm ready for the fire, now." and Heaven just takes him anyway because no one else has martyr'd as hard as he did.

He's Lawful Good, we'll be fine

I wish that shitty Dracula movie was like this.

>immortal, bloodsucking predators that can raise the dead
>muslims
Damn thats a real tough dilemma.

>Dracula is actually a vampire
>And gems torturing and killing the shit out of Muslims even harder than he did IRL

Why even live on in this dreary waste in the face of such sublime fantasy

Not for anyone with a lick of sense. Muslims are far worse.

>would allow a LITERAL servant of Satan walk on God's world to see a couple muslims killed

Found the jew. Burn him.

>couple muslims killed
You mean huge fucking armies. Also he is a servant of God that has made a deal with the devil. HUGE difference

>dying for the faith but not in it
He really is a tragic figure. Bonus points if he doesn't let his army fight Christians after they call a crusade against him.

>He doesn't think Muslims are LITERAL servants of Satan
Found the retard. Was it inbreeding or indoctrination?

>Also he is a servant of God that has made a deal with the devil.
That only works within the theology of either Islam or Judaism.

Only those two feature Satan as just another servant of God.

Anyone who deals with Satan in Christianity is an enemy of God.

We need to stake this bloodsucker right the fuck now.

As soon as the muslim infidels realise the power of the Devil's gifts, they will surely embrace that evil themselves. And since they lack good Christian values, they will undoubtedly pursue those powers with far greater vigour than any righteous man would. If we do nothing, then pretty soon the entire Holy Land is going to be a raging shitpile of unholy darkness, against which we will be utterly powerless.

We must make a stand, here and now. Otherwise, come Judgement Day, we're all going to be on the Lord's shitlist for not dealing with this bullshit when we had the chance.

Real christians don't give a fuck about Satan, Satan is powerless and irrelevant. You can worship Satan all you like and still get into Heaven so long as you repent, anyway.
There is only one sin that Jesus won't forgive, and the bible doesn't really make it clear what "blasphemy against the Holy Spirit" actually is.

>suddenly the king of England cuts all communications with Rome, and French noblemen with holdings in Bretagne and Normandy speak of dark clouds floating over England

>up in the north, the swedes and moscovites talk about finnish military aggression and ravenous wolves and bears mauling villagers in ever increasing numbers

>Real christians don't give a fuck about Satan, Satan is powerless and irrelevant. You can worship Satan all you like and still get into Heaven so long as you repent, anyway.
In modern theology, yes.

Try to float that shit 700 years earlier, and see how fast someone rams a messer down your gullet.

That would make him a heretic but and blasphemous infideles are arguably worse

janissaries were playing bayonette-ball with christian babies from time to time

>That would make him a heretic but and blasphemous infideles are arguably worse
Hahahaha, no. Read a fucking history book instead of meming like a fucking faggot.

>posts a picture of japanese soldiers

Are you really retarded?

user there arent any pictures of Janissaries from that era playing 'bayonette-ball' due to the whole camera thing. I assume he used the picture of japs because they're doing the action he described.

Oh fuck
brb committing sudoku

Why the fuck would he post a picture of Japanese soldiers bayonetting a FUCKING DOLL along with a post about janissaries playing bayonette-ball with Christian babies?

It's been in the book from the start. The Inquisition was merely convenient excuses to eliminate competition and malcontents """legally""". Same as every other witch trial.