What is the dumbest/most dangerous thing that the wizard in your party has ever done?

What is the dumbest/most dangerous thing that the wizard in your party has ever done?

To start off, the party was exploring the sewers and had to cross a very rusty metal bridge. Everyone couldn't properly communicate so we all 'went first' across it. Despite everyone knowing that the bridge could collapse at the sound of a gnat's fart, the wizard took his quarterstaff and started to whack the bridge to see what would happen. It collapsed and we fell into a river of shit water, which almost resulted in the fighter and paladin drowning because of their armor.

Mind you, the player was not a troll or That Guy, he was just genuinely this stupid.

Cast her Burning Hands spell in the face of a spider approaching her, neglecting the fact that the entire rest of the party was stuck in its web. She dealt more damage to the party than the spider ever did.

The party necromancer/lich used a high tech atom gun which he barely understood how to use on a 50ft mechanical monstrosities' open power core, naked, and essentially nuked the surrounding area, destroying both himself and the machine, laughing madly the entire time.

Being a lich, he got better, and mentally scared the noc that was with the party in a bunker, where the party kept the liches phylactery safe.

There were golf claps al around from the party.

Sphere of annihilation. Bottom of oceanic trench.

>Fire Giants
>I cast fireball!

Sorc rather than Wiz, but still:

>Party consists of Magus, Sorcerer, Cavalier, Druid, and Barbarian.
>That Guy playing a CN catfolk Sorcerer
>Fat as fuck, extraordinarily obnoxious
>casts mostly Reduce Person and Enlarge Person
>Won't stop making dick jokes
>will spend all the party's money on pigeons unless stopped

>Introductory session
>go to defend a parishoners house from grave robbers
>Group goes to house
>guards let us through
>Catfolk jumps through window yelling “I’m going to rape you”
>Residents terrified
>asks the guards to help
>The sorcerer is now talking to the town guard
>sorcerer: "Aha, but I've clearly got animal magnetism. Ffffffffffffffff..."
>sorcerer stumbles around, drunkenly threatening guards with fire magic
>guard appears to be apathetic, tells sorcerer to wrap it up
>in a fit of rage the sorcerer confronts the guy
>ohshitniggerwhatareyoudoing.jpg
>throws his axe at him.
>of fucking course he misses
>have to run away from town
>everyone loading up into a wagon, but they don't see the sorcerer
>A gondola full of guards pass by
>Hilarious 30-40 minute Benny Hill-esque chase
>General confusion over what to do next
>Sorcerer finally shows up
>seconds later the sorcerer fucking fireballs them all to death, which results in the non-player guards to pincushion the idiot with crossbow bolts
>roasted
>Crowd begins vomiting
>The sorcerer then does something none of us really expected.
>The sorcerer is contacting some devil and rolls pretty well on his social checks
>Stunned silence all round the table, someone asks 'for god's sake WHY?'
>he rambles about how he got mouthfucked for nothing
>Magus (smug): "Would you like a Grease with that whine?"
>entire party loses it in laughter
>the sorcerer, unable to comprehend what he just witnessed, stares at me in confusion
>His frustration began to mount as my unblinking eyes started to water
>That Guy throws a fit, his face turns red with fury and storms out.
>mfw

My party's wizard was the one preventing dangerous stuff once.

>Find magical vial planted by the big bad in the front of every house
>My barbarian lacking in sense figures that they're no good and it'd be better to just smash it
>Raise up axe to smash it with
>Wizard shocking grasps me in the back
>Thankfully we're all low level and I have plenty of meat
>As I'm about to turn around to chase and punch the wizard all the vials start to explode
>DM Tells me I would have died if I had smashed it
>Oops.

That is equal parts stupid and funny.

To be fair I would have no self preservation if I had immortality too.

The hilarious part is that he did it mostly to show off but also to protect his fellow party members from an otherwise suicidal task.

He's a lich that cares, kinda.

>He's a lich that cares, kinda.
To be fair, wouldn't we all be that kind of lich too?

Nothing really special, Wizard cast call lighting while the party was knee deep in dungeon water. Ain't even my story, it happened to my parents' party around 20 years ago.

>What is the dumbest/most dangerous thing that the wizard in your party has ever done?
I was the Wizard in this case.

I got ahold of an artifact that enhances magical spells so that they can affect whole nations and such. But the artifact was extremely volatile when combined with ANY magic unless the user was trained in its use (and still careful).

So I cast Detect Magic on it, and blew up the city we were in (actually, I summoned a Terrasque).

>Fat as fuck, extraordinarily obnoxious
Why do people always feel to need to add the weight of someone in the story?

This is more That DM than That Wizard, but here are some:
>New DM
>The wizard casts Control Flames on small fire to put it out
>Fire spreads to the entire forest and kills many innocents
>Wizard casts Animate Dead on his amputated arm then puts it back on
>Arm starts casting Animate Dead of its own will to create zombies, which then attack the party
>Wizard casts levitate on ogre to remove him from the fight
>Ogre takes control of the Levitate spell to become a flying ball of death
>Wizard orders food for everyone at a tavern
>Everyone nearly dies of food poisoning
>New DM
>Wizard prays to cleric's god to help everyone
>Wizard gets possessed by demons, attacks party
>New DM
>Wizard casts Burning Hands to clear some vegetation
>Spores rise from the ashes and gives everyone life-threatening diseases
>Wizard casts Suggestion on a enemy, commanding it to treat the party with respect and hospitality
>Enemy treats the party with respect and hospitality, by attacking them
>Everyone gets wishes
>Party wishes for artifacts, get exactly what they want
>Wizard wishes for a friend, friend attacks party
>New DM
>Wizard creates a simulacrum
>Simulacrum disobeys wizard and attacks the party.
>Wizard casts Find Familiar
>Familiar disobeys, runs off with macguffin
>Wizard casts Clone for party
>TPK, party is revived as level 0 commoners.

>t. fatass

Cast ebola on a monster that was living the capital cities water supply. Thus he spread ebola to all the good little boys and girls.

that was the most believable part of that retarded story

Fat people being stupid tend to make the story more believable

During our travel across the sea we ran into some pirates , so I ordered my bodyguard troll to jump off the crow nest towards their ship. During mid air I cast enlarge and watch the fucker give the world biggest elbow crushing the ship into pieces.

Didn't realise that would result in our ship getting wrecked leaving us stranded for a while , totally worth it though

Probably the party barbarian.

Accidentaly created a cybergod who tried to hunt down and murder him.

>the wizard is an illusionist
>tasked with distracting a bunch of beastmen to obtain their loot, which includes a Very Important Thing
>decides to fuck with their simple minds by pretending to be a god of this random ruin
>summons a vision of a giant floating tentacled ball covered in screens
>every screen shows a picture of a moving eye, from a different species on every one
>talks in a voice that sounds like demons that live in static
>scares the shit out of beastmen, tricks them into believing that one of the party members is its servant
>as they are ready to hand over the Very Important Thing, the rival cult attacks
>beastmen are beginning to suspect that something fishy is going on
>wizard successfully blinds and deafens some goatmen from behind the cover to prove that the god is a real deal
>in the process he pushes himself over the limit, so now he's laughing like a madman, gets a nosebleed, and loses a part of his control over the illusion
>due to a nature of magic in the setting(something something sufficiently advanced), that results in that illusion leaving an imprint in the global infosphere (basically, the leftovers of the high-tech internet)
>beastmen fight the cultists, with only few of the goatdudes surviving
>party gets the Very Important Thing, and the quest is over

>months later, same party goes into some sort of cyberspace pocket dimension
>which is connected to the infosphere
>party gets separated, wizard is on his own now
>suddenly, from the fields of digital snow appears the beastmen god
>not under his control
>that ball of eyes only knows two things for sure
>that the beastmen are its friends
>and that its creator is the only thing that can destroy it for sure
>wizard, due to being a wizard, comes to a conclusion that some sort of demon is infringing on his creative identity
>gets really pissed and is challenged to a mental duel
>almost gets his brain melted, but drives the thing away
>looses more screws along the way

And then his pissed off the entire party in an unrelated incident and got kicked out both from party and his order of good wizards. So that's where his story ends.
The beastmen god bumped into the rest of the party after that, once. But nothing interesting happened.

He tries so hard to sound smart, oh my God...
What the fuck keeps that idiot from eating less? Le starving yourself meme is not what a proper diet is.

fatass detected

Nice try, but I probably work out more than most of you.

Driving around in a scooter and competetive eating does not count as a workout, fatass.

Chewing =/= Working out

Shitposting doesn't count.

Opening jars of mayonnaise isn't exercise.

Walking up the stairs may exhaust you, but it doesn't count as excerciss

So cool that your 'rents also play

Donut curls are not an actual exercise.

It adds to how shitty that person in question is.

A person's weight is one of the first things you notice about someone, whether it matters or not. When retelling a story, that's going to be one of the few physical details a person is likely to remember.

Okay so I don't really care enough to try and google how fat cells and lipids and shit actually work, but why is this guy wrong? Nothing really jumps out at me other than the constant use of "metabolic disprivilege".

>wizard goes to a tavern to drink after a long day of running away from the local cops.
>hears stories about demons
>tells story about having fought a demon
>fails to come across as anything other than drunk
>Tavern owner starts to throw him out
>tries to magic his way free, fails
>facemeetroad.jpg
>gets up, angry throws a fireball at tavern owner. Misses, but sets part of the place on fire.
>people screaming, fire spreading. What do?
>iamahero.jpg
>proceeds to then magic an exit for trapped people by exploding a window and stone wall INTO trapped crowd.
>no fucks given, proceeds to then flee the area as people try to drag out the dying.

To be fair, it was more of a a whole party being a bit dim, but the prime person behind the "plan" was primarily a spellcaster (we were pla ing a classeless homebrew system based on the Jeff Vogel Exile system of all things)

>Certain NPC.
>Party is reasonably sure she's a traitor, but not enough evidence enough to actually get her tried and executed.
>Start dragging her a long on adventures, as she can do a bit of magic herself, but mostly to keep her away from sensitive information.
>Need to cross a crevasse, pretty wide and deep.
>Throw a grappling hook across the gap, hook it to some stalagmites, tie it down to some others on their side, and prepare to shimmy across the rope.
>We don't want to let (traitorous NPC) get across and run away from us!
>So she goes last.
>And everyone goes across at once instead of one at a time
>So when they're all slowly shimmying their way along the rope, she casts a very simple flame spell and burns it, dropping them all to their deaths.

Because calories in/calories out will objectively work for anyone that doesn't violate the first law of thermodynamics.
The fact that he can't be bothered to put the effort in has no bearing on it.

For a bit of context, the character is an elderly, retired college professor, and he has a custom cantrip that lets him create a handful of old people candy at will.

>gets really drunk
>makes a bet with the dwarf that he can shoot a tankard off the paladin's helmet from 30 feet with firebolt
>paladin isn't paying attention until the dwarf puts the tankard on top of him
>turns around, sees the wizard pointing a finger gun at him
>wizard makes a big show of verbal and somatic components [spoilers]for a spell that doesn't use them[/spoilers]
>pelts the paladin with strawberry candy

Why did you not either leave that table or punch that DM in the face?

>our wizard has litterally attempted to eat a tree once
>he sucesfully ate the tree

>he actually did it
the madman

Tried to cast "non-lethal" acid spray on a mob of peasants angry with us that we'd killed someone in the town.

post a timestamp then

Anything can be eaten if you are brave enough

Because it isn't a matter of fat cells being "willing to relinquish lipids". They have no will. If the proper steps are taken, weight will be lost. Even a legitimate thyroid condition would just make it harder, but still perfectly possible, to lose weight. There are no quirks that revoke basic biological functions like calories in/calories out. The fatass is just trying to hide his retardation behind language he thinks sounds intelligent.

Ran into melee range of 8 orcs to cast burning hands. I mean, it would've worked if he rolled damage better, but they all lived and he didn't.

Arm our nations troops with clock work golem armor & clockwork rifles(dorf bastard helped with that one). Enabled the mad dorf engineer to build his land ships.

>wizards doing stupid things
>not warlocks

[zalgo]really[/zalgo]

Update your knowldge.
Brain chemistry has a significant locking effect on weight; even if you think you want to lose weight, your brain has its own opinions and will override your cognition and make you fatten back up if you drop below what it thinks is right for you.
Go read some starvation studies to see it in action. We are meat puppets to chemical programs.

You do realize that those chemicals don't make you fat directly, right? They either make you feel hungry more or feel hunger more intensely.

With enough willpower you can still ignore those urges and maintain a healthy weight.

So yea, weight management is harder for some people, but the solution to losing weight is always going to be make your caloric intake lower than your tdee (with very very very rare exceptions)

t. studied Veeky Forumsizen

>First ever game of D&D like a decade ago
>DM uses a critical failure chart for spells/weapons for 'flavour'
>It's a small one-off adventure where everyone gets a pre-made level 2 (or maybe 3?) character and is sent into an old ruined fort to clear out some goblins that have set up shop and been killing travellers in the area
>Enter the very first room from the main entrance and see six goblins resting amongst some scraps of clothes and bones on the floor on the other side of the hall
>Party sneaks a bit closer while I hang back because I've shit dex and stealth
>Turns out the gobs are actually asleep and not just lounging around
>Oh, cool, I should be able to just take them out in one clean hit without risking waking them up or alerting any more of them
>"I cast fountain of flame"
>"Alright, for future reference that's over the top for sleeping goblins your party are already sneaking towards, but no take-backs. Roll to see if it hits."
>1
>Everyone has a bit of a laugh
>"Alright, roll again on the critical failure chart to see how badly you fuck up with the spell"
>Middling roll, something like 8-10
>"You hit the floor between you and the golbins, blasting through the wooden planks. Uh, none of the rest of you are hurt by it due to how the spell works but you'll have to roll a dex check to see if you fall in the hole now."
>Everyone does fucking terribly and ends up falling into the hole
>"Lemme just check on my maps where that leads...oh. Uh, yeah - the doorway is blocked from older collapsed rubble and its just an empty storage room with some smashed crates and broken barrels with spoiled grain on the floor. You'll have to climb back out."
>DM is laughing about this, friends yell at me that I better throw them some rope and tie the other end to a pillar - and to be quick about it
>DM tells everyone to roll for initiative all of a sudden

>Turns out causing an explosion and then shouting at eachother is a good way to wake up goblins, and while we were bickering they've gotten out their shitty wooden spears and called for help
>Fuck
>I rush to a nearby column my DM graciously said existed despite it not being mentioned earlier and tie my rope to it
>Throw it down the hole in the floor that my DM has also graciously decided is wide enough that the goblin's can't get around/over it or stab me from across it
>But my teammates keep on fucking up their rolls to climb back out due to being at a disadvantage thanks to the goblins stabbing at them from across the gap
>I go to throw another spell at them and the party INSISTS that I refrain from doing so because if the rope is damaged then they're proper fucked
>DM just says the goblins jump in the hole from impatience, clearly expecting the party will deal with them then climb out and move on
>Nope; fucking horrible luck leads to two members dying down in the pit
>DM realises the game is already fucked and says that a swarm of goblin reinforcements come into the room, charge into the hole, and butcher everyone inside
>My wizard watches all of his friends die in numb shock, and leaves the fort in a distraught state while forgetting to cut the rope
>Gobs chase after him and shank him in the woods before he even makes it a hundred feet away
>DM tells us we're gonna restart the campaign since it's only been like an hour so far and we barely made it out of the starting area - but I'm not allowed to play the wizard this time
>Still get shit for it to this day

>'rents
'ill 'our 'elf

>starvation

opinions disregarded as a fatty who doesn't understand how to eat properly

>t. studied Veeky Forumsizen

apropos of nothing, but is there a good way to lose weight and still get drunk all the time?

a concerned alcoholic would really like to know

Stop eating. All liquid meals.
What's the worst that could happen?

>5e Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
>Blue Dragon Ancestor
>Human
>complete focus on lightning spells
>burns his lower level spells on Lightning Bolt at least once per session
>ego the size of the sky itself with charisma to match
>party finds door with a demonic voice on the other side
>voice summons demons to fight party
>sorcerer proceeds to cast fly, goes into the air, and proceeds to burn his 1st and 2nd level spell slots into Sorcery Points in order to cast Quickened Lightning Bolts
>gets 2 Lightning Bolts off per round for 2 rounds before running out of juice
>actually decently impressive damage output to be fair
>only Empowered once
>hit two different party members in order to get more demons in his line of electrical death
>finally drops to the ground on round 3 and uses Shocking Grasp
>joins Fighter and Barbarian in melee
>demon voice is impressed with party
>sorcerer talks constant shit at the demon voice
>declares he'll make a deal with it if it means it'll shut up
>demon says it needs a weapon
>sorcerer agrees and straight up steals the weapon for himself
This Sorcerer was the definition of suicidal overconfidence it was glorious, he bullied a very young green dragon into eating the lizardmen worshipping it instead of himself by making an Intimidate check in Draconic and threatening to torture it to death.

One thing that annoys me is that no one approaches diets from the perspective of getting the most satiation per calorie. If you just eat pure sugar you're going to feel hungry again much sooner. This doesn't mean you're excused from keeping a healthy weight it just means you need to change your diet so that it satiates you better.