See the guy on the left? In this scenario, that is you

"I wonder if it has a hole I can put my dick in."

"Fucking hell... my boss will fire me when I tell him why I can't come to work this morning..."

"I'm sure gypsies did this!"

" Fuck off, Arghabolhakh, I already called dibs on this dimension"

"Welp. If anything, this gives me an excuse to not go to work today."

That, or his brain chose "Freeze" out of "Fight, Flight, or Freeze."

>"Okay, I know it probably doesn't speak any human language, and even if it does it might not be female, and even if it is she might not be looking for a relationship right now... but can I really just leave without finding out?"

"Goddammit, I should have thrown out that casserole three weeks ago."

Masturbate. The threat of getting my cum in its eyes will keep it at bay.

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY HAIR?!

God damn it. Here comes Craig

>What're you thinking right now?
Really, Steve? You couldn't even try to have a LITTLE bit of buildup? Do you realize that CoC is not supposed to be a dungeon-crawl game?

Jesus wept. I don't even feel like finishing this fight. You told me this wasn't going to be a rehash of our last D&D campaign.

You promised me, Steve.

well, at least I die with style

"Oh, I should stock up on chicken."

>I've seen enough hentai to know here this is going

No, he's the only one who failed. He's still staring at some ungodly horror. The others succeeded in their san check and decided to run away.

I have been to the plateaus of Ra'kkal. I have walked to the edge and looked into the abyss below. There is nothing in that abyss, only an infinite void of eternal emptiness. All is lost

"Eyes are a weak point"

HEY JOHN!

>Wave

How the kids man?

"Sure hope I pass my sanity check."

Skreeonk!
Hiss!

"Okay, reality is clearly bullshit. Time to see if I have superpowers."

"Oh, that's right, it's Thursday. Should have walked down main street instead."

I told Edward there was something wrong with those mushrooms!

>"Vera never has a second cup of coffee at home."

*unsheathes katana*

"good thing I voted for Chthulhu."

JESUS CHRIST LOVECRAFT WAS RIGHT!!

"Oh dammit Fluffy got loose again. What a hassle."

"fuckin' finally."

"Where does a man get dynamite at this ungodly hour?"

>*One Punch Man theme starts playing*

I picked the wrong day to stop doing coke.

"Good thing I'm the protagonist, these guys are fucked."

"Man they looked way creepier in my head."

SEEMS LEGIT TO ME

Okay, how do I fucking kill this thing?

"Did I love the stove on?!"

"I'd totally hit it"

...

"It could be worse. It could have a rainbow mane and a horn, screaming about friendship, french fries, and the effect of single-use paper diapers on global warming."

"Wonder which end it's going to stuff me in."

"DAMN CHLOE MORTEZ LOOKS LIKE THAT?"

Ok here's the plan.

Suicide

"And Terrance mocked me for putting on my skates on the way to our little ice hockey match."

>record scratch
See that guy on the left, there? Yeah, that's me. I bet you're wondering how I got here, huh? Well, buckle in, because it's a long story.
>cue Baba O'Riley

Please specify.

>if eldritch tentacle monster can be real then so too can lolis
>if I survive this, I must devote myself to finding the lolis
>long term goal: becoming a loli myself

Wouldn't it be more fun to tell us what they -both- are thinking?

>Well, its a cthonian and they're usually not this aggressive and open
>Either it has a problem that I could maybe help with
>Or there are 50 more right beneath the surface about to cause a 10 on the richter
>Fuck it, find a gun anyways.

Very well.
>left of monster
OH DEAR GOD WHY!? SAVE ME!

>Left-most character
Will a fire extinguisher one-hit knockout this thing? Can I wear its clothes as a disguise? How do I make this look like an accident...

"Why I have a pussy instead of face?"

"Do I have the time to end my own life?"

"For fucks sake, Steve, we can't take you anywhere."

W̱̦̣̰͈̗̝̺͕̭͔̯̟̥̤͟h̡̰͉̯̬̹͖͇̠̯͘͢ą̵̹̤͕͉̩̣͘̕ţ̶̷̦̻̫͚̣̠̻̩ ̛̞̘̙̘̞̮̤̥̟̼̤͈̞͜ͅt̵̵͙̫̫̣̩̠̯̗̣̕͜͟ͅh̨̭̟̦͖̟̼͇̖̤̠͇̱͠ͅḙ̡̮̯̥̘̖ ̷̙͇̜͚̰̗͖͈̠̣̤̞͜͠͝ͅf̨͉̥͇̰͚͖̱̭̭͖̻͇ų̷͖͉͙̠̜͈͇̞͘͜c̴̡̠̯̤̗̯͈͕̮̠͉̞̞̬͙̬͈k̵͚͚͖̻͞͠ ̷̸̻̼̮̺̮͓͇̣̖͓a̵̝͍̟̻̯͓̖͟͞m̨̛̛̟̗͖ ̷̸̢̯̯̣̗̘̠̮̝͉͓̀͢ͅÌ͈͓͈̘͔̪͎̳̠͚̖̱̩̕ ̶̵̮̩̣̤͎̀ĺ̗̮̫͔͖̘͙͖͔͈̫̻̺̬̫͚́͘ǫ̥͙̗̼́͟͟͠ơ̷͕̤̘͔͓̘̭̦͜ḱ̥̫̙͍͙̭͔̱̮͙̪̭̬͔̻͜͞i̸̵̺̱͈̰͍̼̖̬͖̠͔͕̼̘̙̞̩̬ͅn̤̤͔̟͚̱̖̤̜̦͝g̶̢̬̪͓̺̼̞͎̀ ̨̡̡̧͇̭̺͚͈̜̦̦̱͇̼̹̤͢a̸̖̥̥̬̤͎̯̖͙̳̟̜̠̬̪͟͜ͅt̨̨̛̛̟͇̺̼̜͙̮̻̼͖̬̮?̶̨̥̠̼̙͕̰̙̞̞̼̠̬̥̥̖̟͇͓͝
̱̘̼̳̼͖̮̳̞̦͖́͠

Glad to see someone else was thinking the same thing

...

>Should've taken the sanity insurance after all...

After seeing the bald guy this is all i could think. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

What the fuck am -I- looking at?

They're not teeth. They're spines that make them almost impossible to swallow without them getting stuck in the predator's throat.

What kind of predator would swallow whole something like that, I'll leave up to your imagination.

Zalgo.

"Ah, you know what? I think I left the stove on."

'Fucking Prohibition, can't even set this thing on fire."

...

That's going up my ass

Hot. Take pictures.

"Huh, well would you look at that."
>quiet sounds of a brain shutting down

>I think I left the Neuralyzer in the car.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

My moment has arrived. DEUS VULT.

>thank god, I can finally die