You enter a small fortress town on the fringes of the empire

>You enter a small fortress town on the fringes of the empire
>Occupied stocks are to be found at almost every street corner

>good to see the local gendarme is enforcing law and order!

>Break them out
>They were evil witches

Every time

>the town just has an abnormally high amount of exhibition fetishists

>almost
Fucking slackers.

Find a grocers and buy a bag of tomatoes

I punch the DM.

Why is this criminal not properly secured to her stocks?

>the town puts people in them who ask why there are people in stocks all over the place
>that's the only reason, they let you out after an hour or so
>it's traditional

Roll for initiative

But what if they were cute evil witches? Who suddenly found themselves in your debt?

I predict we've got maybe 15 minutes before this gets pruned, so let's make the most if it.

why street corners?

That's where people need to move around the most and we are just causing traffic by forcing people to stand around.

Put all the stocks on a lot or something. Jesus Christ.

>But what if they were cute evil witches? Who suddenly found themselves in your debt?
What if I want to be the cute evil witch indebted to the kind hero?

>They are semen demons intent on sucking out your vital essence

Then in that case get in line, bub.

That soldiers armour is most certainly nt up to standards. I understand that a lot of good men died in northrend but this is the Fucking stormwind army you stupid skank, have some respect

Smugglers.

Abhor the witch, destroy the witch

>love the priestess
>procreate with the priestess

What about some central location in a market? Maybe called it "the stock market" and make it a hub of the town's economy and justice system all in one?

>called it "the stock market" and make it a hub of the town

Pretty good idea desu

From a pure biological perspective, that simply makes no sense. You can either impregnate ONE priestess or dozens if not hundreds of witches, depending on the size of the town.

Now, as everyone knows, once you've saved a witch's life, they're indebted to you either until they save your life or they otherwise find a way to pay you back a life--you see where I'm going with this. If the pregnancy fails, then by the time their next ovulation comes around they'll be on your dick again. And remember, these are cute witches.

So either you become the sire of a small army or you can live for millennia because witches keep saving your life, or some combination of the two.

Or you can try your luck with the priestess. That sounds like a great option, too.

Seems like a waste of time and resources, on top of cluttering up the streets with sweaty, smelly women in stockades all day. Just behead or hang them all instead, the town will have a bunch better image.

given that plates and helmets are on the table, she's either stripping or putting it on anyway.

Not my problem until someone makes it my problem.

>Who suddenly found themselves in your debt?
they will give like 1 or 2 fucks and turn you in a toad with less warts than usual

I've never worn full plate but I'm fairly certain the ass doesn't get covered last. If you wanna show off butt cheeks take that shit to darnassus

>You can either impregnate ONE priestess or dozens if not hundreds of witches, depending on the size of the town.
>Not being faithful to one woman
What kind of scumbag are you?

I don't get where this sex with witches is coming from, witches are strictly for purging

>both

>become the sire of a small army
I had a PC do this in one of my campaigns. He kept asking me to "roll for kids" every time his character fucked an NPC (and one PC)

I did my due DM diligence and rolled, though I did not tell him when there was a successful roll.

We play another campaign, Player wants to re-use character, I say okay but he has to start at the same level so he gave the "oh my character is really out of shape" excuse for being lower level.

Halfway through campaign he gets ambushed by a small army of his spawn who are fueled by daddy issues and abandonment angst.

The kind of scumbag that wants a handsome adventurer to put a baby in me.
The kind of scumbag who can think about the greater good. Turn your scores of children into a force of righteousness. As soon as they're weaned turn them over to the church to become clerics and paladins.

They'll call you a monster. They'll revile you--your own children will despise you as a villain and a conspirator. But even as they hunt you down to slay you, never knowing the truth you'll know you did the right thing.

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. If you want to bring righteousness and purity into the world, you need to begin with your personal affairs.

>b-b-but maybe they're cute witches like my Mongolian finger paintings! :3
Yeah, good luck with that, weebs. Just wait until the "cute witch" drops her disguise and reveals herself as the withered hag she really is.

...

a. That wasn't the hypothetical being posed, though.

b. Who cares, if it's after you've cum?

Look, buddy, sooner or later SOMEBODY is gonna fall for it and free us. Might as well be you.

After all, the next person might not make the saving throw to see through my story. Do you really want that person being the one in charge of wrestling a hundred or so babies away from their mothers, hm?

>Chaotic neutral bard
>Stealthily unlocks every stock in the city
>Once they are all unlocked he shouts "GUARDS! THE STOCKS HAVE BEEN UNLOCKED THEY ARE ESCAPING!"

Why not both?

They're sex addicts, don't bother.

>DarnASSus
>tell a skank to go back to night elf homeland

Kek on multiple levels

This guy gets it.

I could just kill you on the stocks right here and now. After all, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live", and the fact that you're still alive tells me that there is a serious breach of justice going on. I'll take a chewing out from the local city guard over letting you walk free.

You'd kill a helpless opponent who's offering you a mutually-beneficial deal and yet you still have the gall to act so high and mighty?

My, my. They sure have let their standards slip for you righteous hero types, haven't they?

You misspelled "pegging".

>Impregnate hundreds of witches
>Implying witches don't have absolutely destroyed wombs from birthing imp babies or cause they're renting our to a Beelzebab.
>Implying they aren't gonna scoop out your man juice after you fall asleep and use it for some occult shit
>Implying the only witches capable of conceiving are the total scrubs scared they're going to accidentally summon Horsedick McBarbedcock their first time

Witches are good for nothing. We're not talking about apothecaries and herbalists living out in the woods, that the villagers in town cutely gossip about being a charming little witch since they're the only person in their tiny little worlds that they don't see on a regular basis. We're talking about demon fucking, cursing, abominable, humanity forsaking, hags, that destroy towns with plagues because some kids dog pissed on their favorite toadstool or some shit.

You're "mutually beneficial deal" is nothing but a hollow corruptive lie, like all the rest of the devil's tricks. I follow the orders and laws of God, I walk where God tells me to walk, I kill who God tells me to kill, and I will die when God allows it. Say a prayer little witch, your life ends now.

What if the dude's wearing the same thing under the table.

Like they're at some kind of festival tournament where leg-shots are forbidden.

Killing a defenseless opponent... and a woman at that. How certain are you that's what your God desires?

Were you not commanded to be fruitful and multiply? And here I'm offering you the chance to not only multiply, but increase exponentially.

Were you not commanded to show mercy? Did your Savior not walk among sinners? Did he not pray for the damned souls you so callously disregard.

If you truly believe there is no goodness in a witch, why not try putting some in?

>If you truly believe there is no goodness in a witch, why not try putting some in?
That's the weirdest sexual innuendo I've ever heard. But I shan't be stopped by any words coming from your vile mouth.

Golly, thank you so much for telling the witch how witchcraft works.
#mortalsplaining

>and a woman at that
Are you implying that somehow women are either more valuable or less capable of evil than men?

Don't be silly. But you know how those fuddy-duddy do-good chivalrous types are.

In his place. I'd put down my dice and say I die a karmic death...and now I will play one of my many spawn.

>fueled by daddy issues and abandonment angst.

>roll for grandkids

Sweet jeebus man what kind of characters do you play?

Stealing this idea.

>>fueled by daddy issues and abandonment angst.

A rabbit paladin

>Darnassus
>Not Goldshire

Our party gets out of Niggertown as fast as they can.

This thread is going places. I don't know what those places are, but I'm content to sit back and see where it goes.

>"the stock market"
stolen

good to see the local militia on top of things for a change

>The town needs help
>An accident in the waggon shipping industry has caused a crash in the stock market
>as in, a waggon literally crashed in the stockmarket
fund it

What if this is a recruitment drive during a local festival and they are trying to attract young men to the booth with pretty ladies and then sucker them into to a tour of duty. Something reminiscent of the US army's free ice cream for life.

So how people make profit by speculating on the stock market? Making bets?

tomato-throwing contests, and the bets thereof.

>Ma'am, it seems you forgot to put on your leggings and greaves before heading out on patrol.

My fetish.

T H I C C
H
I
C
C

>buy rations
>restock supplies
>meet and greet with local authorities/officers/people in a small position of power to offer our services as mercenaries
>if we get work, good
>if we do not get a job, leave for the next town
Why should this be our problem?

Okay. And?
Fucking lazy-ass GM can't just stop midway through an establishing scene.

Thats alot of occupied stocks.

Throw in a coin and use them.

>I'M GONNA FUCK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!
>Hold up! I'm the sheriff in this town and-
>HERE'S 500GP!
>Carry on, sire.

*unzips rape tool*

>And then they all fucked!

for you

Trying too hard.

Rotten tomatoes bruv.

I once worked at a farmers market during a summer in highschool and everyday the boss man would sell a few bushels of the vegetables that went rotten at a severe discount. I never understood why people would purposely buy vegetables that went off, but I figured it was for fertilizer so I never asked.

She's probably wondering why you'd put her in a stock if she's been burned at the stake

Yeah, probably fertilizer. I put all my rotten vegetables in my compost bin.

>get hired to put party hats on all of them for the coming festival

Clearly the DM is signalling that he's tired of my dickass thieving and I won't get away with it in this town.
I take it as a challenge.

Underrated post