GALACTIC FEDERATION MEETING-IMPORTANT

I a-
>He stops midway in his sentence after seeing that horrid thing.
W...ell er... welcome to Serenity?

Interdimensional assholes pls go
>tfw you're close to winning and those douches annihilate you

>Literally this
I'm sorry,
>Sir, their weapons are charging!
Fire at will.
>They suddenly are obliterated.

with the extradimensional threat taken care of, will you introduce yourselves to become a member of Serenity.

Introductions is it?
I represent the Great Star Republic, comprised of the the Democratic planets of Livin and their backers the White Eye Corporation. Based out of Prax Station.
We are a majority monospecies entity, however at the time of the last census we have members of three different species as permanent residents within our colonies. I have reason to believe it is now at least four.

Unless there are any questions, I am interested to hear the rest of the introductions.

We are the Zik-Mok. We're totally peaceful, I promise! Ignore the large fleet at the border, they're merely on their way to drop my sporelings off at camp.

Ah, I see
>A message is sent to fleet command to build-up the border with the Zik-Mok
It is excellent to meet you. Emperor Kinrotos had to attend to other meeting, and I, Representative Inkito fill in on his absence. This is our empire.
We hope for a productive and cooperative relationship with your empires.

I have heard about your marital traditions, we are also strong warriors as well. We may seem like well-found allies.

Hi guys! I heard there was an all you can consume buffet in this sector?

No, we are not fat at all, you must be looking for the next galaxy.

Indeed so, I believe I have a message for you from the Corporation regarding establishing a trading station within the Cocoon Nebula.
Not perhaps a matter for the Serenity Complex, but a meeting with you or another representative would be... beneficial.

I was unaware our marital traditions were perceived as martial. However both diplomacy and profit motivate me to reciprocate an interest in alliance.

Desist.

Hey guys!

1: A representative will be sent, and do agree with our form of government? We are a monarchy. I agree
2: We will join! Thank you
3: Oh....

This is our response.

We welcome you into Serenity Complex, of course, you are welcome, you may introduce your species and we may discuss about various problems.

HOI YOO! We have never established contact before, but the founding of the Serenity Complex did not go unnoticed in this part of the galaxy. Thus, our democratically elected leader of the United Swetroo Bloodthirster Clans has sent me to bring a very special message for this Federation's empires as is our policy regarding first contacts, just for yoo~

WITH ARMAGEDDON AND PURGING, YOU WILL INEVITABLY BE CLEANSED ALONGSIDE ALL OF YOUR FELLOW ABOMINATIVE XENOS ONCE WE'RE DONE WITH OUR NEIGHBORS. LIVE IN FEAR.

And that's the message! Have a nice day! View screen off~

Firstly, it is not the interest of Great Star Republic as a whole to greatly alter the course of non-allied races. If government is stable and open to trade, this is acceptable.
Livin do not possess the resources or population to massively impact another civilisation, and White Eye does not find it efficient.

Secondly, alliance is unexpected, but joyous! In addition to fewer restrictions on travel, the Corporation offers favorable rates on bulk orders with allied factions.
Due to network malfunctions, not all diplomatic files are available to me currently.
Do the Realms have any issue with the Republic's acceptance of;finite indentured servitude contracts, uploaded intelligence templates, or cybernetic enhancement?

And finally, this is a place of debate. Not consumption.

Were you everyone I replied to?
How many people are in this thread?

Disturbing.

Attention to all sentient organisms present, you are visited by a representative of the Ur-Quan, only subservience shall be tolerated. Submit or be destroyed.

Hey fuckers.

Hope you were ready for us. Otherwise we'll expand and outpace you immediately. Oh what's that? We set up at the far end of the universe between the Star Empire and Fanatical Purifiers? To get to us you'll just have to wait until we devour half of their systems or declare war on them and see what happens!

Good luck, idiot.

Why are we always the ones getting invaded? What sort of grudge do these extra-galactics have with you organics, anyway?

I give up. We've been interrupted FIVE, maybe even six times by beings who swear our compete destruction. One of them even did it TWICE.

And we've only had two damned representatives! Including myself!

Since nobody is taking this seriously I do not see why I should be forced to either. I'm going to run some sensory modifiers, get blackout drunk in the diplomat lounge and head back to actually civilised space next cycle.

I'll back up the record of your attendance while you go.

The things I do for creds.

I have to admit that I'm j trigurd by this. But I have absolutely no idea what's going on, or what it's about... Any help on these matters would be appreciated!

Do not mis-interpret out intentions as hostile we wish only subservience, if you submit you will be alowed not only your lives but even the privilege of star travel if you see fit, under out laws of course.

Stop staring at my holes.

It's rude.

This probe is not hostile please do not attack.

Man, we're so happy that we can make friends, I find it impossible to stay formal about this! My apologies.

Let's get to business then! We the Blorg, a friendly and nice species who desire friendship with the galaxy itself, desire open migration all around so that we can spread the values and virtues of friendship and love! While I am at it, I would like to announce that to celebrate this new age of friendship, I will be hosting a 10 years long space party over at one of our habitats, open and running day and night! Everyone's invited to join in!

Sorry me late! Vorgel good with building things, not so good with directions... Is lucky we even found you Federation to begin with! We was trying to fly opposite direction!

Now thens! You peoples needs ships and builders, yes? We builds, you transports us there! Simple and agreeable plan, where you get stuff built, we get to build, and paid to do so! We best engineers!

Hello don't get put off by our appearance we are not contagious. We represent a bio-hive mind from the eastern fringes of the galaxy. You may call us the Collective.

We are open to any trade and dealings with the Federation as you see fit and are open to any questions regarding out history and culture.

>[distant muffled cyber drunken cheering]
Neat, more people!

Ohhhhh! You's people good with directions? If so, we build you ships, and whatever else is needing! They very good prices, the Vorgel best engineers in galaxy!

While we are sure your ships are the best out ships are not mechanical and are in fact sentient creatures like ourselves genetically engineered for space travel.

Representative Yikyak of the Unggoy here!
Please ignore my gas tank if you can.
It is filled with methane that keeps me alive.
The gun is for my own defense.
Am I late?
Probably...

>He'd light up a plasma torch next to the methane breather, before using it to begin bonding several pieces of metal together

You'z is funny looking things. Short too!

It dun have to be ships we builds! We'z can builds vehicles, buildings, toys, computers, even build plastic miniatures for other races! And wit all these new species coming to you'z planet, you'z is probably gonna be needing places to have them be staying!

>Yikyak awkwardly turns the side and looks at the Vorgel.
Please avoid using the torch next to me.
We could explode!
I think.
I don't think anything here likes exploding very much.

Vehicles are in the same boat as ships, buildings are made directly from the landscape and we have no use for toys or computers. Although plastic miniatures sound fascinating to us. Tell us mor.

I am Representative Grakar of the Crayd Combine.

Some of you might remember the Krayken species as violent and murderous warmongers who would expand aggressively to seize territory. I swear by my rifle that that is no longer the case ever since we invented a virtual reality combat sport to sate the Krayken's instinctual desire for violence and dominance. We see the errors of our former ways, and seek to make amends for what we've done to smaller empires.

On a different note, there's plans to allow non-Krayken species to join the Bloodball games and the Combine is planning to host a grand tournament. The reason I am saying this is to make it known that there will be an open invite for neighboring empires to participate with teams of their own. If, of course, they want to.

>He'd begin juggling the still lit plasma torch, along side the pieces of metal and various parts. The torch seeming to store the appropriate spot in order to weld the various parts properly together.

You obviously haz not been to da planet of exploding animals! Or probably been on a Tragisieek ship either. Those things explode all timez! Much funz, good time all timez!

>Yikyak hops on a seat and pulls out a holographic image of a solar system with 7 planets
Could you please give the Gurn system back?
Or atleast give us a single planet?
The Blodball game sounds good.
It'll teach hatchlings how to fight the Unggoy way!

>Yikyak turns his head and loooks at Koyvi with fear in his eyes
Please do not do that.
That's gonna mess something up I think.

Oh, is greats! We make these little guys out of plastics and pewter, that we then secretly ship in to this little island nation called "Brit-tan", on tiny, insignificant planet called "E-Arth", which is being ruled by hairless primates called "hoo-mans", and their delicious four legged bovine petz called "Chii-kans", that some peoplez worshipz, while most eat.

>His mouth drools at the thought of eatting this delicious, yet for some reason, sacred animal. But would quickly come back to reality.

Anyway! We sell cheap-cheap made miniatures to company called "games Workshop", that worshipz other hairless ape known as "Dunk-can of Donuts". This company than sells unassembled, and unpainted models to others for 1000 times what it cost us to make! I think game is called "Warhammer of Sigmar"? Me no remember.

Oh, so that's what you're calling it. Yeah, you can have it back I guess. Turns out that the atmosphere on the planets was highly toxic to Krayken, and we could never figure out how to terraform it to be less so. We never bothered to colonize them, so...

Yeah, we're returning the Gurn system. Too many died for a set of planets that the Krayken couldn't even make use of. Embarrassing really. Just give the Combine some time to get the papers through the bureaucracy.

Hey! Youz people's need things built for you? We can do that's!

>He'd begin throwing in more ports, and more plasma torches at this point.
>Slowly, the assembled mishmash of parts would assemble a tiny toy sized ship.

Youz tiny stink breathers worry much! Live long, and worry less!

Terraforming a planet is an easy matter if you use one of our Deep Children their genetics can be coded to make any kind of terrain and atmosphere you desire, and it will be accomplished in around 5 galactic standard years.

Five standard years take too long! You hire Vorgel, and we have it done in Two years, and with maximum amount of explosions!

>Yikyak grabs a tissue and dabs his forehead with it.
Hey...
>Yikyak nods slightly
That's pretty good.

>Yikyak looks back at grakar
That's mostly because it's filled with large amounts of methane from the methane generators we put up.

Look, I appreciate the offers, but we're kind returning the Gurn system to the Unggoy, and I don't think they need some terraforming on their planets as far as I can tell.

Yes but future planets or if you have any in your other systems that have been pesky.

You also don't need to worry about inhabitants the Deep Child starts the cycle with a large wave of volcanic activity.

Exactly!

...although I might take three years for us to be find planet you want Terraformed...

>Once the toy ship was fully constructed, he'd begin to place the plasma torches away, one by one, while still juggling everything else, until only the toy remained.
>At that point, the tiny model would begin to fly around the room.

The Hn see and hear you all, may your existences be never denied nor ignored.

Yes it seems the main representative is off somewhere, we will be happy to assist though.

What brings you to this establishment?