A lazy god forwards all incoming prayers to his paladins

>The god of treachery is depressed since he can't betray anyone when everyone knows he's the god of treachery.

>>the goddess of love is actually the most lonely creature in existence, and is just trying to prevent other people from being so lonely

>The God of Surprises is bored out of his skull because he knows how every surprise will turn out before it happens and he just wants to feel genuine surprise again

The idea of gods being being unable to expierience what they're God of?
God of war no one fights because he'd win anyway.
God of death that has no idea what dying is like.
God of thievery who has no reason to steal.

>God of Sleep who constantly has to stay awake
>God of Food who's too busy cooking to actually eat

>The God of War successfully engineers a world-spanning war of glorious death and destruction of entire nations, using weapons, magic, and tactics more deadly by orders of magnitude than anything seen before
>This changes politics forever, destroys the glamour of war, massively depopulates the planet, and effectively traumatizes entire generations into knee jerk fear of war
>War god is left bitter, jaded, and longing for the glories of the old days.

I think human history has proven this will unfortunately, never happen.

Are you drunk? The details haven't been identical (depopulation didn't really happen), but this is exactly what's happened since WWII and the Cold War.

The god of surprises sends the party on a quest. Party expects surprise, it is revealed at the completion of the quest was that the surprise was that there was no surprise, if party is disappointed, unleash unstoppable mob of stuff to kill party. When last party member is about to be killed, say they are going to be spared as a final surprise. Then tell them to roll for dexterity, the god tries to stab them. Surprise!

>this is exactly what's happened since WWII and the Cold War.

Korean War
Bay of Pigs
Vietnam
Dominican Republic Uprising
Lebanon
Grenada
Panama
Gulf War
Somalia
Haiti
Bosnia
Kosovo
Afghanistan
Iraq

War in general IS on a downward trend that suggests we may, in fact, be shaking it off as a species

But not for any nonsensical reason like 'oh we're too traumatized by war now our wars ended all wars'

It's purely economics.

The glory of war is dead, we've got entire generations with a knee-jerk fear of war, and politics will bend over backwards to not actually declare war on anybody, instead opting for bullshit buzzwords.

Any god of war looking over Earth is probably shuddering atop his throne at how we've managed to make war both insidious and pussified.

>our wars ended all wars
Reminder: WW1 was once known as The Great War and The War To End All Wars. Residual fear of another World War resulting in appeasement doctrine was one very good reason the Axis got as far as they did before WW2 proper actually kicked in. It didn't last long (Partially because the European powers lined up to piss in Germany's mail slot after WW1), but the cultural trauma absolutely was a thing.

To say we're entirely afraid of war now is disingenuous. There are entire interest groups in the united states beating their chest for war, and there's plenty of nationalism on display in Europe.

We ARE more aware that war is shit these days, absolutely, but also all to willing to forget it. What keeps us honest is the rise of globalism and the fact that economically, war is not an effective or efficient way to achieve goals. War is a fail state now, not a necessary avenue to growth. Free trade and economic interchange has supplanted it.

>What keeps us honest is the rise of globalism

Found the /pol/

>no YOU'RE the one posting bait
Stop.

>knee jerk "globalism is bad" reaction

nah. /pol/

I didn't say that one way or the other. I just claimed that you're not as smart as you think you are posting bait like that in a political climate this volatile.

>implying that's not at least partly true
Wars were mainly fought over natural recourses and trading influence, there is little need for that today. This is one of the reasons why we dont have big wars anymore in 1st world countries. I dont really need to invade that asshole next door for his steal because just buying it from him is cheaper and less of a hassle. 80 years ago that whole ukrain thing could have sparked a new world war, today no one really gives that much of a fuck

>>missed quads
Why are we still here?
Just to suffer...
>>some chick vocalizes in the distance.

>the god of parties shows up to every party he is invited to no matter how small or who its thrown by
What happens if he is invited to two parties that are both at the same time?

We witness a marvel of god hood. Teleportation. He just had to make an appearance. Three shots of manticore stinger tequila at Timmys 8th birthday and then off to a weird funeral party for goliaths before making balloon animals at a princess's bachelorette party.

>the god of rain simply wants to have de biggest garden ever seen
>the father of all gods keeps making father jokes for millenia and the other gods just can't stand him at all

>the goddess of love is actually the most lonely creature in existence, and is just trying to prevent other people from being so lonely

Aaargh it hurts

God of books is upset that the god of film is stealing all of his material

>God of Video declares religious crusade against God of Radio, thousands of Radio-paladins get killed by Video-stars

>what a twist

Clones, intense speed, etc... Maybe he is at parties as something of an after image because he can only be there for so long?

>God of motherhood gates children, but knows how best to raise them
>God of Fear is always scarred of everything, but derives comfort from not being the only one who gets frightened.
>God of Beasts is a furry

>God of life was once the god of suffering, struck down in a divine coup and given a new purpose as ironic punishment
>The joke's on the rest of the pantheon though, because life is pain, and he relishes granting healing magic to prolong the life of his followers, thus maximizing long-term suffering

>God of atheism struggles with existential crisis.
"WE'RE ALL JUST FIGMENTS OF A NERDY 47-YEAR OLD'S IMAGINATION!"
>God of meta bitchslaps them.

I, too enjoyed Gaiman's Sandman series.

>God of Intoxication decides to take a break
>Entire societies crumble and fall
>Dwarves become extinct
>Elves start acting like humans

>God of hangovers no longer wants to kill him

>God of death realizes he's a hypocrite for killing everyone but himself and commits suicide, causing everyone to become immortal overnight

>God of Irony is unironic
>no one knows if he's doing it ironically or not

>>the goddess of love is actually the most lonely creature in existence, and is just trying to prevent other people from being so lonely

>paladin Henderson is on the case

>God of pointless bickering can never stop to sleep, ever since the internet became a thing

So a city is just another druidic domain like forest or swamp, and the ones who live there are called engineers?

>the god of death is working with the god of medicine to slow down the mortality rates because he hates the beauracracy
He should work on slowing birth rates or seeking a ways to gift mortals with immortality to lighten up his workload. Reducing mortality rates merely delays the work he would inevitably have to do.

What kind of self-respecting god can't be in two places at once? At least some level of omnipresence is inherent in godhood. How else do you think they handle all those prayers coming in at the same time from so many different places?

Procrastination is easier than actually finding a solution

Isn't this a Discworld novel?

Urban Jungle.

>the goddess of love is actually the most lonely creature in existence, and is just trying to prevent other people from being so lonely

Dude, this is supposed to be a fun thread. Don't give as feels instead.

>the god of death is actually dead; some other deity is playing the part in his place because the cycle of life and death must go on.

>the god of secrets is also, in secret, the god of music; he created music and gave it to mortals hoping for someone to crack the code he put in music, so he can start feeding intel about the other gods

>recently created god of fire gets through adolescence; becomes god of stoners and fireworks

That would be the "Oh God" of Hangovers.

Omg all these ideas are so great and original

>God of Sarcasm has nothing better to do than to spam imageboard threads

Urban environments have their own biosphere. In a world of magic and super natural beings, you would want someone making sure the local pigeon population doesn't end up getting a freak mutation and turns them into horrible flying sky beasts.

Niiiiiiice

>Goddess of nature is a rabid beast/plant thing that consumes anything living to sustain herself
>Peace loving hippies are rudely introduced to this fact after summoning an avatar of her during a festival

just gonna steal this plot hook k thanks

>god of forgetfulness' followers keeps forgetting who they're worshipping, so he never gets to keep any paladins or clerics for more than an hour

The father of gods has to be stopped.

Yes it is, hogfather I think

That's literally how my Paladins work, without the God. They've got a glyph on their neck which is literally a prayer antenna. Prayer is a specific spell that anybody can learn. It's generally bad to pray for too specific solutions to your problems, because then your signal will likely be too weak for a Paladin to pick up. A Paladin answers the loudest prayer, which is based on how many people are praying, the similarity of their prayers, and distance.

From then on, the Paladin is really just a cop/private detective with a badass skill set, great equipment, huge amounts of authority and clearance in most places, and Oath Glyphs (and general goodness within them) that keep them true to Paladin law. Prayers that violate the Oaths are automatically destroyed, leaving the Paladin free from errant Prayers of greed and vengeance and stuff.

>the goddess of love is actually the most lonely creature in existence, and is just trying to prevent other people from being so lonely
My next character's goal is to ascend to godhood and marry the goddess of love because nobody should be that lonely

*Literally

No, he is the father of all gods, Stopped is another guy

>the nordic god of music died and the god of metal was chosen to take his place
>it all worked surprisingly well

>the god of death is actually dead; some other deity is playing the part in his place because the cycle of life and death must go on.
Another idea
>The stand-in for the god of Death was once mortal, and understands your loss more than any other, and comforts you before you move on.

>There were unforeseen consequences however

It's didn't say wars universally end. It said war has become distasteful, a knee jerk anti-war reaction. Even when war is the sane option we fuck it up. We may have one more big war when putting off necessary wars for too long catches up to us, because the two big largely unnecessary wars made us too sick of it.

I pledge myself to your noble goal

>God of wrath sort of tuckers out after so many centuries of rage and finally calms down. Panic ensues as ragepaladins start peace talks.
>God of pride feels only admiration for the actions of others, inspiring pride through flattery.
>God of envy really fucking wishes he had any other domain, throws tantrum, refuses to work.
>God of greed has stolen another gods domain of influence, nobody notices.
>God of sloth is actually pre-programmed illusion, the real one slumbering for millenia, mistaken for eldritch horror.
>God of lust is on a quest for love, hindered by their insatiable libido.
>God of gluttony suffers from celestial constipation, a cure must be found before he goes supernova.

>God of sloth is actually pre-programmed illusion, the real one slumbering for millenia, mistaken for eldritch horror.
I really like this one actually. With a side note, he actually gets more powerful the more he sleeps, but it goes away very quickly the longer he's awake.

What am I looking at here?

In the early days, the God of Food showed up everywhere, taking the form of a jolly fat man, sampling cuisines all over the world. He grew in popularity and as these things go, became too powerful to physically manifest. He eventually became the 3rd most powerful god in the world. He wishes he could go back to the old days, but he still enjoys inspiring cooks and doesn't want to discourage them by stopping his ghostly appearances.

It's from a game called Brutal Legend, it's a game absolutely soaked in Metal. That's one of the antagonists.

>God of Love can never be in love themselves, because it would distract them from their duties
>God of Grace and Beauty is actually horrendously ugly from a objective standpoint. This is so others can actually look at them without dieing from excess exposure
>God of Alcohol is also the God of Acceptance. He found that people are more open to acceptance when under the influence

That game is awesome, except when it takes a sudden turn from beat em up to rts.

>TFW Jack Black was the main villain for the Never Ending Story 3

>God of atheism struggles with existential crisis.
If that's not the face of existential crisis, what is it?
I mean, he already has ceased to exist in the cannon, and that has to be the definition of an existential crisis[/spoilers]

>thus maximizing long-term suffering
I feel this sets up a quest to prove to the god that he is only making the denizens of the world stronger for it, or a hilarious yankee-swap where other gods run the show for a day

youtube.com/watch?v=Jne9t8sHpUc

The Pantheon will not be left standing by the end of it.

Shadowrun did urban elementals well if anyone wants ideas for how to do shaman who specialize in "spirits of man"

How to fix this
>Cause a huge war, aids one side over the other.
>Doesn't betray them because that's the short game, we're playing the long con.
>Country ultimately wins, and the war is obviously over
>Small resistances are not posing a problem
>Subjugation of the outlying villages commences
>One soldier is exposed to a disease that is natural in one of these villages
>No one told the invading army about this
>It spreads like wild fire taking out the attacking forces, and defending forces
>Laugh merrily as you told them it was the last bastion of resistance in that town, and they had no reason not to believe you since you actually aided them in the war
>You even told them they only needed to send a few men, but they didn't believe you because treachery
>Sending a large platoon only spread the disease faster

>>God of motherhood gates children, but knows how best to raise them
"It's a cosmic tragedy that you two morons managed to breed-- honestly, I'm surprised you managed to figure out how-- but since you did, it falls to me to show you how to look after those little shits so that they don't fail at life as hard as you did. Now listen the fuck up or I'll curse you so hard you'll wish you could stuff those two right back up your twat. Got it?"