A demonic advisor only you can see constantly gives you helpful advice

>the demon is a little black man
Fucking white people, why are they so racist?

Ignore its advice. I have no idea what it's trying to accomplish but I'm gonna get burned by playing along. Even if he isn't just building up trust for some horrible betrayal down the road, and his advice actually leads to short or long term gain, I'm gonna be paying for it pretty awfully somehow.

Total monkey paw of a situation, so the only winning move is not to play.

That's what the internet is. Only you have ever used the same internet, every gets one, and it's used to feed you lies and misinformation, including this, to test your reaction.

You don't need to reply, there are plenty of cameras and mics in your phone/home/appliances.

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> Not joining glorious phrygian cap master race.

You're asking the wrong question.

Fucking black people, why are they so demonic?

There was this one short comic I read where three people summon a devil to grant their wishes, only to find out Hell works of a point system. So like getting an apple would cost 1 point, killing somebody would be more than that, etc. etc. They get 100 points to work with and divide it up 33 points each. One guy gets wealth, another cures his terminal disease, another kills 12 members of the Illuminati. No catches, except they summoned this demon on the op floor of the world trade center on 9/11. The devil informs them of this.

They're panicking, trying to use that one point to save themselves. They try to kill the terrorists, they try to teleport out, they try to make themselves invincible, nothing works. They only have one point. They try to give their wishes back, but he won't take them. They can see the plane coming at them through the window. Finally, one of them asks how many points the devil wants destroy the terrorists faith.

There's this small panel of the devil smiling and the plane veers off.

What I'm trying to say here is that the devil is a smart man, and if you're dealing with him it might not be you he plans to fuck.

Damn straight, Troy.

You have to pay zeon for it, and hope no inquisitor with see supernatural appears horny for some skulfucking.

kek
bigger kek

He's creepy and his advice is mostly just obnoxious.

>Wake up from a nightmare
>A horrifying demon is standing over you looking at you
>"Go back to sleep"

>Walk in on your wife cheating on you
>See the demon in the place of the man
>Turns his head 180 to look at you
>"You should probably get a divorce lawyer"

>Go to McDonalds because you want food and are in a hurry
>About to take a bite out of a burger
>Look down at burger
>It's the demon's head
>"You really shouldn't eat fast food"

It worked for Socrates.

Demonic advisior is overdone. I`d rather eldritch.

He only gives the advice post-facto
>You shouldn't have bet on black
>You should've checked to see if you're alone
>You should've looked both ways
>You should've asked if she was legal
>You should've tried the left one

I don't get it

Doesn't sound terribly helpful.

Neat!

Nickelodeon by Douman Sayman

Douman Seiman is a treasure.

That was a clever twist, I like it.

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If anyone looks at your back, you die.

The devil didn't know which numbers were going to win, but the man won regardless.

Plottwist:
The Demon is actually a genuinely nice guy who targets Veeky Forums players in particular and is slowly getting pissed off that they either don't trust him or are disappointed that he's not a succubus (or both).

I mean, thats gonna be all demons trying anything in modern society.
Because the whole "whatever you try, the demon will fuck you up" meme has been to inrooted in all but the most stuck up retards.

>genuinely nice guy
>, thats gonna be all demons
Hey there, Satan, we don't fall for your tricks here

Don't matter if they are a risen demon or fallen angel, society is to wisened up to demon deals.

Which they should be 660 out of 666 times its gonna fuck you over.

>the joke
>.
>..
>...
>..
>.
>user's head

proof that lucky is inadvertently the most powerful trait.

I already have one of those

>the advice is about your homework

He helps you because he knows you're going to make the world a worse place

He's not wrong.

Replace "helpful advice" with "unhelpful advice and insults" and you have one of the subplots from a game I ran.

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Everyone's got one of those, genius.

Always snag em when they're young.

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I woulldn't call her demonic but simple minds can only do so much.

>>My stand *DOWN TO GEORGIA* will be the judge!

The advise is actually terrible, its supposed to fuck you over but somehow, someway, the situation seems to always end up in your favor.

>negotiating with some king
>demon tells you to call him an asshole
>you hesitate but do it
>king says he likes the cut of your jib
>its been years since he met anyone who didn't just kiss his ass.
>gives you whatever you want.

its very frustrating for the demon.

You're actually a schizo and just imagining it all in your head

It speaks like a singing MC Ride.

The demon tells you things you need to hear and secretly know are true, but you don't want to listen to.
>"Your mother is lonely, you need to call her more often."
>"You're wasting your potential, you need to go back to school."
>"That haircut was a mistake, you look like a literal retard."
>"Stop using the bathroom so much at work, everyone knows you're just wasting everyone's time in there."
>"Endlessly posting on a Bavarian cheesemaking forum will only make you fat, bald, and bitter"
>"Mister Rogers knows you could be better than this."

If it worked for Silvester II it will work for me.

But MY life will get better, right?

He sounds like Gilbert Gottfried.

Define "better". You will become rich and influential, but you will have no real friends, your wife and children will loathe you, you will be widely hated, and you will die alone and miserable in a billion-dollar hospital bed. But you'll have money and power, that's the important part, right?

I'm already miserable and alone, now I'm miserable and alone AND rich.

>"Stop using the bathroom so much at work, everyone knows you're just wasting everyone's time in there."
Fuck off, my stomach has just been in a really bad condition lately

What's he saying?

>"traps aren't gay bro, go for it."

This implies that the devil was out to destroy the Muslims faith

This implies that the Muslims were "right" why else would Satan want to stop them unless they really were striking a blow against him and really were going to be sent to paradise

Ergo, this comic is promoting terrorism and radical islam

"Penis, penis, penis. Penis, penis, penis. Penis, penis, COCK!!!"

>Pizzagate is real

so exactly like now, except I have money? Sign me up

I think the point is it's really hard to kill yourself.

>I kill him and eat his heart and brain
>gain his power and knowledge

Now what, bitch?

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The real trick is that the degil. Convinced the world that he was God and God was he, so now, no one listens to God when he answers their prayers

>let me teach you about Scrambleverse.

> Make the Gatewatch as standard in every new set. They'll buy it, they'll buy anything.

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His advice only consists of who has the best asses

Stage persona Gottfried or his actual voice?

Huh, sounds like a helluva adventure hook. I'm writing this one down.

I don't see how either of those is a drawback.

It's like having my own demonic Iago.

It's all according to keikaku.

He actually just smiles whenever you follow his advice or when you don't. He has the most poker of faces and you never know if following his advice THIS TIME will kill you. Or save you...

This was actually in reply to:

Whipe that fucking grin off your face, there's nothing funny about the humerus

>I fucked Ted

yes