Wow, thanks for all your help...

>Wow, thanks for all your help, Wizard! It was really nice of you to donate some of your gold to help me buy these new boots since you don't need gear!
>You're always so reliable, I guess that's why we're such good friends, it's like I can tell you anything.
>W-why am I in such a good mood? Well...it's a secret, so don't tell anyone, okay?
>It's because I've got a crush on someone special and...and I think he finally noticed me...
>W-what do you mean 'you think you know who I mean'...you guessed!? You're so smart! Yes, Fighter asked me out to dinner! Eeeee!
>He's so dreamy with those big muscles, sure he may be a bit of a jerk and kind of dense...not like you...but he just makes me feel so small and swoony!
>Don't tell my parents, okay? He's a foreigner, they wouldn't understand! We've known each other long enough that I know I can trust you!
>Anyway, I have to go get ready for my date! Don't wait up for me, I probably won't be back tonight, tee hee!

Do Wizards ever get laid?

And risk losing their wizardhood?

And now we know why mage players reee at martials getting nice things in RPG's

Mind you user, the traditional Veeky Forums wizard has no concept of right and wrong. The historic legendary wizard (Merlin) has no concept of right and wrong. The wizard fucking shape changes into the Fighter and fucks her. Or dominates her mind and fucks her. Or conjures a succubus and has her assume her form and fucks that.

Cleric should date Paladin, not Fighter.

Charm Person

I bet charm person would last longer than the wizard.

Paladin is such a nice guy and he's going to make some Cleric so happy one day

No, but the right wizard might be petty enough to secretly place curses of impotency designed to activate on whomever removes that warrior chick's armor.

Especially if Paladin is a shota

A wizard, especially the most powerful ones avoid getting laid. Mostly because it involves their bodies and some parasitic eldritch horror or a forceful intrusive entity from beyond the mortal realms.

Merlin is more demon sorcerer and dragon warlock. his wizard come later with age.
It is rare but most of the time it is with being of more than mortal pleasure.

>Assuming Wizard is male in this story
>Implying femWizard isn't fucking mad as hell Fighter picked Cleric and not her
Fucking faggots, all of you.

>Do Wizards ever get laid?
No sooner than age 30, if ever.

There are rumors that true wizards (ones who purposefully abstained to the age of 30 rather than being simply unable to indulge) cannot lose their virginity even if they have sex. Several heroines have tried to separate such wizards from their powers this way, but have found mixed results. For this reason and many others, true wizards are considered exceptionally dangerous opponents.

Dafuq kind of Merlin are you referring to? That shItty tv show? The mythical Merlin was THE wizard. THE bloody archetype of a wizard.

/u/ go and stay go
Homosexuality is a sin and also a statistical minority
True love is between a woman and a giant throbbing cock full of hot bitter semen
Marriage is between a woman and that cock
It is acceptable if the cock is attached to a woman

Nigger I'm embarrassed for you that you made this thread. What the fuck is wrong with you?

"Espor thrre" I finish muttering under my breath, it wouldn't take effect until tonight, that was the best part of illusion spells, but when the time came the sweet, sweet face of Cleric would slowly morph away into the face of Alica, a woman that fighter had loved with all of his heart...
And the woman that he had killed we he left her to rot in a bandit camp.
Of course I wasn't sadistic, I planned for Cleric to have a bit of fun as well, see about the same time that her face changed she would see a change in
Fighter as well. Uncle Robertus, the kind man, the funny man, the living saint the took her out into the woods every night to remind himself of why he never had to marry.
I just love being so weak and harmless, I get to know your weaknesses.
What's that Rogue? It's time for me to make your health potion? The potion that stops the wheezin in your lungs and the fire in your veins? I'll be right there, take a deep swig, it's very important you keep drinking it...

an astonishing lack of reading perception

>implying she isn't furious because she was with fighter the night before
>implying fighter would content himself with just one woman
>Implying that fighter has enough brains to realize that two timing a wizard and a cleric is a bad idea

Well technically no. user is right, Merlin is what we would understand to be a Cambion, having been sired by an Incubus with the intention of giving birth to the Anti-Christ, but having been redeemed by God and tasked with mentoring Arthur and protecting Christendom in England.

Now, the prototypical wizard as we understand it, one who studies magic and wields the dark arts via strength of will and knowledge?

King Solomon.

>En-enjoy your date. Maybe we could go on a double date someday.

>implying Wizard hasn't been fucking Fighter for ages now
>implying Fighter hasn't been confiding in Wizard that he's known about Cleric's crush for ages and feels bad for her since he's not attracted to her scrawny dopey ass
>implying Wizard isn't smuggly trying to stifle her own smirking the entire conversation

>implying Fighter and Wizard aren't conditioning cleric to be their sub
>Implying it isn't a planned threesome

Point. Fair point.

>Alter Self
How long does that spell last? Will it let him carry her?

>Dominates her mind
Rape, destroys the party.

>Conjures a succubus
Battle-duration spells don't last very long.

Charm Person has the side effect of the victim knowing as soon as it wears off what happened to them. It's not viable long-term unless you give up adventuring.

>Implying a wizard can share
>Implying she would let anyone else have a taste of her fighter
>Implying she isn't a needy insecure yanadere bitch.

>implying female casters aren't getting lovelessly tentacle slammed by Eldritch Chads on the reg.

>implying Wizard doesn't save a summon spell every day to call a succubus to sate his desires all night long.
It's like you don't have a portfolio of "what ifs" if magic was real.

bind the succubus with a magic circle. that lasts long enough for them to craft stuff, so sex should be fine too

>Battle-duration spells don't last very long.
Actual conjuring doesn't last for a battle it lasts for as long as negotiated. It's a different system from Summon Monster X.

Lesbian PCs are undeniably cancer but in this case you completely misread the post!

>It is acceptable if the cock is attached to a woman

No, girlcock is for shota.

Is this a thread about wizards being mistreated? I ask because I have my own story and would like to ask other wizards some advice.

>Join adventuring company
>Other members are a valorous hedge knight (our leader), a silent archer and woodsman, a pious battle priest, and the bane of my existence
>Bane of my existence is a young warrior-woman with some orcish descent
>She thinks it's funny to bully me in front of the rest of the company
>Often invades my personal space
>Ask her to stop, as it makes me embarrassed and uncomfortable
>Responded with "Aren't I woman enough for you?"
>Starts bullying me when we're alone (Pretending to accidentally touch my hand, leaning on my shoulder while I'm studying, etc.)
>Ask the knight to do something, but he says "She dun't mean no 'arm, lad"
>This seems to be a mistake since now the knight and the priest both seem to be encouraging her
>The woodsman says I should just ignore her, but I think we're a bit beyond that at this stage
>Spent most of my wage on a tent and candles so that I can be left alone
>She always positions herself next to the campfire so that she can see my tent
>Had to start positioning my tent so that the flap isn't facing the fire because she's always staring

I'm not sure what I can do about this. Should I find another adventuring company in the next town? Casting spells on her is out of the question except as a last resort. The warrior-woman seems to be out of camp at the moment, so I shall take the opportunity to wash myself in a nearby stream, then return to consult the assembled grimoires.

I've got one better.
>Cleric, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.
>Yes?
>It's why I've brought you here to dinner.
>Yes?
>And I know you're nobility.
>Yes?
>So I found out I'm nobility too.
>Really?
>Yup. Scroll's right here.
>So don't be alarmed, but I need to show you something.
(Fighter pulls out a ring)
>YES! YES, of course, YES!
>What? No, you didn't hear me. Do you recognize this?
>What?
>Yeah. This is your family signet, right?
>Wh-what?
>Yeah. We're siblings. I'm your long-lost brother.
>That-What?
>Yup. Right here. Apparently someone kidnapped me when I was really young, and I wound up with my adoptive dad.
>...
>Funny how these things work out. Right, Cleric?
>...
>Cleric? Are you okay?
(Wizard laughter echoes across the multiverse)

>Strong
>Personable
>Full of Conviction

Paladin is the perfect man

best post
thank you arch duke high king grand magus

Fuck off Virt.

Found the Wizard.

Son, you've clearly led a sheltered life at your university as you learned the magical arts. I was like you once, and just as I did you too will learn to properly interpret social cues. I recommend that yoy remain with your current company, they seem a decent sort. Second, when next yoy are in town seek out the Tome "Understanding women for wizards" by archemage Yumaniel Dummei. It will help a great deal. Now, while she is *away* go and wash yourself in the river, and remember to keep an open mind. If I'm right you may not even end up needing the tome.

Underrated

I hope this is going to end with a nerd clinging to one of Fighter's legs and a modest religious girl clinging to the other, both of them REEEEing loudly at each other.

fuck her
fuck her
fuck her
fuck her

warrior woman plz