The Queen has offered to reward you if you can goad her daughters into less languid life-styles

Yes. Either the nobles die and nobody misses them, or they step up their game and actually do shit.

You play a series of harmless pranks on the daughters.
Itching powder on all the lounging surfaces
Squirrel pheromones and peanuts in the dressing room
Just bother the shit outta them 'til they leave the palace

>hire the prettiest carnie/street performer acrobat/whatever, dress her as princess, give her some weird excuse for being around
>have her hassle princesses
>first princess that objects gets taken to suplex city
>fake princess's job is now to sit around being visibly smug all of the time
>training montage
>fake princess's job is now to just barely allow herself to be taken to suplex city
>fake princess gets a bonus and can now return to her wagon

I'll tell the Queen that she should force her daughters to become active by placing a condition on her inheritance. The more successful they are in life the more they get out of their mothers eventual death. Otherwise they ain't getting shit if they just laze around doing nothing all day

user, have you never heard of Chekhov's Gun?
I'm just saying, don't pull out the phrase 'suplex city' unless you're willing to put Brock Lesnar in a dress to make this thing work.

Sexual slavery is good exercise.

Drag them all to the countryside and make them farmgirls.

>a game where you play a bunch of local orc roustabouts hired to pretend to be raiders for a royal scared straight program
I'd play it.

>Cast Raise Dead on their animal pelts

That oughta get 'em moving.

>a game where you play a bunch of local orc roustabouts hired to pretend to be raiders for a royal scared straight program

>The sun gently rises in the Kingdom
>The birds start singing their love song, welcoming the warm light of the day
>The princesses sleep comfily over their thick mattresses, covered by the softest silk human hands can make
>If the princesses were awake they would notice the sweet smell of fresh baked croissants and cakes
>They would also notice the strong steps over the marble, coming in their direction
>But suddenly, tranquility ends
>"REVEILLE! REVEILLE! REVEILLE!"
>Three mad men enter the room, one of them loudly bangs an iron bucket with a club
>"YOU HAVE EXACTLY THREE SECONDS TO GET ON OUR FUCKING FEET OR I SWEAR I'LL RIP YOUR BOWELS AND HANG YOUR PRETTY NECKS FROM THEM!"
>The princesses start screaming, something logic since it's not usual having unknown people shouting at you. Specially people this menancing.
>"SAVE YOUR BREATH, YOU MAGGOTS, TRUST ME YOU'LL NEED IT! YOU'LL DO PT UNTIL THE WALLS OF THE CASTLE SWEET!"
>"DO YOU LIKE RESTING, YOU LAZY PILLS OF SHIT? WELL THAT'S FUCKING GREAT, FRONTAL LEANING REST POSITION! NOW, EVERYONE OF YOU WILL GIVE ME TWENTY AND YOU'LL COUNT THEM FOR ME!

I think people other than Bork are allowed to suplex somebody eighty times in a row.

Reminds me of a story where That Guy got hunted down and trapped by a duo of Bounty hunters.
One was an illusionist, who disguised the other as the type of woman That Guy kept repeatedly attacking.
His partner was Sir Randal the Savage.

>>The Queen has offered to reward you if you can goad her daughters into less languid life-styles.
I use the Apple of Discord (now in spreadable form!) to make them compete with each other for it.

curse the princess with some horrible curse and tell her the only thing that will cure it is to [INSERT QUEST]. she don't have to do it all by herself but she can't accept any help that wasn't given without her asking.
she'll be an adventurer in a month.

That's assuming she isn't one of those whiny princesses that'd rather bitch about her woes on a Taiwanese finger-puppet imageboard than actually do something about it.

just adjust the curse to fit the person i guess.

Get them back braces.

...

Give her coke habit, suddenly find her blowing dicks in taverns for more coke.

What about the ending was shit?
Also we played it mostly for the world and not the story, lets all be real.

Fun magical realm.

DECAPITATIOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>"But mum-mums it's soooo HOOOOOOT reeee"
>tfw no rich autistic lazy princess gf

Without any skeleton to give if form, the undead pelt couldn't really fight off the princess. You'd basically just have a fur blanket that snuggles you if you lie down on it.

I feel like this is only going to make the princess lazier and comfier than ever.

I'll just pretend you didn't say that.

Dorf fort had an interesting bug where, since anything with a grasp could be raised and boneless fleshless hands were still technically a body part capable of grasping, necromancers could raise sheets of flayed skin and hide to attack the living.

Just do something like that. Skinsend, but as a minion.

Probably still super comfortable though. Actually, stealing this for vampire nobles.

Probably not. It would just result in the creation of half-orcs. Not to mention the princesses would be sitting on their asses and acting spoiled at exponentially increased levels for around 9 months, perhaps longer now that they can pull the mother card.

Just go Sun Tzu on 'em.

I really appreciate that the Orcs post managed to have three normal replies before somebody went Magical Realm with it.
Baby steps, Veeky Forums.

>princess dies in a critical hit from a random hoodlum
Great job.

What would 'im upstairs think of that?

The way they attached it right on the ass of the 2nd act.

It feels like this is a common problem for vidya plotting - having the Third Act be nothing but a boss fight at the end of the Second Act.
I mean, that would *almost* work with a 4th act at the end of a 3rd act, but pretty much nobody makes it that far.

>It feels like this is a common problem for vidya plotting
It's usually referred to as "Xen syndrome", Xen in the name referring to the Xen levels of the original Half-Life.

You know, when I first played HL as a kid, I had like zero problems with those levels. I was a freak or something. So years later, hearing people complain about it, I didn't really understand.
Then I played it as an adult. Apparently, whatever magic I had at 16 was gone by 24, and I suddenly understood.
Not a bad term for the problem. It might have something to do with the medium itself being different then the tv/movie/play formats we tend to use for storytelling on it, but I have no idea where to go with that thought, and I'm already drifting pretty far away from Veeky Forums.

Same thing he usually thinks about wacky sandal hijinks in his attic.

Send assassins after them

Incompetent assassins, at first, just to let them know what is going on, and then growing in skill and power until they're forced to git gud or git ded

The problem isn't that there were any difficulty-related problems with Xen levels, the problem is that they were empty as fuck and poorly designed in general.
They felt like filler that shouldn't've been there. Hopefully, Black Mesa fixes this problem when it comes out this year.

You know it's gonna be Tales of the Silver Prince all over again

>tfw no tv show where the Three Stooges are sent on an assassination mission

The fuck?
Candlecove was real?

I get a spartan woman to get her to exercise more.

That's the trap door, you daft sod.

Hire some pretty young actresses from another city, outfit them with fancy clothes, and present them as visiting foreign nobles. With the Queen playing along with the ruse, it should be perfectly easy to get them introduced as fashionable companions for the princesses.

After they've befriended the princesses, have the faux-noblewomen introduce them to sportive aristocratic pastimes like archery, horseback riding, and falconry. Coming from their new "friends" these suggestions should be much better received than their mother's nagging was, and they're sure to have a great time running around the countryside shooting arrows at small animals and having picnics and so forth.

After a couple of months, it's time for the visiting nobles to "return home," but by now the princesses find their former habit of lying around all day napping on leopard pelts terribly boring and they continue on being active.

nice dick sucking lips

>there will never be an xcom/princess trainer hybrid

I'm going to stare at Gibson Girls and sigh repeatedly.

>>there will never be an xcom/princess trainer hybrid
EraMegaten?

I offer the daughters as a sacrifice to the local dragoness, then bang the dragoness

I'm googling this but none of the results are in English so I don't know. MegaTen seems to be some kind of more open ended jrpg. I was imagining alternating between training sequences and battles but instead of battles it's some weird princess American Gladiators. I really doubt that someone has made this already.

How is life on autistic arrested development like, I wonder.

Never got to the ending, the final "RTS" part was too hard with its clumsy controls, and they fucking gated what is nearly the perfect "Cruising in a metallic monster of a car" song (Painkiller, I realize it's about a bike but still.) Behind beating the game.

The question is not "am I willing to put Brock Lesnar in a dress," the question is "can I get by with using Brock Lesnar in a dress."

You must deal with the sadness of all the times the question is "no," but you rest easily in the knowledge that you will not miss any of the times the answer could be "yes."

After a few days of laying with the dragoness (she took a like to you and are now her favorite) you are inform that the princesses have escape the dungeon, kill the guards and left a message promising to come back for you and the dragoness.

Congrats you have become penultimate boss in a campaign.

So like, X-com style grid stuff where you have the princesses competing in less-lethal events or more showy combat, with them slowly improving and gaining ranks, which can then further be influenced by out of battle lessons?

Seems a bit weird and specific, though honestly I do wish more games would go for grid-based tactics nowadays.

C'mon man, let him dream.

Besides, I highly doubt any of them are as dangerous as Vastoki or Littari. If any of them decide that killing you will be fun, then just stay the fuck away, which Kassardis did.

That story's ended now, did you read it? If not, I highly recommend you do.

Wait, isn't that the manga where the turtle god swaps her mind with someone else's because they insulted him?

>rape and pregnancy are automatic magical realm and not just part and parcel of living in a big city with orcs in it

Give them an all expenses paid vacation to a beautiful relaxation spa.

There is no relaxation spa. I and my cronies with a bunch of the queen's guards who probably have a grudge to settle with the spoiled brats join me in the woods to stage a horrifying semi-rapey attack on their carriage.
We let them get away and hound them through the woods for the next month as a mysterious ranger teaches them how to survive.

We get the party necromancer to necromancer a bunch of skeletons for them to "fight" through, culminating with the defeat of the "skeleton king" who is really just a regular skeleton in fancier armor.

They will only be able to get home after achieving the skills of at least a 5th level fighter

Offer the queen a new daughter, me.
A male half-orc ranger, I'll be the best princess she can ever have. The purity of the blood line? Psshaw, I got elder blood in me, i'sall good.

...

5th level fighter sounds like a tall order for NPCs. Still a pretty good plan though.

>They will only be able to get home after achieving the skills of at least a 5th level fighter
That could take years

>I and my cronies with a bunch of the queen's guards who probably have a grudge to settle with the spoiled brats join me in the woods to stage a horrifying semi-rapey attack on their carriage.
>Semi-rapey

I think the idea is to get them concerned about the possibility, without actually doing much.

>Years to achieve the skills of a 5th level fighter
Well yes, plenty of time for the queen to find suitable partners for them.

of course by that time they will have grown strong and willful due to their time in the woods fighting skeletons and fleeing bandits. I daresay even a little bit independent, having outgrown the frill of castle life.

Then the queen will have a new headache. Finding suitable matches for her warrior daughters. Thankfully there are several trusted fighters on hand who have spent this time buttering up the queen...

Tearing dresses, talking about how much "fun" they are going to have with them, telling them how they will be passed around the men like a bag of chips.

>One of the queen's daughters is way into it because that is her specific fetish
What then smart guy?

That's when the mysterious ranger swoops in to 'save' her. The guy taking a dive as the others flee and he drags her off.

I think it's less about time involved and more about the fact that level 5 fighter skills aren't that useful.

I would say to go for a level in Rogue or Ranger rather than fighter. Even if they mostly learn survival skills, Stealth and Perception might still come in handy in court politics. Plus it's a decent amount of combat skill if they get into trouble, and shouldn't be a prohibitively long training time.

Maybe people's orcs don't just go raping left and right

here here!

This is why the plan calls for skellingtons later, skeletons can't/don't rape and make perfect fodder for the princesses to cut down

>Rogue or Ranger rather than fighter.
Actually, I like this plan, but at least one of them has to be a fighter to round out the party, that and I like the idea of one of the pricesses being the sneaky stealthy rogue good at politics, the other being a mysterious ranger gal, and the third being the awkward Veeky Forums fighter

Whichever daughter has the most freckles is the one who will be shoehorned into being a fighter

Depends how many daughters she has. If you're lucky, you might even be able to get one to learn some druidic skills. Only thing I could see being available in the forest unless you find a witch, and that seems hazardous. Ideally whichever one goes into fighter would have a good baseline of tactical knowledge to be able to get a more military inclined position as well.

Either way, pretty well rounded adventuring party, and should provide a good foundation for them to move forward from.

Yeah, this exactly. Princess capture the flag. Princess queen of the hill. Princess whatever that american gladiators thing with the giant q tips on a balance beam is.

I remind the princesses that only one of them can be queen some day, and then play the part of the loyal vizier, helping them plot against each other and learn the ruthless ways of politics.

Hail ERIS, goddess of fnord discord, that thou wilt send CHAOS, the great force that is all, to fnord the glory of thy children and to the glory of thy fnord name. Fnord throw the golden apple and let's fnord play hot potato.

MASSIVE CHALICE

Depends on system. Not so bad in 5e, with an artificially inflated encounter rate they could make it in the span of the average European vacation

This is just medieval xcom plus your dudes make babies and the babies grow up to be your new dudes and also horrible lovecraft monsters eat them sometimes, right? It's kind of a different thing.

Her, we keep.

That sounds wonderful.

Seems pretty neat, though I think what is after is more about princesses doing sport combat more than anything else.

Sex is a rather active activity, I'll introduce them to it.

are you a self contained game studio

Lazy Neet Princesses are the best.

>The Queen has offered to reward you if you can get her barbarians to calm down, seriously Sheila what are you doing just shut the fuck up for thirty seconds everything is ok

...

Rolled 5 (1d5)

Rolling for a princess. Five all at once is a lot to look after.