ITT: Opening lines to an evening newscast in Commorragh

What do Dark Eldar use for Grotesques? Other Dark eldar? Eldar in general? Humans? Space Marines?

Do they use pieces of various races?

Like throw in a necron skeleton with space marine bio-augments and some tyranid parts and some scary cybernetics and technology all onto an eldar victim?

Yes.
Grotesques are not standardized, so anything works. It's better if it's sentient and has a capacity for fear and suffering, but that's about it.

Think of it like metal sub-genres, to everyone else there is basically no differance but the fanatics will endlessly debate the tiniest of differences for some reason

Is it alive? [X]
Can it feel fear, pain and other such emotions? [X]
Is it sentient? [X]
If you put an X in any of these it can be a Grotesque.

"Welcome to the 6 o'clock news, I'm your anchor, Colin the Marines.
Tonight's top story: Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, dead at 53. Over Barcelona today, the famed reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747. Eyewitnesses report, that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane."

NEWS JUST IN FROM TERRA:
MASTER OF MANKIND GOD-EMPEROR IS STILL DEAD

...

Tau are a popular choice since they volunteer for the proccess

>Number 13 will shock you!

"This just in, everything is terrible, and thats just fine!"

It certainly gave them a good jolt.

Tonight's top story: Conjunction Junction, What's Your Function?

What happened to that dude?

Its probably makeup.

A rather shocking thing.

Less and less raped corpses on city streets. Have our society lost it's traditional values?

>Is breaking of limbs and stitching them back on in naughty places passe?
>We'll have the scoop as we investigate the latest youth trends

>Tonight's Story

>Renegade Kalabite Ayyyar'den holds up a school of children, and didn't rape any of the child hostages!

Morathi for weather report.

"WE MUST WARN YOU, THIS NEXT STORY MAY BE... OFFENSIVE FOR SOME VIEWERS"
"TWO WYCHES WERE CAUGHT HOLDING HANDS TODAY..."

"SO I STABBED THE FUCKER AND TOOK HIS HUMANITY! BACK TO YOU CARLA."

>Less and less raped corpses on city streets. Have our society lost it's traditional values?

>Less and less
It's "fewer and fewer". Less = uncountable nouns (less blood), fewer = countable nouns (fewer canisters of blood).

>it's
should be "its" for the possessive form of "it" (our society's values). The way you wrote it says "Has our society lost it is traditional values".

Last nights performance of the classic romantic play 'Lust on the Corpse-Strewn Battlefield' left 17 members of the audience dead or in hospital, critics have it 4 blades out of 5

"IS YOUR CHILD NOT DOING DRUGS? THE SHOCKING STATISTICS AND WHAT SIGNS YOU SHOULD BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR!"

"Commorragh; It's cold, it's dank, it's scary, it's just like my ex-wife!"

>"Going out on a raid? Here's some suggestion for choice slaves if you happen to be on these planets!"

>"Getting a bit bored with the usual torture of your slaves? Here's a few tips from Hamonculi Kulandis on how to spice up your routine."

>"Top Story of the night, the fans decide to get rowdy after a heated combat against a newly acquired space marine. The local Kabal says it's been one of the best nights that week."

something like ths:
youtube.com/watch?v=N7jfsfGnmaA

Fuck you, Speed is way better than Black.

Coming up next, how to get the most out of your Tau sex slave's forehead vagina!

Absolutely fucking disgraceful, where have our traditional values gone?!?

>Dark Eldar go so far the taboos rolls over into puritanism

I hope this thread stays near the top for a few days, its one of the best I've seen in a while.

"And today's guest is Fabius Bile, returning to us to talk about his own method of dismembering a space marine, Followed by a demonstration"

And now the weather:

KHAINE'S GATE HATH CRACKED, THE WARP STORMS ASSAIL OUR HOMES, ALL IS RUIN with high humidity

It's just the media spinning what they want. Sure, he didn't rape any of them but you should have seen the skin acid etching, the madman's a complete artist with such things.

EVENING SKIES ARE RAINING BLOOD!

Mods better make her topless or I'll rage.

Merely topless? How...uninspired. Now, sat upon a reving chainsword, that is creativity.

"THEY'RE PUTTING DRUGS IN THE CANALS THAT ARE TURNING THE FRICKIN' MANDRAKES STRAIGHT"

"DRAZHAR IS ARHRA WAKE UP MON-KEIGH!"

Because her original model was topless. Sadly they covered her up because can't make a 15+ game 18+.

IN ANOTHER ROUSING PERFORMANCE BY THE REAVERS FROM THE CULT OF STRIFE

"OI, AN' WELKOM TA KOMORRWAAAGH!!! FREEBOOTA RADIO, AND OI'M YOUR HOST, SHOUTA POINTAN'SHOOT!! TODAY, WE'S GOT A STORY: 'POINTY EARED GITS IS STILL MUKKIN ABOUT', BUT YOUSE KUNNIN' BUGGERS KNEW DAT WUN ALREADY.
TOON IN LATER WHEN WE'S GONNA 'AVE KOVRE... KOVER... OI'M GONNA SHOUT ABOUT DEM KULT O' SPEED BOYZ AS DEY RACE SOME DARK POINTY GITS! UNTIL DEN, WE'S GOT SOME ROKK MUSIK WIT' DA TURNING BOLDERS!"

Fuck it, we're doing it live.

>Radio Free WAAAGH!!! in Commorragh
I didn't know I wanted this, but now I do.

>implying even the DEldar can avoid having an ork infestation lurking around
I like the idea there's a Rokk just 'orbiting' the city in the webway constantly yelling shit.
youtube.com/watch?v=RvmQyzbOHFQ

Asdrubael Vect has been reappointed our leader after the deaths of all other candidates.

We need Radio Free WAAAGH!!! call in Commorragh One

That's why I love Commorragh so much. So much shit going on. Especially Sec Maegra, where even a xenos (by Eldar standards) can make it in the city. I love my bastard space-elf offspring of Shanghai/Singapore/Tortuga.

>necron skeleton
You know those things phase out and return to the tombworld when they die, right?

Not all the time. Sometimes something can go wrong, like say if the Tomb World is destroyed.

Or hell, even if the Necrons are the best science in the galaxy, Dark Eldar make a close second at time. I imagine some Dark eldar haemonculi would find a way to bring home his own robo-skeltal.

The funniest shit about this thread is that given the lore of Commoragh, them having newscasts like this actually might happen.
Each Cabal would probably have it's own studio where they glorify their deeds beyond measure.
Biggest one would be basically Vect's little propaganda outfit.

>something like the worst thing ever

I wish that GW would bring more attention to Commoragh. Or at least allow for some sort of game to be set there or something.

Isn't it a tenant of 40k canon that everything is medieval and feudal in 40k? Eldar live like monks, Dark Eldar live like pirates, humans are like Dark Age technology even on hive worlds since they use manpower instead of engines and shit.

How can they? The clothes are part of the actual 3D model. You can't mod off the clothes without creating a whole new model, all new animation, and new textures.

Nah.
That applies mostly to just the Imperium.
The Eldar don't live like monks. They live in a post scarcity society. Their "monk like" aspect comes from the immense amount of control and dicipline they put to their lives in order to stop themselves from becoming utterly hedonistic muderfuckers like the Dark Eldar are. The thing to understand about the Eldar is that the Dark Eldar are far closer to the "natural" state of the Eldar than any other group, because the Dark Eldar do not restrict their behavior.

Wouldn't that be the Exodites?

Nah, the Exodites are basically amish. They restrict their behavior in various ways and live like primitives.

I'M COMING

You do realise they've made mods for current models in Warhammer Total war, right?

...

Of course, it's live like primitives to us.

To the Eldar it's even more extreme, since they never had an industrial revolution or anything technical, and they just grew tools and buildings out of psychoplastics.

Compared to that, the exodites actually build things. They carve stone blocks out of a quarry, drag them long distances to pile on top of one another to make a house.

"Good evening, Commoragh, and prepare your anuses. It's the regular news update!"

Truth. Speed and Thrash are tied imo then Death, Black, Doom, Power, and all the other shite ones like Prog, Folk, or Math etc after that. Ida put Rap metal toward the top but thats really more of a offshoot from New York Hardcore crossover

>Tenant
Fucking migraine, making me fuck up.

Well, isn't being a monk more about discipline and control rather than actually living poor because you're poor? I guess that's what I thought of when I ssaid monks.

But regarding Comorragh, why would they even have TVs and entertainment programs like that? Literally all the fluff talks about arenas arenas arenas.

I feel like 99% of 40k non-battle fluff is really bad and underdeveloped. There is no such thing as a normal life for anyone that gets written about, except for some glimpses you see in Ciaphas Cain.

What the fuck do you smoke user?

>I feel like 99% of 40k non-battle fluff is really bad and underdeveloped. There is no such thing as a normal life for anyone that gets written about

Just go read some 2000AD.

What do the Comorrites build their cities out of? It's not wraithbone, they have no psykers.

>Dark Eldar make a close second

"no"

In the Commorragh campaign I'm running, the PCs (all DEldar) came across a wych and an archon who were into disgusting displays of vanilla romance in private. The archon's now dead at the PCs hands, and they're wondering how best to blackmail "Vanilla Wych"

>new model
Just adapt the old one
>new animations
Same rig, so no
>new textures
Sure, but this is ez. We're probably not even talking 1024 here.

Even blender can handle this.

"I FUCKING LOVE COCAIN!"

youtu.be/C6NKG_0pUYs

When we come back, this warp beast was recently adopted and just LOOK how much he loves carcasses! Isn't he adorable, Ll'yllyeth?

"Great stuff, keep fucking that chicken!"
"I'll do that"

Tau tech is laughable when compared to Dark Eldar tech.

that sounds like a challenge any self-respecting dark eldar would be happy to accept

That's cute. Call when you can put black holes in a box and deliver them like a Khainemas present. Or weaponize matter found around black holes for your anti-tank. Or when you can make poisons that make 'nids shit themselves.

>they still rely on "skimming" the warp

>"E-eldar aren't whores, m-m-mon'keigh"

I miss when muju and Luth would drawfag stuff like OP for us.

Yeah they are.

>Downtown is in flames tonight

Morathi SFM when?

"Ladies and gentleman, there you have it: Holy Terra is burning. The Adeptus Antipyronicus have their work cut out for them. Back to the Galactic Series, it's Imperial Fists 6, Ultramarines 1, bottom of the ninth, can the Ultras pull of a miracle?"

"Tonight, on the Life of Mon'keigh...

Where do they come from?

How do they live?

Why do they worship a corpse?

And a special for hardy xenophiles: the best ways one can satisfy you.

After Vect's pronouncement. Dont miss it."

>There is no such thing as a normal life for anyone that gets written about
Eisenhorn and Ravenor trilogies.

Go check it out.

Not always. Most of the time they do, but if their tomb world is destroyed and/or they destroy the recall device inside the Necron (it's tiny, but it's there) then it can still be left lying around.

In the Path of the Dark Eldar series, it goes into that. They build it mostly out of space-metals that are worked and machined by slaves.

They actually can modify wraithbone to a limited degree, but since they have virtually no psychic ability whatsoever they can't shape or create it. They have to steal it from Craftworlds or the Webway, and they use it for all sorts of psycho-reactive horrors and small-scale doomsday devices.

Dude, Eldar tech is literally half-magic. They've had the same stuff for millions of years with minimal changes because they've basically advanced as far as a society can, and even the things they have now are a shell of what they once had.

While average Tau tech is better than most of its equivalents in other races, the Eldar, Necrons, and even the Imperium have crazy shit in the woodworks that can literally annihilate entire solar systems just for shits and giggles even without psyker bullshit.

The primary advantage the Tau have technologically is their ruthless innovative streak, and their willingness to rapidly adopt new tech as it develops with minimal testing and implement it throughout their entire empire.

Todays news headline.

Strange virus spreading east of Comorragh. Causes copulation in missionary position for purposes of procreation with lights dimmed. None hurt.