Meanwhile on Dragon Veeky Forums

You get neutral dragonling that breathes...breath? At least your offspring won't give you much competition down the line.

>Any tales regarding the blundering mortals my fellows?
These human men must have heard some really strange stories about dragons because they keep propositioning me.

Make them get civilized. Have them trade valuables to the more civilized nations.

Dragons are boring as fuck these days. I like how the combination of all of humanity's primal fears tossed in a bag is now fodder for teenagers to masturbate to and identify as. I feel like there's some metaphor about modernity in that.

>Teenagers masturbate to and identity as a member of my species.
What the fuck?

>let alone free to insult the intelligence of other races?
Black dragons didn't even invent the wheel.

>Dragons exist to scare humans
>Our purpose in life is to scare humans

Found the human.

Who /dragonturtle/ here? You see more wyverns on this board than us.

{{This *form*/*frame*/*perspective*, would like to know how our/mine/your draconian kind have been these past few aeons}}.

I've seen more Komodo Dragons on this board. Where did you all go? Last time I saw one of you was on that thread about that jackass who tried seducing a Basilisk.

>Komodo Dragons

When did those learn to type? I'm not sure where the others went. I bet one's on the Plane of Water.

Guys... guys you gotta help me. I've done something terrible.

So, back, I don't know, hardly a century ago, I adopted a human abandoned by it's parents. Poor little thing. No scales, no breath weapon, jack shit.

Raised her like my own. Proud as fuck when she became a sorcerer after only 18 years.

Then, her health started declining just 50 years later. I asked her what was wrong, and she just said it was a human thing, so I put her in a nice home in a city, asked a priest of Bahamut to watch after her, and went on a quick errand. Barely twenty years!

When I came back, the cleric told me she died in her sleep. I did everything- divinations, scrying, all negative. No curses, poisons, diseases, and everyone is just saying it's her time!

That's not true, right? I was going to start teaching her epic spells. She wasn't even a century old and she just died.

What'd I do wrong? Crying like a bitch into a mountain of gold here.

Humans have short lifespans, can confirm. The halfling sailors around here tell me their own are just slightly longer.

You could try reanimating her, but they don't take that well.

Just talked to the local great wyrm.

Xyrannthm says they're lucky to make it as long as she did.

I fucking feel numb. I keep thinking I need to go check on her.

What kind of cruel god creates a species that can give love and doesn't even live a century?

They didn't. Some wizard was fucking around, and now we have some frequent Komodo-fags trying to promote poison saliva over poison breath. Other than that, they are surprisingly agreeable.

Plane of water eh? Not really surprising, but I don't think I would have heard otherwise since I dislike getting wet. Thanks for clarifying that.

I've heard some conflicting reports. Would you believe someone once transported an Androsphinx by ship? He surmised that humans must have been a kind of giant once, and then cursed by demons to lose their size and longevity.

I once ate a shark, only to find out there was a gnome inside its mouth. He said he thought humans must have been some kind of ape that lost all its hair and learned to walk upright.

One of their old phrases is "ashes to ashes, dust to dust." Some of them, you see, believe that the gods made them out of dust.

There was also a Blue Dragon alchemist, who sent me a rather graphic description. Let me see if I still have it on this viewing-pearl.

Simply create a clone of her that is much younger, and find someone who can guide her soul back to the body you have made. After that, look into life extending trinkets, spells, etc...

If you need proof, you need only ask my son. Like your daughter, he is also human. I went through what you are going through now before consulting an old man with seven birds. He gave me the idea.

Watch out guys, there's an insane group consisting of the lesser-races who are dead-set on eating one of us. I had to fend them off last week. I think the dicks stole some of my treasure, too.

I'm on it. I will send them a small troupe of kobolds with 'Information' as to my whereabouts, then when they reach my 'lair', it will be blocked off from the outside and have acid pour from the ceilings.

Come forth you cult of gluttons, and bring your forks and your knives as well. You are going to need all the help you can get if you think you will savor my flesh.

Hello, fellow dragons. As a dragon myself, I can't help but wonder what is the best way for a griffon to kill you?

>>>>>>>>/Griffit/

I don't understand the picture.

I bet you cowards don't even eat Fae

I believe it's a reminder of how to awfully young human sorcerers tried to bring back to life a relative of theirs, or something like that, trough necromancy using those elements to build the body

Only a youngling or an idiot would eat fae! How are you supposed to satisfy your hunger with something so small and puny?
Werecows is where it's at: they have fat, they have meat and they even give some fight so that the meal is not boring.

Too stringy.

>Not eating Fae piece by piece just to see them twist in pain
It's like you don't even kill for fun.

That's fair

You are what you eat, and let's just say there is a reason 'Fey' rhymes with 'Gay'.

Ligger what.

Enjoy your curses, idiot.

The quality of this fucking board really went to shit when it got sold to that Long

How the fuck is he supposed to understand the difference between a drake and a wyrm if all he does is fondle his balls everyday

What is this a picture for humans?

On the right track, but it is actually for gnomes. They are basically just tinier humans, if one could believe that.

If you want a long lived pet get an elf. With dwarfs you risk them taking some of your horde, gnomes are poorly behaved and make odd items (admitably some can be added to your horde but you can't leave them running free) and halflings eat too much.
The alternative is a half breed but that has it's own issues or checking out the local types of lizard people but there are so many subtypes I never got in to that.
If you really want to you could get a breeding settlement and try not to get too attached, kobolds make useful labor pets.

I say get a settlement. I've been watching over this little mountain hamlet for about 4 human generations and it's just so darling the way they keep growing and expanding the place. I find it oddly relaxing just to sit in the sun and watch them go about their silly little lives.
Plus the livestock they keep sacrificing to me is nice.

>You'll Cowards Don't Even Smoke Fae

>Not having a qt White gf
>Not flying back to your lair to her dumb smile after a long day of terrorizing
>Not enjoying her scattered commentary on various happenings
>Not appreciating that she is too simple to stab you in the back every godsdamn day
>Not cuddling your cute cat-like white waifu
I bet you're a fucking Red.

>be Fang Dragon wyrmling
>every other dragon mocks me for not having a breath attack or magic.
>be Adult Fang Dragon
>find those dragons
>eat their soul and skin
You breath-faggots keep casting spells while /Fitdragon/ fucks your bitches
i laugh at you, Dragon/tg/

Spider-Fag here, can you guys settle a dispute between me any my brothers?

Are those long 'Eastern Dragons' really Dragons? I don't think so and my brothers won't hear any of it no matter how hard I argue.

Also to the Red Dragon that was in our Forrest the other day, you forgot your sapphire, the thing is huge and it's blinding everyone at noon, really inconvenient. Please and thanks!

If whites can be considered dragons, then Eastern Dragons definitely get to be too, at least they are smart enough, and powerful enough to uphold at least some standard of draconic dignity. Can't really say the same about drakes or wyverns though, and I'd suggest that whites be moved to similar classification.

Why is that fae skeleton half your size? How old are you?

Can a brown learn magic? I want to try out some crop raising and farming spells to increase my food storage but the green keeps saying no I can't do that so I must buy food from him while the old wizard guy who lives alone at the stone tower says yes and tells me to buy his tome which is only 1 chest of gold.

>farming
>crop
>Food
Found the Silver dragon Guys

Hey everyone. I'm just a human, but I was BORN on the year of the Dragon. Eastern Zodiac thing. That counts, right?

Can I join, be of assistance, and perhaps snuggle you?

No.

>I like how the combination of all of humanity's primal fears
wut.
They were mostly avatars of Greed and Hubris. At least when they started becoming what we now recognise as dragons

That's not the important question here.

The important question here is why skeletons? As in, what're they doing, roasting it so long that all the flesh burned off? Do they have literally negative culinary skill?

Do the depths of the cosmos have unicorns to pet?

I didn't think so.

Is it possible to demand both the queen and the princess or I have to pick one?

Demand the princess, then later manipulate events so the princess becomes the Queen.

Anyone here into traveling the plains? What's the weirdest thing you've encountered? Road tripping across the universe with a lich friend of mine has been fun

While I can certainly see why that gets both annoying and infuriating, I can't in good conscience completely object. Since one of the few times it's worked resulted in me.

I can empathize though. Part of the reason I joined a warrior temple was to get away from idiot adventurers and scummy sorcerers and wizards looking to "enhance their bloodlines."

Anyone else ever shapeshift into a female of a humanoid race and break a group of adventurers? Even if you're a male such as myself, I find it quite exhilarating to get face to face with these pitiful races and trick them so easily.

The sheer look on their face as you shift into a mighty dragon after the party has slaughtered themselves is wonderful. The smell of the flesh sloughing off as your corrosive breath turns to acid from the nearby pond, it's quite wonderful.

So, a few decades back, a band of adventuring hooligans broke into my lair, robbed me, and forced me to flee. But I did nail one of them with a very nasty, custom job curse, thought I'd pay at least one of those disgusting mammals back for taking my stuff.

Well, she went along and turned herself into a lich to dodge the curse's effects. And now she's becoming an actual threat, and people are more afraid of her than they are of me! I can't believe this is happening. Did I offend one of those squishy human gods and they cursed me or something?

That's the list of real-life "ingredients" that make up a human being.

No, you're just shit, you had the same amount of time to pursue magic that she did plus you probably knew more before she started towards lichdom, yet you somehow fell behind her, this is all your fault

Bitches don't know 'bout my hoard

The fire also seems to be made of bones so I wonder if it's not some kind of flaming skeleton ghost or something.

Minions gota eat too you fucking Jaragua sphaero.

Hey draganons, Old green here who wants to try something new. Alright, so recently a nearby king finally found out where my lair in the woods was (Only took him 70 damned years) and he sent an entire army in a vain attempt at revenge (Killed his wife on the day of their marriage, oh the look on his face was priceless). So, anyways, I managed to kill all of his damned knights and ate him but now I need to replace all of my minions. He had quite a lot of his kind and they were in relatively decent quality plate so they managed to slaughter all of my lizardmen servants. While I could always just go and get more lizardmen I've grown too reliant on them and would like something else to poke adventurers and bring me cows when I don't feel like getting up. I've tried a few of the mortal races but only lizardmen have impressed me so far. Orks are too damned loud. Kobolds try to talk to you too often and are useless in a fight. Elves are too intelligent and don't appreciate my method of ruling, they make mighty fine assassins though. Humans are meh, dwarves aren't subtle in the slightest, and goblins are slightly less chatty and slightly smarter kobolds. Lizardmen don't talk much, are decently strong, too dumb to attempt to kill me but they know left from right and they know how to sneak around if need be.

TL:DR I need more minions recommend me some

So, a buddy of mine, a Giant, alerted me to this farmer out in the countryside. He doesn't SEEM that tough, but he somehow managed to get his hands on a really powerful sword. Caught me skulking about, and I promised him to give him my treasure if he let me go, at which point I scarpered.

What do you think the odds are of him actually tracking me to my lair to go grab it? You think I should be taking any kind of precautions?

You fool! Never make a promise like that! The gods /love/ holding you to those.

>he ran out screaming like a female.

That was, in fact, a female knight wearing so much armor you couldn't tell the difference.

You're not seriously suggesting I actually go back with a big chunk of my hoard and give it to him, are you?

>Papa just went on vacation
>Told me to watch his hoard while I'm gone
>Fight off a few adventurers
>Suddenly this bard offers me grilled chicken
>It's delicious
>He tells me he can get more if I let him take a few coins from papa's hoard
>Tells me papa won't even notice they're gone
Wat do?

Ever try making your own? Warforged servants only speak when spoken to and can be built for your every need.

Otherwise I'd recommend Elf servants. Just make sure you convince them that you're trying to protect the forest from outsiders; they love that shtick.

Didn't your papa teach you not to talk to bards?

Eat the chikun, If you're old enough to type you'll either be chased out soon if you're a chromatic or only simply scolded if you're a metallic. Chikun is inexpensive as far as mortal meats go so it should only be around 3 or so coins, you should be good

Eat the bard, protect Papa's hoard, then when he comes back you can grill all the chickens you want.

Did you know bards are made of the same stuff as chickens?

Well, fellow dragon, it sounds like a deal that's too good to be true! I'd definitely let him take MORE than a few pieces of gold for some delicious grilled chicken. Perhaps you could get the really good stuff if you offer him one of your father's magical treasures?

What kind of self respecting dragon would eat a murderhobo, and a bard to boot?
Do you have any idea of where that bard has been?

Of course not. Just don't expect him to die before he comes back for it.

Fortify yourself. Get more minions.

Never been particularly talented with metals. Always been too busy protecting my domain and operating an assassin cult, takes up a lot of time you know. Especially right now, I'm raising like 20 mortal kids at the moment. Some are dark elves as well so sleep has become a scarcity. I could get some gnomes to make some for me though, I guess that could work. I'll try that out dranon, thanks

Bard detected

>elf pet what do

Do I look like I'm pumped full of mind flayer STD's?

Hay guys, can I post here too?

Oh it's one of (((Them))) dwarves. What are you doing in this thread little one?

I recently had an Elven thief sneak into my chamber looking for my hoard that i carry on me in a hidden manner.
It was fun hanging from the cieling and watching him fumble arround until he turned his head upwards and i just roared at him.
Sad thing shat him self to death and i had to have my Kobolds clean up that mess.
That hall stank for a whole week.

This trope of slaying dragons with spear, blade and shield has become so damn laughable. It was fine when dragons were just horse-sized mean lizards in Christian illustrations, but in modern fantasy they are usually depicted as barn-sized, towering beasts.

Just imagine: Do you feel threatened or at risk by the plastic sword of a He-Man figurine? No? That's how dragons should see human swords, and that's why killing dragons with weapons designed to kill humans is dumb as shit.

A 30% chance to produce a Silver dragon with a skull shape of a red.
A 30% chance to produce a Red dragon with a sukllshape of a silver.

A 30% chance to produce a freak that is either going to be a fairl powerfull dragon with command over elemental air or some twoheaded monstrosity that's dumber than a white drake.

T-There's another 10% missing from that breakdown.

Dare I even ask?

Just your generic reality exploding apocalyptic doom scenario.

>Sad thing shat him self to death and i had to have my Kobolds clean up that mess.
I'm like 80% certain that's an Elven defense mechanism and that he's not actually dead. I'd be careful that an entire group of adventurers doesn't come in and take you off-guard.

One of my wings became torn due to making that very same error.

You don't want to know.

On the other hand mixes of blue and gold dragons always result in lazy uberhybrids that are usually banished into another dimension.
Seems like Bahamut and Tiamat hate the competition.

Fire-flying salamanders aren't true dragons.

You'll know if it happens.

I spend most of my time shapeshifted as a human and run an inn so i just intentionally give them hints for work in another direction.

That and my lair is impossible to acess without flight and is full of boobytraps.

No matter. I made sure that elf ended up scorched into nothing and his bag of holding is also mine now. The clone he kept in it was also pretty tasty.

>5% chance, red dragon with cold breath who is a saint
>5% chance, silver dragon with fire breath who is a complete monster

>t. Ancient red preparing to rape as many young silvers as possible.

You allow this fucker in as a dragon. How is this even fair? They don't even breath out anything, or fly!

Ugh, fine. Guess I'll have to find a trainer so I can evolve into a "true" dragon. >:(